hillyroberts

[hillyroberts]

Book 2: Chapter 3

Read here or on ao3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67429543/chapters/175491841

Shorter chapter today! Hope everyone's having a good weekend

A Ring of Sorts

July 20th, Thursday. LA.

Having the afternoon off from any work meant Luke had booked a tattoo appointment downtown, and Bennett had agreed to tag along. He knew Luke needed a hand to squeeze when the needle first hit and someone to keep him distracted during the long process, but Bennett also had his own reasons for going.

“I don’t believe you,” Bennett said, glancing over his shoulder for a third time. Being recognized in public was still new and slightly terrifying. After getting rushed by half a dozen fans on a coffee run earlier that week, Bennett had developed a new habit of scanning around him every time he left the safety of White Rabbit HQ. “There’s no way this is the same guy who tattooed Adam Levine.”

“Maybe it’s not the same guy, but it’s the same shop!” Luke insisted. “Close enough.”

“I doubt it,” Bennett said. “I called - they still had plenty of openings today.”

Luke gave him a look, an eyebrow raised. “Oh yeah? What are you getting?”

Bennett grinned, a little smug. He was hoping Luke would ask him that. “I don’t know.”

“Well, you should have a design in mind, unless you’re trusting him to freehand something.” 

“The guy who definitely didn’t tattoo Adam Levine? Yeah, right,” Bennett laughed as they approached the shop. “Good thing I’m not getting a tattoo.”

Luke held the door open for him. “Then what the hell are you getting?”

By the time they were walking back to White Rabbit HQ, the summer sun was beginning to slide behind the rooftops. It felt good to stretch their legs after sitting still for hours in that tattoo shop, and the warm breeze was a welcome change from the air conditioning. 

“You’re insane,” Luke said, shaking his head as he swiped them into the building with his ID card. “You’re actually insane. No- stop trying to show me, Ben. I don’t even want to look at it.”

Bennett shrugged, unable to hide his satisfied smile. It really hadn’t been an impulsive decision - he had wanted a lip ring for years. He had almost gone through with it when he got his nose pierced a few years ago, but had chickened out. Now, with both done, a matching silver ring in his right nostril and left lower lip, he felt like the version of himself he had always imagined. 

“I thought you were going to faint when they did it,” Bennett told him.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know how you didn’t even flinch,” Luke replied, shuddering at the memory. “Just creeps me out, having a needle go through your lip like that.”

“Uh, you just sat for a four hour tattoo!” Bennett laughed.

“Yeah, but that’s different,” Luke argued.

They headed down the hall, turning past the executive offices and conference rooms where they spent too much of their time when they weren’t writing songs. Teo’s office, with Lost Checkers’ first poster framed next to his door, was thankfully empty. Bennett loved their manager, but was glad to not run into him on their day off.

“You wanna grab dinner?” Luke asked as they headed up the staircase shoulder to shoulder.

The record company’s headquarters was all inclusive, with a dining hall staffed by professional chefs that served the meals at any hour located on the second floor. There was also a fitness center, though none of the guys had ventured down that wing yet; Lost Checkers’ dedicated studio was on the third floor, and their suites were on the fifth.

“Nah, maybe later,” Bennett said, glancing at his phone before turning to go up the next flight of stairs. “Gonna find Mac first.”

“What do you think he’s gonna say?”

Just imagining Malcolm’s reaction made Bennett choke back a laugh. “Oh, I think he’ll lose his mind a little. I’m more worried about what my mom will say.”

“Oh yeah, she’s definitely gonna kill you. And I’ll make sure to tell her I told you not to do it.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Bennett muttered as Luke turned off to head to dinner. “You’re welcome, by the way, for going with you!” 

He had spent all day in that shop, watching Luke get a coiled python tattooed around his wrist, enduring a death grip on his hand every time the needle hit a sensitive spot. But Bennett didn’t care about Luke’s criticism or the thought of his mom’s inevitable reaction. He was thrilled with his decision.

Bennett loved tattoos and piercings. He didn’t mind the pain of the needles - if anything, he found it thrilling - and he loved the energy of being in a shop, watching art take shape in real time. He still remembered his first visit, when he got his ears pierced in high school. The environment had been intimidating, and he was glad to have his dad by his side. Now, with each new tattoo and piercing, he felt more like he belonged in that world.

There was one catch: no kissing for at least four weeks. That was going to interfere with his late night makeout sessions with Malcolm, his favorite part of the day. But he couldn’t risk an infection, especially with their first music video shoot just a month away. 

He wasn’t surprised to see the back of Malcolm’s head, instantly recognizable, through the window on the door to the band’s studio. Even on a day off, he was working, bent over his guitar and deep in concentration. Bennett entered the room quietly.

“Mac?” he said softly, not wanting to startle him.

Malcolm turned, his eyes widening as he jumped to his feet. “Oh my God!” he exclaimed, and flung his guitar onto the couch in a way that made Bennett wince. “What did you do? Is it real?”

“Yeah,” Bennett said, carefully pulling his lip down to show him the piercing.

“Oh my God,” he repeated, stepping in closer.

Bennett caught his wrist. “Don’t touch it.”

“I won’t.” He stared intently at Bennett and a smile crept over his face. “Did it hurt?”

“Yeah,” Bennett said casually. He poked at the metal with his tongue, even though he knew he should leave it alone. Once it healed, he looked forward to playing with it - it’d be a better habit than biting the inside of his cheeks or lips, something he did far too often.

“That’s so hot. I love it.” Malcolm grinned.

Bennett smiled, feeling his face heat up. “Thanks.”

His radar had been up for the word “love” lately. Over the past few weeks, there had been a couple times where he had thought Malcolm was about to say something like, “I love the way you smell,” when he nuzzled his face into Bennett’s neck, or “I love the way you think,” during writing sessions. But every time, he awkwardly shifted the word into “like” instead. His daily “I like you” had turned into “I really really really really like you,” and Bennett would hold his breath, wondering if the word was going to slip out.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Malcolm asked, retrieving his guitar and checking that it was okay. It had survived its landing on the couch, sustaining only minor damage to its tuning.

Bennett shrugged. “Kinda an impulsive decision. Well, I’ve always wanted to get it done, I said fuck it - I wanted to have it for the promo this fall.”

“What’s the healing like? What did they tell you?” Malcolm asked, clearly curious.

He wasn’t very familiar with these things. When he had gotten his own ears pierced, it was hardly a professional operation. His slightly uneven holes had been made by a girl who Luke was seeing at the time, in the bathroom of their college apartment one drunken night. He didn’t do much to take care of them, and figured he had gotten lucky that they never got infected.

“They said six weeks, give or take,” he said. “They told me to suck on ice to help with the swelling - I did that all afternoon while I watched Luke get his tattoo. I have to rinse with salt water a couple times a day or after I eat. Can’t eat or drink anything hot or spicy for a while. And…” he paused, bracing himself, “no kissing for a few weeks.”

“Why?” Malcolm frowned. “Because it’ll hurt?”

“It’s about the germs,” Bennett explained. “I really can’t get this infected. I don’t want it all fucked up when we film in August.”

“Right,” Malcolm said. His voice stayed light, but if he had known this, and if he had known Bennett was planning on getting his lip pierced, he might’ve urged him to wait. But… God, it looked so good on him. “How uh.. how long?”

“They said about a month. Depends on how it goes, I guess.”

Malcolm let out a long, exaggerated sigh, his shoulders sagging dramatically. “A month?”

Bennett gave him a weak smile, hoping Malcolm wasn’t actually upset. He was expecting this kind of a reaction. Besides the fact that Malcolm was a naturally impatient person, he knew he liked kissing as much as he did.

“Sorry?” he offered hesitantly.

Malcolm grinned, his dramatic reaction gone and his genuine self back. “It’s fine. I can wait a month.”

He kissed him on the cheek, keeping his hand on the back of Bennett’s head. His eyes flicked to his mouth. “It’ll be hard. Especially because it makes you look so hot.” He pressed another kiss to the same spot. “I really like you.”

“I really like you too.”

[hillyroberts]

I’m gonna spill the tea a little on what’s coming up next for the Lost Checkers boys…

In book 2, Malcolm and Bennett continue to explore their relationship and figure what the heck they’re doing. Are they dating? Are they boyfriends? How do you say I love you for the first time?

They discuss what being together means for the band and their careers. Coming out is scary, but keeping their relationship quiet is hard as well. To their rapidly growing fan base, it’s a ship with crazy theories and long masterposts of “proof”. But slowly, they open up to their friends and family.

Their second album brings hoards of new fans as well as some unwanted chaos. An ex girlfriend emerges, stirring up trouble online. A new girlfriend emerges, potentially?

Throughout book 2, Malcolm and Bennett learn more about each other. They see each other at vulnerable lows and learn how to take care of each other. They have their first Christmas together and a pretty crazy New Year’s party with the boys. You want them to hurry up and fuck already? Sorry, you’ll have to wait until book 3.

In book 3 (January - March), Lost Checkers embarks on a massive stadium tour. This book is a lot lighter, full of tour shenanigans as the boys discover what it’s really like to be living the dream.

A couple of things happen on the road though. They all get sick - both sick literally and sick of each other. There’s a fight or two and Sam loses something very important to him. While Malcolm and Bennett are still the focus, we get to see more of the other boys as well as their tour crew.

Book 4, which is only a draft now, takes us from April to August, and then jumps ahead. In the spring/summer, Lost Checkers continues to tour around the world. Malcolm and Bennett get a little crazy, both on stage and off.

I probably will not remain beholden to my upload schedule since I don’t want this to drag on for years, so after the tour, we will jump ahead a bit. We will get to see the boys enjoy a break and be normal people for once, and we will see what the band’s plans for the future are. I’m not sure if I will wrap things up here, or if there will be a book 5… I do have some ideas for it, but we’ll see!

I appreciate it so much if you’re reading. I hope you love my silly boys as much as I do.

-Hilly

[hillyroberts]

Book 2: Chapter 2

Read here or on ao3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67429543/chapters/174378061

Technically this chapter is on July 13th and 14th (gasp, I know! If you can't tell, I put way too much thought into the time line) but you're getting it today!

Boy Trouble

July 13th, Thursday. Lost Checkers’ studio. White Rabbit Headquarters, LA.

“You know what’s fucked up?” Xavier asked suddenly.

The five of them were holed up in their studio, the invisible lock Sam had placed on the door ensuring they couldn’t leave for lunch until they finished their tenth song. However, they were all feeling less than inspired and hadn’t made much progress.

Malcolm, sprawled upside down on the couch with his head dangling inches from the floor, barely turned his head. “What?”

“We have all these fans who are obsessed with us - following us around, posting about us online - and yet I don’t see how I’m supposed to get a girlfriend.”

They broke into scattered laughter, caught off guard by Xavier’s complaint in the middle of their writing session.

“Maybe that’s because it’s not you they like in the band,” Luke said offhandedly.

The snickers from Malcolm, Sam, and Bennett grew louder. Xavier was slightly taken back by the comment, and surprised that Luke had even been paying attention to the conversation. He was wearing big headphones and tapping out the same pattern repeatedly on the padded heads of his drum set, a habit of his that drove them all slightly crazy.

“Very funny” Xavier leaned back in his chair with a huff. “There are plenty of Xavier Williams fan pages, okay?”

“There are Luke Tenner pages too, but I don’t see you with a girlfriend either,” Malcolm added snidely.

Luke, looking slightly bewildered, pulled off his headphones and let them drop around his neck. “What does that have to do with anything?” he asked, accused.

“Nothing,” Malcolm replied with a smirk, clearly enjoying himself. “Just making an observation. You’ve never had a girlfriend, have you?” He asked this as if he didn’t know all of Luke’s generally unlucky dating history.

Luke frowned. “So what?”

“Mac…” Bennett muttered, catching his eye and giving him a small disapproving shake of the head.

Malcolm shrugged, unabashed, but he dropped it. He was glad that his taunting had at least gotten Luke to switch up the cadence he was drumming.

Sam took a seat next to Malcolm on the couch, shooting a judgemental look at his brother’s ridiculous upside down position. “The problem is we have a lot of fans… but most of them are kids. High schoolers, even middle schoolers. There aren’t so many girls our age who are into us. It’s fine, I guess - we’re lucky anyone cares about us at all.”

