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grouchyhuman · 6 years ago

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I know it isn’t ALL men... but...

....it doesn’t have to be. I wrote this some time ago, when I was in counseling for depression and anxiety. I didn’t share this with the person I was seeing but getting it down on paper helped me. I don’t hate all men. I don’t hate men, period. Men don’t do shit like this. However I have absolutely no respect for males who engage in and perpetuate the sort of actions you are gonna be reading about. Fuck those fuckers with the vehicles they ride around in. And fuck the fucking females/people who support them. And fuck the society that is fine with half of its population living in fear of the other half. Also, my apologies for the gendered pronouns here. I tried to fix some of them but I really can’t read this again right now.

Yes, I know that "not all men" are doing awful things to women. There are four men in my life now that are very important to me that I know full well would never mistreat a woman. I'm married to one, I birthed another and the other two are good friends. I am also certain that at least two of those four would kill a man who was caught raping me or my daughter or any other female. Hell, possibly all four of them. I know that two of them wouldn't lose a wink of sleep about that death, either. They would “sleep the sleep of the just.” I don't think it would much bother the others either. So yes, I know the truth of "Not all men."

I also know the reality that enough men do things that entirely TOO MANY women have good reason to not trust the lot of you. I certainly have enough reason to wish ill upon a significant segment of your gender, fellas. And it is very personal. Probably not at YOU, sir, specifically, but in general? Oh, fuck yeah.

Introduction to bad thing with guys (well, society, really) was the fact that my mother was single. My father paid $100/month in child support so there's that, but my mom raised me. I remember hearing people talk shit about single mothers; now they are talking shit about wanting to ban abortions and talking shit about cutting welfare and generally dumping on single mothers. I never heard anything about how awful men were for getting women pregnant and running off, just how it was HER fault for "getting herself pregnant" and then having to raise that child alone. If men were so fucking superior then why were there so many single mothers? Why were so many women going without child support? Fuck anyone who has talked shit about single parents because you're part of the fucking problem.

When I was around ten years old I started developing breasts. Ten. That's 4th grade. I remember going over to some couple's house with my grandfather to deliver some clothes and towels and bedding to a family who lost their house in a fire. My grandfather took some stuff in and the old guy (old enough to have grandkids) had come out to "help." While my grandfather was in the house, the old pervert groped my breasts. I remember him saying something supposedly flattering about me being pretty but it was just creepy. He then said "We don't want anyone to know about this, now do we?" I was a child, I agreed just to get him away from me, though he made me feel dirty. He took a box in and I trailed along with another box. His wife offered me a piece of candy when I was inside. I was standing close to my grandfather. I don't know if she knew what her husband was about or not. The pervert said "Take two, You got two hands, don't you?" I knew he was buying me off. I took two anyway. I never said anything. What would I say or how would I say it? I knew that shit wasn't right, though. I started being wary of old strange guys after that. I became more aware of older dudes LOOKING at me because of what that one male did to me. That isn't an awareness a child should have. Not all men, but it was that one fucking creep. And all those other creeps leering at me as a child.

Second thing that I remember was my step-father. First and foremost, I LOVE my mother so no shit-talking about her. Fucking NONE. You all can keep your cock-holsters shut. Also my mother died a couple of years ago (surprise Stage 4 cancer) and I am still not over it. I don’t think I ever will be. My mother was happy with this guy while they were dating. They met sometime when I was in late 5th grade or the summer between 5th and 6th. My mom was a teacher and coached (and won state championships) for the extra pittance they paid her for coaching, which was, of course, less than what the male coaches got. (Yes, another problem I have with the patriarchy). This guy was divorced and his ex-wife had the kids. Divorced dad, nothing to see here, right? I was SUPER-STOKED when I heard they were getting married. I was gonna have a DAD! He was going to do shit with me and teach me stuff that other dads taught their kids and it was going to be great! He was going to threaten my dates and teach me to work on a car and whatever else dads do with their daughters. Then one day when he and I were hanging out, he said "Give me a kiss." I was like, sure, dads kiss their kids all the time, right? So I went to give him a peck and he turned it into a harder kiss than just a peck on the lips. He quickly backed off and said "it must be something in the air" or some shit like that. I believed him, though it made me a little leery of him. But I forgave it and assumed it was some anomaly. Elementary school kid at that time, remember? The wedding wasn't a huge affair. My mom wasn't much for pomp and circumstance, plus it was her second marriage. (My father married her so she would have his military benefits for prenatal care and delivery but they were divorced after that.) It was after the wedding that things started to change a little between them. Mom told me later that he courted her one way and married her another, but that was some years after they got divorced. What started for me was ongoing sexual harassment and some occasional mild molestation (he never got me naked, he never stuck his fingers inside me, he never stuck his dick on or in me). He made it QUITE clear that he wanted to fuck me. I was twelve when this full court press started. He would buy me gifts, he would try to get me to watch soft-core porn when my mom wasn't around. He would corner me while I was doing laundry. I'm pretty sure he would creep into my room at night to watch me. He would grab me and try to feel my breasts up. He told me one time, when I was riding with him one winter, that if I was cold he could warm me up. I learned that he felt guilty when I would cry, which I would. I was scared and I knew what he wanted, even if I didn't know the HOW of it.

