eloliasthoughts

[eloliasthoughts]

I'm sick and tired of the people around me

I am so fed up with how divided everyone has become since covid. It's like the whole world went totally fucking insane. People used to actually get along and now we're up against economic collapse while the left worry about kids getting chemical castration or testosterone. What an absolute privilege it is to even be able to worry about something like that.

We're at a tipping point and we're heading straight off the fucking cliff and the people around me are ignorant and oblivious and I'm ANGRY. I DONT WANT TO BE ANGRY. This isn't me. I'm having a reasonable reaction to the pain and struggle. I'm screaming into the wind because these people are so willfully ignorant. I don't even know if it's their fault at this point. I'm considering that they might just be too stupid to understand these things.

I wish I didn't have to worry about any of it but at this point I'm trying to save them from themselves. The left are like an ouroboros. Killing themselves and they don't even realize it. I can't take it anymore. God help me. God help us.

[eloliasthoughts]

Just opened Facebook to see this post.. exactly what I was talking about. This is a regular occurrence here. FUCK CANADA.

My thoughts about living in Canada

This is just going to be a rant about what life in Canada is like from my perspective. I'm a descendent of the original Canadian settlers, and life has been pretty terrible, pretty consistently, my entire life.

I'm from a very old part of Canada, and things haven't been good here for a long time. My people are stuck in a cycle of poverty and abuse that has lasted for many generations. I was beaten, neglected, abused, and abandoned as a child and I was never shown any compassion or support from my community. I nearly lost my life several times to suicide, because no matter how much I tried to reach out for help- there was none.

My province is very poor.. the existing health care and mental health care systems are inadequate. They are really just for show.. unless you're a danger to society you won't get any help with mental health care. If you've attempted suicide and are brought to the hospital they will send you home. If you go to the ER because you're afraid you will attempt suicide they will turn you away. Wait times in the ER for non life threatening injuries can be 16+ hours. People die of heart attacks in the waiting rooms. If you have a rare condition or something that isn't easily diagnosed, good luck. You will never get anyone to listen to you.

There is no sense of community here. The attitude that prevails is sink or swim, i suffered so you need to suffer too, kill yourself or get over it. So many of us have no family who even have the capacity to love us, and we're left to struggle trying to survive in a place where we're despised for even existing. It's a shitty life in Canada. Canadians are not the nice, compassionate people they are known to be. They are unforgiving, judgemental, and small minded.

My people have been oppressed for a couple hundred years by the Jewish family who monopolized every single large industry in the province. They now control our local government, they make shady tax cuts, and pay barely a pittance to the province who made them who they are now. They are largely to blame for the poverty and abuse that has taken hold of my people. There is no money for education or health care because of them. We suffer because of them, but without them we would starve. We're given barely enough to survive on, and we're forced to be happy with it.

The influx of immigrants to the country has overwhelmed our already stressed social systems. Canada is building less than a quarter of the homes needed to keep up with immigration. With this in mind, our federal government decided to increase immigration anyways, to a completely unsustainable rate. It's very basic math.. the more immigrants we allow in, the more Canadians end up on the street. This isn't a conspiracy, it's happening right in front of our eyes. There are homeless encampments across the country in every single province, in every single city. There is no excuse for Canadians to be treated this way in our own country.

To get into the ridiculous amount of corruption that has taken place within our federal government regarding immigration would be a post on it's own. It's a lot to get into, but Canada is falling because of it. There will be no salvation for this country. With the way things are heading we have maybe a couple years left before people start revolting. It IS that bad. Take it from someone who's experiencing it first hand. We can't afford to be blind to the truth anymore.

I doubt anyone will see this post, I barely even know how to use this website. I'm mostly just venting.. It's extremely depressing and I have anxiety attacks regularly because of how bad things are here. I just want someone to hear my voice.. my thoughts.. I wish someone cared about us.

[eloliasthoughts]

I'm tired of being Canadian

I'm tired of being neglected and abused. I'm tired of being oppressed and hated for my skin colour. I'm tired of having no opportunities because they are given to someone else. I'm tired of not being able to afford to eat. I'm tired of the fear that I may end up on the street. I'm tired of not being able to get health care. I'm tired of being sick. I'm tired of being hated by my own people and government. I'm tired.

[eloliasthoughts]

My thoughts about living in Canada

This is just going to be a rant about what life in Canada is like from my perspective. I'm a descendent of the original Canadian settlers, and life has been pretty terrible, pretty consistently, my entire life.

I'm from a very old part of Canada, and things haven't been good here for a long time. My people are stuck in a cycle of poverty and abuse that has lasted for many generations. I was beaten, neglected, abused, and abandoned as a child and I was never shown any compassion or support from my community. I nearly lost my life several times to suicide, because no matter how much I tried to reach out for help- there was none.

My province is very poor.. the existing health care and mental health care systems are inadequate. They are really just for show.. unless you're a danger to society you won't get any help with mental health care. If you've attempted suicide and are brought to the hospital they will send you home. If you go to the ER because you're afraid you will attempt suicide they will turn you away. Wait times in the ER for non life threatening injuries can be 16+ hours. People die of heart attacks in the waiting rooms. If you have a rare condition or something that isn't easily diagnosed, good luck. You will never get anyone to listen to you.

There is no sense of community here. The attitude that prevails is sink or swim, i suffered so you need to suffer too, kill yourself or get over it. So many of us have no family who even have the capacity to love us, and we're left to struggle trying to survive in a place where we're despised for even existing. It's a shitty life in Canada. Canadians are not the nice, compassionate people they are known to be. They are unforgiving, judgemental, and small minded.

