dont-get-axe-murdered

[dont-get-axe-murdered]

Do you know what I want to see in season 3 of Good Omens?

Crowley and Azriphale picking up each other's habits now their separated.

I wanna see Crowley's apartment slowly descend into disorder, and his light bulbs turn warm.

I wanna see Aziraphale start making incoherent noises to answer questions he doesn't want to answer.

I wanna see Crowley do something mundanely insufferable but human, like get his driver's license.

I wanna see Aziraphale sit in a chair so incorrectly it hurts to look at.

I wanna see Crowley go out of his way to do something kind but inconsequential with nonchalant purpose.

I wanna see Azriaphale find a "glue pennies to the sidewalk" chaos solution to putting off the apocalypse.

I want them to loom at their current situation, distressed and disheveled and go, "What would my other half do? How do I fill the void they left to get help this?"

I want them to start understand each other while they're the farthest apart they've ever been.

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Guess which Hazbin Hotel character my husband just purposefully described "Unfertalized MatPat"

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ABSOLUTELY.

Aziraphale is not the enemy here, he is in just as much suffering and distress as Crowley, and should be shown every kindness!

I, however, see the world from a more Crowley perspective, trauma and all, and am a masochist at heart. Ergo, I see more of Crowley's side of the breakup than I do Aziraphale's. I do not strongly side with one over the other, nearly everything was a communication error, but I have more experience in Crowley's shoes.

Has anyone EVER mentioned in season 1 how that last time Crowley ever interacted with Aziraphale before the bookshop fire was after he hung up on him. From his perspective Azriaphale called, Crowley outright ignores him for probably the first, and later finds what he thinks is the crime scene of his best friend (and more). Crowley didn't answer once and lost everything.

Now that you're in tears, allow me to get you sobbing: Aziraphale has repeatedly ignored Crowley, hesitated to answer, and fought against him. Now, imagine you're Crowley and for the first time you understand what you want and need and you dare to ask for it. You hype yourself up to ask for more, push yourself to be vulnerable. Then, you are interrupted and cruely gutted through miscommunication and misunderstandings and conflict of interests and the toxic manipulation of outside parties. You realize you've lost, and you're desperate and you're feelings are too big for your words and you are somehow grieving something that hasn't really ended but it falling apart between your fingers. So you call one last time, you pull the most unfair and cruel stunt you can because you can't do anything else to show your love. You need him to understand the gravity of it all. You call out to him, pleading. And he doesn't reciprocate the one consistent thing you've done for 6,000 years minus one event that almost lost you everything. And you lost it again anyways.

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important announcement

Micheal Christopher Sheen's full name basically means "Gift from God, bearer of Christ, a fool".

Thank you.

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I'm not super into the Hazbin Hotel fandom but it feels like there's been no clear backstop for Nifty and I would like to propose one:

She was a housewife who got a lobotomy after displaying symptoms of mental illness and/or neurodivergency.

I mean she has one big eye and carries around a large needle. A lobotomy was done by taking an object very similar to an ice pick and shoving it through the eye socket into the brain.

I think she was probably just living her life, her husband recognized she was a little strange and authorized her to get a lobotomy, she suffered from the surgery and with a damaged mind probably killed her husband (and more).

She acts in ways that mirrors a lot of socialized autistic women (like myself and my closest friends), just in a more fitting manner for sinners.

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Lol sorry about that, the entire weight of life and its intensely purposeless wonders and intricacies just caught up with me for a second and I had to catch my breath on the air little girls from thousands of years ago giggled out of tired lungs while braiding each other's hair.

Give me a second to collect myself because the shattering realization that life was made to be soft and romantized and cinematic, but the cobblestones paths I walk unsteady were paved brand new by silly simple folks with inside jokes and gentle smiles and hearty stories just like me and thought they were at the height of humanity.

I'm okay, I promise, it just gets to me sometimes. Like is Laika still in the stars waiting to come home for head pats and are sharks desperately finding ways to satisfy their need to kiss? Is God tired from holding gravity together throughout the fragile mess that is creation, and do the atoms wish they could lessen their weight for Them? Do bees enjoy the rain? Why can't science change their criteria and let Pluto remain a planet? Does it matter if the chicken came first? Did the invention of sourdough happen on purpose? How did evolution come to love? Who thought carpeted floors was a good idea? What is decay except the knowledge nothing lasts forever? Why do we fear death? Why are we cruel? Why are dolphins so fucking apathetic? When will crows uprise? Why didn't we domesticate raccoons?