Having so many teenage girls listening to them was definitely not the audience they had in mind when they started making music - but Sam was right that they were lucky to have an audience at all, even if it wasn’t very cool or useful to their dating lives. It felt strange that kids were obsessed with them, but they were certainly passionate fans, and it was nice to know that there were kids out there who had good taste in music. The band never understood how so many musicians that they had once enjoyed and admired had turned out to be creeps, grooming and dating young fans. Lost Checkers was not like that, and they would not associate with anyone who was. They appreciated all of their fans, but that kind of behavior was disgusting and they wanted nothing to do with it. Any time that they got to meet fans their own age, or even older, whether it was at a show or just out on the street, felt very special.

“The crowd was older at our shows though,” Xavier insisted, frowning. “People our age definitely listen to us. And remember those guys who recognized us last week? They were, like, nearly 30.”

“Actually, it’s pretty split,” Malcolm interjected. “Teo told me the other day - like half of our listeners are under 18 and half are adults. And our audience is like 70% girls.”

“Hmm,” Bennett said thoughtfully. “I guess that sounds right. I think people our age are more likely to be able to come out and see us, but they’re less likely to be the ones writing fanfiction about us.”

Malcolm swallowed and glanced at Bennett at the mention of fanfiction, which he looked like he regretted bringing up. There were a few fanfictions that had become so popular amongst their fans recently that he and Bennett had found themselves reading them in bed together. It was funny - until it wasn’t. Some of the stories were highly imaginative, like the one where the five of them were pirates on a ship in the middle of the ocean, and Malcolm and Bennett snuck below deck for clandestine meetings. These stories were amusing for a few pages, and the creativity and caliber were often impressive - although Malcolm and Bennett laughed and wondered what these bizarre alternate universe stories really had to do with them or the band. 

But then there were the graphic ones, and the disturbing and disgusting ones. It was hard enough to think about themselves doing sick and depraved things to each other, but even weirder was the fact that someone out there had actually sat down to write it. And that hundreds of others had read it.

It had become abundantly clear that these fans didn’t just want to date Malcolm or Bennett, though there certainly were many of those as well. Every day it seemed like more and more fans wanted them to date each other. It was as if they somehow knew, even though that wasn’t possible; at the same time that they had gotten together, the shipping buzz and rumors of their relationship had ramped up. It was like they could sense that there was more going on in the band than just five friends.

“I guess there are some girls our age,” Sam conceded. “But I wouldn’t want to date a fan though.” He gently nudged Malcolm’s face with his socked foot. “It would be weird to date someone who already knows everything about me.”

“You need to find someone organically,” Malcolm replied, brought back into the conversation and away from his wandering thoughts. He swatted his brother’s foot away. “And you need to keep your feet out of my face.”

“Maybe your face shouldn’t be by the floor,” Sam told him coolly, brushing his foot under Malcolm’s hair, which was long enough to touch the floor. “But that’s all beside the point - especially if we’re going to be on the road again next year-”

Sam paused for the obligatory chorus of knocking on wood that had become a ritual whenever their tour was mentioned. They still had a few more weeks until the plans would be official.

“-I don’t see how I’d have time to date anyone,” he finished.

“I don’t even care about dating,” Xavier said, plunking out a few frustrated chords on his keyboard. “It’s just getting ridiculous - I’m almost 21 years old and I haven’t even kissed anyone in forever!”

“You know, Xay, you’re always welcome to stop by my room after work,” Malcolm offered jokingly.

Bennett let out a loud, unexpected laugh. It took him a moment to recover, and Sam gave him a confused look.

Xavier rolled his eyes and threw a crumpled piece of paper at Malcolm. “Shut up. I was thinking more like a girl. And of course he’s laughing,” he added, chucking another ball of paper at Bennett. “He’s seeing someone.”

Malcolm stayed still, unsure where to look as the room fell momentarily quiet. His face felt warm, but it was probably just the blood pooling in his head from being upside down for so long.

“What?” Sam asked, genuine confusion in his voice.

“He’s got a hickey on his neck,” Xavier said, with a casual shrug. “I noticed it this morning. Didn’t you guys?”

Bennett immediately clasped his hand to his neck to hide Malcolm’s handiwork from the night before. He didn’t think it was that noticeable. The ones on his collarbone and down his chest were much darker, but those were hidden under his shirt.

“Just drop it,” Luke muttered under his breath and Xavier obliged.

“Whatever,” Xavier said. He was much more concerned with his own love life.

Malcolm swung his legs off the couch and sat up. His head spun and his vision blurred with stars for a moment as the blood rushed from his head. “Tell you what,” he said, desperate to redirect the conversation as he saw Sam still looking with furrowed eyebrows at Bennett’s neck. “Tomorrow’s your birthday, Xay. Let’s go out, hit a couple bars. I’ll personally see to it that you get a kiss.”

A murmur of agreement passed around the room. It had been a while since they’d gone out, and Xavier’s birthday was the perfect excuse to do something fun. Since he was the last of them to turn 21, they could finally hit up bars without worrying about being carded.

“Good idea,” Sam said. “But we’re never leaving this room if we don’t finish this song first.”

July 14th, Friday. Xavier’s Birthday! 

It was already after 9 p.m. the following evening by the time the guys finally finished working, and Malcolm was with Bennett in his room, getting ready to go out.

“It’s better today, isn’t it?” Bennett asked, turning his head in the bathroom mirror to inspect the mark on his neck.

Malcolm stood behind him, looking through the reflection. “Yeeah,” he said, the word dragging out unconvincingly.

In truth, the hickey looked darker and more bruise-like on its second day. When Xavier had pointed it out the day before in the studio, he’d felt a flash of panic; now, he couldn’t help but smile a little, knowing he was the one responsible for it.

Stepping closer, Malcolm wrapped his arms around Bennett from behind. He kissed his temple before gently swaying him back and forth, both of them watching themselves in the mirror.

“I don’t even really want to go out,” Bennett sighed, leaning back against Malcolm’s broad chest and letting his eyes close.

He was tired - he always was after their twelve-hour days of writing and working through new songs. He was almost never too tired to hang out with Malcolm after work, but that was something he looked forward to. Even when they were both exhausted, they would just cuddle, watch TV, and talk until they fell asleep. That sounded better than a crowded bar in downtown LA on a Friday night, which held little appeal to Bennett.

“They’re going to try to talk to girls. Are we supposed to do that too?”

Malcolm took a step forward, pressing his body up against Bennett’s back. In the mirror, he watched himself reach up and gently wrap his hand around Bennett’s throat. “This is what will happen if I see you talking to girls,” he breathed playfully into Bennett’s ear, his lips curling into a mischievous smile before he dropped his hand.

Bennett’s breath hitched, a warm flush spreading through him at the mock threat. He knew Malcolm was just teasing - his grip hadn’t even tightened - but it sent a chill through him. He turned around to face Malcolm. “This is what will happen to you if I see you talking to girls,” he shot back, raising his knee in a threat to Malcolm’s crotch.

Even the thought made him flinch and cringe in pain. “Not funny,” Malcolm warned, serious even through his smile. He placed his hands on the bathroom counter and leaned forward to kiss Bennett on the cheek. “But point taken. I’ll stay with you all night, I promise. You’re the only person I want to flirt with. And we can leave whenever you want to.”

“It’ll be fine,” Bennett said with resignation, walking out of the bathroom to find his shoes. “We can be Luke’s wingmen.”

“Yeah,” Malcolm gave a laugh. “God knows he needs all the help he can get.”

Bennett paused, sitting on the edge of the bed as he slipped on his Vans. “Why do you have to be so mean to him?” he asked suddenly, a touch of disappointment and exasperation in his voice.

Malcolm put his hands up in mock defense. “I’m not being mean to him. He’s not even here.”

“You know, he’s the only person who knows about us, and he hasn’t said a word,” Bennett’s tone turned serious. “I know he used to pick fights with you too, but have you noticed he stopped ever since I told him about us?”

Malcolm opened his mouth to argue, but hesitated. Bennett was right. He couldn’t remember a single snide comment from Luke in weeks. He realized, with a twinge of guilt, that picking on Luke was such a habit of his that he hadn’t noticed the shift.

“You know why?” Bennett continued, “Because I’m his friend. And he doesn’t want to be mean to his friend’s… boyfriend.” The word, which they had never used, came out unsteady, but he cleared his throat and finished confidently. “And I’d like it if my boyfriend would stop being mean to my best friend.”

It stung Malcolm a little to hear Bennett call Luke his best friend. If someone had asked, Malcolm would have said Bennett was his best friend. He didn’t see how Luke could still hold that title over him. Sure, they had been friends for over fifteen years, but all they seemed to do together was smoke weed and play video games - they never talked about anything serious.

But Malcolm hadn’t realized how much his teasing Luke really bothered Bennett. And he was right - Luke had been really cool about them. Luke, who Malcolm had always considered to be a bit obtuse socially, had been a perfect friend to Bennett through all of this.

Malcolm sat down in the chair across from the bed and crossed one leg over his knee, sighing. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll try.”

Bennett exhaled, visibly relieved. “Thanks.” He stood up.

“Did you call me your boyfriend?” Malcolm asked with a sheepish grin.

“No,” Bennett replied quickly, but they had both heard what he had said. 

Malcolm stood too and walked over to Bennett. He stuck his fingers in the belt loops of Bennett's jeans, tugging him close. “I think you did.” As their hips met, Malcolm glanced down, suddenly realizing he was at risk of getting carried away. He let go with a reluctant smile. “Come on, let’s go make sure Xavier gets a birthday kiss. Otherwise, I think I might have to be the one to give him a smooch.”

[hillyroberts]

Book 2: Chapter 1

Book 2 is here!!! The chapters will be posted a bit more sporadically than book 1 - this part of the story takes us from now until New Years. A lot happens for Malcolm, Bennett, and Lost Checkers in these months!

Read here or on ao3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67429543/chapters/174237619

Please leave some comments or kudos or reblog if you enjoy it - I'd appreciate it so so much

Book 2 Introduction

Lost Checkers flew first class from Boston to LAX the morning after the final show of their Roadmap to Your Heart Tour. Due to the success of their debut album, White Rabbit Records (their label) and Wild Images (their management company) had begun treating the band like rising stars - a shift they were still getting used to. The WRR headquarters in downtown LA would be their home for the next few months. They were put up in luxurious private suites on the fifth floor, complete with massive king sized beds, fancy couches, stocked liquor cabinets, 70-inch TVs, plush linens, and daily housekeeping. But they weren’t here for a summer of enjoying the Los Angeles sun or relaxing in their glamorous apartments - they were here to work. With their own studio on the first floor, they spent hours every day working on their new songs, chasing after the perfect sound. 

By July, they had begun recording, pushing themselves to deliver something even better than their first album. The excitement was building, both for the band and their rapidly growing fan base. They were set to film their first music video in August, and in September, promotion for the new album would kick off, with the release of their single and a whirlwind of press appearances. The album, which didn’t even have a name yet, was set to be released on October 27th. With their days still spent writing and recording, that date felt distant - but the weeks were already flying by.

Can We Fast Forward...

July 12th, Wednesday. Malcolm’s suite. White Rabbit Headquarters, LA.

“Mmm,” Malcolm moaned softly into Bennett’s mouth as they kissed, sinking further into the couch. The lights were dimmed in his suite and their songwriting notebooks and scattered papers lay momentarily abandoned on the coffee table in front of them.

“Okay,” he breathed, pushing Bennett back gently. “We really should write more.”

Since arriving in LA nearly a month ago, slipping into each other’s rooms had become a nightly ritual. Under the guise of songwriting, they’d end up talking, laughing, and making out until the early hours of the morning. Although this habit was fun, it was not exactly productive, especially considering they really did need to work on their songs.

Bennett grabbed the notebook from the table and flipped through the rumpled pages. “Three more,” he showed him. “I wrote them last night.” 

“What?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” Bennett replied casually, tossing the notebook aside and making another move to kiss him again. “Come on.” 

But Malcolm put his hand on Bennett’s chest to keep him at bay. “Wait, I want to see them first,” he said, taking the notebook. “Horny little monster,” he muttered under his breath as he settled against the arm of the couch to read.

Bennett huffed, crossing his arms as he leaned back. His eyes followed Malcolm’s lips as they moved silently over the words he had written the night before, when he was alone in his suite, missing Malcolm and thinking about him after a particularly hot make out session. He stared at the little freckle above Malcolm’s lip and watched the way his brow furrowed as he scanned the lines on the page, taking his time before flipping to the next. Malcolm was obnoxiously good-looking, even when he didn’t mean to be. His face was so perfect, with his soft, pale cheeks, sharp blue eyes, and cut jawline. Even his hair which he had let be in its natural state of messy, reddish brown curls, was ridiculously adorable. He was also an obnoxiously slow reader, Bennett thought impatiently.

