jojo-autuer

[jojo-autuer]

Astolfo Mood Board

[jojo-autuer]

Our lives are just like stormy weather

Yeah it's scary, but it's fine when we're together

Even though we're a thousand miles apart

You'll always live inside my heart

Yeah that sounds a bit cliche, yeah I know I'm corny

But I can't began to list all the good your love has done for me

There's nothing in the world I wouldn't do for you, my best friend

No amount of time nor money is too much for me to give or spend

I'd give you it all, every last fiber of my soul

To see you smile, to hear you laugh, to enter your heart and make it full

I know what it's like to live in the dark, to be in a constant state of terror

I know what its like to hate yourself, to avoid looking in every mirror

I know the pain of feeling broken, cast away and lonely

A constant paranoia that everyone will disown me

You were there when I was laying as shattered pieces on the floor

You gave me light, you gave me love, now I want to give you more

Validation is all I can offer, along with a side of unending love

All I got are my words, to tell you you're the one I'm always thinking of

Still I want to be by your side, to hold you through this difficult time

To shower you with endless affection till you feel warm inside

I'll always be here when you need me

Just ask for help, I promise you won't sound needy

I want to lift you up the way that you had lifted me

To give you love the same way you gifted me

But if you'd rather me give you space, if all you need is silence

I'll be waiting for your return eagerly in the quiet

[jojo-autuer]

Sometimes I doubt my self worth

Wondering if there was a purpose for my birth

Seeing all those who leave me behind

Got myself thinking somethings wrong with my mind

Perhaps I'm too much to handle with care

Maybe I'm just a little too annoying to bare

Is the problem me or is it them?

Do I just have bad luck when making friends?

Am i cursed to be forever alone living in my void

Do i make people too frustrated, do they feel to annoyed?

Is solitary better? Should I go it alone?

Is this never ending darkness really where I'll make my home?

I guess at least its peaceful living in solitude

Though i feel way too fragile, i have no real fortitude

The lonely echos of my sobs my only ambient sound

I'll just he here in my void untill I can be found

Just a lonely mass of angst and rage so tired and broken

A product of melancholic thoughts that will remain unspoken

Twenty plus years have given me some time to take form

Just pile of emptiness, so cold, I want to feel warm.

But I'm nothing more than a construct representing self hate

A metaphysical concept of a dysphoric state

All the inner desires to rebel against the world around me

A life created by hate for the society that surrounds me

[jojo-autuer]

Seems like this was a bad night for me... Oh well...

[jojo-autuer]

https://youtube.com/channel/UCRKyWTwMdnmLhFwjSot0Saw

[jojo-autuer]

I used to be a piece of shit

Lived my life as a hypocrite

I've hurt many that I should have shown love

I spread hateful rhetoric for 'god above'

I hid my true nature in a mask of hate

Danced in my own false masquerade

Indoctrinated others into a cult of lies

Laughed at the innocent suffering infront of my eyes

My hands are stained with the blood of the lost

I sowed hatred to be accepted and I've paid the cost

Now here I am bearing the scares of the past

Now I'm one of them, those I called outcast

How I wished I had seen sooner the error of what I had done

Perhaps I could have saved those whos lives are now gone

So I'll do everything in my power to help whoever I can

I'll accomplish as a woman, what I couldn't as a man

Now that I'm the true me, I have to do whats right

I'll stand up for those like me, I'll give my all to this fight

My experience in giving council and guidance now put to good

I'll stand with those who, show them their loved and understood

[jojo-autuer]

Sometimes I'm unsure what to think, but maybe thinking isn't as important as what I feel. If I allowed the jumbled mess of my mind to get in the way, I'd never know what is reality. Does common sense trump my adoration? Should logic stifle my love? Should I be pragmatic or lost in my euphoria. Should I be cautious or reckless? And most of all, do I tell her, or keep it bottled up inside? Do I risk losing what we have, or do I take this to my grave? Is truth and openness worth it, if it means I might lose her? And where did this come from? Why do these feelings even exist? Will time make things better, will I master these desires? Or will they consume me in a mighty blaze?

[jojo-autuer]

This broke me. I love it.

If your argument against being gay is “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” then you need to Adam and leave.

[jojo-autuer]

[jojo-autuer]

Had a coworker tell me I'm sinning cause my body's a temple and I shouldn't alter what god created. I told him the architect done fucked up and now I get to make renovations to fix their mistakes. That god person needs his license revoked because he is horrible at his job.

[jojo-autuer]

Fuck regret. Feel the need to do or say something, then do it. Think you might burn bridges? Afraid of closing doors? Build new bridges, open new doors. Never acting when you feel you should is worse than any consequence that may not even happen.

[jojo-autuer]

Early morning regret...

Lifetime of regret...

[jojo-autuer]

Honestly all three.

Reblog if trans lives matter, you hate terfs, or you really want a nice long nap

[jojo-autuer]

I’ve got an Egg

Due to extenuating home circumstances, my nephew has come to live with me. Almost immediately after arriving they confided in me that they are questioning their gender identity. I’m just so excited that I get to be there for them and offer my guidance and support as they figure this out. Funnily enough, this is the third time I’ve had to take a nibbling  in (I was told that’s the gender neutral for niece/nephew but that might be wrong lol) and would be the second to be gender nonconforming. Right now their not sure if they are genderfluid, enbie, or just cis-male presenting feminine. What ever conclusion they come to, I’m just happy I’ll be able to be there for them through it all.   

[jojo-autuer]

ADHD isn’t Trouble Sitting Still Disorder

ADHD is

Emotional regulation difficulties

Boredom being physically intolerable to the point of being at risk for self injurious behaviors

Spatial disorientation and clumsiness

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria

Executive dysfunction that prevents you from getting out of bed for days

The simplest task is broken into a million agonizing steps

Co morbid learning disabilities like dyslexia, dyscalcula, nonverbal learning disorder

Co morbid dyspraxia

Anxiety and depression

Hyperfixating for hours on end because it’s the only way you can feel any positive emotions

(Feel free to add on if you have ADHD which really really needs a better name. Oh offer suggestions for a new name too)

[jojo-autuer]

If I actually posted everything I've thought of posting on here, instead of letting my anxiety get the best of me, I'd probably have a wealth of stupid anecdotes just filling my page.

[jojo-autuer]

Me ages 10-13: "why does everyone call me gay? I'm not gay, i like girls

Me now, a pansexual transgendered woman in a poly relationship with my lesbian wife and a bi-boy friend: "oh..."