Do you think if we had all the answers we'd still express ourselves? Do you think we'd create? Do you think we'd still feel so deeply? Do you think we'd find new questions anyways?

Sorry, it's just sometimes all I can think about is how loved everything is and can't grasp how we still hate the way we do. To be born in a world on fire and still feel cold has left me bleeding with an empathy I can never quite contain.

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Has anyone EVER mentioned in season 1 how that last time Crowley ever interacted with Aziraphale before the bookshop fire was after he hung up on him. From his perspective Azriaphale called, Crowley outright ignores him for probably the first, and later finds what he thinks is the crime scene of his best friend (and more). Crowley didn't answer once and lost everything.

Now that you're in tears, allow me to get you sobbing: Aziraphale has repeatedly ignored Crowley, hesitated to answer, and fought against him. Now, imagine you're Crowley and for the first time you understand what you want and need and you dare to ask for it. You hype yourself up to ask for more, push yourself to be vulnerable. Then, you are interrupted and cruely gutted through miscommunication and misunderstandings and conflict of interests and the toxic manipulation of outside parties. You realize you've lost, and you're desperate and you're feelings are too big for your words and you are somehow grieving something that hasn't really ended but it falling apart between your fingers. So you call one last time, you pull the most unfair and cruel stunt you can because you can't do anything else to show your love. You need him to understand the gravity of it all. You call out to him, pleading. And he doesn't reciprocate the one consistent thing you've done for 6,000 years minus one event that almost lost you everything. And you lost it again anyways.

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Listen, I'm not on here often and I don't keep up to date on current theories because I don't have self control and it will consume me, but THE MINISODES PREDICTED THE SOMEBODY DAMNED SECOND COMING-

They, in order, have integral plot point surrounding birth, death, and rebirth. I cannot stress enough how upsettingly in our faces it is. I am ill-striken, actually. I'm seething with how ingenious it is, stupid Neil Gaiman and him appealing to my symbolizm and puzzle obsessed brain by giving literally EVERYTHING meaning and purpose...

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Sometimes the universe lines up in the most bitch-slapping ways

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I don't think anyone has said this yet, but guys Season 2 of Good omens was from Aziraphale's perspective, at the very least the minisodes. Season 1 we had a narrator, it was God. Season 2, no narrator EXCEPT Aziraphale's diary entry. That's why the minisodes are weird. Because their from Aziraphale's point of view, where Crowley is this tempting evil and dark menace but slowly loses that edge. Also possibly why we get those rare moments we catch Azriphale making eye contact with the camera. I don't think those moments have already been altered by the book of life, I think that is just Aziraphale's natural biases filling in blanks and exaggerating small details based on what his abusers instilled in him.

This whole season has been a build up to Aziraphale becoming Archangel, rejecting Crowley, being unable to have what he wants because of what he believes needs to happen. Crowley has spent the whole series protecting Aziraphale from heveans wrath, hells wrath, even human wrath. Crowley has been there to save Aziraphale always, but Azriaphale has never been able to see it for everything it is. First it was to manipulate him/stray him from God, then a mutal payoff, towards friendship and something he hopes is love but dear somebody he could never approach it. He sees Crowley's protection, even now, as something Crowley gets a kick out off. Aziraphale thinks it's kind and endearing and probably romantic, but to Crowley, it's everything. To the point it's implied Azriaphale doesn't know how Gabriel treated the execution, because Crowley doesn't think Azriaphale can handle it (nor I imagine he wishes to talk about it).

Ergo, I think Season 3 might cater more towards Crowley's perspective in minisodes.

p.s. Trauma is a long and slow healing process, and Aziraphale needs time to fully cut contact. Give him a breather.

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Ya know how so far the entire good omens cannon has been:

Aziraphale: You came :)

Crowley: You called.

I'd love for season 3 relationship healing to start with something along the lines of-

Crowley: ...you're here?

