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Nicky, frantically running around the city: Have you seen my friend Neil? He’s this short, clearly gay but we haven’t had the talk yet!

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Neil: Are you high?

Andrew: Am I what?

Neil: High.

Andrew: Hello.

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Computer: Enter password.

Andrew: Neil.

Computer: Too weak.

Andrew: [about to destroy the computer] Say that again, motherfucker.

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Neil: You have to apologise.

Andrew: Fine.

Andrew to Matt: Unfuck yourself or whatever.

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Neil: [being kidnapped] Will I need my toothbrush?

Kinapper: Shut the fuck up.

Neil: I assume that means you’ll be providing a toothbrush.

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Dan: I really like it when guys roll up their sleeves so you can see their forearms.

Matt: [looking down and realising he only has two arms] Fuck.

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Nicky: To kill a vampire, you have to stab them through the heart with a wooden stake.

Renee: As an expert on stabbing, I have to say that would kill just about anyone.

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Allison: What’s worse than heartbreak?

Neil: Stepping on your cat’s tail and not being able to explain that you’re sorry.

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Bee: So what are your goals?

Andrew: I’ve been banned from every major city’s public transportation system except Melbourne, Australia. I don’t know what their limit is but I will fucking find it.

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Jeremy: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Kevin: You know, I’m not really a jewellery kind of person.

Jeremy: You don’t have to wear it.

Kevin: No I’m going to wear it forever, back off.

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this is definitely nicky

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Kevin: I hope you get ran over.

Andrew: Hoping is well and good, but ultimately, it gets you nowhere. Get in your car and run me the fuck down instead of waiting for others to do your work for you, you coward.

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Nicky: Has anyone ever in any point of your life told you that they love you?

Neil: Does family count?

Nicky: Yes.

Neil: Then no.

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Neil: Don't go in the living room.

Andrew: Why?

Neil: I saw a spider.

Andrew: Did you kill it?

Neil: I have two arms and it has 8, it's not a fair fight.

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Neil: Hello, 911? I accidentally stood on my cat's tail and I need to be arrested.

Operator: Mr Josten, we've spoken about this.

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Neil: You’re so tall. Do you play basketball?

Matt: No, do you play mini golf?

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Matt: Neil, what language do you think in?

Andrew: Bold of you to assume Neil thinks.