jolimoone

[jolimoone]

Reading Journal #1 - Norwegian Wood

*SPOILERS AHEAD

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami was very…. Interesting. Well, for me at least, ‘cause I love classic books, and on a fever for the Bildungsroman genre (think catcher in the rye, Jane eyre, Demian), I started Norwegian Wood thinking I’d get a good story about the life of a university student but was instead, left feeling a bit perturbed. Reading the summary itself, it’s just the book I was looking for as a 19 year old university student, and I’m working on a story where the main protagonist is a male 20 year old university student so the perspective was perfect to study. But, by the end of this novel, I had these three thoughts.

- this book is clearly written by a man.

- I should’ve read Kafka on the shore first.

- I’m concerned with people that find this book relatable and phenomenal.

Now let me elaborate, because these are strong opinions. I’m going to try my best to speak objectively, but this review is coming from a female 20 year old university student. There is nothing wrong with books written by men, I typically don’t care for the author’s gender AT ALL, but this particular book was a pretty hard read for me.

Toru Watanabe presents himself as this niche character that loves “unique” literature, speaks uniquely (apparently), and judging from what other character’s say about him, is pretty personable. But those traits, just as many that are said about him, like when Nagasawa said Toru was not interested in anything but himself (and that’s why they’re so similar), doesn’t hold true (Toru actually cares a lot about the people around him). Murakami does a lot of tell and not show, and I don’t know if it was purposeful, but a lot of the bare characterization were just not accurate so the Storm trooper, funnily enough, was the best character for me. I found that Toru is actually the most ordinary, dry, and inconsistent protagonist ever. He just goes with whatever. For example, the characters can say the most absurd, most unrealistic statement, and he’d be like, “sounds like it,” “wow,” or “I see, tell me more,” and it’s just frustrating to sit in such a dead perspective. This kind of persona worked for Nick Caraway in Great Gatsby because he was infatuated by Gatsby, a very very interesting character. But for Toru, by the end, he didn’t even have an apparent character development besides “growing up” (whatever that is, Murakami didn’t describe it). Nagasawa, his friend was objectively horrible and if you don’t think so, I think you’re terrible too. He sleeps around with 70 girls while dating a girl, and his words are severely entitled. The fact that Toru seems to respect this guy in some ways irks me. Now, the most difficult thing for me were the girl characters. All of them (Naoko, Midori, and Reiko), should’ve existed to show different ways the protagonist either grew or was effected, but since the protagonist is so dry and stagnant, they just showed up to be kind of… weird. Naoko was decent, but her relationship with Toru was really odd, to the point of being unrealistic. She was broken because of Kizuki’s suicide, and naturally a friend like Toru would respect that if they truly loved her, but he kept using Kizuki as some kind of connection with Naoko to get with her and have sex. I know it’s deeper than that, since Naoko is unable to love (but she still seems to string everyone along). Yet Naoko remained confused pretty much the whole book and just died at the end. I get that that can be the reality, but this is a written story, making such an outcome a one dimensional one. Instead of talking about sex, why couldn’t they elaborate more on why she struggled to love? As for Midori, I was so sick of her showing up just to talk about periods and sex and rape jokes. And I mean, every time. When she wears a short skirt it’s mentioned at least 10 times. She showed her naked body to her dead father as if that added anything to her character? I just had to skip the scenes with her in it and the story didn’t lose anything. And Reiko? She’s okay, but again, a sane person would see her as mentally disturbed even though she claims she’s “healed”. She got sexually harassed by a kid and claims that she doesn’t have to return to her family, and sleeps with Toru at the end. Tell me, why do all characters get sexually involved with Toru? Is that what all women exist for? The objectification goes crazy. Toru hangs around every girl ‘cause they like him for some reason, but he’s really got nothing going for him. For god’s sake, Reiko was some old woman that seemed to have some kind of mature-ness and then she sleeps with a 20 year old boy to mourn Naoko? Mourning in this book equates to sex. All I can say by the end is that these people (and I mean all, even Midori) need to seek mental help or Jesus, not sex, masturbation, or anything like that, ‘cause it’s just sad to think about life that way.