“These are really good,” Malcolm said when he had finished, impressed and proud of Bennett’s work. He picked up a pen and began to scribble a few notes in the margins, repeating some of the lines out loud, trying to think of some melodies that could work. 

“We have sessions scheduled tomorrow from 9 to noon and from 2 to 8,” Bennett sighed, not bothering to hide his impatience. “Can’t we just relax and not think about work right now?”

Malcolm hesitated, but only for a moment. He knew he wasn’t winning, and honestly, he didn’t care. Bennett was a temptation he could never resist.

“Fine.” He tossed the notebook over his shoulder before leaning over Bennett and kissing him, his hands going right to his waist, yanking his pants and underwear down below his hips. “Yeah, is this what you want?” Malcolm’s lips brushed Bennett’s ear as he whispered. 

He loved the way Bennett squirmed under his touch as his hand skimmed over him, teasingly light. Malcolm wasn’t in a hurry to get started and he enjoyed knowing how desperately Bennett wanted him. He decided it would be fun to play with him and savor the feeling of making him wait. He moved his hand down Bennett’s thighs, digging his thumbs into his flesh, eliciting a soft gasp.

Frustrated by Malcolm’s teasing, Bennett took matters into his own hands to get what he wanted. He kicked his pants off the rest of the way and climbed onto Malcolm’s lap, wrapping his legs around him. Their bodies pressed together as they leaned into the friction. Malcolm nuzzled his face into Bennett’s shaggy dark hair before moving down to his neck. He kissed behind his ear then trailed down to his collarbone, each kiss slow and deliberate against his tan skin. His hands ran under Bennett’s shirt and he pulled it off over his head before returning to his work, leaving faint marks on his neck with every kiss. Bennett didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he didn’t care, but Malcolm smiled to himself, using his teeth, just a little, as he sucked on the skin on Bennett’s collarbone. He felt a little old to be giving hickeys - even in college he heard people say they were “so high school” - but he figured Bennett needed to experience it at least once.

When Malcolm was satisfied with his work, he wrapped his arms around Bennett’s back and stood, carrying him over to the bed. He dropped him on the mattress with enough force to make him gasp, but not enough to hurt him. Malcolm had been testing the waters about how far he could take it with Bennett like this, being a little rough, just for fun; Malcolm wasn’t a particularly strong or muscular guy, but he was a lot bigger than Bennett. So far, Bennett had proven to be a bit of a thrill seeker in the bedroom - Malcolm liked that.

He took his time stripping off his own shirt and undoing his belt as Bennett lay sprawled on the bed, naked, and touching himself. Malcolm’s breath hitched at the sight, and he quickly discarded his pants and underwear before crawling over him.

Pinning Bennett’s wrists above his head with one hand, Malcolm leaned in, his hips pressing firmly against Bennett’s. “You’re so horny you couldn’t wait, huh?” he teased, his voice low and rough.

“Please,” Bennett gasped, his voice tight with desperation. “Please touch me.”

Malcolm acted like he was considering it, his gaze playful yet intense. “No,” he said flatly, though his expression couldn’t quite mask his amusement.

Bennett didn’t seem to mind being held down like this, but he released his wrists, not wanting to push it too far. He continued to grind against Bennett as he kissed him, savoring each stroke of friction and the warmth of their hips pressed together.

It was good - really good - but not quite enough. He knew what he wanted. He moved further up along Bennett, bringing his hips closer to Bennett's face. It would feel so good, he thought, to have Bennett’s mouth on him - warm and wet, taking him in. Even just the thought of the tip of his tongue touching him for one second… But Bennett didn’t seem to take the hint. Instead, he ran his hand over his dick in a few firm strokes, before taking Malcolm by the hips and gently pushing him back down.

Malcolm let out a long sigh as he sat back down, a mix of frustration and pleasure. Bennett’s touch felt amazing, but it wasn’t quite what his body was craving. Still, it wasn’t worth dwelling on, and his desires were quickly eclipsed; Malcolm let himself get lost in the intimacy of the moment, like he did almost every night. He loved the way Bennett’s lips felt, the way his hands roamed over his body, the privilege of being with him, naked and intertwined under the soft white sheets of the oversized bed.

But even as he reveled in it, a part of him couldn’t help feeling restless. For nearly a month, their nights together had followed the same rhythm - beautiful, intimate, but safe. He remembered their agreement back in Boston: to take things slow, to not go any further for the time being. He had felt content with those terms at the time, but that was almost a month ago. Malcolm wasn’t bored, not by any means, but he felt an undercurrent of longing for more. It was a new feeling for him, for his body to feel so eager and impatient, to feel so led and controlled by the relentless sexual desires he was still learning to navigate.

“Can I ask…” Bennett said softly, pulling the sheets over his bare body as they settled back to their normal energy, the room cooling down. “Did you want me to,” he cleared his throat, “suck your dick?”

Malcolm shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Nah,” he said, moving off the blankets so Bennett could get under them. He knew he always got cold afterwards and liked to burrow beneath the covers as soon as possible. “I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed…”

“Oh,” Bennett’s tone was subdued, almost glum.

Malcolm should’ve realized Bennett would understand his hint. He wasn’t clueless - he was inexperienced, but he was smart. It wasn’t that he was oblivious to what Malcolm wanted when he put his dick in his face, it was that Bennett didn’t want to do it.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” Malcolm said quickly. “Seriously.”

“I don’t…” Bennett started and Malcolm held his breath, “…think I know how,” he finished thoughtfully.

Malcolm chuckled. “You don’t know how? You just put your mouth on it.” He saw Bennett’s expression, eyebrows raised, and instantly knew he had stepped in it. He ran his hands through his hair, scratching at his scalp. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, sounds easy,” Bennett said dryly. “Like you’d know.”

Malcolm swallowed, trying to figure out how he could un-step in it. “I guess I wouldn’t,” he admitted.

He looked away briefly, his thoughts racing. He hadn’t exactly considered what it would be like to go down on Bennett in detail before, but now the idea planted itself firmly in his mind. It was intimidating, much more so than anything he’d done before, but deeply intriguing.

“I wanna do it to you,” Malcolm told him. “But I’m kind of nervous.”

“Really?” Bennett was taken aback. Malcolm rarely seemed nervous about anything, least of all in bed.

“If that’s something you wanted, yeah, I… I’d want to. I’d definitely want to,” Malcolm said, his brow furrowed in thought but his words earnest.

The thought of being that close to Bennett sent a thrill through him. He imagined the taste, the feel, the sounds Bennett might make. But it wasn’t just the physicality of it that drew him in; he wanted to make Bennett feel good, and to give him something so intimate like that.

“I meant ‘really’  that you’d be nervous,” Bennett clarified.

“Oh.” Malcolm understood the confusion between them. “I mean, I’d be a little nervous.” He paused and looked down at his hands, giving a small, self-conscious laugh. “I don’t know if I’d be any good at it, or if I have a gag reflex.” He looked up, taking one of Bennett’s hands in his and holding his stare. “I’m sorry for sort of… asking for it without like, asking for it. We should’ve talked about it first before I sort of put you in that position.”

“It’s okay.” Bennett paused for a second. “It’s just that… your dick is really big.”

Malcolm couldn’t help grinning, his face turning pink. “So is yours.”

Bennett shrugged. He liked the compliment, but he still thought he was at a disadvantage. “Well, at least you’ve got a big mouth, too.”

“Hey!” Malcolm laughed and shoved him affectionately.

Bennett leaned closer, resting his head against Malcolm’s chest. He sighed, his voice softer now. “I just… don’t know about putting something in my mouth that’s so… dirty.”

Malcolm tilted his head to look at him. “You think my dick is dirty?”

“No, no,” Bennett said quickly, realizing that his point was tricky to express. “I just mean… in general, it’s a dirty area. You know, like, germy.”

Malcolm nodded, understanding. “I’d never let you… go down there if I thought I wasn’t clean. Like, if I was really sweaty or something.”

He paused, considering Bennett’s concern. It definitely wasn’t one he shared - he liked things a little dirty, a little sweaty, it was part of what he found exciting about being with a guy, he had come to realize.

Still, he understood where Bennett was coming from and didn’t want to dismiss his nerves. “I can always shower first,” Malcolm offered.

“It’s fine,” Bennett said, his voice still carrying a hint of hesitation. “It’s just… part of why I’m kind of nervous. That, and I’m worried it won’t fit.”

Malcolm couldn’t resist a small laugh at this, but he kept his tone serious. “We can take it slow. I have no expectations. And I can do it to you first.” He brushed Bennett’s forehead, cupping his face to have him look up at him. Bennett’s cheeks were rosy, and he looked a little embarrassed. “I really want to do it.”

“Weirdo,” Bennett muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Whoa, don’t ‘weirdo’ me!” Malcolm teased. He moved his hand to Bennett’s chin, squishing his cheeks in with his thumb and fingers and holding his face like this. “You’re such a hypocrite - you don’t like ‘germy’ things, but you don’t wash your hands after you pee! Yeah, I’ve noticed. So your dick’s not dirty but mine is? I see how it is.” He let go and crossed his arms as if he was really mad about this.

Bennett’s mouth fell open, his eyes narrowing as he scrambled for a comeback. “You pick your nose!”

“You bite your nails!” Malcolm countered, smiling as he laughed at Bennett’s mock outrage. “And you shower way less than I do.”

“I don’t sweat like you do,” Bennett retorted confidently.

“You’re still a dirty boy,” Malcolm said with a smirk.

“No, you’re a dirty boy!”

“If I’m a dirty boy, it’s only because I like dirty boys.” Malcolm grinned, leaning into the playful banter. It still felt strange and new to say things like that out loud, to freely admit that he was gay and embrace it.

“Boys? Plural?” Bennett asked, arching an eyebrow. “Who else do you like?”

“I like a dirty boy,” Malcolm said, pulling him close. “This one here.” He kissed the top of Bennett’s head, holding him close as the playfulness melted away.

As much as Malcolm loved being physical with Bennett, it was far from his favorite aspect of being with him. He loved moments like this the most. He loved cuddling with him, touching his hair, kissing his nose. He loved writing songs together, watching TV in comfortable silence as they scrolled on their phones, and learning new things about him every day. He loved Bennett. He really loved him.

It didn’t scare him, the idea of being in love. Loving Bennett was easy. But telling him - saying those three little words - was a lot scarier. It had been less than two months since they’d first gotten together, and Malcolm didn’t know if it was too soon.

“I’ll let you sleep,” Bennett whispered, mistaking Malcolm’s silence and closed eyes for sleep rather than deep thought.

“Hm? No, stay here tonight,” Malcolm murmured. As he blinked his eyes open, he realized that he was quite tired, but he hated the thought of Bennett going back to his own suite. Why should they both sleep in cold, lonely beds when they could spend the night together?

Malcolm always fell asleep first, within minutes of closing his eyes, while Bennett was a world class insomniac. He knew sharing a bed every night was an adjustment to Bennett, and he didn’t hold him against him at all for slipping back to his own room to try to sleep after he had knocked out.

“Relax, I’m just getting up to pee,” Bennett told him. “I might even wash my hands this time.”

[hillyroberts]

Are they lovers?

Worse, they’re the lead singer and guitarist in and band. Oh and they’re also lovers or something. But their bandmates don’t know.

Book 2 starts this week!

[hillyroberts]

Please I was merely along for the journey

the screenshot guy did not discover the amazing new mexico sunset bridge no fuckin way i want off this timeline

Well no my friend Hilly also helped!!

[hillyroberts]

The bridge Mikey Way and Pete Wentz experienced an Amazing New Mexico Sunset on during the late afternoon of June 28th, 2005 is believed to be the bridge at La Llorona Park, Las Cruces.

Although there is no way to know for sure, we do know that they were in Las Cruces, New Mexico on June 28th. We also know that the band would visit parks. There aren't that many bridges in New Mexico, and other bridges have been excluded due to process of elimination.

It should be noted that you can hang out on the sidewalk of the bridge, as it is separated from the road.

[hillyroberts]

HAPPY PETEKEY DAY!!!

Pete Wentz and Mikey Way Shared A New Mexico Sunset 20 Years Ago. Why Are We Still Talking About It?

Well, I fell down a rabbit hole last year. And now it's time to take you there with me.

Link to Part 1 - Warped Tour 2005 and the Fallout:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601810692177920/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

Link to Part 2 - Petekey in 2006:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601865437216768/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

Link to Part 3 - Song Analysis:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601879691591680/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

This isn't even a completely comprehensive dive into Petekey. This is mostly mostly a written analysis of Pete's blog posts and lyrics and how they can be interpreted in a way that may pertain to Mikey.

