iluvcashh

[iluvcashh]

uspoken words

you made me think “what if..”, and i hope one day it’s you telling me the answer rather than me figuring it out on my own.

could we have pretended for a minute, just a minute, that we were the only two people on earth and no one else mattered. i know most times towards the end we did, but it clearly wasn’t enough.

don’t let it become a distant memory.

all i ask if for your presence. the most harmless thing, but, somehow, was weighed with the most guilt.

don’t let us meeting, us being drawn to each other, all of us, whatever it was, be in vain

10 days felt like a short century: satisfactory length, but not satisfactory for our bond.

we have a very weak flame. i hope it’s enough for distant sparks to be lit every once in a while.

if i think of you loud enough, you might hear me.

one state. one state. you just have to go through one state to get to me. please don’t forget.

college is a place of growth. we want to grow in the same place. this must mean we are destined to grow together.

i don’t just write. i articulate my thoughts into a book in hopes that one day you’ll see them and think of me.

i felt you when you looked at me even though we were 30 feet away, in a sea of people.

i was scared of you. scared because you were electric. scared because when you looked at me, it was electric. when you talked to me, it was electric. when you touched me, it was electric.

i like your eyes: they light up when you see me even when you try to hide it. but i like my eyes even better because they are always looking for yours.

delusional. so wrapped up in our own world i forgot our conflict of interest.

in the real world, with real people, we are two people who happened upon the same place at the same time. in the real world, sonnets i once wrote for someone else turned into disputes.

in our own world, we want to grow in the same place. in our own world, we’re able to grow together. in the real world, i’m struggling to grow with someone else.

loyalty. something i admire. falling out, however; something i despise. how do i choose between the two without hurting someone.

to be selfish means to make decisions best for you. to be selfless means looking past your expectations and being there for others.

i was conflicted, and you came and showed me the truth. the fall out was not because of you. it was because of you i realized there was a fall out.

in the real world, i am growing while this “someone else” is not growing with me. in our dream world, it is only me and you and we are growing. together.

conflicts of interest. conflict is plural. in our own world, it is just the two of us. in the real world, there is an unknown third party.

the teenage mind plays tricks on you. these tricks, when strong enough, lead you to believe anything.

pieces of a puzzle always match up, but all of our pieces haven’t been taken out yet. we are just two people in the real world with the knowledge of our own world: the world where it’s just two of us; the world where we grow together.

maybe if i write enough, my words will seep into your mind and show up as signs. signs for both you and me. there aren’t only conflicts of interest; there are conflicts with our interest. in each other.

i struggled to write, but, after ours, it’s all i do.

our story wasn’t a much of a story. it was a paragraph that left me with so much to say. with so many thoughts in my brain.

these unspoken words i write out because i couldn’t have possible spoke them to you.

loyalty. something i admire. loyalty is the reason i write these unspoken words instead of telling them to you.

our own world was temporary, but, maybe, just maybe, in the future, it won’t be.

perhaps your reasoning of me is different from my reasoning of you. but, either way, it’s a reason.

the real world calls for the both of us, so i am not asking you to wait. i am asking you not to forget. i am asking for friendship.

(these are not my emotions but rather ideas.)

[iluvcashh]

so why tf is it that i get inspiration, write 3 new chapters, and then question everything i’ve just written and find myself not writing again for the next 7 weeks

[iluvcashh]

these percentages are optimistic and may not reflect reality

[iluvcashh]

Deepest apologies to the well-thought-out characters that I created but never wrote the stories for.

[iluvcashh]

when you're writing but for some reason the words do not word the exact way you want the words to word

[iluvcashh]

the random urge to end all of your closest relationships bc one thing (that had nothing to do with any of those relationships) didn’t go your way<<<<

[iluvcashh]

[iluvcashh]

there’s nothing worse than seeing your fp talk to other people and start thinking that they’re going to abandon you

[iluvcashh]

i decided to start writing again and all of a sudden and i woke up at 2 in the morning because i had a spark of inspiration and didn’t go back to sleep until 3:50. but hey at least i finally wrote something 😃

[iluvcashh]

okokok i’m going to try and finish what i’ve been writing. i think my 6 month break has gone too far ..

[iluvcashh]

everyday, i reread what i’ve already written and realize that i’m the author, and if i want it to be completed, i actually have to write something 😺

[iluvcashh]

having a partner that is understanding and willing to work with you and learn more about your bpd so he better be there for you>>>>>>