enigmascrynge

[enigmascrynge]

A free verse poem for the tl

My tongue is burnt

And my lips are chapped

My head has scabs

And my nails are cracked

My skin is covered in bruises and scars

But I am more than the surface

[enigmascrynge]

A poem from a difficult time a while back (doing much better now but wanted to share)

In time, wounds heal, the pain will fade away

Yet, now it's an echo, a dying refrain

An emptiness lingers

My heart will remain

The absence echoes

Through every part of my soul

What draws me in, is why I fade out

I yearn for that feeling; I have loss of control

"I love you" rings out,

A flicker of hope, a question unanswered

Absorbed by this everlasting feeling,

A eulogy of passion discarded

The vast unknown of letting go,

Selfish desires overtaken

Blame and anger tempt overflow,

I left my own heart broken

Respectful, though stubborn, I stand

My grief has stayed persistent

Longing for touch that time can't command,

But I remain resistant

In shadows, I ache, and I heave

I am blind to the end

The clock ticks, apathy is the air I breathe

How long must I pretend?

[enigmascrynge]

Dear [Alter]

Dear Caretakers, it's okay to worry that you're not doing enough. You are.

Dear Fictives/Factives, it's okay not to identify with your source. It's okay to identify with your source. Remember that you are your own person and that's all that matters.

Dear Gatekeepers, take a breath. I know that it's hard. It's going to be alright. We couldn’t do this without you.

Dear Littles, you're lovely. Keep it up buddy, remember that you're amazing.

Dear Persecutors, you are not evil. You are not a 'bad alter.' You are just as important as everyone else.

Dear Protectors, it's okay to take a break. You are going to make mistakes, and that's okay. You're doing your best and that's perfect.

Dear Self Destructive Alters/Trauma Holders, it's not your fault. It is not your fault. You don't deserve any hate, you don't deserve any of those awful things. You're deserving of the world and one day, some day, you will get it.

Dear Alter, you're going to make it.

[enigmascrynge]

matpat is to fnaf theorists what freud is to psychologists.

[enigmascrynge]

The way my friends ask who's fronting is by saying "who's driving the bus?" so here's a list of fun ways someone can ask:

- who's leading the charge?

- who's manning the ship?

- who's facing the agonies right now?

- who's on vanguard right now?

- if *you're* not here, and *YOU'RE* not here, then who's driving the plane?

[enigmascrynge]

Our psychiatrist was a piece of shit and claimed our inconsistent evaluation meant we must have no disorders. Because we are a system, he likely got mistaken accounts, which messed up the evaluation process. He also tried to accuse our therapist of malpractice bc she listens to our symptoms, and gives us tools to manage them? He advised brain scans because what we experience "isn't normal"?

He tried to claim that because you can cope with something that means you never had it??? And that if we *actually* had the symptoms we and those around us claim we have, we would be immobile and mute??? But we have expressed on multiple occasions that sometimes we *are* immobile or mute. We've had many situations where we are paralyzed with fear bc of flashbacks, or have been so stiff to the point of locked joints and passing out, or couldn't muster any sound for fear of putting ourselves in danger again

What the hell have these years of therapy been for, if not to learn how to manage these symptoms?? Just because these things don't happen as often as they used to, that certainly doesn't mean we don't struggle with - or have never struggled with - anything at all?

And he claimed that if we had actually dealt with these issues that we would've opened up about them sooner. That couldn't have happened because we shielded ourselves from knowing about our own struggles. We weren't ready because we are TRAUMATIZED. It's not just some sit down and talk through it in one session type of situation here. We have significant difficulties impacting our life on a daily basis. Not one individual alter is able to express all of these issues or traumas we deal with-that's a completely unrealistic expectation for us. I do Not appreciate him belittling that, especially when we FINALLY, after years, have gotten access to integration/dissociation based therapy and have FINALLY improved connection between alters and begun to put together the pieces that make up our life experience

I'm done trying to get professionals to affirm us. We are the only ones who have our experience. They clearly think they can flaunt their degree and one week lesson on this very specific issue as more qualified than our entire life of living out these issues. The fact that he was not even willing to listen to our explanations or respect our several year long therapy journey with a LICENSED MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL who HAS THE ABILITY TO DIAGNOSE CONDITIONS, shows that he is not one to be respected himself.

