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I just witnessed something beautiful. My kids are watching Disney's Beauty and the Beast and my 5 year old daughter jumped up from her seat, driven by the emotion of excitement having an important insight.

Basically, it happened during the scene where the Beast fights the wolves to protect Belle.

She shouted with a massive smile on her face: "He is helping her! He is actually good. I knew it, I knew it!!! It's so amazing, he's being kind."

I love how she's come to the conclusion through her own experience that people who behave in 'bad' ways aren't actually 'bad' and CAN make conscious choices to change their behaviour.

She's expressed unconditional positive regard* and the belief that change is possible, even if it may seem unlikely.

*A general definition is the attitude of complete acceptance and love, whether for yourself or for someone else. When you have unconditional positive regard for someone, nothing they can do could give you a reason to stop seeing them as inherently human and inherently lovable. It does not mean that you accept each and every action taken by the person, but that you accept who they are at a level much deeper than surface behavior (Carl Rogers, 1951).

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What my 3-year old daughter taught me

I love how much I can learn about myself and life in general by just being with my children. Not long ago my 3-year old daughter was trying to build a jigsaw puzzle. Up to that point I'd usually help her by giving advice like 'rotate it and see what happens' or 'look for the straight edge' or sometimes even taking over and doing it for her, or cheering when she 'got it right'.

But then I noticed something. I wasn't serving her at all by helping and giving advice. Maybe what's needed is what I've been learning in my coaching training... to trust in everyone's ability to find their own answers. So I thought I'd give it a go and sit back, just being there for her, but not getting involved at all.

But what I realised then was how much my attention was with the jigsaw puzzle and not with her. Watching her 'getting it wrong' was very exhausting, because I thought I knew the answers. So I tried something else.

I shifted my focus from the puzzle to her face, trying to ignore what she was actually doing and it was amazing. I suddenly noticed all those tiny changes in her facial expression, the glowing in her eyes, the fidgeting, it's as if I could see her thinking and working things out in her head. She was so focused and calm, yet excited and keen.

It no longer mattered about whether the puzzle got finished, it was all about the learning and experiencing all those emotions of solving a problem brings with it. It really is about the journey, not the outcome.

I will never forget this experience and I will be using this approach throughout my life, whether it's parenting, or listening to someone or being with a client in a coaching session. It's the only way I think I can truly serve others, and it's a liberating and satisfying experience for myself at the same time.

Thanks Ellie for showing me what I hadn't seen before!

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Making meaningful connections

So here I am, feeling vulnerable when starting conversations with people, which I still find a scary and difficult (but at the same time really rewarding when I manage to do it). I thought I'd write about it, to capture where I am with this right now, and to come back to later on to reflect.

Anyway, so far I've had various different experiences. I am starting to really feel a distinction between connecting with someone hoping to get something out of it and connecting without an agenda.

What I noticed recently is that often even the connections with hopes attached still contain a huge element of genuine curiosity, love and appreciation. I think the bit that's not working is when I talk about myself and the focus shifts from them to me and what I do. It doesn't make it any different to all the other conversations they have with their friends, family and colleagues. I think by doing this I am missing the opportunity to give a powerful experience of having the space to think and to be heard (which is ultimately how I want to serve people with my work).

Making meaningful connections is a craft. Like with any craft, it can only be learned by doing and experimenting, which means to sometimes get it wrong, sometimes right and often somewhere in between. That's just how it is.

Another thing I noticed is that when a connection turns into a proper conversation, there is a place of complete openness, where I can be myself and live in the moment. It's just me and the other person, nothing else. That's where I want to be!

I really want to learn to make connecting with people a natural thing, something I enjoy as much as those deep conversations.

How do I do that? I think it may actually be easier than I initially thought, and I am probably not miles away. The main thing I can do is to listen and be there for the other person. Listen with all my attention, without judgement and resisting the urge to talk about myself... there's a time and place for that.

Anyway, I will give it a go! Let's see where it takes me.

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Holy shit, it's been ages since I last posted! How did this happen?

Hmm, I think I know how... the last couple of posts were basically just summarising stuff from my training, which I found a bit time consuming and it seemed more like a chore than being driven by the urge to record or share my thoughts.

I decided it's time to snap out of it and use this blog in a way it best serves me (and maybe others), which is: to record moments, insights, experiences and thoughts which somehow seem significant during my journey of becoming a more authentic version of myself, which will inevitably impact the way I show up as coach, mother, partner, friend, thinker, creator.... human being.

Where does this new drive come from? Well, I started reading the book "Show Your Work" by Austin Kleon, and boom! it gave me the itchy feeling of wanting to do stuff again. Last time I read it (8 years ago) it resulted in me writing my previous blog, which turned out to be an amazing collection of inspiration and insight during my two-year learning journey when studying for my MA in Branding and Identity Design.