All these characters are just terrible. It’s totally fine to write books with terrible characters, we need those books to exist (I know several people hate catcher in the rye because the main character is insufferable but I personally loved the commentary on the superficiality of society). But I do not know if Murakami wrote these characters with the intention of making them unlikable, because it just seems to me that he wrote it as if this is the reality. Bildungsroman books are supposed to portray the realities of growing up, Norwegian Wood is supposedly relatable, but, if this book is relatable I am again, super perturbed. If the intent was to write about mentally troubled people, then I get it (again, I love books like perks of being a wallflower and catcher in the rye, protagonists that both have mental struggles), but again, Murakami seemed to write this as if these out-of-pocket thoughts/scenarios were normal. Is it normal? Am I just not getting it because I’m a girl? I’m not sure what Murakami’s intent was in writing this book at all, because if it is about grief, it’s sending the wrong message. I didn’t go into this book expecting all the characters to just talk about sex, periods, blowjobs, and getting wet every three pages, had I known, I wouldn’t have picked it up.

The prose is decent, and I’m sure it’s more beautiful in it’s original language. There were dreamy moments and thoughtful quotes. The parallels of Toru’s present situations and his past and the way he handled him differently this time was nice to see. However, these moments to me are overshadowed by the flaws I just mentioned above. I swear, I started getting scared whenever a new girl appeared because I was worried she was going to sleep with him. Murakami kept referencing books, such as The Magic Mountain and Light in August, but why? I know Toru is a literary nerd, but mentioning these books in a single sentence with no connection to anything is useless. Great Gatsby was largely influencing the novel and I can see it. Toru was like Nick Caraway, but a cheap Walmart version. In fact, the whole cast was like a cheap Walmart version of all the Gatsby characters. Toru isn’t as introspective as I expected him to be, and this book is mostly dialogue and communicating with other characters which is fine. But just when you think that the character’s are full of depth, we get hit with sex, reducing them back to being shallow. I did not care at all what happened to these characters, and no offense, Naoko’s death didn’t even surprise me.

I should’ve read Kafka on the Shore first because I just do not want to read anything by Murakami anymore and I heard people like that book much better. But in my opinion, Murakami is overrated and I’m probably not going to touch another book by him unless someone convinces me real good. I guess, I was expecting too much? “Murakami is a literary master”, “this book is so poetic”, “It’s an artful love story” and all I can say is how? If we think about the characters in that they were broken, frozen in time, suffering with melancholia, then, sure, it’s beautiful, but the people who say this book is good is ignoring the written execution. It’s not a definite love story. The poeticism is ruined by vile, useless dialogue. Are we reading the same thing? I’m not asking this to be a hater, I’m just genuinely curious.

I see arguments defending this book, that this honest depiction of the male perspective is necessary and Murakami isn’t even bad compared to other male authors, but I find that problematic. How is this a respected work? Why are we normalizing this kind of perspective in literature? This depiction of women in books? Holden Caulfield, Charlie, and Jane Eyre are so deeply and intricately characterized enough for readers to understand their values, struggles, and views on the world even if they are a little strange. They’re relatable in one if not all those ways. If characters were unfavorable, in that they were possibly insufferable, ignorant, entitled, or misogynistic, there would be thorough development to explain so (characters like Patrick Bateman), but Toru, he just vibes through everything with sex as if that’s all he knows. Was it right for him to sleep with Naoko that night? No. The answer is no and this shouldn’t even be a question Toru should ask or readers to discuss. Don’t say that I’m being blind to the narrative value of this scenario because objectively, it’s wrong to sleep with someone who is at a vulnerable broken unstable state even if they consented.