I wish the mental health system was easier to navigate. And I wish people with doctorate degrees didn't have sticks up their asses. I just wish professionals would respect other professionals AND their patients. I also wish the "people who are afab cannot have any mental disorders besides anxiety and depression" stigma wasn't present among older male doctors.

I just want to be respected for what I experience, and guided through ways of managing it. Why is that so impossible to grasp?

[enigmascrynge]

We've started doing integration work at therapy after several sessions of talking about the possibility of being a system!! Our therapist was actually super helpful and we even considered alternative reasoning for symptoms (weve been evaluated for adhd, ocd, anxiety, depression, bipolar, asd, and various other things but have only fit enough criteria for anxiety and depression, so the symptoms came from elsewhere) before pursuing therapy specifically for systems.

We've done a lot of visualization and sessions talking about what we already know about the system. It feels so great to finally be honest about all this and to be respected by a professional who is able to help us navigate through our confusing experiences. I was so worried she would dismiss it immediately but I think it helped that a protector of ours told her bc he's so vastly different to me.

Prior to bringing up being a system, our therapist had already been doing work with us on dissociation in general and she said she noticed us dissociating during most sessions so it would make sense that something else was going on. She also brought up that we were struggling with not meeting criteria for adhd/asd and couldn't figure out what was wrong when in reality it could just be systemhood causing similar symptoms. I'm so glad to finally start work on this stuff because it's been *so much* to deal with on our own

-Ashton :D

[enigmascrynge]

making thibgs... to send people

[enigmascrynge]

I love this one bc our innerworld is mostly forest !

[Text: This system’s inner world has a forest.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[enigmascrynge]

[Text: This system’s host is transgender.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[enigmascrynge]

You don't have to hate being a system. Sometimes it's really comforting not to be the only person in your head. Being able to switch out when you need it, getting support from other alters, joking within the system, or even just the knowledge that you have others to rely on, can all be relieving and reassuring.

You aren't faking your trauma or your system if you feel like this, if you enjoy making or seeing content about being friends with the other alters, or if you feel that your healing journey is going quicker than you expected. You and your system are still deserving of respect, and your trauma was still "bad enough" if you don't hate being a system.

[enigmascrynge]

as someone who used to obsess w/ like logging switches and knowing everything that was going on in the system all the time im telling you it’s not worth the stress and it’s okay to just like chill out like not knowing who’s fronting is fine, not knowing who fronted a certain day is fine, not knowing who’s co-con/co-front is fine. dw about logging every single little thing 👍

[enigmascrynge]

[enigmascrynge]

“Substitute beliefs” is an umbrella concept that can be applied to understanding introjects (fictional and real-life), pseudomemories, non-human alters, and more.

It’s important to note that not all substitute beliefs are harmful–they may be comforting, or even feel empowering. You don’t necessarily have to stop being a ghost! That said, it may be worth mentioning in therapy to make sure it’s a healthy belief to engage with.

[Check out my DID/OSDD casually explained masterpost for sources and more infographics!]

[enigmascrynge]

tbh life’s too short to be embarrassed by little things ??? wear that outfit ur mom said was ugly & laugh ur natural too loud laugh & talk to intimidating people u find interesting !!! join cringy clubs & read books everyone hates & wear too much eyeliner !!! if shit doesn’t work out who cares !!! people who are worth being around will stick by u anyway !!!

[enigmascrynge]

I know I wholeheartedly agree with you 😭

Omfg

Junko Enoshima

she would be an endo

Junko would be an endo y’all

[enigmascrynge]

Why did you have to bring this to my attention /lh

Omfg

Junko Enoshima

she would be an endo

Junko would be an endo y’all