So here's my new approach (thanks Austin!!!)

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It's been almost a month since Module 1, so I thought I'd do a quick recap of what I've been up to.

Being coached: I had a couple of sessions over the past few weeks, which were both great.

One of them resulted in me booking in a whole day a month to do things just for myself (eg clothes shopping, hair cut, culture, leisure, health), and I finally had my first "identity day" today, whoop, whoop. I went for a haircut (first one since I had my kids... and it's Alani's 5th birthday this week!!!) and went shopping. I really wanted to find a few outfits, but then after aimless browsing in the shopping mall I got frustrated and I really struggled to find anything. It didn't feel like me at all. Bright lights, new clothes, expensive (even the stuff from China). So rather than forcing it, I decided to head to the charity shops (I had found some amazing things there before).... and in the 45 minutes I had left before picking up the kids, I managed to find 4 whole outfits (dress, skirt, trousers, tops, t-shirt) and a bright cushion for my 'space' and a bag of really cool bright baubles. All of that for 20 quid. And the best bit, this completely honoured some of my core values... creativity and freedom of expression / choice while also being kind to the environment (and the wallet) and for a good cause, what's not to like?! Thanks Fozia*!

The other session was to find out about what creativity and being a creative practitioner means to me and how I can include this core value in my daily life. A lovely insight which came from it was that I am actually in the great position to be able to do creative things as and when I please and to celebrate this freedom by experimenting with small creative projects and even parenting (eg, doing things differently). I will definitely set things up so I can do some hands-on work in the space I'd created for my coaching sessions. I can also use this as a way to meditate and to replace aimless browsing on my phone with something I enjoy.... Thanks Claire*! *my coach for this session.

Coaching: Apart from being coached, I also managed to squeeze in a couple of full-length sessions, as well as a 20 minute practice session at the practice cafe I attended last Thursday. I used STOKeRS (from Simplifying Coaching) for all sessions, which helped me massively to get the conversation started. While it was a good approach, I think I need to make the questions my own and I'd like it to sound more natural - it all felt a bit staged. On the first 2 sessions I did very little reflecting back, which was missing, so I tried to bring this element into the conversation at the practice cafe, which was well received. I think my strength is to be able to hold the space and listen actively and the feedback was that I was able to create a very calm atmosphere, allowing the thinker to open up, which then lead to new insights. I am proud that I managed to create / realise coaching opportunities which came up, sometimes out of the blue (even if it meant being out of my comfort zone). This is the only way I will learn new things. NO GUTS, NO GLORY!!!!

Anyway, some other things I want to mention here (separate blog posts may be required for an in-depth reflection, me thinks): Book: How to get clients by Steve Chandler

Coaches Uncaged: The Coaches’ Mindset Clinic (recording) September Special: "Money Mindset for Coaches" with Sachin Sharma and Alex"

Coaches Uncaged: The Coaches’ Mindset Clinic (recording) October: "The Coaches' Mindset Clinic" with Sachin Sharma and Rajni

Coaches Uncaged video: Interview with Bronwyn Nash "Using Instinct and Values to Shape a Successful Coaching Practice and Authentic Life"

Animas ICF Core Competencies: Competency 7: Evoking Awareness with Nishe Patel (recording)

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Module 1 ADTC, 18 & 19 October 2022

It was lovely to finally get started with the course and to meet Nick and my cohort. It's a bit hard to sum up two full days in a blog post, but here are my take-aways*:

I am ready to coach... just go for it (experiment, make mistakes, be open minded, listen to feedback and reflect)

Time is relative (great coaching can happen in 10 minutes)

Less is more (being able to listen and notice is more important than fully understanding content and repeating information)

There is no right question / model (holding the space is key, rely on intuition to ask questions... practice, practice, practice)

Different coaches, different approaches (everyone brings their own style, there is no right or wrong as long as the conversation serves the thinker)

And here are some actions until Module 2 end of November:

Watch back my observed practice session from Module 1 and reflect / complete self-assessment.

Set up and attend a few triad sessions.

Start regular coaching and being coached sessions and reflect on those (ask for recordings of sessions where I am being coached - that's great for learning too).

Read and re-read coaching books (with gained knowledge from Module 1 in mind).

Start thinking about written contracting and create useful documents (eg. session log, feedback sheet, draft contract, etc).

Sign up for / attend practice cafe sessions, coaching clinic and ICF core competencies workshops.

*During this first module I was heavily influenced by a few books I had read / started to read recently (Time to Think by Nancy Kline, Simplifying Coaching by Claire Pedrick and You Do You by Sarah Knight).