I was NAIVE, dear reader. Horribly naive. Naive on a "Bless my little pea-picking heart" level. I didn't tell my mom about what was going on because I thought he made her happy and I could put up with his occasional shit to make sure she was happy. She was always involving me in things she was doing. She'd let me read her book collection and recommend books to me, she and I would sing together. She'd take me shopping for clothes and make really good recommendations, to the point that I about gave up picking clothes because she had really good taste and I always ended liking what she bought for me. I would occasionally get money off of that guy when he would have me count cash for him. I only later figured out that he was doing shady shit on the side and was having me count what he had because he wanted to somehow impress (?) me or convince me to crawl into bed with him. Given that I heard he was upset over losing a bag of corn when it hit the road and burst, I suspect he was moonshining with some other dudes. That or just dealing drugs. Or both. Don't know, don't care.

The breaking point was when he came into my room one night when I was sixteen. He and mom were sleeping in separate rooms by this time. I woke up and he was pouring chloroform on my pillow. He would drip some, wait a second, drip some, wait a second. I was waking up and thought I was dreaming. (The chemical he got from where he was working, claimed he could sniff it and get rid of headaches. We didn't question him and there wasn’t Google back in them days of Apple IIe computers to check on that.) I sat up and asked him what he was doing. He lunged for me and grabbed me legs as I scurried back on my bed. The light was on behind him. I don't believe he had a stitch of clothing on but I couldn't tell, not between the light and my not having my glasses on. He tried to pull me towards him but I screamed. He stood up, said "Alright alright I'm leaving" and walked out of my room. I grabbed a pair of scissors like a knife and ran to my mom's room upstairs. I told her what had just happened. She stormed downstairs like Baba Yaga and I heard arguing. What I remember is this: Her: What the fuck is going on?!!? Him: I don't know. I feel like I'm going crazy. (I knew it was bullshit because this had been going on a while. I never told her how long it had been happening.) Her: NOT AROUND (my name) YOU'RE NOT! GET OUT! After a few minutes she came back upstairs where I was in her bed. She was shaking a little. I know she was furious and probably guilty that she didn't have any idea that shit was going on in his head. I asked her "Are you OK?" and she laughed, the same laugh I have when I am between fury and tears, and said "I should be asking you that." I told her I was fine. We didn't talk about that night until years later. I was safe and secure with her. When I needed her, she was there for me and hell's fury was with her. They got divorced on a one year separation because she didn't want to put me through a trial about his treatment of me. Well, she never told me the reason for the wait, but I wasn't stupid. Naive, yes, but not stupid…not generally anyway. They divorced when I was between my sophomore and junior year in HS, if I recall correctly. That isn't really a date I've ever wanted to celebrate. Not all men, but it WAS that one.

Years later, I moved in with a guy and eventually got pregnant because of one instance in bad math in timing my cycles. I could have stayed at home but I was in my early 20's and full of the stupid that comes with that decade. (I absolutely do not miss those years and am sometimes terrified that reincarnation is real and I'll have to go through my teens and 20's again.) He was abusive when he was drinking. He was nicer when he was stoned. We were stupid poor. I had a minimum wage, ~25hrs a week part time job as a cashier at a grocery store and he worked as a painter for a shady guy. We made rent and the bills had a TV. I saw his potential (instead of seeing him) and thought I could help him reach it. Still being naive, though by now it was bordering on being stupid. But I was the idealist then, full of sunshine and rainbows and believing in fairies and spirits and the like. I remember us having an argument and him grabbing me by my neck and throwing me over a coffee table and onto a couch. Another time I was in another room and he threw a glass bowl so that it smashed against a wall near me. One time we were having sex and it started hurting and I asked him to stop but he didn't. I kept asking but he didn't until he climaxed. I was crying and he was strutting around the room. That’s rape, by the way. He did a great job of gaslighting, plus I didn't want to go home so soon after leaving and being an abject failure in making my own way. After I found out I was pregnant, he suggested we wait a while then he could push me down the outside stairs to our 2nd floor apartment. We didn't want a baby but I thought he was joking. He wasn't, actually, because I had enlisted on a delayed plan because my chosen school wouldn't start again for a number of weeks. By the time I would be able to go through basic, I would be too far along in my pregnancy for the military to allow me in. I couldn't afford an abortion so I got whatever amounts to a release from the service. I guess he was hoping I'd be his meal ticket and that didn't happen. At the pregnancy center I was going to, an official there pulled me off in a room by ourselves and told me that they had a couple willing to adopt and would give me $10,000 for the baby. I really thought about it but I didn't know what sort of people they were. I never met them. They could have been wonderful or they could have been a nightmare. I sometimes wish I had taken them up on the offer as it would have saved my son from the third guy. Not all men, but it was that one.