Disclaimer: I do not ship them nor do I claim to know what happened. This is just a compilation of everything that happened between Pete and Mikey (all information that is accessible to the public) and everyone can draw their own conclusions.

[hillyroberts]

Pete Wentz and Mikey Way Shared A New Mexico Sunset 20 Years Ago. Why Are We Still Talking About It?

Disclaimer: I do not ship them nor do I claim to know what happened. This is just a compilation of everything that happened between Pete and Mikey (all information that is accessible to the public) and everyone can draw their own conclusions.

This isn't even a completely comprehensive dive into Petekey. This is mostly mostly a written analysis of Pete's blog posts and lyrics and how they can be interpreted in a way that may pertain to Mikey.

Link to Part 1:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601810692177920/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

Link to Part 2:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601865437216768/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

PART 3

SONG ANALYSIS

First and foremost...

Bang The Doldrums (2007)

We’ve talked a lot about the famed Petekey anthem: Bang The Doldrums. The first verse and chorus of this song come from the July 19, 2005 blog post, and the bridge comes from the July 8, 2006 blog post “The Fraternal Order of the Handsome Boy”.

Pete has said that he almost called this song “Summer of Like”. And they never played this song live… until 2024 (I saw it live by the way, no big deal.)

I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) (2007)

We talked already about the "I only keep myself this sick in the head" like, "me and you" and "honeymoon", but overall the lyrics of this song fit into the themes in Pete's blog posts.

Thnks fr the Mmrs (2007)

Remember on July 12, 2005 when Pete wrote:

“You look so wrong but you feel so right. "He tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter..." and so on until the end."

The line might be a reference to a movie called Closer (2004) where a woman confesses to her husband that she cheated by saying “it tastes like you, but sweeter”. So it is interesting that Pete changed this line to make include "he", making it gendered. Many of his songs, especially on Infinity on High are genderless.

G.I.N.A.S.F.S. (2007)

Pete has stated that the title stands for “Gay is not a synonym for shitty”. Most of the lyrics seem to be about pining after someone, which doesn't really relate to this title, except perhaps for the line “figured I’m not figuring myself out”...

One last thing about Infinity on High. This album a strange amount of lyrics that are sort of snarks on marriage, especially for a band where none of the members were married at the time.

"The Take Over, The Breaks Over"

The Carpal Tunnel Of Love

It’s Hard to Say “I Do” When I Don’t

I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears But None On My Fingers

This one, it's just the title, which is referring to not having a wedding ring.

Remember that Panic! at the Disco song we talked about?

The Calendar (2011)

The lyrics of the chorus pull directly from Pete's August 27, 2006 post:

Put another “x” on the calendar. Summer is on its deathbed. There is simply nothing worse than knowing the ending.

The "symphony" part in the bridge (which I LOVE) actually comes from a post of Pete's from 2007! But I will start to lose my mind if I have to dive into more blog posts.

The real reason why the Fourth of July is a national holiday...

Fourth Of July (2015)

Okay, I basically included the entire song. But it's all important! He was with someone on the Fourth of July, but then he burned those bridges, and now... now "you are my favorite what if", now "you are my best I'll never know", now it's "the torture of small talk with someone you used to love".

And yes... they were together at Warped Tour on July 4, 2005. The day Pete made all those posts and said he was "hot and miserable but totally in love".

The connections to Mikey were quickly made when this song came out. But in 2016 at Leeds Festival, Before FOB played Fourth Of July, Pete introduced the song by saying: “I’m sorry every single song is about you”

Mikey Way was in attendance.

Irresistible (2015)

“Mon cheri” is masculine for “my dear”. “Ma cherie” would be feminine.

If you’re thinking “okay, maybe he just doesn’t know French and made a mistake”...

When FOB did a listening party for the album, before playing Fourth Of July, Pete said:

"T'es la plus belle saison de ma vie."

“You were the most beautiful season of my life.”

Just to prove that he can write a line in French.

Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel in NYC) (2015)

Remember February 19, 2006 when Pete was “in the lobby of a hotel in New York City waiting for something that isn’t ever going to happen" and then he and Mikey were hanging out that day? Well, then he wrote a song all about an encounter in a hotel in New York City.

Some other songs that have lines with similar themes of summer, regret, longing for someone, and keeping secrets:

The (Shipped) Gold Standard (2008)

Miss Missing You (2013)

Eternal Summer (2013)

Favorite Record (2015)

The visuals of driving around, windows down, through sunsets really remind me of the summer of 2005 posts...

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T (2018)

This part reminds me of the whole best friends, ex-friends thing.

Hold Me Like A Grudge (2023)

Has he really been burning feelings for 20 summers?

This is definitely a non exhaustive list!

[hillyroberts]

Pete Wentz and Mikey Way Shared A New Mexico Sunset 20 Years Ago. Why Are We Still Talking About It?

Disclaimer: I do not ship them nor do I claim to know what happened. This is just a compilation of everything that happened between Pete and Mikey (all information that is accessible to the public) and everyone can draw their own conclusions.

This isn't even a completely comprehensive dive into Petekey. This is mostly a written analysis of Pete's blog posts and lyrics and how they can be interpreted in a way that may pertain to Mikey.

Link to Part 1:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601810692177920/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

PART 2

Petekey in 2006

A hotel in New York City

“I am in the lobby of a hotel in New York City waiting for something that isn’t ever going to happen. I am calculating all of the legs and drunken stutters. I am precise. I am a machine. I am a hot mess. - petey” February 19, 2006

Later that same day Pete uploads these pictures of him and Mikey. Does that mean he got what he was waiting and hoping for? In this post (which is long) he also compares himself to Howl from Howl's Moving Castle.

Remember the hotel in NYC!

“Saved Latin” Concert

On March 4th, 2006, FOB played a private show under a fake band name - “Saved Latin”. Mikey was in attendance, and Pete invited him up to play with FOB.

He introduced Mikey by saying “I’ve read a lot of internet erotica about this guy before” - really, Pete?

This is also the night of the infamous “boyfriend picture” where Mikey is wearing Pete’s Clandestine Industries” gloves.

Hey Chris

We have to take a slight detour here…

Chris was a mutual friend of both bands - FOB even has a song Grenade Jumper for him: “Hey, Chris, you were our only friend, and I know this is belated, but we love you back” because he was their first fan.

They said “So glad it seems like these times will never fade”... Well, they did.

In March 2006, Chris and Pete have a public falling out online. All of this is available, but some of the posts are very long and since this is a very confusing detour, I will sum it up:

Chris posts an open letter to Pete, attacking his character and saying he is not who he says he is

Pete responds to Chris publicly, blaming Chris for their falling out

Chris writes: “Heterolifemates. I won’t lie. I hate being this dude. I wish it wouldn’t have come to this but goddamn, he’s right. No one knows how to break a heart like he does.”

Chris then says that he went to LA and fell for a boy with a girlfriend

After saying that he went to LA and fell in love with a boy with a girlfriend, Chris posts these odd pictures of him and Mikey (who lived in LA and had a girlfriend, fiancee technically)... Chris posts this series of odd pictures with Mikey. This was at a party at Jeffree Star’s apartment.

These pictures look staged - people wonder if Chris had Mikey take these pictures with him to make Pete jealous, since Pete and Chris were feuding.

If that was his intention, it apparently worked, because Pete posted:

“Fuck everything. And by everything I mean everyone.”

One last thing regarding the “Hey Chris” drama. On March 8th in the middle of Pete and Chris’ online feud, Pete’s nudes were leaked. He claims that what must’ve happened was that his PDA Sidekick (like a pager of sorts) was stolen, and someone must’ve guessed the password.

If you've seen the pictures... I'm sorry.

However, due to the timing of his feud and the bizarre “love triangle” between Pete, Chris, and Mikey, many people have speculated that Chris was behind the leak.

Pete was extremely upset and embarrassed by the leak. He is open about the fact that he sought a lot of therapy because of it. Mikey posted this in support of him:

"Fucking savages... don't sweat it kiddo... just look on the bright side... you helped usher a lot of young ladies into womanhood tonight Secondly, would everyone leave the poor guy along already? Everyone wonders what drives people in bands "over the edge" or into a "meltdown"... it's shit like this. How would you like it if someone posted "risque" pics of you online. Have some tact people. Fucking weak. PS: Los Angeles will bury you alive”

That first part was a bit weird, Mikey. Anyway.

But the last part and his “PS” seems to suggest he knows who is behind the leak - someone who recently came to LA.

If Pete knew that Chris was behind the leak, it makes sense he would cover it up by saying the pictures were stolen from his device because he did not want people knowing he was in a relationship with a man.

Moving on from that detour and back to Pete's posts. He starts putting headers on them at this point, fun!

27

“Stick around long enough and everyone becomes parody of themselves” “You don’t hate me, you hate the part of you that is like me. I can’t sit here and ride my flaws until the end because the truth is I live the charmed life because of you and them. We are a gang. Maybe it's time to disband. I'm not sure I am thinking clearly but I just want you to know that I waited on your calls all night- they never came. I just wanted to say I miss you or I’m sorry or, you know, something that would have meant something to you. I would have made it poetic and memorable or at least something you could laugh at while drifting off to sleep. Always trying to relive the glory days. I don’t care how poorly these sentences were constructed or how in the light of day I will wish I had not written them- right now I can only curse the fucking light off of this stupid western city because it wont ever get dark enough for sleep but otherwise how could you guide your way back here?" June 5, 2006

It’s Pete’s birthday - his 27th birthday - and he is feeling very down because he did not receive a call from “you”. He misses this person and wants to express his feelings to this person even though he thinks they will only laugh about him.

“We are a gang. Maybe it's time to disband. I'm not sure I am thinking clearly but I just want you to know that I waited on your calls all night- they never came."

He says “We are a gang. Maybe it’s time to disband.” We know that he and Mikey were “not in just one gang together, we are in two: the Sweet Little Dudes and the Fraternal Order of the Handsome Boy.”

Could this be what he means when he says it’s time to disband the gang?

Do I have you hooked yet?

Warped Tour. Sun drenched days. Bestfriends.

“I’m so sorry, but not really. ('straighten up and die right’)” “Show me what you are made of. Your eyes were always rolling but you’d tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too).” “When I met you I gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so I wouldn’t ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- I can’t tell you- but to me it meant salvation. You only wanted reaction. But I can't be bothered. Not anymore. I’ll see you in the spring. First pew on the left. Wear your white veil and don't forget the words. Warped Tour. Sun drenched days. Bestfriends. New roads. So long salvation. Don't worry your pretty little heads. I am sleeping safe tonight.” July 7, 2006

Here, Pete makes one last desperate attempt to express his feelings for the person he has lost. He pleads with this person, who is getting married in the spring, to remember the Warped Tour from last summer, before they commit to getting married.

Mikey and Alicia got married in March 2007. This blog entry is significant because it connects Warped Tour and Pete’s relationship with a friend during that summer to Mikey’s upcoming wedding.

This shows that a year later, his blog posts still relate back to that Warped Tour relationship. This post, as well as the post he makes the very next day, are the most significant in typing all of Pete’s blog posts back to Mikey Way.

Here we go...

I cast a spell

“The Fraternal Order of the Handsome Boy” “I’ve been watching you from afar. My breath on the inside window as you walk in from the car. ‘You’re the stranger I’ve been dreaming of’, stranger than any I’ve ever known. Love through a telescopic lens. When the air is clear I can see how perfect you are for me. Late at night when the city sleeps I cast a spell on you to make you think of me the very same way I think of you. I only love how the words feel in my head when I write them. Fireworks over the valley. How can I tell you I gut people for a living. How I get paid to be humble and arrogant at the same time, to be chased and never caught. That I just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you. That I want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care. You’re like a light switch and I just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away. The words come out of my fingertips on impulse. It is instinct. My head can't keep up. I envy the comatose. I admire the bedridden. I am addicted to the way I feel when i think of you. I wish I was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.” July 8, 2006

This is the post. This is where it all comes together.

“I cast a spell over the west to make you think of me the same way I think of you” is the pinnacle line in Bang The Doldrums. Therefore, this whole post is linked to the July 19th 2005 post, which became the rest of the lyrics to Bang The Doldrums - he is still talking about the same person from the Warped Tour 2005.

Who is that person? The Fraternal Order of the Handsome Boy - THE TITLE OF THIS POST. Who is that? PETE AND MIKEY. 