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You Do You by Sarah Knight

Wow, what an amazing read. It felt like having a mate right by my side to support me on my little journey of self-discovery all the way through the book. No judgement, no bullshit, just straight talking while being enormously empathetic.... and funny at the same time. This book is such a great reminder of not just allowing myself to be me, but in fact not allowing myself to be anything else but me! No doubt, I will be coming back to this book, which might as well be called the bible. So, thanks Sarah for you doing you and helping me being me.

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Me and coaching - why, how, when did this even happen?

I was just thinking about how it all came about for me to decide to enrol on a course to become a transformative life coach. Wasn't I supposed to be a creative practitioner?

As much as I enjoyed working as a graphic designer (for 10 years), I knew I wasn't going to go back after my baby break. When I left work to start a family, I had no plan whatsoever of what I'd be doing once the kids were at pre-school age and in part-time childcare. I just wanted to live for a bit and see where life would take me. As much as I loved being a stay-at-home mum, becoming "Mama" seemed to sort of wipe out everything I had become and achieved in the past (moving country at 19, studying, becoming a designer, doing a masters' degree), that's what it felt like anyway.

However, during this strange time of transition, I often found myself on a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts about my purpose in life. It often felt as if I'd lost a big part of my identity. Being on a rollercoaster of this sort had its benefits though too (even if at times it wasn't a nice experience); it meant I questioned who I was and what I wanted to do.

All I knew was that I didn't want to go back to being a graphic designer, yet not giving up my passion for creativity. My colleagues had often suggested I'd make a good teacher, tutor, mentor etc...., and as much these resonated with me, there was always something stopping me from taking the path of teaching (even though I loved adult education and personal development).

But one day I had a brain wave. How about looking into doing coaching?

I had once attended a professional development course which brushed on the topic of coaching, and when we were invited to give it a go and coach each other, I had a really profound moment thinking to myself: "Wow, I'd love to get into this!"

At the time I was more interested in my plans to have kids, but ever since then coaching has been in the back of my mind.

So here I am now, ready to start this exciting journey of becoming a coach. I believe that I will be able to combine my skills gained during my time as a creative practitioner with coaching. There are so many things I brushed on when doing my masters', which I would love to explore within coaching, especially the creative process. So, watch this space to see how things unfold and fall in place. I can't wait!

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I really need to read Clarity by Jamie Smart again. I can't even remember when or why I got this book, but it's been on my book shelf for years and it suddenly jumped at me.... probably because clarity is something I could do with right now, well, always.

Anyway, I did a quick online search and found a podcast by Jamie Smart, which I think is simple and very inspiring and powerful. Basically, he talks about how everything we want is already within us and that we are already whole and complete human beings, born with all the resources we need to live a fulfilled and happy life - you create your own experience of reality. It reminded me a lot about what Amy Johnson wrote about in Being Human (which was a bit of an eye opener for me). In other words, the good feelings we think come from external factors (eg new shoes / lottery win / sunshine etc) actually come from within. Boom! Love it. Why did nobody tell me this before? And please can someone remind me of this on a daily basis?!

So, what does that mean for me? Personally... brilliant, life is actually a lot easier than I thought (in theory anyway). As a coach... well, this is the reason why want to be a coach in the first place - to create an environment where someone can experience this deeply rooted feeling of self and purpose, to simply be themselves and think for themselves (which is when the magic happens) and to work out what they can do to become a more fulfilled and happier version of themselves.

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Oh, by the way, this is the blog I did a few years ago.

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Let's do this!

This is it, not long now until I start my Accredited Diploma in Transformative Coaching with ANIMAS (next week, to be precise).

I created this blog a while ago, but never knew where to start or what to write about, but now I am getting this tingling feeling with lots of thoughts zooming through my head, I thought I might as well.

Basically, I used a blog in the past as a way to record my reflective learning journey when I did my MA in Branding and Identity Design. Back then, I had no idea what it would turn into, but I still enjoy dipping into it, as it didn't just show my journey as a creative practitioner, but also my transformation as a human being (deep, I know)... which is amazingly relevant to me today as a curious coach in training.

What I love about doing a reflective journal is that it is purely for myself*, so I don't need to worry about what others think, which is good practice for me being me and me doing what I want to do... which I find very refreshing.

So here we have it, this is it, the start to an unknown, exciting adventure. I wonder who I will meet, what I will learn and where this will take me? I have no concrete plans or expectations - I want to use it as an opportunity for self-discovery and to become more and more of who I really am.... and I look forward to being part of other people's journeys of becoming who they truly are.

Let's do this!

*I know, someone might read it one day, but the point is, if I don't worry about what others think, I can be true to myself, open and honest - which in fact is probably the only way someone might find this an interesting read.