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the only domestic instinct my parents have managed to pass on to me is the tendency to hoard multiple plastic bags in another plastic bag despite the fact that I will probably never need this many plastic bags in my adult life

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this bitch empty

YEET

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Football Challenge: [2/6] Past Players

Eric Cantona was special. He is the king of Old Trafford and that’s the way he should always be remembered.

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Date a girl who crawled out of a TV intending to kill you but ended up crawling into a candlelit dinner you started preparing for seven days in advance and was so astonished she gave it a try and now you’re married.

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When the NHL delays the announcing of protection lists by 30 minutes

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me to my hockey player bf: sauce me a smooch you fuckin beauty

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On some real shit, I do not fuck with people who ride those boat things at the carnival. People who get on those do not give a fuck about life, they don’t care about you, ya mama or your kids. They literally have nothing to lose. You don’t care about life so there’s no need for me to fight you because you’re not going to give a damn about my face. 

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Wtf is sephora

It sounds scary

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Oh buch

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The NHL taking away the breakaway challenge is like the NBA taking away the Slam Dunk competition. What are they going to replace with next? Pie eating contest? Musical chairs on the ice contest? Pin the tail on the zamboni???

i would be on board with those suggestions but the nhl is allergic to fun. 

Other suggested replacements for the breakaway contest the nhl turned down:

-johnny hockey setting fire to things-hockey jousting -chara v an actual live bear -hockey players slam dunk competition -mario kart tournament -goalie v goalie only hockey-total wipeout style obstacle course- letting sidney crosby go home- fastest beer shotgun competition -a ritualistic sacrifice to keep jaromir jagr young-project runway on ice (only available material are don cherry suits)-monopoly - just beating the actual shit out of k*ne-whatever this is:

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happy holidays from the rangers (in various languages) 

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Nice one, Canes!

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pikmin

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love ~