And just the day before this post, he was talking about a wedding that would be happening in the spring - Mikey’s wedding.

This is why Bang The Doldrums is the Petekey anthem. This is why people believe Pete Wentz and Mikey Way had a relationship.

Bang The Doldrums (2007)

Fourth Of July (2015)

We will talk more about the song Fourth Of July soon, as it is seen as the second most iconic Petekey song after Bang The Doldrums. But remember one of the earliest LiveJournal posts from July 4, 2005 about being “hot and miserable but totally in love”. This line about remembering “fireworks over the valley” could be a reference to the Fourth of July.

But it just keeps going, doesn't it?

Summer sheets

“What is the opposite of amnesia? Because that is what I have. Sometimes I can’t find my way around my memories. I have to take detours. I think you were the best one. I have affection imprinted deep inside my head. It’s why i am always on the verge of love or giving up. Or that's what I am convinced of today- tomorrow it will be something new. Dear drugstore cowboy, the chemical balance is a bit off. It’s 7am in California, 11pm in Japan. But my head is always on central standard. How are you gonna get your way out of this one, Pete? Baby you are a canary and I am a coalmine. The moon is out and it’s convincing me, it has me all kinds of crazy. Maybe we’ll just go to sleep and wake up on the summer sheets I grew up on. Because how could any of this be real.” August 11, 2006

Pete finds himself battling with being plagued by the memories of this person. This parallels what he said on December 22, 2005: “I have to face the same two months replayed for the rest of my life”.

This is not the first time Pete mentions “summer sheets”. In the “Me and you underneath the honeymoon” post, he writes: “Hearts between our knees sticking to the summer sheets.”

It always come's back to summer for Pete.

“X” on the calendar

“Plain Jane and the Boy Next Door” “There is one single pair of eyes that could ever decode any of this. Put another “x” on the calendar. Summer is on its deathbed. There is simply nothing worse than knowing the ending - that no matter what curve balls or uphill come your way - it still turns out the same. This year it’s stripes and pumps, last year it was dancefloors and you. Everything is always either digging a hole or digging yourself out of one. And just when you have it all figured out you should just sift through your pile of “never again”s. Quite a collection. Blow off the dust. I’m sure they will be worth something to someone sometime. It’s buzzing in the back of your head and out of your fingertips. Pull back the shade - the road outside of my house is paved with good intentions. But it is hell on the undercarriage of the car so we’re gonna have to hire a construction crew. I wonder if anyone else thinks of you as much as I do, even you. A mutual misunderstanding. Kaleidoscope eyes sparkle on pillows in the dark. And I don’t care what anyone thinks of that except me. Put the love on hold, anticipation is on the other line and excitement called while you were out.Imagine me and you…- pete wentz”August 27, 2006

We are not the singlepair of eyes that is supposed to be able to decode this, but we will try anyway! Here Pete is, talking about summer again. It is the end of the summer of 2006, but he does mention "last year". He is still reminiscing about something, someone. Additionally, he ends this post with "imagine me and you..." - he's always repeating that phrase "me and you" just like in the song I'm Like A Lawyer...

Parts of this post become the lyrics to The Calendar - a song that Pete helped write for Panic! at the Disco.

The Calendar (2011)

And lastly...

“I was designed to break your heart. My only real crime is my obsession with documenting it. And maybe the way I still love you after the flash on the camera cools off.” October 2nd, 2006

So… Gay?

Where do both of them both publicly stand on their sexuality? Sort of in the gray zone.

Around this time in 2005/2006, Mikey posted an FAQ section about him on his MySpace. The 5th entry on this FAQ sheet was:

“Me and Pete Wentz aren’t dating. We are both heterosexual males….sort of…maybe…umm…next!”

That’s something he typed out and posted… and he really thought that would convince people there was nothing going on between them? Sure.

In an AP interview, Pete was quoted saying:

“A lot of people say that I’m gay in general. I’m an above-the-waist gay kind of guy. Anything above the waist is fair game.”

So he is pretty openly bicurious to some degree. Interesting that he says he is only gay above the waist, because Bang The Doldrums says “happily ever after below the waist”.

In 2023, Mikey performed on stage with FOB!

To Conclude

To conclude, could Pete’s ill fated Warped Tour lover be someone else? Yes, but who? The only person he was rumored to be with at the time was Mikey. Additionally, the blog post about the wedding next spring implies he is talking about either Mikey or Alicia - his Warped Tour lover has to be someone who got married the next spring. There were rumors that Pete and Alicia were friends during Warped Tour, where she worked as a guitar tech, however the rumors of them being very close and hooking up are few and far between, especially compared to rumors about Pete and Mikey.

Furthermore, if Pete had been in a relationship with Alicia during the summer of 2005, we would expect to see a change in Pete’s dynamic with Mikey when they got engaged. We would see him posting about being betrayed by a friend who stole his girl… But he never references any feelings like this.

In the post titled “The Fraternal Order Of The Handsome Boy” he is not calling out the intended reader for stealing his girl and marrying her. Instead he is saying he is casting a spell to make him think about him, he is reminiscing about the fireworks over the valley, he is addicted to the way he feels when he thinks of him. Because of the title of this post, it is clear he is talking about Mikey, not Alicia, and not anyone else.

We still have song lyric analysis to get to in part 3, but...

What does all of this mean?

Many FOB songs that have lyrics from Pete's blog posts tend to have similar themes. When put all together, they paint a picture of a relationship with a “friend” that ended poorly, and Pete blames himself for that. He is haunted by memories of summer, and he wonders how things could have been different. But this person pops back into his life periodically, to ask how he’s doing, and to pick him up and use him - an on again, off again situationship that Pete is happy to have, even though he knows it is not healthy for him.

Many fans take it at face value - sure, maybe Pete and Mikey were more than friends during Warped Tour 2005 and Pete wrote several songs about this, namely Bang The Doldrums, and Fourth Of July. It's basically become a meme at this point, that Pete is in love with Mikey and can't stop writing songs about him, even 20 years later. But is there any truth to this? Why are so many of us here, celebrating 20 years of Petekey today?

When taking a close look at all of Pete’s blog posts and lyrics, it is bizarre how strongly they all tie in o the same story. The July 19, 2005 post (“best friends, ex-friends”) is connected to the Fraternal Order of the Handsome Boy post (“I cast a spell”) because they come together to become the lyrics of Bang The Doldrums. This song connects everything - summer, Warped Tour, heartbreak, Mikey.

It can be fun to have this kind of lore, to have stories and emotions behind the lyrics as you listen to Fall Out Boy. Clearly the rumors have not affected Pete and Mikey’s friendship, and they have never denied it, so in my opinion it is harmless to speculate about what may have happened.

At this point 20 years later, it is ancient history. Ancient history that is somehow still relevant. I hope you found this bit of lore as fascinating as I clearly did! Thanks for reading!

Link to Part 1 - Warped Tour 2005 and the Fallout:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601810692177920/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

Link to Part 3 - Song Analysis:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601879691591680/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

[hillyroberts]

Pete Wentz and Mikey Way Shared A New Mexico Sunset 20 Years Ago. Why Are We Still Talking About It?

Disclaimer: I do not ship them nor do I claim to know what happened. This is just a compilation of everything that happened between Pete and Mikey (all information that is accessible to the public) and everyone can draw their own conclusions.

This isn't even a completely comprehensive dive into Petekey. This is mostly mostly a written analysis of Pete's blog posts and lyrics and how they can be interpreted in a way that may pertain to Mikey.

"Amazing New Mexico sunset. I'm hanging on a bridge with my friend Mikey Way from My Chem. It's all orange and pink above us. We went to another waterpark again. I love high fives again. Totally back in love." -Pete Wentz, June 28, 2005

PART 1

Warped Tour 2005: Summer of Like

It was the summer of 2005 and Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance went on the Vans Warped Tour together. The bassists of the two bands, Pete Wentz and Mikey Way, struck up a close friendship, noted by Pete’s LiveJournal blog posts, online and in person q&a responses, and reports from fans who attended Warped Tour and saw them interact.

Throughout the summer, Pete Wentz’s LiveJournal posts describe a new and passionate love affair. But when the summer ends, his blog posts turn sour, full of sadness, loneliness and regret. He details this whirlwind romance, speaking directly to the person who broke his heart through his LiveJournal from the summer of 2005 and all the way throughout 2006. The content of these blog posts later become lyrics to songs on Fall Out Boy’s 2007 album Infinity on High and more.

It is clear that Pete had an affair during Warped Tour in the summer of 2005 which inspired his song lyrics for years to come. The only question is, why do people believe this affair was with Mikey Way?

Warped Tour 2005: Background

FOB and MCR met for the first time in 2003 and the members became friends. The two bands were under the same record label and both a part of Warped Tour in 2004. In 2005, they shared the Bishop Stage during Warped Tour and even traded members frequently during their performances.

During this time, Pete and Mikey started a “gang” called Sweet Little Dudes. Pete often refers to this gang with Mikey in his q&a’s during this time. It seems like some of the other band members were also in the “gang” initially, but it ended up just being Pete and Mikey. They even had Sweet Little Dudes tee shirts! The two of them also started another two man “gang” that they called The Fraternal Order of the Handsome Boy. (This seems silly but remember it, I promise!)

The two were also reported to be very close by fans. When they weren’t playing together, they would watch each other’s performances from the side stage. There is an infamous story from fans who caught them coming out of a trailer together early in the morning, looking very tired and holding hands, and they asked the fans to not take photos. Pete and Mikey had a security guard after this point who kept fans from getting too close to them and taking photos. There are very few pictures of them together during Warped Tour 2005 because of this (and due to the fact that people had more limited access to cameras than we do today). At the time, fans were very conscious of the closeness between them and rumors of a relationship circulated.

So let's take a look at Pete's LiveJournal posts from the summer of 2005.

Totally back in love…

“Amazing New Mexico sunset. I’m hanging on a bridge with my friend Mikey Way from My Chem. It’s all orange and pink above us. We went to another waterpark again. I love high fives again. Totally back in love. Saw the most amazing movie… I think it’s called Spirited Away. Watch it. Peterpan” June 28, 2005

On June 28th, Pete makes this iconic post, detailing the fun times he is having with Mikey and how much he is enjoying the summer. This is only ten days into Warped Tour, and this is the start of speculation that Pete and Mikey were more than friends.

Fourth of July

“I love the way you have me”“Like a boy loves a boy”“I love your tired eyes trying to keep up with us on stage. I love the way you’re gonna make me an honest man”“I love waking up at 9am. I love the night. I love living forever. I love summer. I am loving this and you and everything”“You can’t miss me, baby boy, we’re doing big things”“Hot and miserable but totally in love.” July 4, 2005

On July 4th, Pete makes several cryptic posts, also detailing how much he is enjoying summer and the people he is with - specifically “you”.

July is when Pete begins directing his posts at the mysterious “you”. Previously, when he was talking about his ex-girlfriend, he used her name and spoke about her with third person pronouns. From now on, his posts are genderless, and directed at “you”.

Remember this... the 4th of July.

Baby, I’ve got it bad for you

“Close your eyes and put the speaker next to your pillow. Dream away. Dream yourself to life. Stop wasting your eyes trying to figure out who is the heart - the smile - the voice - the words. You can't pull them apart. It’s just a mess. How you understand us is so one dimensional. But changes are coming. You won't wrap your head around us so easily. "You're nobody until somebody loves you" at least that's half true. Let's not make it through the night. Come on. You look so wrong but you feel so right. "He tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter..." and so on until the end. Sometimes I'm just a goddamned lunatic. But I only keep myself this sick in the head cause I know how you get off on these words. Baby, I’ve got it bad for you.” July 12, 2005

Pete has a habit of debuting future FOB lyrics in his cryptic blog posts. His July 12th ramblings contain references to Thnks fr th Mmrs and I’m Like A Lawyer…

Thnks fr th Mmrs (2007):

I noticed that both in the post and the lyrics, "He tastes like you only sweeter" is in quotes. We'll talk more about this song later

I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) (2007)

Here we go...

Better off as lovers

“Wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. Bestfriends, exfriends - better off as lovers not the other way around. Racing through the city in the back of yellow checkered cars. The takeoffs are the worst but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. And I’m sorry the way my moods flicker on and off like old light on your porch, but I know you wouldn’t have it any other way. Sneaking in your window instead of out. The way you hold a cigarette cause you don’t know what to do with your hands when we are sitting this close. The way waists of pants feel better at the ankles. The way you were always my best excuse for calling in sick to everyone else. I miss you. Petey” July 19, 2005

Here, (when FOB left Warped Tour to flying out for the Kimmel show for one day) Pete is reflecting on the secret relationship he has embarked on, with someone who is supposed to be just a friend. He admits that this relationship is not perfect, but this affair brings him great thrill, and he has fallen hard. He’s gone for one day and he says “I miss you”.

