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Alex O’Connell: [Playing a game.] Hey dad! Poke your head through this paper towel, without ripping it.

[Places a paper towel on the counter with a 4”/13cm diameter hole cut into it.]

Rick O’Connell: Hmmm…

Alex O’Connell: You know how to do it?

Rick O’Connell: Okay.

[Stands up and begins unzipping his fly.]

Alex O’Connell: DAD, NO!

Rick O’Connell: [Smiling mischievously.] What? It’s gonna be a tight fit, but I think I can manage…

Alex O’Connell: I meant the head on your shoulders!

Rick O’Connell: [Sarcastically] Ohhhhhh…

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Rick O’Connell: How old are you, Winston, fifty?

Winston Havelock: Thirty-nine.

[Beat]

Rick O’Connell: War takes a toll, doesn't it?

Winston Havelock: Yes, it does.

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A little addition to the Winston’s age discussion, war fucking ages you. The stress on top of the conditions could have a man in his late thirties to early forties looking like he’s in his mid fifties for the time, which in turn would look like his seventies today, so Winston could well have been even younger than that I think.

I say, jolly good show, chaps. And did I panic? I think not.

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Jonathan: Why are Rick and Evelyn sitting with their backs to each other?

Ardeth: They had a fight.

Jonathan: Then why are they holding hands?

Ardeth: They get sad when they fight.

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Advantages of buying hard-copy media instead of just relying on streaming is you sometimes get the Commentary Tracks(TM), and I was today years old when I realised my Blu-ray copy of The Mummy 1999 has a Brendan Fraser only natter track. And it is DELIGHTFUL. BF alone in a booth and so softly spoken. I’m 20 minutes in and so far he’s:

Given pertinent ‘did u know’ historical facts about the 1930s props he’s holding

Identified 3-second shots of stunties and animal wranglers by name with glowing praise. First name, last name, career facts. Introduces every speaking actor as they appear.

Apologised for laughing (and planning to keep laughing) at John Hannah and Rachel Weisz’s comedy performances, but he enjoys them so much

[Rick runs and jumps and falls] ‘oh that didn’t hurt that wasn’t me’ [camera shows it is actually him] ‘oh that was me and it did hurt!’

Explains the sets and onscreen effects of scenes he’s not even in

Talks back at his own character ‘hey! manners!’ when Rick sasses Evie. Talks to Evie like she can hear him. Says ‘ow!’ when people get hit. This is extreme Dad behaviour.

Narrates the prison hanging scene like ‘that part is a stuntman and that part is me and here’s the moment when I actually started suffocating, and then I passed out’.

Later has a giggle fit and has to explain that Kevin J O’Connor ad-libbed the little ‘..someday I might’ line after ‘you don’t have any children’.

Rick awkwardly gives Evie the tools: ‘I think Rick would probably carry her books home from school’

Gently says ‘uh oh!’ anytime something untoward happens. When he’s not giving facts he’s just like directly narrating the story on screen like to a sleepy toddler in between very soft chuckles at his co-stars being cute.

He is engaged with this process. I am CHARMED.

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Friendly reminder that this blog is pro-choice and if you don’t think everyone should have full control of their own body, then kindly unfollow me right now and go to hell

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Jonathan Carnahan: Every month is pride month if you allow yourself to be consumed by hubris!

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Shafek: I’m gonna teach you the meaning of pain!

Evelyn O’Connell: You like pain?!

[Hits Shafek in the face with a weapon.]

Evelyn O’Connell: Try wearing a corset!

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Alex O’Connell: Do you ever feel guilty about anything you do?

Meela Nais: Guilt is like a stomachache from overeating. You make all sorts of promises while you're feeling it, but once it passes you just get hungry again.

Alex O’Connell: Most people are not like you.

Meela Nais: Everybody's like me. I'm just not in denial.

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Rick O’Connell: If we're not taking risks, are we really living?

Jonathan Carnahan: Yes! Better than if we're dying all the time!

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Rick O’Connell: Please note, we do not condone violence-

Evelyn O’Connell: Or at least not murder.

Jonathan Carnahan: And, usually not violence.

Rick O’Connell: We condone sending a message.

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Jonathan Carnahan: What's your plan for saving Evy?

Rick O’Connell: It's murder. The plan is murder.

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Imhotep: How come whenever I have fun, it's considered wrong?

Alex O’Connell: Because people die when you have fun.

Imhotep: …Right.

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Imhotep: I'm alive! You thought I was dead but I'm not. Bam! How do you like them apples?

Evelyn O’Connell: [Sarcastically] That was worth sticking around for.

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Evelyn O’Connell: [Upon learning that Alex dropped out of college, and Jonathan knew.] I am at a loss for words!

Jonathan Carnahan: [Narrating] Despite being lost for words, Evy yelled at us for the next forty-five minutes.

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Evelyn O’Connell: I need to talk to you about some very important guests coming tonight.

Jonathan Carnahan: Are they hookers?

Evelyn O’Connell: No…

Jonathan Carnahan: And just like that you've lost me.