I was humiliated to have to move back home but I did. My mom was with me when I had my son. She doted on him and bought him all kinds of shit. That was awesome. I didn't have a social life because I was a mother. I did get out a few times but always felt guilty for leaving my kid with my family as he was my responsibility. An acquaintance of mine got me to go with her to a martial arts class. The instructor seemed really nice. He let me work around the studio to offset the cost of classes. I was good at the marital art and really enjoyed it. I eventually moved in with him. He was older and didn't mind my son, whom he later adopted. Everything was fine for a while then he started his shit. I remember he stopped playing chess with me because "You were good enough that you would beat me one day." He slowly started with the abuse. It was mental and emotional. I saw the signs but was thinking that no one would want to date someone as young as I was (23) who had a baby. Yes, I know, it was stupid but I was still starry-eyed and also horribly lacking in self-confidence. We talked about marriage and his occasional hateful comments decreased in frequency. I thought that marriage would help because he wouldn't have to worry about me leaving him. Besides, it wasn't that often and I thought things would get better. Plus he had a good job and his evening side job of teaching as well as another business that I took care of during the day. I never EVER got paid though. Things didn't get better. He became more abusive to my son, overly punishing him for wrongdoings. I learned later that when I wasn't at the martial arts school he would treat the boy even more harshly, though out of the eye of everyone else. He said my son had delicate sinuses which is why he had a nosebleed one time. If dinner wasn't on time, he'd yell at me or just NOT talk to me at all. Same with bills not being paid on a certain day. I had to get specific brands of foods. I was left with keeping up with the house bills and the business bills while he just strolled around as a bad-ass black belt. Well, he never did any work at the business but he did know everything, even if he didn't. He had a limited amount of stories he'd tell over and over and always had to one-up anything anyone else talked about. Except for my awful periods. (I was later diagnosed with PMDD) He wouldn’t one-up me on those. One day we met some Mormon missionaries. They were very polite and had a persuasive tale to tell us. We were interested and started taking lessons. It seemed that after each one we would later discuss them and would have questions for the next lesson. And those questions were answered during the course of the lesson. It seemed like some divine sign and we joined the church. And for a WHILE, things went really good. I was convinced that us finding this church was the answer to our problems. Home life got a lot better and there was more peace around the home. It lasted for about a year before the old behaviors started reappearing. In our maybe 8th year together I got pregnant (birth control fail) and we had a daughter. His behavior calmed again while I was pregnant. He got angry with me for something (probably me being sarcastic because I was fucking tired in my last trimester). We were passing in the narrow hallway and he body checked me with his shoulder so that I stumbled back into the wall. He walked on by and didn't say anything.

After I had my daughter (he was with me the entire time in labor, honestly concerned about me) and came home, he refused to make me anything to eat so I'd have to get up to do it myself because he was told that I needed to move around. This was two days after I'd pushed out a baby weighing over nine pounds, and after I'd had my tubes tied the day after her birth, and of course, vaginal stitches. I was fucking hurting. I'd have to get the food out the fridge (the church people had showered us with casseroles so we didn't have to cook for over a week) and nuke the food and put the shit away and gimp back to my chair to eat. I was nursing because I could, which was probably a good thing as I'm pretty sure if we were bottle feeding I'd have to do all that crap as well. He rarely helped with her, though. When we were at the business I ran, he'd come get her only when he saw someone pulling up so when they came in, they'd see him with the baby whom he'd bring back to me while he talked business with them. As if I wasn't working it the back or anything. When I had to run the noisy machines, he would refuse to take her home (about 3/4 mile away) or even outside so I'd have to call a friend of ours to come run the noisy machines so I could take her outside.

The breaking point was about a year and a half after the girl was born. They were going to a tournament and the boy had forgotten his belt (he was fucking eleven years old and I'm pretty sure that he was told to pack all sorts of shit up and not just his stuff). So instead of just going to get the belt or buying one at the tournament, this person loses his fucking mind and hits the kid then grabs him by the hair of his head, shakes him a little and yells into his face "I hate you. I HATE you!" then shoves him away. I stepped between them while holding the girl, terrified that he would hit me and her as well but he didn't. I realized then that his shit was never going to stop and that if I didn't leave then my son and I at least would end up as domestic violence statistics. I called my mom, who would come over every now and then to visit, when Captain Controlling would allow it. She came over when he wasn't around and I loaded up stuff I needed and she took it over to her house. This went on for a week or so until I'd gotten the important things. He went off one day to do I don't care what and she came over, got the three of us and we fucking left.

Because I ended up with a female attorney that was even less useful than a dry fuck with an oversized, 60 grit sandpaper dildo, I had to allow for joint custody even though I'd kept a journal. He paid child support right on time, though and would buy school supplies if they were needed. He never complained about the cheap child support or providing for the kids but he has only recently admitted that he did wrong by us. I guess that's something, but the apology won't erase the damage. Oh... yeah, the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. Fuck them. I went to talk to one of the leaders about three years before this crap happened. It was a wonder he didn't just pat me on the head and send me on my way. He didn't take me seriously at all. Then when I'd left the house, I went to talk to the bishop about what was going on. I let him read a couple of entries in my journal. I told him this sort of thing had been going on for several years. That motherfucking piece of shit tells me "You need to forgive him and move back in and make your family whole again." I could not fucking believe I just heard those words come out of his mouth. Was not the Spirit of the Lord supposed to be with him and let him know when truth is being spoken and when someone needed help? I was in fear for my life and that bastard tells me I am wrong for leaving. I spoke with a matriarch in the church and she told me the bishop was right. At that point I was done with the church. DONE. I knew good and well that they were full of shit. Abuse is supposed to be very much against church standards, but apparently it wasn't as important as maintaining the appearance of solid family units.

I also spoke with my mother's pastor after I'd left. I told him what had been going on and how the religious leaders had responded and he told me that they were right, that I should work on making my family whole.