My people have been oppressed for a couple hundred years by the Jewish family who monopolized every single large industry in the province. They now control our local government, they make shady tax cuts, and pay barely a pittance to the province who made them who they are now. They are largely to blame for the poverty and abuse that has taken hold of my people. There is no money for education or health care because of them. We suffer because of them, but without them we would starve. We're given barely enough to survive on, and we're forced to be happy with it.

The influx of immigrants to the country has overwhelmed our already stressed social systems. Canada is building less than a quarter of the homes needed to keep up with immigration. With this in mind, our federal government decided to increase immigration anyways, to a completely unsustainable rate. It's very basic math.. the more immigrants we allow in, the more Canadians end up on the street. This isn't a conspiracy, it's happening right in front of our eyes. There are homeless encampments across the country in every single province, in every single city. There is no excuse for Canadians to be treated this way in our own country.

To get into the ridiculous amount of corruption that has taken place within our federal government regarding immigration would be a post on it's own. It's a lot to get into, but Canada is falling because of it. There will be no salvation for this country. With the way things are heading we have maybe a couple years left before people start revolting. It IS that bad. Take it from someone who's experiencing it first hand. We can't afford to be blind to the truth anymore.

I doubt anyone will see this post, I barely even know how to use this website. I'm mostly just venting.. It's extremely depressing and I have anxiety attacks regularly because of how bad things are here. I just want someone to hear my voice.. my thoughts.. I wish someone cared about us.

[eloliasthoughts]

[eloliasthoughts]

– Audrey Hepburn

[eloliasthoughts]

Sometimes when it's quiet

At the end of the day when my thoughts start to settle

In the calmness of the night

Your creep into my mind

It used to bother me..

It made me angry at myself

For not being able to let you go

But your presence has a grasp on my soul

I can't break free of it no matter how hard I try

But I'm not upset anymore

I have accepted it

You're part of me

My soul will always be reaching out to yours

I wonder if you feel it too

I sometimes think that there's no way that you can't

In these quiet moments

My heart is pulling you towards me

It is longing for you so earnestly

I won't fight it anymore

I embrace the part of me that longs to be with you

[eloliasthoughts]

I'm tired of thinking about you

Whenever I hear a song that reminds me of you I want to change it, but I make myself listen anyways, because I can't let the thought of you control me anymore. I need to be able to go on with my life without you interrupting it. I don't know if doing that is helping though. Sometimes I really wish I could talk to you. I wish you would apologize, but I also wish to never speak to you again. I wish I could forget you forever. I hope one day my broken heart will heal, and I hope that the pain wasn't for naught.

[eloliasthoughts]

And now I have to remember you for longer than I knew you

I don't know why I can't forget you and move on.

You never showed me anything other than what you really thought of me, I just chose not to listen. Or maybe I couldn't recognize it for what it was. I don't need you to tell me the truth with your words when I can take it from your actions. You never showed me that you cared. You persistently showed me the opposite. Maybe it's my own fault for loving you so much. You never told me not to, but it should have been more clear to me that there was no intention of being with me. You future faked me. But you didn't need to do much. You never lied to me and told me you loved me. You did tell me it was important to you to love me though.. I don't think that was true but I still hold it close to my heart.

For some reason when I'm given real love it doesn't feel like love. It should fill me up and make me feel happy and whole but it doesn't. It doesn't make me feel anything. Yet I am so fortunate and lucky to have it. I recognize the blessings that I have, I only wish they felt like blessings. I wish they made me feel the way I felt when I was with you and things were good. I can never explain it to someone who hasn't experienced it.

I don't have much self worth. I probably have next to none. For some reason I think I was waiting for you or someone like you to allow me to love myself. I don't believe I'm worth loving unless you love me. I can be loved so truly and fully by someone else but it doesn't feel anything like what I want. I don't want to settle for that. My heart is always going to be yearning for someone like you. I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could get you out of my head. I'm afraid that you will live in my heart forever. Here I will sit with the memory of you, while you even forget my name.

[eloliasthoughts]

I hope you rot

I fell in love with a walking corpse

But your skin glowed

Your eyes seemed bright

Little did i know, you'd have no remorse

when you plunged the knife deep into my soul

I smiled at you while you carved your name into me

you etched into my heart everything that I always desired

I was promised love and life by someone who lacked both

When I looked at you again I realized there was no light in your eyes

They were empty

Dark

There was no soul inside you

[eloliasthoughts]

Why are you okay with being such a dumb piece of shit?

All you do is cause chaos and suffering for innocent people who only wanted to love you. Worse than that, you partake in unforgiveable things. You're a monster. How do you sleep at night? What is it like to live with no remorse? Do you not see how vile and disgusting you are? I hope one day it hits you like a ton of bricks and you can't fucking breathe. I hope you choke while you gasp for air. That won't happen though. There is no possibility of you ever gaining a conscience. You're empty. Instead maybe some bitch will cut your dick off and stuff it down your throat. Choke on that instead.

[eloliasthoughts]

What is grief but an invisible knife that pierces right through your soul. You can't stop it. You can't prevent it from cutting you deep. You're left at that. Bleeding silently, your plea for help unheard. Like a season, it will arrive, does its work and then leaves. Nothing but patience, nothing but patience. The lips must practise silence and beautifully endure the pain...

Random Xpressions

[eloliasthoughts]

Wolfsena / sue zhao

[eloliasthoughts]

from In the House With No Doors by Sarah Kay

[eloliasthoughts]

Communicating even when it's uncomfortable really saves a lot of relationships.

[eloliasthoughts]

Jamie Anderson/Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior

Grief and love are interconnected

[eloliasthoughts]

Mary Oliver, from “We Should Be Well Prepared”, Red Bird