jaemajors

[jaemajors]

1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier. 2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks. 3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do. 4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream. 5. Fart when you have to. 6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it! 7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.

Seven Simple Ways To Free Yourself, from girl to girl (via notcapableoflove)

[jaemajors]

[jaemajors]

If Alcohol Labels Told the Truth [via] Previously: Honest Company Slogans

[jaemajors]

[jaemajors]

smooth

[jaemajors]

My love is unconditional but please don’t take me for granted.

[jaemajors]

forgot that i was filming on photo booth 

cheeky lil snap to update my face page x

[jaemajors]

When you see that one person you hate the most

[jaemajors]

[jaemajors]

when ur alarm goes off on a school day and you just

[jaemajors]

[jaemajors]

[jaemajors]

It All Flew By...

Its funny how pictures can bring you back in time. I remember when I first entered high school. I remember how scared I felt when I saw how many people were around me. All of them just seemed like vague faces back then. I never would have imagined that I wouldn't be talking to some people that I had met my freshmen year of high school. Those people helped shape my identity for better or worse and I am grateful for that above all else.

I was very shy because I was very insecure. I had a fat face and a wide body. I didn't fit in with any groups and even when people were around it seemed lonely. People made fun of me ever since grade school and I still remember to this day the feelings of sadness and anger that it evoked from me. I was called "Sherk", ugly, fat, gross, and alot of other negative adjectives. I had three friends that always stuck by me but then high school happened. 

I got pushed around alot in high school so at some point I developed a sacrastic nature to my personality. I didn't want anything to get to me anymore. Sarcasm became my armor for turning my head to what I describe as ignorance. I just wanted to seperate myself from everyone because I knew I was different from them. This didn't stop me from making life long friends but there was always something off about me. 

I nevegated my way through high school somehow and made it to senior year where I found pleasure in wearing mens attire and the rest is history. I don't know what the point of this post is but things change. Its important to cherish the time you have because it goes by so fast. One day your in high school and then the next day your about to be a senior in college. One day your hanging out with friends and the next you only see those friends again in pictures. 

[jaemajors]

Blowing off Steam

Cis people just don't understand what it means to actually be transgender* and I understand why but its annoying. When people ask me why I'm so grumpy or why I look sad it pisses me off. I'm transgender* I won't always have a good day or week so stop fucking bothering me. You try putting on some elastic shit that crushes your chest, not to mention always having to fix your chest at certain moments. Try seeing someone cute but not getting to know them because down the road you'll have to tell them your trans* and possibly face rejection, being in a place with no transgender* resources, less than a hand full of trans* people, and no support group with people your own age in town.

I'm just in the mood where I want everyone to step back and get the fuck away from me. Just because I"ve been taking hormones for over 2 years doesn't mean I love my body or me, it means I've been taking hormones for 2 years. Cis people please think about your privlege before you tell me to "be happy", whatever that may be. For all you know I'm not happy because cis people don't see that even though your lives aren't perfect you have the privlege of living what society calls a normal life in terms of your sex and gender. 

[jaemajors]

Minutes Turn to Hours

Minutes can seem like hours when you're stressed. I am constantly asking myself how I can sepereate the different aspects in my life. I have my school life, home life, transition life, gay life, and etc. I'm starting to realize that I can't seperate them but it is very overwhelming juggling them all. It is very easy to let yourself become overwhelmed but it is harder to stay on top of things. I think as humans we are not expected to alway be on top of everything because things come up. Life happends unplanned everyday so understandably I can't plan out my life ahead of time.

I need to find a balance in my life and soon. Everyday minute, hour, and second life keeps going wheather I go with it or stand still. How do I keep up? How do I priortize what needs to get done when I'm still trying to figure out who I am? Sometimes I wish I just spend my whole life looking up at the limitless sky. Ideally I could do this but realistically I have people who depend on me and need my time. I have a family that needs me to help them. When will I just have time for me? 

[jaemajors]

Just Jae

Even though life can be hard sometimes, it’s important to always keep moving forward. I’ve been beaten down so many times and I never thought I would be able to pick myself up but sometimes I do. Right now I’m beaten down but I have to tell myself to just stand. It is hard and it takes a long time to get back up but it is possible. I’m not going to let being transgender get me down. I’m just going to keep telling myself that “I’m Jae before anyone else”. I’m not Jae the transman, I’m just Jae. Today I am going to pick myself up or atleast I’m going to try. As long as you try whether you pass or fail doesn’t matter.

[jaemajors]

Hard Moments

I feel awkward when ever a gay men is around. I get this feeling that I am not enough, that I am not man enough. I feel like I have to hold back my gayness especially around those who knew me pre t. I’m scared to be me in what some would say is my own community. It’s hard and I wonder if it gets easier.

I’m constantly having to remind myself that even though I’m trans, I’m still gay. It’s hard managing the intersections between being gay and being trans and it’s even harder that I can’t separate the two.I want to live a “normal gay life” but at the same time I question what a “normal gay life” is?

I am scared that no one will ever love me because no one will take time time to look beyond how I perform my gender. I’m a man and somewhere in my mind I know that and it sticks but somewhere else my mind also believes that I am not a man. I hope one day I’ll be able to believe with my whole being that I’m a man. I know one day I will be able to. Some moments are just harder than others I suppose.