For those of you wondering why I didn’t try to fix it? I wasn't the one heaping on the abuse. I wasn't the one refusing to go to counseling or talk to a doctor or anything. I did my best to make that marriage work but one cannot carry something meant to be carried by two. Oh... did someone say that I broke my marriage vows by getting divorced? Fuck you, too. He broke his marriage vows the minute he spoke with hate intending to hurt, the minute he laid his hands on us in anger. There is nothing loving or honorable about treatment like that. You don't abuse something you cherish.

So yes, not all men, but it was that one, and the three male religious leaders who didn't care and the bitch who also told me I was wrong for leaving. That right there is one abuser and four assholes enabling the abuse. Plus however many other people who knew and never spoke up.

I am currently married to an absolutely amazing man who, while he grew up in a physically abusive household, has never ever raised his voice or his hand to me. We each worship the ground that the other walks on. He has been a rock for me. He's one of those who most assuredly is an example of #notallmen. Yes, guys, I know it's NOT ALL MEN but it was four who had direct influence over me and two other men who could have stepped up but chose instead to sit back on their asses and believe the facade of my last abuser or some religious bullshit over the truth of my own words. It was all those other men who knew my son's adopted father was abusing him and did nothing, who said nothing. It was all those men who knew I was being abused and did nothing, either with my daughter’s father or my son’s. They knew. They saw things and they did nothing. Not all men do this, but it's enough of your gender that are shitting in the well and poisoning it for every other human that has to drink from it. And it’s women who know this is going on and condemn the abused for trying to leave it. It’s people in power who know and look the other way. It’s anyone who sees these horrible wrongs and doesn’t speak out. To this day hearing male voices raised in anger frightens me. When I see a balding guy with a moustache and glasses, I feel fear. Those males have caused me and people like me to look at every man with suspicion because we have learned that #notallmen can be trusted, that #notallmen are safe to be around and it is foolish to assume any guy is nice. They all are until they aren’t.

#abusesurvivor #notallmen #sexualabuse

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grouchyhuman · 7 years ago

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Black Panther and being white in America

I saw a video from Upworthy about how the story of Black Panther was sorely needed in America. All I could think was “No fucking shit!” Part of me is ashamed that it took me so long to really become aware of how underrepresented black people are in cinema and, hell, in our damned society as a whole. I had been aware of it without really paying attention, I guess. I mean, there are some bad-ass actors with dark skin that I and people have always liked and admired. However in the movies starring these people, they're always surrounded by whites as either bosses or antagonists or as minions....as if the movies about these black people were still really all about white people. It is like these black protagonists are reacting to the white world they are in; they are showing how they survived and became successful in Whiteworld. The movies I have seen seem to me to NOT be focused on overcoming and creating something better, but only about surviving in What Is and becoming successful in the system we have now, following white rules and white regulations and conforming to white success.

And then....MCU released Black Panther.

O.M.F.G. I love this movie!

These aren't people wresting power from white people because they already have their own power. They aren't having to work within a system to fight and claw and demand and scream for something they should already HAVE by virtue of being people. They already have something worlds better than anything white people could offer them. They have tech that will make Stark mess his pants to even think about looking at.

These are people with technology that is decades beyond anything white people have and they haven't played the Entitled Aggressive Asshole Imperialist card and taken over the world. They have huge cities and a land ethic....there is no razing of the countryside to put up buildings. They honor the land and honor farming and seem to have taken extreme steps to minimize their impact on the ecosystem. And the Royal Bodyguard.... a slew of bad-ass women. They respect the chain of command but the last thing I would call them is subservient. They obey their king but their leaders will speak up and bust T'Challa's chops if they think he is out of line and dare him to do something about it. You ain't gonna get ass-kissing from these women, and you'd best not put your hand on them or they'll show you the other end of it. They are honored and accepted in this society, their equality unquestionable. All of the women in this movie, not just the ones who can stomp a mud-hole in your ass and walk it dry. Killmonger-- almost a cliché of a bad guy: the Murderbot 6000 but …. damn. His past. I can't believe he got left behind like that. A little kid suddenly an orphan and his uncle leaving him high and dry without a backwards glance. While I cannot agree with the solution Killmonger came up with, I absolutely understand why it was his answer. Black people everywhere have been shit on for centuries and he knew about Wakanda and the incredible power it had and knew Wakanda was staying under the radar and allowing the suffering to continue instead of working to stop it. He was angry and justifiably so. If Wakanda wasn't going to stop the injustice, then he was going to take from Wakanda and stop it himself. And since white people liked handing out violence, he was going to make sure those chickens came home to roost. Maybe he was a symbol of negative white influence and how taking the white path of answering violence with violence isn't the answer. A symbol of how you can't leave a kid alone in a shitty situation and condemn him for how he turns out. A warning of what could happen if things do not change, of where we are going unless we make a better way.

While this is a movie we have needed for far too long, I cannot think of a better time for it to have been released than now. All of us need to see strong black people prospering under their own terms, not under the terms of white society.

#black panther #social issues

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grouchyhuman · 8 years ago

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Accepting The Darkness

I know plants. I'm no superstar nature person, like Cousteau or Attenborough but I do know some shit about plants.

The somewhat...I don't know really what to call it, honestly. Awareness? Realization? Something like that, but as of late, when these fucking monkeys in my head are all coked-up and bouncing off the walls of my skull, I have realized that I have the option of clocking out. Permanently.