Bang The Doldrums (2007)

Again... better off as more than just friends.

Fictional Stories

I'm going to break this post down into smaller parts to analyze because it is long! It is from July 21, 2005.

“Lately I’ve been into believing fictional stories like the ones about me and you being happy. They’ve gotta be science fiction because how else can you have a monster fall in love with a boy with no heart? Actually I’m pretty sure you have a heart, but I’m just as certain it’ll never be mine. I can tell you’re willing to be loved somewhere on the inside but that doesn’t do me any good when I’m still seeing things through thick curtains over windows and padlocked doors on the outside."

Who is the monster and who is the boy with no heart? Pete follows it up with “I’m pretty sure you have a heart” which implies Pete is referring to himself as the monster who fell in love with a boy… He does not go on to refer to the other person as a monster, he instead goes on to talk about their heart. He feels like this person is shutting him out, resisting to be loved.

Also, “fictional stories… about me and you being happy”? Like all the rumors that they were dating? When in reality it was more complicated and messier than that?

“Bitter regrets, predictable forfeits. We lit a fire that was nothing but smoke and hot air. Ashes. My hands are empty and you hold all the cards, kind of funny how you don’t even want them/me. The final nail in my coffin stabbed me in the heart - from my back. You once made my heart skip a beat, now you make it want to skip this. You’ve got salty nails ripping my wounds open that you’re telling me to let heal. Love is a mirage, you only think it’s there for so long… til you either wise up or die of hydration. Love is the way to blow your brains out minus the gun, I swear. It’s the stupidest form of suicide cause you don’t die. And whatever doesn’t kill you only laughs at you for coming close enough to."

He fell hard, and now he feels like he is being betrayed and hurt, both by his lover and by his own heart for letting himself fall.

Also, I think he means “dehydration” not “hydration”.

“Sorry, it’s just the bitterness talking. Ignore it/me. I’m just loose words hanging on the ends of your lips, even looser when I’m anywhere near your hips. Poetry written from blistered fingertips and sleep deprived eyes that was better before the ink dried. He said, ‘I should have stayed with her,’ and I should have stayed away."

“He” thinks he should have stayed with a “her” and Pete should have stayed away. Interesting, interesting.

“I tried, I gave it/you my all, but all I can do is give up. I don’t tell you my insecurities so you can use them against me, but help me get over them. Instead you said and did the worst thing you could do. Worse than cheating to me, I hope you know. But whatever I don’t even know, I guess sometimes it takes losing what you had to see what you didn’t. Sooo yeah, this is where I actually admit I’m tired, and I go to bed. Sweet. Goodnight.” July 21, 2005

Pete feels hopeless, close to giving up. This person has really wronged him - with something “worse than cheating” - after he was so vulnerable with them.

Something happened between July 19th, where things were starting to get contentious, and July 21st, where Pete now feels wronged and heartbroken. The person he is talking to knows what they did - “you said and did the worst thing you could do” but we do not know what this means. This post is targeted for the mysterious “you” as the reader.

Some last notes on Warped Tour...

Messages on your arm

“The Warped Tour was fun. Since being home I remembered that showering and sleeping are fun too. My real feelings on the sunburst bass. I loved that thing. But then it started cheating on me in a mikey way. I had to hit it. It’s not my fault- spousal abuse is an ugly thing. I’m in therapy that includes playing lots of warcraft online. Writing messages on your arm for someone to see at a show is the new away message - stealing peoples real diary is the new livejournal.” August 19, 2005

Similar to “wrote a goodbye note on your arm when you passed out”, Pete talks about writing messages on someone’s arm again here. Mikey often appeared with words written on his arm during the tour. These say “EASY” and “FUCKED”.

I <3 Revenge

According to fans, Pete would often dedicate Fall Out Boy songs to “Mikey Revenge” on stage before they played them. Mikey changed his social media handles to “Mikey Revenge” for a while - MCR’s album at the time was called Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge.

 Additionally, during the Warped Tour Pete often wore a custom made shirt that said “I heart Revenge”.  He also often wore a pin with Mikey’s face on it.

Clandestine Industries

Quick side note because I did not know where else to put this: Clandestine Industries is Pete’s clothing brand. Mikey was a big fan and often hung out with Pete at the Clandestine tent on tour.

So... Warped Tour 2005

Pete’s LiveJournal posts during the summer of 2005 paint a clear picture of a relationship he had during this tour that was short lived, sexual, and had a profound impact on him.

His references to Mikey, their close relationship noted by fans, and the fact that language in Pete’s posts point to him speaking about another man begs the question:

If Pete’s Warped Tour lover was not Mikey, then who was it?

Mikey is the only person he was reported to be so close with during this time - he was not rumored to be dating anyone else, man or woman.

During this time, Pete makes references to lots of other people in his posts, mainly William Beckett from The Academy, Patrick Stump, and Frank Iero. He makes a lot of sexual jokes about how much he loves these friends of his, but he does not speak this same way about Mikey - the one person he was actually rumored to be with.

Time to move on from the summer that Pete has never moved on from…

The Fallout After Warped Tour

Me and You

“I always put my money on the longshots. And no matter where my head was in the world I always dreamed of waking up next to the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen/‘me and you underneath the honeymoon’. And you imagine yourself moving deep into the summer and disappearing, and for me it was always with you. And then things got crazy. You stopped calling me back. I stopped trying to call but not in my head. And then you got malicious but I’m guessing only because you learned from the best. Baby boy, you’re gonna be okay. Hearts between our knees sticking to the summer sheets. Are you catching my drift…. it’s gonna be alright. Your love would be hell but it’s just not hot enough, baby.” September 4th, 2005

He’s reminiscing about the summer and his fond, romantic memories with the person he was with. He is upset that “things got crazy” and the person stopped calling him back and started acting malicious once summer ended.

“Waking up next to the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen Me and you underneath the honeymoon”

I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You) (2007)

We previously talked about the “I only keep myself this sick in the head” line in this song, but the chorus of this song comes from this September 4th blog post.

The song, alternatively titled “Me & You”, was a single on FOB’s 2007 album.

The use of the word “honeymoon” both in the blog post and in the song is interesting, because he says they are “underneath the honeymoon” and “setting in a honeymoon” - it sounds like he might be referring to the actual moon.

Dear world, fuck you

“The reason we never told anyone is because we knew the world would ruin it. And at the end of the day it did. And you were my home. It didn’t matter what was said when our heads were on the sides of the pillows. It’s so hard to find someone who likes me for me and not because I am Pete from Fall Out Boy. And I found them. And then watched it fade. Dear world, fuck you.” September 6th, 2005

Two days later, Pete is very bitter thinking about the love he has lost. It is interesting that he uses gender neutral language when he says he found “them”. It also makes sense that someone who was also a musician in a similarly popular band would see Pete as more than just “Pete from Fall out Boy”.

Because this is only two days after the post where he talked about “imagining yourself moving deep into the summer and disappearing”, it is safe to assume this relationship that was kept a secret is the same as the summer fling he was just talking about.

Duke of Handsomeness

Don’t worry! Pete and Mikey are still friends. On November 13th, 2005 he responds to a fan who asks “how good are you friends with Mikey Way??”

This gang stuff is going somewhere, I promise!

Just something to keep me hanging onto

“I wrote you a letter a few hours ago that I never intended to give you in the first place and then ripped it up and threw it away because it’s much too personal to say on paper. Even over a phone. The words I said in it I need to say to you in person. I guess it felt better to write it all out. It’s easier to say “I only need 5 seconds with you than a lifetime with someone else” than it is to live it. To be honest, I’m dying from it. I’m really not ready for what you want from me, but with how you’re never around it makes me wonder what you really do want from me. Honestly, it sure doesn’t feel like much. I said I’d be fine if you gave me a little note or a call once and a while, once a day even, just something to keep hanging onto, but you can’t even do that so yeah… I don’t know. Am I being ridiculous? It’s just hard for me to keep going like this… my heart is lots easier to fool than me. I think that’s what makes this so hard.” November 23, 2005

The heartbreak and desperate attempt to keep this person in his life is detailed here. He is posting this message to the world, but it is directed towards the one person who he feels is ignoring him, who he is so desperate to talk to on the phone, who he wants to write a letter to, but can’t bear to send it.

You and me are the last hot day of summer

“I love how I thought this was all over and I have to face the same two months replayed for the rest of my life. My head and heart are beating the shit out of me trying to see what hurts worse. Kinda like us. Yep. Summer wasn’t hot enough but I had hoped winter was gonna be the coolest. I obviously thought wrong. You and me are the last hot day in summer. We’re just fading before the fall.” December 22, 2005

Pete is continuing to pine after his summer fling into December. He is plagued with the memories of summer replaying in his mind.

Something surprising happened around Christmas of 2005 - Mikey got engaged to his first wife, Alicia. They only dated for a brief period of time, as she stated they were not together during Warped Tour 2005, although she was a guitar tech on the tour.

Could this be why Mikey began ignoring Pete and his phone calls in the fall of 2005, because he had begun dating the girl he planned on marrying?

Let's look at what happened in 2006 and beyond...

Link to Part 2 - 2006 And Beyond:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601865437216768/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

Link to Part 3 - Song Analysis:

https://www.tumblr.com/hillyroberts/787601879691591680/pete-wentz-and-mikey-way-shared-a-new-mexico?source=share

[hillyroberts]

Hello!! For the last year and a half, I’ve been writing a story about a fictional punk rock band from New Jersey and how the lead singer and guitarist fall in love. The band and the characters are completely fictional, but there may have been some inspiration from MCR early in my writing process

Lost Checkers is made up of five guys in their early 20s: Malcolm, Bennett, Sam, Xavier, and Luke. The story is about their adventures with their growing fame, life on the road, crazy fans, shipping, and rumors. But more importantly, it’s about story about how Malcolm and Bennett discover new and confusing feelings for each other.

The story contains mature and dark themes, conversations about trauma and mental health, and some explicit scenes. But there are also many sweet, funny, and romantic moments.

Check it out on ao3 or read it right here on my blog! Book 1 is complete and Book 2 is coming soon! I upload chapters “in real time” and have things planned for at least a year!

[hillyroberts]

Hellooo! If you like boys in bands (and boys in bands who are in love…) check out the story I wrote about a fictional punk rock band!

Lost Checkers is made up of five guys in their early 20s from New Jersey: Malcolm, Bennett, Sam, Xavier, and Luke. The story is about their adventures with their growing fame, life on the road, crazy fans, shipping, and rumors. But more importantly, it’s about story about how Malcolm and Bennett discover new and confusing feelings for each other.

The story contains mature and dark themes, conversations about trauma and mental health, and some explicit scenes. But there are also many sweet, funny, and romantic moments!

Check it out on ao3 or read it right here on my blog! Book 1 is complete and Book 2 is coming soon! I upload chapters “in real time” and have things planned for at least a year!

[hillyroberts]

Hey! If you like Heartstopper and are looking for something similar, you might enjoy my story about Lost Checkers, a fictional punk rock band from New Jersey, set in the 2010s.

In my story, Malcolm, the lead singer of the band, and Bennett, the guitarist, are in their early 20s, and along with their bandmates Luke, Xavier, and Sam. While navigating their growing fame and the difficulties of life on the road as musicians, Malcolm and Bennett also discover new and confusing feelings for each other.

The story contains mature and dark themes, conversations about trauma and mental health, and some explicit scenes. But there are also many sweet, funny, and romantic moments!

Check it out on ao3 or read it right here on my blog! Book 1 is complete and Book 2 is coming soon! I upload chapters “in real time” and have things planned for at least a year!

[hillyroberts]

Hey everyone! My name is Hilly and this blog is for my fictional story about boys in a band who fall in love!

Lost Checkers is made up of five guys in their early 20s from New Jersey: Malcolm, Bennett, Sam, Xavier, and Luke. The story is about their adventures with their growing fame, life on the road, crazy fans, shipping, and rumors. But more importantly, it’s about how Malcolm and Bennett discover new and confusing feelings for each other.

The story contains mature and dark themes, conversations about trauma and mental health, and some explicit scenes. But there are also many sweet, funny, and romantic moments.

Check it out on ao3 or read it right here on my blog! Book 1 is completely posted and book 2 is coming soon. I upload chapters “in real time” and have things planned for at least a year!