Anyways, all of the above was my experience with this book. I’m currently reading Demian and East of Eden, and hopefully I’ll be back with a review of those as well :)

[jolimoone]

Akiba Maid Wars Review! *~Minor Spoilers BEWARE~*

Long time no see! I've been occupied with living, and boy, it's been annoying. Anyways, I watched Akiba Maid Wars during my long summer break and decided to write a review because it was one of the only series I actually finished since this year began [which says something abt this anime b/c I never finish anything].

First things first, this anime was hella funny because the concept was one of its kind: maid cafes x gang/mafia. The great dichotomy between those two concepts in itself is hard not to make iconic, and engaging the audience is quite simple when the "surprise" factor IS the plot. But...

...do you see how that can be problematic already?--detrimental and damaging to this whole anime?

I'm going to try to not get too rant-y because credit does need to be given to where it deserves, and this anime was very entertaining.

Pros: The characters had distinct, comical personalities. Although it was a bit stereotypical [a hopeful MC, stern friend, cute/cold friend, cute/violent friend], it wasn't a huge splinter to the story. I'll just say everyone had a funny dynamic with one another and the obstacles they went through because their characters were all different. The villain was a bit boring, but again, not a huge problem. For the plot, it wasn't anything mind-blowing or new, but it was decent mostly because it was so funny. It's so damn hilarious to think that cute maid girls are actually gangsters. I laughed a lot at each episode because of how ridiculous it was, and many scenarios were quite memorable. It made me think the writers probably had a good laugh themselves when writing a maid festival where cute maid groups had to fight each other/climb a huge maid statue to win and get more prestige and sales.

Now I'm not going to lie; there were many eyebrow-raising moments because things just didn't make sense/came off as unnatural.

That goes right into my cons: the plot execution was so messy. Not "just" messy, SO messy. It really affects the viewing experience about halfway through the season, even to the point that I just wanted to drop it. I can see that at the beginning of the series, there was a clear vision the creators had: to shock viewers when cute maid girls suddenly kill each other [obviously, like gangs]. I think they were also going for a meme/gag aesthetic. The first episode accomplished it well, but they already utilized the "surprise factor", so how were they going to top it off in the next 11 episodes? The scenarios began to get severely repetitive, predictable, and the weight of death wasn't there at all, with no consequences or realistic emotional damage. This is a huge problem; it strips away the human quality of the characters/setting that is based on IRL concept of maid cafes in Japan. If they were going for a totally unrealistic/absurd vibe, I'll take it, but the anime seemed confused, because they tried to add real sentimentality of gang stories.

SO at about episode 6 or 7, it was a struggle. They had nothing more to work with in later episodes as the same situations kept happening with loosely mended solutions. Sure, there was a plot to address, but in between that seemed like filler episodes of either kidnappings, sabotage, gun fights, and meaningless deaths. And I'll just say it now, there is such a thing as TOO MUCH killing sprees and character deaths, especially when it's either used as a brainless resolution or a pointless attempt at "shocking" the viewers. It just didn't make it enjoyable anymore, and I know the execution could've been better had they carefully constructed HOW they were going to present important plot points and HOW they were going to solve it. Were they going for a coherent story? Or just a gag (think Gintama) vibe? The humorous situations were what kept this anime going, but then you'd think about the foundational plot and wonder how serious (or unserious) it was, and just end up getting frustrated with the way things pan out.

As for the ending, it was nonsensically abrupt and did not make much sense; I think I constantly questioned, "Why am I still watching this?" at that point. But, you know, I commend the writers for giving it a happy ending than the miserable/sadder ones I see in mainstream media. They got the main message across pretty good: Maid's are defined by their duty to bring happiness. It isn't about power, money, or glory. I suppose you can apply this idea to numerous roles in our societies. Overall, a 6/10 watch.

