diaryofthementallyill

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But they clipped my wings

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Im not that happy here

But i dont think its tied to a place, tied by me

I still run

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I am an addict and you cant stop me

Only peace to the dead

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Feet

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Longface

Istg it actually looks good irl

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2024 something

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Fleeting world

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Memmemememememmem

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Timerunsout

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One day i won’t be able to feel, breathe or think. One day I will spend the rest of eternity alone in the void. It’s going to happen. I can’t stop it. I’m scared. One day I’ll close my eyes and won’t realise it’s the last time. Maybe I’ll die in my sleep? But I dont’t think that I will. Ever since I was a young child i feared death. I was maybe 7 and had panic attacks about it. The same picture in my head, even to this day.

From my point of view;

Looking slightly upwards from a hospital bed. Yellow walls. The bed sheet is white white blue dots. My chest is covered with a black hospital gown.

Then nothing. Complete darkness. I can’t even imagine a future beyond death. Just pure darkness. Sometimes I think that my consciousness stays. In the void of nothingness I can’t open my eyes. I just think, think alone for all of time.

I’m scared of the unknown. Death, or that which may be beyond it is still unimaginable for me. It’s all pure nothingness. Endless endlessness and darkness for forever.

I don’t want to die

But I can’t care enough to live.

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It’s so quiet here, so peaceful

Even in death.

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I want to feel good, i want too feel.

Am i only good when I kneel?

When I am nothing.

Nothing for you too feel.

I, I, I have nothing for you too feel.

I am no good for you.

Only if you could feel for me.

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Punish.

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I really wish i could do digital art. But my ipad doesn’t feel like paper. The glass has no resistance, my pen just glides. I can’t do anything. If i want to draw a rougher line it just sharpens it. I cant even shade properly. Its all just lines, not a coherent picture. Just a broken picture. Can you even call it that?

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Kill the witch

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Angel baby