I wouldn't want to buy the farm, as it were. I couldn't do that to my family, especially my kids. I cannot leave them with that, I will not DO that to them or to the rest of my loved ones.

But I could. And it would be simple to do. In half an hour, including a drive to town to visit that one particularly toxic shrubbery, I could gather up enough plant matter to kill myself deader than a store full of hammers. Turning the parts into a condensed death-liquid would take longer but getting the materials is stupid-easy.

It's a weird awareness, like when you actually SEE something when you've been walking by it for years and never paid attention to it. Or some song lyrics that never really struck you until one day you hear the song and it's like it was written just for you.

So yeah, that's where I am right now. Damned anxiety spiking and me wanting to wrap myself in a blanket and hide under my bed when I am away from home. I suck it up and maybe take a Xanax if I have something suitable to drink with it. (Side note-- the generic pills I am taking are NASTY to taste. Holy motherfuckme sideways, they're horrid. Like, I've gargled for ten seconds with straight scotch to get that goddamned taste out of my mouth. If I had a house cat, I'd probably lick its ass to get rid of that filthy, bitter taste. However, orange juice seems to work pretty good for taking those pills. Anyway.) I will plug earbuds in and listen to some really loud music, too, generally while sitting in my car and crying.

I understand why people with anxiety and depression commit suicide. This shit sucks ass. You can't run away from it, though you can avoid some triggers sometimes. You can't physically beat the shit out of it like its some bully you’ve finally have had enough of. You're stuck in fight-or-flight with something you can neither fight nor run away from because it's in your fucking head where you can’t get to it, sneering at you.

Those people get tired of fighting, tired of enduring the stress. They get fed up with it and clock out. I cannot blame them. I have some understanding of that darkness and how it wears you down.

It's strange realizing I have the knowledge and skills to take that path and make it absolutely medically impossible for someone to save me. It is also empowering in some bizarre way, having that power and choosing to not use it. Yeah, know I'm sounding all melodramatic and shit. I'm rolling my eyes at me, if that makes a difference. It has taken something for me to admit to myself that I know I could kill myself, to accept that piece of darkness inside me.

To me, that admission is akin to stepping in dog shit; but it's better to acknowledge the shit and try to get it off your shoe than to pretend it isn't there and stroll on like nothing is wrong. If you got something unpleasant in you, own it. Don't pretend it isn't there. People may can't ('may not be able to', for you non-Southerners out there) see dog shit on your shoe but they sure as fuck can SMELL it.

I don’t mean to imply that mental heath issues are shit. They are shitty, but so is having the flu and no one tells you to just snap out of the flu or tries to shame you for having it, like it’s something you impulse-bought out of the sale bin, for fucks sake. I’m trying to accept what I have going on in my head. I am trying to accept what I am feeling and not ignore it and end up with a nasty surprise later on down the road.

#anxiety #depression #coping

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grouchyhuman · 8 years ago

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Pollen & Allergies or How About Them Apples?

Things heard this time of year is are incessant complaints about allergies. Yes, pollen all over my car is annoying but I live in the South. It's expected, just like snow is expected in Canada or rain in a rain forest. As an enthusiast of other folk’s gardens and as one who helps people find information on improving their yards and gardens, I've also heard people complaining about their yards and having to rake leaves and pick up sticks and messy fruit and all sorts of other shit. For real, people, some of y’all need to stop acting as though nature has the audacity to make life difficult for you. Nature is nature and nature doesn't give a single fuck about you. How many times do you see trash on the side of a road? Right? And you want to complain about something that will decompose in next to no time and is completely organic? You do know you can compost those sticks and leaves and make some healthy organic goodness for you yard, don’t you? Get in touch with your local University Extension and learn how. But, back to the rant. A lot of these weekend lawn-warriors hire gnat-brained imbeciles to do their landscape plantings. And these lawn-warriors don't really want to work on their yard, they just want to look like they are working on their yards. One of they ways they avoid work is by asking for trees that aren't "messy" and bear nasty fruit. Personally, I think if you're gonna have a tree in your yard, you'd as well have one that is gonna give you some delicious goodness to put on your table. You're putting all that time and money into your yard, you'd as well have something to show for it.