[hillyroberts]

He was the lead singer, he was the guitarist. Can I make it any more obvious?

This is my story about a fictional punk rock band from New Jersey called Lost Checkers. While they learn to navigate their sudden growing fame, Malcolm and Bennett also navigating their confusing feelings for each other.

And the first part of the story is complete! Check it out!

[hillyroberts]

Book 1: Chapter 14

Read here or on ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65717263/chapters/171840928

It's the last chapter of book 1!! There is a lot of closure for the boys in this chapter, but there is still MUCH more to come for them.

The Last Show

June 16th, 2017. Boston. Malcolm’s hotel room.

Malcolm looked up from his guitar as Bennett came out of the bathroom. He was sure he must have misheard him. “Huh?”

“I said, Luke knows about us,” Bennett repeated, flopping down on the bed. He stretched out his leg to lightly kick Malcolm in the shoulder. Malcolm sat in the armchair by the bed, his guitar balanced across his knees. “But you already knew that.” 

Malcolm’s gaze dropped to his fingers, still pressed against the strings. 

“Why didn’t you tell me he knew?” Bennett asked.

“What do you mean?” Malcolm said with a nervous laugh.

Bennett turned on his side, leaning against the pillows with his arms crossed. “Luke told me he saw us in the van, after the Hartford show. And you told him not to say anything.”

“Oh,” Malcolm said dumbly. “I didn’t know how much he saw. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.” He picked at a sticker that was peeling off the back of his guitar.

“Well, he saw enough to think we were fucking.”

Malcolm let out a startled laugh. His nervous amusement was quickly shut down.

“Don’t laugh,” Bennett almost snapped. It surprised himself how angry he sounded, but he was glad it shut Malcolm up.

Malcolm looked embarrassed and a little scared. “Sorry,” he muttered.

They sat in heavy silence for a few minutes. Malcolm changed his fingers on the guitar’s frets to make different chords but didn’t strum. He hated knowing he had upset Bennett but he wasn’t sure how to fix it. He was terrible at admitting when he was in the wrong, but he knew he had to swallow his pride.

“Okay, I gotta be honest with you,” Malcolm sighed. He pressed his guitar to his chest and turned to look at Bennett, who was watching him expectantly. “The other night in the van - I knew Luke woke up and saw us. That’s why I stopped as soon as I noticed.” Malcolm didn’t like Bennett’s silence. He kept talking to fill the air. “I knew he saw us kiss, and I knew it looked bad because of the way you were on top of me. So, when we got to the hotel, I asked him not to say anything about it. I didn’t want him bringing it up with you.”

“Why?”

Malcolm looked down and tried to smooth out the peeling sticker. “I didn’t want it to freak you out.”

Bennett raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.

Malcolm scrambled to clarify. “I- I mean, I didn’t want it to upset you that he found out, because we didn’t want anyone to know. I’m sorry.”

Bennett sat up and crossed his legs at the ankles. “Well, I wish you would’ve just told me, instead of treating me like an emotional wreck.” He shot Malcolm a soft smile to let him know he wasn’t too upset. He could see how much this was eating at him, and it was hard to stay mad. Besides, his actions were understandable given the circumstances and his apology was genuine.

“I like that you’re an emotional wreck,” Malcolm said, cautiously returning the smile.

“Shut up,” Bennett laughed, opening his arms to invite him in for a hug.

Malcolm set his guitar aside and practically fell onto Bennett, knocking the breath out of him as he pinned him down in an embrace. “I’m sorry,” he said into Bennett’s neck. “I know I should’ve told you.”

Bennett squeezed him tight. “It’s fine. Really. I’m not mad or anything”

“But wait,” Malcolm picked his head up. He sidled up next to Bennett, freeing him from his weight. “So, what happened? You told Luke?”

“Yeah, he, uh, kind of confronted me about it. But he was cool with it.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” Bennett brushed his hair off his forehead. “I mean, he was a little upset that I hadn’t told him sooner, but after we talked, he understood why.”

Malcolm raised an unconvinced eyebrow.

“You know, he’s a lot smarter than you give him credit for,” Bennett poked Malcolm in the sides.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.” Malcolm leaned in and kissed Bennett on the cheek. “I really am sorry,” he said sincerely. “From now on, I’m telling you everything, I promise.” He held out his hand, pinky extended.

Bennett smiled and hooked their pinkies together. “Me too.”

Their hands stayed linked for a moment, and Bennett turned Malcolm’s hand to inspect his calloused fingertips. He poked at them, comparing them to his own - Bennett couldn’t help feeling proud that his were firmer.

“Can I ask you something?” Bennett had been feeling bolder these past few weeks. Maybe it was the energy from the crowds every night, or maybe it was because of Malcolm. Difficult conversations didn’t feel as daunting anymore, the truth was better than not knowing, and he was still riding the high of his talk with Luke.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Malcolm asked, glancing at him curiously.

“Are you sure you’re gay?”

Malcolm smiled out the side of his mouth. “Of course. Why?”

“But… you’ve done it with girls before,” Bennett said. “You don’t think you’ll miss it?”

He knew it was a clumsy way to ask, but something Luke had said kept gnawing at him. He knew Malcolm wasn’t just messing around with him for fun, the way Luke had worried about. He knew that whatever was happening between them was much deeper than that, not just casual or fleeting - but what if that wasn’t the case forever? Everything that had happened between him and Malcolm over the last two weeks had been so much to take in that Bennett hadn’t even considered the possibility of losing it, until Luke planted the seed of doubt. What if Malcolm tired of him? What if he didn’t really like him? What if it wasn’t enough for him - what if he missed girls? He couldn’t ask him outright, but he needed to try to figure it out. Luke was right, he didn’t want to get hurt. He did deserve someone who was committed to him, and not just interested in kissing him for fun when he felt like it.

Malcolm traced the lines of Bennett’s tattoo around his arm, following where it disappeared under his sleeve. “Nah, I don’t think so,” he said dismissively.

“You’re not gonna miss boobs, or…?”

Malcolm chuckled and sat up slightly, propping himself on an elbow. “Let me tell you the thing about… being with girls,” he began, pausing to find the right words. “When you’re dating a girl, there’s all these rules. Stuff that no one even explains to you.” He could tell Bennett wasn’t following, so he kept talking, gesturing vaguely with his hand. “Like, as the guy, you’re supposed to… to be the more dominant one. You’re not supposed to have emotions or get upset over things. You’re not supposed to want certain things.”

“Like what?”

Malcolm shrugged and looked down at his hands, picking at his nails. He knew he wasn’t explaining it too well. He was just figuring out for himself that being with girls was not for him, but it was hard to put these feelings into words. “Like… just being hugged, and talked nicely to. And other stuff like… having your butt touched.”

Bennett couldn’t help but smile. He liked how vulnerable Malcolm could be, even though he was struggling to articulate himself. Malcolm’s sensitivity was one of the things he admired most about him. “You think that’s always true? I’m sure there’s lots of girls who are… nice.”

“Maybe. I’m sure there are. It’s not that, it’s…” he paused, “it’s hard to explain. I always struggled with it - I was never happy. It’s just… not for me. But I knew, before we even kissed, that this is.”

“So you dated girls, even though you were never happy?”

“I- I think you’re overestimating how much I’ve been with girls.”

“Could you tell me?” Bennett asked.

Malcolm bit the inside of his lip, slightly regretting his promise to be an open book. He had a feeling Bennett was overestimating his past experience, and honestly, Malcolm could only blame himself. The sexual references in his lyrics, his quickness to make inappropriate jokes - they were all projections, compensating for his own insecurities and inexperience. “Do you want the short version or the long version?”

“Whatever you want.” Bennett smiled nervously, unsure if he really wanted to know the details but unable to quell his curiosity. He laid back on the bed and opened his arms, inviting Malcolm to snuggle up next to him.

Malcolm rested his head on Bennett’s chest and interlocked their fingers. He decided he’d tell the long version of his dating history. It only seemed fair to tell him everything - he knew all of Bennett’s dating experiences, though those had only begun two weeks ago and exclusively involved himself.

He stroked the side of Bennett’s hand with his thumb, grounding himself as he began talking. “In high school, I dated this girl, Delilah. We had been friends since freshman year - we were in the same group of friends, the band and theater kids. junior year, the spring musical was Phantom and… I was the Phantom, she was Christine.

Bennett was quiet, and Malcolm could tell he’d have to explain further. He smiled faintly. “You probably don’t know anything about musicals.”

“Not a thing,” Bennett admitted with a smile.

“Well Phantom of the Opera is really good and we should watch it. Anyway, Christine and the Phantom kiss in the play, so technically, my first kiss was during rehearsal. It felt weird because we were friends, but it was just for the show, y’know? It wasn’t a big deal, but during the show we got really close, and that summer we started hanging out more. By August, before senior year, we were officially dating. We’d go on dates, and drive around, and uh… make out.” He chuckled kind of sheepishly. “She lived right next to the school, so we’d go to her house during lunch and make out until we heard the bell.”

“So… you just kissed?” Bennett interrupted, his curiosity evident.

“Well, no. We would sort of… feel each other up too,” he admitted with a forced laugh. “It felt like a huge deal back then. I mean, I’ve done more with you already.” He paused, running his fingers along Bennett’s. “But uh, we broke up in March of senior year. I was the one to end it, but she wasn’t too upset. I think we both saw it coming. We were sort of getting tired of each other and we had started fighting a lot - mostly about dates. She wanted to go out more, but she always expected me to pay, and I was trying to save money for college. And… it really started to annoy me how she’d just ghost me for days if she was mad, but if I didn’t text her back right away, she would get angry and call me a bad boyfriend.”

Bennett stroked the back of Malcolm’s head gently. “That’s awful.” He couldn’t imagine Malcolm being a bad boyfriend, anything but caring.

“Nah, it was alright,” Malcolm shrugged it off. “We went right back to being friends pretty quickly, I think dating was just too stressful, it brought out the worst in us. The spring musical our senior year was Fiddler on the Roof, and she was playing one of my daughters in it, so we had to push through the awkwardness.”

“Theater kid drama,” Bennett smiled as he shook his head.

“Tell me about it. Anyway, I just really wanted to enjoy the rest of my senior year and get ready for college without a girlfriend. I’d seen it happen - Sam’s buddy who spent all of his senior year with his girlfriend, only for her to dump him right before they went to college because she didn’t want to be tied down. Guess she never really saw a future, but he was heartbroken. All of those senior year memories - prom, ditch day, graduation, everything, it was all tainted by her, and he missed out on all those times with his friends. I didn’t want that for me, or for Delilah. We still went to prom together, just as friends.”

“Do you still talk to her?” asked Bennett.

“Not really. This is really stupid, but… that summer before we went to college, we actually got together a few times.”

“What do you mean?”

Malcolm hesitated. “Are you sure you want to hear everything?”

“If you want to tell me,” Bennett said, trying to sound casual. He could feel his heart starting to beat quickly, and he wondered if Malcolm could feel it too. It was hard to hear Malcolm talk about this, but at this point he figured it was better to push through.

Malcolm sighed. “We, uh, did some hand stuff. You know, I fingered her and she’d touch… uh, touch me. But I ended it after a couple of times. It was a mistake to get involved again right before college - I think she was sort of scared about going to college and maybe she thought having a boyfriend back home would help. I guess I felt the same way - being with her was safe and everything about going to college was terrifying. But I knew I didn’t want that. She didn’t take it well that time. She’d call me crying, for weeks and weeks, trying to get me to change my mind.” He sighed. “Going further physically when I didn’t have any intentions of being in a relationship with her was a mistake. I felt really bad about it. I still do, honestly. But I guess she got over it. We’re friendly now. She texts me once in a while about our music - she’s cool. It was just… very high school.”

“Right,” Bennett nodded, taking it all in. It warped his mind a little to think that while he was spending the year after graduating high school at home, dealing with the worst depression of his life, feeling like a zombie on medication, and hardly able to make it to his classes at the county college, meanwhile Malcolm was experiencing his senior year just a few towns over. Making out with his girlfriend during lunch, starring in the spring musical, getting ready to go to college. Just three years ago, their lives had been so different.

He thought about what Malcolm had said about regretting going further physically with her when he didn’t plan on dating her. This made Bennett feel better - if Malcolm still carried so much guilt about that, he would not have gone so far with Bennett unless he planned to stick around.

“So that’s Delilah,” Malcolm said. It hadn’t been too difficult to tell Bennett about this - he had a lot of fond memories of high school, particularly his senior year, and for the most part Delilah was a part of that. But the next installment of his dating history was much harder to talk about. “My other girlfriend, or whatever, was in my freshman year of college. I… I don’t really want to say her name.”