Azirphale: I never should have left.

Because Crowley wouldn't call, any hope of getting answers died with God. Crowley is vulnerable, emotional and distracted and for the first time truly pessimistic. Crowley couldn't imagine calling for help, especially from Aziraphale who left because he wouldn't listen (at least from Crowley's perspective, they werent really communicating well with each other). But if it became Crowley as a damsel in distress, trapped or hurt or tricked... Azriaphale would not be able to look away. Aziraphale would put himself at risk in a heartbeat, because at the very least he knows Crowley doesn't deserve punishment. He know Crowley is kind and clever in how he uses that kindness. Aziraphale would stand between Crowley and his immediate doom and most likely offer the smallest indirectly spoken apology. And after they are alone (or at least in a safer environment with few witnesses) an argument ensues, dust will settle for greater causes' sake, tensions will raise again, the dams will break, and then we can get somewhere into healthier communication.

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Hey, Good Omens Fandom?

Can we all agree Crowley spent a whole meeting trying to convince the dukes of hell he need more miracles so he could send valentine's to random people to promote jealousy and affairs and shit...

But really he'd just blow most of it on some seducing week long extravaganza for Aziraphale and then buy a shit ton of cards day of at a grocery store for receipts sake. Probably hand them out at a hospital for sick kids and it's just a bunch of bad puns and encouraging juvenile pranks and such on the inside.

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Why are we all so fucking mean to each other bro? We all decompose at some point and by then some of us will be flowers and some will be the sand on the beach or the dust on a childhood window sill. What is death but proof we are no better than each other? We are born from pain and rest in the silence of death together. Maybe we could just be a little kinder and listen just a little better before the world we've built collapses into stardust again? Do you think we could manage that at least? The poor man rots just as quickly as the rich but we can at least give one another a warm bed and full stomach before they dance with the dirt and sing with the wind. We need to do better.

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Husband Tips #1

No one tell my husband, but his Spotify is linked to his discord so when he's listening to sad music, I text him saying my boyf instincts are telling me somethings up and ask if he wants to talk. He doesn't know how I do it.

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hot take people who can't swallow pills without hiding it in food or some shit are actively avoiding the point of natural selection. As a depressed bitch who used to swallow ten pills at once every night within two sips of water, 12 if I was on my period or had allergies, you're not cut out for this world. Man up or leave the goddamn kitchen bro, you don't know what it take to dry swallow a mouth full of pills actively disintegrating on your tongue because water is just too much for your sensory issues tonight.

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Ways to respond to a man catcalling you using mindfuckery

He asks who you're all dressed up for/where your going/if you have a boyfriend: "Oh, shit did she tell you? She said she was gonna wait til she talked to your dad. This is for your mom, we're gonna have marathon sex after she gets your dad to sign the divorce papers. I hope this won't make things awkward for us, but hey, at least you're finally gonna have a positive male role model in your life. I can't wait for you to call me step-daddy."

He approachs you in a QUIET PUBLIC space: "Aw you're so cute! You're such a charming little guy, do you wanna come back to my place? I think I have such a pretty pink collar to fit that tiny neck of yours! Do you want a pair of cat ears too? Maybe a leash? C'mon, why don't you get on your knees and meow for mommy, be a good kitty baby for mommy!"

Buys you a drink: "You think I'm stupid, Kevin? You send me threatening texts through some burner phone, put ransom notes in my mailbox, light my rose bushes on fire, and bring dead rats to my fucking door and think you can just buy me a goddamn drink. You’re fucking crazy, you need to leave me alone. Did you forget the restraining order? I'm gonna call the cops, Kevin."

He touches you without permission: "Oh, ow ow ow, shit. Be careful, you dumbass the skin hasn't finished congealing yet. I have yet to mend fully with the mortal flesh suits. Besides if you tear any webbing keeping it together my Eldritch essence will seep out, melting this world to mere chaotic lunacy through such contact. We are here to live among them as we situate our ruling, it is not ready yet for careless misactions. Where did you get yours? It reaks of feral meat moisture. Must you bathe it?"

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Ice in your beverages is a capitalist scam I refuse to endorse. Wake up, America, you're being played for fools.