Female trees produce fruit. Male trees do not. People like male trees because they aren't messy. Except in the spring, you know, when they are releasing pollen every-fucking-where and turning everything yellow. You know what pollen is? Do you REALLY understand what pollen is? It’s tree jizz. Shrub splooge. Plant cum. That's right.... every spring male trees (and shrubberies) are giving us the money shots on our faces, on our cars, on our driveways, up our noses.... because male trees aren't messy. There's probably more plant porn in your neighborhood in the spring than you can find on the entire internet. That's right, baby, smell that fresh, yellow, spring air!! The problem with all male trees, other than the pictures you now have in your head (you're quite welcome!) is that there are no female trees to collect that pollen so it just floats around everywhere. Guess that's the price you pay for not wanting messy yards...three months of tree-sperm-induced head-in-a-vice, eyeballs-in-sandpaper allergy misery is SO much better!!! And, by the by, some pollen from toxic plants can also be toxic and trigger worse than usual allergies. If you aren’t going to eat a poisonous plant, then why are you huffing poisonous pollen? Quoted without permission but with full credits so please don’t hate me: “I had a case once where a young girl had been sick for months every single year in spring. She was tested and found not allergic to any of the allergens commonly tested for, but year after year she was extremely sick at the same time of year. I did an inspection of her family's landscape and found a large male podocarpus shrub growing right next to her bedroom window. It was literally "smoking" with pollen. This pollen is not especially low in specific gravity and is not normally found in aero-samples, nor is it almost ever skin -tested for, but it is a common landscape shrub here in California and it normally is sold as a litter-free "fruitless" cutting grown male. On my advice, they cut down this shrub and replaced it with a Feijoa. The girl immediately got better and the spring problem never returned. Podocarpus, a Yew (Taxus) relative, is, like the Yew, quite poisonous and this pollen which must have been going right through her window screen, it was also poisonous.” from: http://www.npr.org/programs/talkingplants/gallery/ogren.html If you want to fix that problem, get over your work-phobia and plant some useful female plants, not just those ornamental shit-plants (like the Bradford pear). Get you some delicious fruiting trees growing in your yard. You'll have flowers in the spring, less pollen in the air and a source of food that you grew all by your damned self! That's right, bitches, those tasty apples or pears on the table came out of YOUR yard from your frigging trees that you've taken care of all year. That's how you show some love! You'll have fewer allergy problems and a solid sense of accomplishment in your serious gardening work. (Plus you may help save the bees.) If you want some solid information on allergy-free gardening, I recommend you check out Tom Ogren at http://www.allergyfree-gardening.com/ I am not getting paid for that plug, I just want all y'all out there to stop suffering from something totally preventable by getting information from an expert in the field. Sinus concrete really sucks. And I wanted to take a dig at idiots who seem to think that nature is static and sterile. If you're one of those fuckers you need to get yourself some artificial flowers and move your candyass into a plastic bubble.

#pollen #allergies #gardening

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grouchyhuman · 9 years ago

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A View On The Minimum Wage

Chris Rock said of minimum wage "Do you know what your boss was trying to say? 'Hey, if I could pay you less, I would. But it's against the law.'" No one can live on a 40 hour a week job that pays minimum wage, not without insane extenuating circumstances (like, everything you own is already paid for and you can live on 3000 calories a week). There are a lot of people who want minimum wage increased for that reason. Others say that if people don't like making minimum wage then they should get a degree so they can get a better job. Well I suppose someone could get a degree but that is a fallacious argument. It assumes that everything else is equal when it most certainly is NOT. It incorrectly assumes that every job needs a degree. You may be wondering what I mean, which to me indicates you are part of the problem. The fact that you are asking is a good thing, so well done!!! The problems with that "Go get a degree" statement are:

1) With what fucking money? If you are working for minimum wage you don't really HAVE any money. A minimum wage job at 40 hours a week means you bring home a whopping $290/week....BEFORE TAXES. Your bring home pay is around $240, more or less. However, IIRC, someone working a full time job is entitled to benefits. A huge number of minimum wage jobs are not full time. Employers don't want to match deductions or help pay for health insurance that full time workers are legally entitled to. So someone living on their own with bills to pay will try to have two part time jobs (if not more), which brings me to my second point:

2) When the fuck do I have time to go to school? Seriously. Working two part time jobs is going to eat up your days with screwy hours that you have to juggle between the jobs you have. If someone doesn't give enough of a shit about you to give you a decent wage and/or forty hours a week, what are the odds that they will be willing to work around your school schedule.

3) Oh...so you assume everyone is college material?

What? Do you not remember school? Was (is) every single person in school with you taking Honors classes with the intention of going to Harvard to get a doctorate or two? No? Did YOU take nothing but Honors classes and ace the SAT and get a free ride to an Ivy League school and leave with two or more masters or higher degrees? Why not? What's that? You didn't have the chops? Maybe you just needed to apply yourself more, you miserable, lazy bastard. Or maybe you can stop assuming that every human on Earth is absolutely equal and has an IQ of 150 and is perfectly suited to college life. Maybe you should realize that there are a huge number of people who have less than average intelligence and simply CANNOT just drop everything and become an overnight expert in thermonuclear astrophysics. Since they cannot, are you going to continue to suggest that they are LESS deserving of a living wage because they aren't intelligent enough to hang a PhD on their walls? Well my, my, my, but aren't YOU the intellectual snob.

4) If someone is making minimum wage they are just lazy. Someone can do anything they want to if they'd put their mind to it.

Oh really? So, as an overweight adult female going through early menopause, if I were to put my mind to it, I could compete in the next summer Olympics and win a gold in gymnastics? Not only no, but hell no. That's bullshit and this is why: I am not a 8 year old girl with access to an amazing gymnastics program.

The average age of Olympic gymnasts is, what, 16? Also, I have huge breasts. Like, fuck you, genetics. My husband adores them but I can promise you that 10+ pounds of fat on your chest really will put a hitch in your get-along. The only reason you will ever see me running would be if I am being chased by a clown with a bloody knife...and maybe not even then if I think I can take him down.

What if I were colorblind...do you think I could get a job as an electrician or in explosive ordinance removal or in interior design? Hell no. I might could get into fashion design...but I digress. 5) Every job needs a degree. LOL no, you idiot. Taxi drivers don't need a bachelors [bachelor's] in anything to be able to drive someone from Point A to Point B. What about raising your kids? Does anyone, ANYWHERE, know where the hell parents of the world can get a degree in that? Grooming horses? Walking dogs?

