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I wish I had a flat stomach rather than this chub.

More under the cut

I want to cüt the f4t off my body. I feel sick looking at my body all the time. My bmi is so fucking high, nothing I'm doing is bringing the numbers down where I want them. I keep gaining the same shit over and over no matter what I do. I want a flat stomach, I want to feel my bones not just when I lay certain ways. I want my thighs to stop rubbing together. I want my legs to slim down. I want my arms to slim down so my "bingo wings" stop being so noticeable. It hurts a teacher called them bingo wings. It hurts that I am being spoke to and being scanned up and down. I want so much to happens.

I can't even pvrg3 a lot either since my mother seems to be EVERYWHERE and asking if I'm alright. I want hurt but in a way I'm not in control of and I want to be in control of this pain.

I want to be in control of everything but I don't seem to have "the willpower" it would help if my mother stopped forcing me to eat and giving me the "if you don't eat I won't eat" then complain she's hungry an hour or less later treatment. I want control and she's taking it from me.

I feel like I'm faking all of this because my weight and bmi are so fucking high... I feel disappointed in myself. I feel sick even being perceived with how big I am. I try and make myself look smaller but that doesn't work either. I want to cüt where things don't look right. I want to sl1c3 the f4t off like a hot knife to butter. This hurts and I feel I can't grasp control any more

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I am. Shaking and I don't know why. All I did was go for a walk -_-

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Tumblr calling us out be like:

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The numbers are finally going down!!! Wahooo!

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The urge to destroy ourselves further. The numbers keep going up and we have an event at the end of the week. At least we can try being disciplined for 4 days? It's an event we've never been too so we have no clue if there will be food we like.

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When the heat causes everything to begin flaring up but you can't even have 2 minutes to yourself because you keep being asked to do shit, getting up and laying down all the time is making you dizzy but you just get called lazy and unmotivated... Can I please just be left alone. I'm too warm and keep feeling like I'm going to pass out. Do shit yourself. I shouldn't have to do it all the fucking time.

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Swam for 1hr 30 minutes :D we now need a shower but we can't be bothered right now and honestly just wanna go back to bed. - An exhausted alter

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Another update: we might be going either tomorrow (Thursday) after my exam or we'll be going Friday after we've sorted some stuff out

Thinking on going swimming tomorrow if it's doable with what we have going on as well, only thing is we only get an hour. We want to go longer :(. That being said, we also haven't been swimming in months because of our dysphoria... Hoping we find a solution to it soon since the binder acted more like a pushup bra last time we went (it's a swim safe binder but was likely too big, we did size up like it was recommended)

Any suggestions on how we can go longer than the allowed time we are given?

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Spoke to our parental figure, she's recommending we don't go swimming since we are going away next week... Guess an hour+ in the gym before we go will have to suffice.

Thinking on going swimming tomorrow if it's doable with what we have going on as well, only thing is we only get an hour. We want to go longer :(. That being said, we also haven't been swimming in months because of our dysphoria... Hoping we find a solution to it soon since the binder acted more like a pushup bra last time we went (it's a swim safe binder but was likely too big, we did size up like it was recommended)

Any suggestions on how we can go longer than the allowed time we are given?

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They are still refusing. We have to make YET ANOTHER appointment to get it increased. I already did that and they are STILL refusing!? WHAT THE FUCK!! how is this allowed!?

Doctors are refusing to up our meds. We've been asking for months. They say they'll do it but never do. Are they waiting for us to almost die before they'll do fuck all?? Uk might have free healthcare but they are fucking awful. They neglect you until it's illegal for them to do so.

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Thinking on going swimming tomorrow if it's doable with what we have going on as well, only thing is we only get an hour. We want to go longer :(. That being said, we also haven't been swimming in months because of our dysphoria... Hoping we find a solution to it soon since the binder acted more like a pushup bra last time we went (it's a swim safe binder but was likely too big, we did size up like it was recommended)

Any suggestions on how we can go longer than the allowed time we are given?

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Doctors are refusing to up our meds. We've been asking for months. They say they'll do it but never do. Are they waiting for us to almost die before they'll do fuck all?? Uk might have free healthcare but they are fucking awful. They neglect you until it's illegal for them to do so.

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Went out for a meal with parental figure. I think I'm in between tipsy and drunk. This feels a lot like dissociation just different. I am fine! I'm a legal adult in the UK I can drink if I want to. I want to go home. Where ever home is. -Wraith

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Dysphoria strikes again! Wahooooo! I hate this. I wanna kms. If I ⭐v myself, will my (.) (.) shrink..?

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Going to bed hungry seeing if that will do anything.

I feel hungry. It's currently 11:50pm. I can't eat yet. I have drank water and my stomach still won't settle. I can't eat until later on. 12pm at the earliest

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I feel hungry. It's currently 11:50pm. I can't eat yet. I have drank water and my stomach still won't settle. I can't eat until later on. 12pm at the earliest

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I am going to drive my head through a fucking wall.