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I think trans people are far too pressured to justify ourselves. Like you come out and your family opens a case file on your entire childhood and starts asking you questions like a fed trying to find where the transgender started. And you go to the gender therapist and they ask you diagnostic questions about whether you have a traumatic backstory or body image problems. And even the legislators who actually support your human rights still need the fine print to say that You Must Be This Trans to Ride. And when you hang out with other queers people want to talk about how you must have always known you were the wrong gender and how the trans experience must be a monolith of dysphoria-centered perception of the self. Meanwhile the whole time you may be existing outside of the entire clusterfuck of societal notions of gender, wondering why everyone has to do this right in front of your salad.

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It's funny how every evidence-based study finds this exact same result. Where is the flood of detransitioners we were promised years ago? Where are the whistleblowers of doctors "forcing" teens to transition? That's right, they don't exist.

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Occasional Trouble Passing…

“What do you mean I can’t go in there? You can just suck my sock, buddy!”

found in “FTM Newsletter”, 1990s

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"Trans men and women are both suffering" and "trans women are often specifically targeted by bigotry and harassment even within their own communities and deserve to be able to talk about their own unique challenges without being talked over" and "trans men are often erased from conversations about how bigotry and transphobia targets them and are not exempt from all the horribly draconian laws transphobes are attempting to pass" and "being trans doesn't make you immune to participating in horrible transmisogyny even and especially if you aren't aware you're doing it" and "holy shit don't reinvent bioessentialism but for trans people like holy fuck men are not destined to be evil and women aren't automatically incapable of harm" are all opinions that can and fucking SHOULD coexist

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hey i saw in your bio that you're nb, can you tell me which slurs a transphobe might call you if they wanted to bash your head in? i need to know if i should treat you as transfem lite or ciswoman lite

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By the way, I think it's important to know (for context, if nothing else) that most people LIKE their gender. Most people generally LIKE the experience of being their gender much more than they dislike it.

This is part of why gender, like, persists as a concept.

A lot of people (particularly people who don't realize they're trans, and also TERFs) think that most people (especially women) HATE their genders and HATE their experience with gender.

That's really far from true. Most women like being women (cis or trans). They hate sexism for sure (unless they're a tradwife or antifeminist and don't believe it exists ig), they may have suffered tremendously due to sexism, but like. They generally do like being women.

Similarly, most men, like. Generally like being men and enjoy that they are men and enjoy being a man.

So if you hate your gender, if you hate being a woman or being a man and assume everyone secretly lowkey feels that way on the inside, I really do want to let you know that that is not actually how most people feel and you should probably do some thinking about whether you might be trans

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this is almost certainly not a novel take but

i do wonder how much of the derisive language you hear toward "resistlib winemoms" or whatever is just "people who grew up in Safely Blue Coastal Enclaves rebelling against ppl who remind them of their mom b/c they are emotionally stunted adults"

like, as A Child Of A Very Conservative Area, i have a very vivid recollection of the first time i encountered this type of person, and my reaction was mostly baffled delight. wait you're telling me this PTA mom with unassailable Wholesome Americana credentials is gassing up the cause of trans rights at her book club. you're telling me she's batting her eyelashes and "think of the children"-ing, except instead of doing that to promote some obnoxious "ban this book from the school curriculum" agenda, she's shaming her state representative into actually funding the damn schools? i do not care how cringe her UV-bleached "i'm with her" bumper sticker is or whatever, she is working extremely hard & successfully on shit i care about and i will brook no slander against her

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I’d much rather have cishet guy in a dress than anyone who voluntarily starts or engages in online discourse

the queer community was formed by people who were deemed strange and abnormal in society based on them not conforming to expectations about sexuality & gender. there are no specific boundaries bc this isn't a club. a cishet guy that likes wearing dresses who fights side by side with us for true liberation, is 100x more queer than a millionaire gay man who's besties with companies that sell us watered down versions of our own culture for profit during pride while donating to homophobic lawmakers every other month.

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Estrogen won't turn you into a 5'4 anime girl but it will turn you into a shy tall girl who plays videogames and if you can't love a shy tall girl who plays videogames are you really a feminist

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people love to find progressive ways to say we should all be arranged into separate groups and try our hardest to not relate to one another

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I’m sure there really are people out there who are attracted to feminine and androgynous people but not masculine ones, but 99% of the time when someone says “I’m attracted to women and nonbinary people,” they mean “women and people I misgender as women.”

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i'm just saying if all the boys you like keep turning out to be gay you gotta take a solutions-oriented approach to the problem

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The thing about people saying "masculinity is a prison" and "femininity is a prison" is that both can be true and untrue simultaneously:

anywhere is a prison if you're locked inside.

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rb to make a biological essentialist mad <3

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is she exhibiting "male socialization" or is she learning to advocate for herself and take up space, something we once understood to be feminist and progressive?

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[“Many gay people will say that their families are “fine.” But when you ask for details, this means, basically, that the gay person has not been completely excluded from family events. Or that their partner, if they have one, is allowed in the house. Very few experience their personhood, lives, and feelings to be actively understood as equal to the heterosexual family members. Often parents or siblings keep the person’s homosexuality secret from others, or euphemize it. They vote for politicians who hurt gay people; they contribute to religious organizations that humiliate gay people; they patronize cultural products that depict gay people as pathological. They speak and act in ways that reinforce the idea of gay people as “special interest.” In many ways the message is clear that the gay person is not fully human. But because many gay people know others who have been more severely punished by their family’s prejudices, they look on their own continued compromised inclusion to be miraculously positive and a product of their own correct behavior.”]

sarah schulman, ties that bind: familial homophobia and its consequences

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Transitioning is like recovering from a life threatening injury. It's rehabilitation. You need the right tools and medicines. You need time. You need support from the people around you. It's pretty much a given that there's going to be a bunch of trauma to work through, both physical and emotional. And even after you recover from an injury, it'll likely still give you some lasting pain now and then. But you have to do it. To become healthy.