And does HAVING a degree actually make someone good at their job? Look at state and national politics. All those folks have degrees (lawyers) and it seems that most of them are fucking idiots. It also assumes that anyone with a degree is instantly going to get a better job. Bless your little teeny heart for thinking that. I suppose you've never heard the term “overqualified” then, have you? People get turned down for work because they are overqualified and apparently employers assume the applicant will want more money. Which yes, I suppose they would but I also suppose that said 'overqualified' person would prefer a job to being jobless. Besides, if they are overqualified then they should damn well be able to do said job without any problems, right?

6) Minimum wage is just for starter-jobs so teenagers can learn responsibility.

Yeah, that's total bullshit spewed by some of the most judgmental asshats in the USA. Franklin D. Roosevelt had a few things to say about minimum wage and workers rights in 1933: “In my Inaugural I laid down the simple proposition that nobody is going to starve in this country. It seems to me to be equally plain that no business which depends for existence on paying less than living wages to its workers has any right to continue in this country. By "business" I mean the whole of commerce as well as the whole of industry; by workers I mean all workers, the white collar class as well as the men in overalls; and by living wages I mean more than a bare subsistence level - I mean the wages of decent living.“ (Full document found here-- http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/odnirast.html ) Bare subsistence living... you know, what minimum wage pays now. The wage that forces people to have to turn to the government for help in order to feed themselves and their families because they aren't getting a living wage. The minimum wage was never about teaching teenagers, it was about paying an honest wage for an honest day's work, something that entirely too many businesses are unwilling to do now.

So what would happen if we get a minimum wage hike? I can only speak for myself, but when we have extra money (after bills are paid and some is squirreled back for rainy days), we fucking spend it. If we have more money we will spend more money. I can only assume that families that live on less than what we do will also spend money if they were to get it.

If you want to know how much money we get, that's none of your damned business. However, we recently purchased the first new car I've ever owned. Ever. All other vehicles I've had my name on have been used cars. And this new ride is one of the, shall I say, more economically priced offerings of the dealership. We are able to afford the payments but we didn't have a lot to put down on the car and we didn't have much credit as we had previously paid outright for everything we purchased. Anyway.

So if minimum wage is increased then spending will increase. People will go buy shit like clothes and food and electronics and internet service. They will maybe buy a house and stop renting. You know what else happens with a minimum wage hike? The median income will rise and that will bring a lot of people out of poverty and thus, will get them away from the current necessity of governmental aid, a necessity that people resent. They don't have a problem with employed people living in poverty but they sure as hell have issues with those people making sure their children don't starve.

I've been on food stamps. It sucks balls but pride wouldn't feed my child (and the father of said child never paid a single red cent of child support, but I was the freeloading bitch on food stamps—I will most likely rant about that in another post). I went to the local social services department and sat down with my caseworker and divulged my financial status. The entire process is humiliating. For a government that seems to delight in spending money on itself, it is extraordinarily resentful of spending money on the folks it is taking money from. I made the mistake of being honest and letting my caseworker know that I had gotten a check for twenty bucks as a baby shower gift. I had to get the giver to sign a form stating that they would not be giving me any more money. They wanted to know if I had a savings account and a bank account and the numbers and if I owned a car and how much it was worth. I don't think my gynecologist got as damned personally invasive as they did. And people have to live with that sort of shit. Every so often they have to go in for a review go over this again and again in case you've found a dollar on the street and need to pay back some money to The Man over it. That whole vetting process is like having sex in front of your overly prudish and judgmental family. In the middle of the street. Only with less privacy.

So how much shit would you have to be facing in order to submit yourself to this sort of inquisition? And all the while knowing that if you pass muster, that you will STILL have to put up with more financially stable people giving you the stink-eye for having the audacity to get food stamps and/or other governmental aid to make sure you and your family doesn't go hungry? Nothing says successful adult like having to ask for help, right?

You know what sort of people don't need government aid to take care of their families? Ones that get paid a fucking decent wage, that's who. When those people have the money to provide for those under their care and some extra to spend, they spend it which, in turn, puts more money in the economy which, shockingly, improves business profits. Also, the more people make, the more they can pay in taxes which puts more money in the government's hands so they can do shit like repair roads and build better schools. And if people don't need help in the form of food stamps and family aid checks, then THAT money can go to other projects. Like ohmyfuckinggod WHO KNEW???

A living wage can also strengthen a family's ability to pay their bills, including those fucking ridonculous medical bills that have caused bankruptcy and loss of property, such as homes. So, people getting a living wage will be less likely to lose their homes to pay medical bills. You know what homeowners do? They pay property taxes. Logically, the more homeowners you have, the more revenue local governments have. When people have homes they are happier and more productive. They will be healthier than someone living on the street and will have access to a better diet because they will have such outrageous luxuries as a roof, central heat and air, kitchen appliances and those crazy crazy things for washing and drying clothes!!

Most people are willing to work hard for employers who take care of them. It's one of those “you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours” things. Quid pro quo. Will you give your best to someone who pays you shitty wages? I won't. If they don't care enough to take care of me, then I certainly won't be busting my ass to take care of them. Decent wages are proof that someone appreciates you.

Are there going to be slackards? That's a stupid question. Of course there will be slackards. There are slackards right now punching a clock somewhere. An increased wage isn't going to suddenly make everyone a fantastic employee.