“That’s okay,” Bennett told him.

“We met at a party, during the first week of classes. She was funny and cool, and kind of edgy. We started dating immediately and we moved kind of fast. She was more experienced than me and I felt like I had to keep up.” Malcolm squeezed Bennett’s hand tightly and brought it to his face. He held it to his lips as he spoke, mumbling his speech. “We’d make out a lot, and I, uh… went down on her a few times. But sometimes when she’d touch me or go down on me, I couldn’t stay hard.” His voice started to waver as he spoke. “I told myself it was because I was nervous or too drunk or high to be in the mood, but it really bothered her when I’d lose it. And… like I told you, I was never able to finish from her, only by myself. And she’d give me such a hard time about that.”

He continued. “It frustrated me, too. I think… I knew then that I was gay. I mean, I think I’d known since like, maybe sophomore year of high school that I was curious about guys. But I thought, I can’t be gay if I can hook up with a girl. And I mean, I could, sort of, it was just… difficult sometimes. And not at all fun.” He let out a sigh. “I think that’s why I was so desperate to be with her, and why I was so upset when she ended things - because every time I was with her was an opportunity to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay.”

“Mmm,” Bennett said in understanding. He had heard Sam and Luke talking about the girl who had broken his heart a couple times, asking if certain songs he had written were about you know who. They knew better than to say her name around Malcolm, apparently. He gently twisted a lock of Malcolm’s hair around his finger, staying quiet to let him talk. He didn’t want to push him to talk about this further if he didn’t want to, but he was fascinated by his story, a bit morbidly so.

“When she broke up with me, it destroyed me. She told me she’d been with another guy - and later I found out there were two. I knew she wanted to have sex. We even tried but… y’know…” He trailed off and swallowed before finishing his sentence. “You can’t go in unless you’re really hard. I couldn’t even get a condom on. She was so mad at me that night, asking me what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t attracted to her.”

He let out a long breath and swallowed before he continued. “I told Sam that we never did it, but he made me get tested anyway, since she’d been sleeping with other guys while seeing me. It was so awful and humiliating. Of course I got mono from her too. I was sick for like two months, ended up failing a couple of my finals that semester. My parents were so disappointed. It was just… a really low point. It was just a huge blow to my ego, I guess, to be cheated on. Like… like I wasn’t good enough, like I couldn’t give her what a real man could.” Malcolm sat up and cleared his throat. Talking about this brought him right back to that time in his life emotionally. “I don’t know. It’s just… confusing.”

Bennett sat up and mirrored Malcolm, sitting with his legs crossed facing him. “What is?”

“I always thought that being gay meant you couldn’t ever be attracted to a girl, that you wouldn’t be able to… y’know, do anything with them. I know I’m gay though. I’ve always sort of known, I just didn’t want to be.” He looked around kind of shiftily before adding, “I kissed some other girls in college too, at parties and stuff. I don’t know if that means I’m like, less gay or something. Maybe I was just, like, super horny in college or just desperate for validation. I don’t know, it’s confusing.”

“You don’t think you’re maybe bi?” Bennett asked gently.

Malcolm shook his head. “Nah… like I said, I never enjoyed it. I’ve always known… I think I only liked kissing girls because it made me feel straight.” He let out a long sigh, an expression on his face like he was thinking deeply. “I don’t like… girl parts.”

Bennett couldn’t contain his smile at this admission. “Oh, yeah.. I think you’re definitely gay, then.”

Malcolm laughed softly, his tension easing. Bennett reached out, brushing his fingers along Malcolm’s cheek. It wasn’t easy to hear about Malcolm’s past, but he knew none of that mattered now.

“What about,” Malcolm paused to clear his throat. He took on a more serious tone again, “What about you?” He knew their first kiss had been Bennett’s first, but he wondered what his journey with his sexuality was like. He watched Bennett carefully as he began talking.

“I don’t know… I mean, it’s like you said - it’s confusing.” Bennett sighed and looked down, playing with the bedsheets as he spoke slowly. “I think part of me started to figure it out when I was in high school, or at least I suspected it. But I was able to just ignore it. I didn’t want to be gay, but I didn’t want to date anyone or kiss anyone, so I just sort of pushed it to the back of my mind. I was also on Lexapro for, God, like 6 years? And I know that can decrease your drive, so maybe that’s why I just… didn’t really care.” He hesitated before adding “I mean, I’ve told you, with what happened to me…”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Malcolm cut in quickly. “It’s okay.” He’d heard enough to understand, and as much as they’d promised to be open books with each other, Malcolm never expected him to share more than he wanted to about that.

“Yeah,” Bennett nodded. “Anyway… I used to think maybe I was more curious about guys because of it. And I told myself that must just be it. I didn’t want to be gay because if I was gay… maybe that meant I deserved what happened.”

Malcolm swallowed hard and looked up, catching Bennett’s eye. His voice was steady and serious. “You know that’s not true.”

“I know, I know,” Bennett said quickly, waving his hand dismissively. He knew how stupid it sounded, and he knew it wasn’t true. “It’s just hard to come to terms with being gay, after I convinced myself of that for years. I was so scared of what it meant for me to be gay for so long.” He paused for a second. “You know the night in Columbus, when we talked about stuff?”

Malcolm nodded, still not taking his eyes off him. “Yeah?”

“That was the first time I really thought about you that way, when you touched my hand. It was the first time I thought about being with anyone. And even then, I never thought I’d be able to do anything that we’ve done. I thought that it would completely freak me out. But being with you is… it’s easy.” Bennett sighed, his eyes soft as he looked at Malcolm. “Sorry, this all started because I asked you if you were sure you were gay because… because I just don’t want things to end.”

Malcolm grinned. “I’m not going anywhere.” He knew what it felt like to feel insecure in a relationship, to constantly wonder if they were planning on leaving, looking for a way out, if their eye was straying - that was exactly how he felt for the three months of his doomed college relationship. It sucked, and he didn’t want Bennett to feel that way.

“I don’t know what this is but… I like it. I like you. I like talking with you and spending time with you. And I like kissing you,” Malcolm told him.

Hearing that made Bennett’s face feel hot, but in the best way. Someone liked him - Malcolm liked him - he’d never get used to that. “I like you, too. I… I like this. The other night was…”

“Really, really great,” Malcolm finished his thoughts. It felt so good to be able to talk this way, to be completely honest in their communication and know they were on exactly the same page. Their conversation had been hard to get through, but he felt closer to Bennett because of it.

“Do you think we’re going too fast?” Malcolm asked, suddenly nervous.

“I don’t know,” Bennett admitted honestly. Just two weeks ago, he never would have dreamed of kissing someone, but it felt so right, and he didn’t have any regrets. “I don’t think so. Do you?”

“No,” Malcolm said thoughtfully. “As long as it feels right, I think we’re okay.”

“Yeah,” Bennett agreed. He paused for a second before adding. “But… I don’t think I’d want to do anything… further yet.”

Malcolm understood and nodded. “That’s okay. Me either, honestly. Not right now, anyway.” He wasn’t surprised, it had been a lot all at once. Even though they had known each other for a year, this was still new, still delicate, and he didn’t want to rush it. Typically impatient, Malcolm didn’t feel in any sort of a rush with Bennett. It felt natural to slow down, to take in every new emotion, and savor every moment. It was the same quiet, deliberate patience he reserved for his music - something he cared too much about to get wrong.

“But the other night was really good,” Bennett said, a smile growing on his face as Malcolm leaned over and kissed him.

Relief washed over Bennett as their lips met. He didn’t know how he had kept himself so composed all day - between his confrontation with Luke and this emotional conversation with Malcolm - but he didn’t have to anymore. He let himself melt into the kiss, one hand resting on Malcolm’s chest while the other curled into his hair.

Malcolm pulled him closer, hands settling instinctively on Bennett’s waist, fingers hooking into the belt loops of his jeans. Bennett shifted, climbing carefully into his lap, their bodies fitting together with an ease that surprised him. They stayed like that, tangled up and unhurried with only the soft sound of their kisses and the warmth of their touch.

Eventually, Malcolm broke the kiss, though his hands lingered, keeping Bennett close. He leaned his forehead against Bennett’s, grinning.  “You know, I feel like this sounds crazy,” he said, “but I think being gay is so much easier.” 

Bennett pulled back just enough to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?” he asked with a half-scoff, half smile. He agreed that it did sound a little crazy, considering how they had just discussed what a hard time they had both had with coming to terms with it.

“Yeah,” Malcolm said with a small shrug. “Like, two guys, you sort of… write your own rules. No expectations or anything. Plus, we know… what feels good for each other, and that helps a lot, I think.”

Bennett snorted, shaking his head. 

Malcolm continued, looking down and off to the side as the words tumbled out of him. “I mean, besides the weight of thousands of years of homophobia, knowing that if you were born in a different time you’d be put to death, and knowing that there are millions of people right now who think we’re disgusting and going to hell-”

Bennett interrupted him. “Wait, you think about these things?”

Malcolm shrugged, “I guess so. I mean, I don’t have a problem with gay people-”

“Obviously-” Bennett interrupted again, smiling.

Malcolm returned the smile, a small laugh escaping and his heavy thoughts fading. “Yeah, obviously.” He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. “I don’t know, I guess I still have some things to work through. Writing’s been so therapeutic to me, actually. It’s probably the whole reason why we’re here. Me and Sam and Luke started the band after that bad breakup I mentioned. Hanging out with them and making music - it was just a big distraction for me. Writing songs became sort of an outlet. I wasn’t even thinking about dating or anything until you.” He tousled Bennett’s hair affectionately.

“Oh, it’s all my fault?” Bennett laughed, swatting him away and smoothing out his hair.

“Yeah!” Malcolm said, grinning. “I was doing perfectly fine until you came along.”

Bennett rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop smiling. “When did you start to like me?” he asked. The words still felt foreign on his tongue, to acknowledge that Malcolm actually liked him.

Malcolm shook his head bashfully, his cheeks coloring. “Oh, months ago. When we were with Honey Eyed. I told myself it was just a bro crush for a while.”

“Bro crush?” Bennett repeated, snorting in disbelief.

“You know what I mean!” Malcolm nudged him in the shoulder playfully. “Like a friend crush. I thought you were funny, and I liked your tattoos and your style and how you play the guitar. But with the tight quarters in the van, always being around each other, and sharing hotel rooms and stuff, I started to think ‘oh, I am fucked’.”

Bennett couldn’t help but laugh. “Sorry I fucked you, I guess,” he giggled.

“Hey, never apologize for that,” Malcolm teased.

The last show of the Roadmap To Your Heart Tour was their best - or at least the most fun. It was the kind of night that felt electric from the first note, where everything clicked just right. Malcolm and Bennett’s chemistry on stage was undeniable, their energy infectious, driving the crowd into a frenzy. Clips of their antics spread across Twitter within hours, the band’s name trending before they even left the venue.

At one point, when Bennett wasn’t paying attention, Malcolm snatched his microphone and held it behind his back. When Bennett turned to sing his harmonies and found his mic missing, he sprinted across the stage to share Malcolm’s. Malcolm took the opportunity to lick the side of Bennett’s face mid-chorus. Bennett recoiled in mock horror, the crowd erupting in laughter as he shoved Malcolm away. Later, during Bennett’s guitar solo, Malcolm dropped dramatically to his knees in front of him, hands raised in exaggerated reverence. The move was supposed to be pure appreciation for his bandmate - but the suggestive angle captured in fan videos turned it into something much more memorable. When Bennett smirked and nudged Malcolm’s shoulder with his shoe, Malcolm let himself fall backward dramatically, sprawled on the stage. Then, still in character, he began crawling after Bennett on his hands and knees as Bennett casually strolled away, shredding his solo without missing a beat. The crowd lost their minds.

They played two extra encores that night, pushed back onstage by the unrelenting roar of the audience. Teo looked like he might have a heart attack when the van was swarmed in the parking lot after the show, fans pressing against the windows, phones flashing like paparazzi lights. Somehow, word had spread to the hotel, too. When they finally made it to the entrance, a crowd was already waiting - holding posters, Sharpies, and shaking phones.

Malcolm, Bennett, Sam, Luke, and Xavier spent the next hour smiling for pictures, giving out hugs, answering questions, and signing autographs. They were sweaty, exhausted, and running on only adrenaline, but none of them cared. These were the people who made it all possible, the ones who had screamed the lyrics back to them every night, who had carried the Roadmap Tour further than any of them had dreamed.