But you know what they say: You get what you pay for.

#minimum wage

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grouchyhuman · 9 years ago

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Life can be completely shitty sometimes, your brain chemistry can go sideways and some people are total, screaming asshats. Nonetheless, there are people who give a damn about others, who give a damn about you, so if you need help, pick one or all of these organizations and get some help. You will still have to wrestle with your own mental shitfest but it is REALLY good knowing you aren’t going it alone.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2016

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.

No matter what you are going through, you don’t have to go through it alone. There are resources available to help.

Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need it, Tumblr.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Available 24/7 at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Crisis Text Line: Free, 24/7 support for anyone in need. Text START to 741741.

IMALIVE: Chat confidentially with a volunteer trained in crisis intervention.

7 Cups of Tea: Speak anonymously with a trained active listener.

American Psychological Association: A resource for finding mental health care in your area.

NEDA: Help and support for people struggling with eating disorders. You can call 1-800-931-2237 or chat with them online.

To Write Love On Her Arms (@twloha): Dedicated to helping people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

You Matter (@youmatterlifeline): You Matter was created to let people know that suicide is preventable.

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The Trevor Project (@thetrevorproject): Confidential suicide hotline for LGBTQ+ young people. Available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386.

It Gets Better Project (@itgetsbetterproject): Communicating to LGBTQ+ youth around the world that it gets better.

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grouchyhuman · 9 years ago

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When Sci-Fi movies don’t “science”

I wanted to like the movie Terminator. Being a bit of a science geek, though, I had issues with it when it came out. I wasn’t as big a geek then as I am now...well, I was, only I was a band geek and played D&D. Still, I saw the paradox of the future John sending his dad back in time so he (John) could be conceived. I get the irony of “an agent of the bad guy travels back in time to stop something from happening only instead he CAUSES it to happen” lol what a kick in the pants! Yeah, except the entire reason for them to travel back in time would not have existed, thus they would have not had a reason to go back in time. And it gets better. In the second movie, we learn that Skynet was conceptualized because someone in the past got tech from the future so they could create what became Skynet that created the Terminators so a Terminator could be sent back to inspire a guy to create what became Skynet so Skynet could create a Terminator to be sent back to inspire a guy to create what became Skynet.... A concept as foolish as “The only reason I am alive today is because I went back in time to act as a surrogate mother for myself.” Gaaa that just irks me. Another movie that doesn’t understand science is Starship Troopers. The book is SO much better, by the way. The only thing it and the movie have in common is the title and the plot of interstellar war. And spaceships. I was able to roll with the entire premise of the movie but combination of a couple of things ruined it for me.

The first one was a scene where we see a map of the galaxy. We see Earth on one side of the map, at the edge of the rim (correctly) and the Bug planet is on the other side of the galaxy. http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/starshiptroopers/images/6/67/Klendathu-system.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120614222838 There is the galactic core between the two planets. There is about 100K light years across our galaxy, so lets be really generous and say that there was 50K light years between Earth and Klendathu. That in and of itself was fine if we factor in FTL travel or folding space or jump gates or whatever. But what ruined the movie for me was a scene of some Bugs shooting plasma out their asses (we have bombardier beetles so yeah, I can roll with that) hitting a rock floating in space to send it hurtling towards Earth...oh hell no. There is SO MUCH WRONG in that.

Even if that rock was moving at the speed of light it would take FIFTY THOUSAND YEARS to reach Earth. Never mind that the Bug had to have an impossible grasp of the entire layout of the galaxy to make the most impressive trick shot of all time happen. The Bug had to know the rotation and gravitational pull of every planet and star that rock would be going near, as well as the location of anything else with a gravitational pull, like pulsars, rogue planets, asteroid fields and pretty much anything else in space. Then the Bug had to calculate all that information to use those gravity fields to aim the rock to hit Earth. I am already at the bullshit level of disbelief now, but when that rock hits the Roger Young and still is able to make it to Earth that I started hating the movie.

In all rights, that rock should have been knocked so far off course that it would have flown right out the top of the galaxy. Unless, of course, the Bug that launched it knew exactly where and when the Roger Young would be and calculated the ships mass, course and speed into the calculations so that the only way for the rock to hit Earth was for it to have perfectly careened off the Earth Fleet ship, according to the diabolical plans of the Bugs. And even though that rock was going way faster than light for it to have covered tens of thousands of light years in a manner of days, somehow the humans were able to fucking SEE IT anyway and respond quickly enough to try to move the ship away from danger? Not only no, but hell no.

And what military ship is going to only have a single method of communication with absolutely no spare parts or any way to repair its telecommunication device or get a message out? Apologetic #1: The Bugs used a wormhole. Counter: If they used it the first time then we would have known where it was and had something in place to block attacks....and maybe even send THEM a few hundred active nukes. But that didn’t happen. Apologetic #2: Earth had defenses .... on the Moon. But the Moon was too far away so the rock was able to get through. Counter: So with FTL travel the best Earth can do is put a base on the moon...an object that is over a quarter of a million miles away? So...your idea of having security on your house is to have a guy patrolling the borders of your county? I don’t think so. No satellite defenses are allowed to orbit Earth? No early warning systems on other planets or in orbit between Mars and Earth? Bitch, please.

#scifi #science

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