It was a decent, turn-off brain series to watch, so if that's what you're looking for alongside good laughs, I recommend it. If you hate messy, nonsensical stories to the point that it exhausts you (i was indeed a bit exhausted) don't watch it.

[jolimoone]

Small Handheld Collection ✨

I’m hoping to get my hands on a white 3ds XL and a PS Vita to add to this collection !!!

If there is any way to get these fair-priced please do tell 🫶🏻

[jolimoone]

🌼 Pokémon! …unsolicited reviews - SPOILERS AHEAD! 🌼

So far, I’ve only played 3 Pokémon games: Pokémon Ultra Sun, Pokémon X and Pokémon Black.

Pokémon Ultra Sun: My first Pokémon game. I got this when it came out (2017-18ish) and to be quite frankly honest, I never finished it. Don’t really remember much of it. My only lasting impression of this game was too much Pokémon battles, my Pokémon were weak, and the story wasn’t very interesting. But before you attack me, listen, I was a very nanoscopic Pokémon fan back then that even calling myself a fan during the age of 13/14 is almost a lie.

So, wasn’t rly into Pokémon franchise.

Pokemon X: Bought a copy off of Amazon earlier this year for my b-day (Feb 2024). After ignoring my 2ds xl for about five years I decided to get a game, and I got onto the trustworthy tool of Reddit and saw a post detailing the best Pokémon 3ds games. I saw OR/AS and X/Y. Ppl seemed to say X was too easy, brainless, but it’s what had gotten them back into Pokémon games. So yeah, I got X (I also watched the anime for this one). And let me tell you, I was obsessed. It really was brainless and easy b/c of the exp. share, but I was having a lot of fun. The characters were pretty memorable, although Lysandre, the villain—his motive sucked, kept yapping on about preserving the beauty of this world, but b/c the world was already too late for that he turned to destruction? Ye… makes sense. The story was pretty good in the beginning, loved the events like seeing the fireworks at the castle with Shauna. It was so cute?! Loved the setting, too! Rly open. Near the end it went kind of dry, but the legendary Pokémon is pretty cool— fairly weak, however, I didn’t use Xerneas at all. Also that scientist man reunited with his flabebe or whatever, I honestly felt he was integral to the story but at the same time absolutely useless.

I can’t speak to the post-game content b/c I’ve yet to return to Pokemon X, but overall 7.9/10. (Don’t attack me for giving it a fairly low rating, Pokémon X isn’t one of the absolute GREATEST games I’ve played so I’m just basing it off the fact that I did have fun and that’s that)

Pokémon Black: So I liked Pokémon X, but I know there are better Pokémon games. I kept seeing Soulsilver/Heartgold and Pokémon black/black2 (vice versa). I was gonna buy them but they’re hella expensive now. I managed to buy Pokémon black/black2 for over 200 😭 but it’s ok, cuz I like the fact that I have them (I have a secret collector’s heart but no money).

So, I played Pokémon Black, I finished it in about two weeks. The story wasn’t very interesting nor were the characters as impactful to me as Pokémon X for like 2/3 of the game. Like Bianca and Cheren were dryyy. But the villain, N and Ghetsis, are insane. I never knew Pokémon actually explored the idea of Pokémon liberation, and there was a lot of philosophical themes like ideal vs truth and I was like is this rly a children’s game?! The ending was rly good! I love N! Also the legendary Pokémon’s are so cute!

This game was a lot more challenging than Pokémon X, it took me like four tries to beat Ghetsis and that Electric Gym kicked my arse. The battles were a lot more frequent and tedious in this game (got me having flashbacks to Pokémon Ultra Sun) but honestly the ending rly made it for me and also I learned a lot more about Pokémon strategy… lmao.

I can’t speak to the post-game content yet but to my knowledge there is a lot to explore after? I really want to start Pokémon black 2 but I’m going to try to get post-game content for X and Black b4.

Anyways, experience was overall 8/10.

Hopefully I can create an updated post soon (cuz I recently modded my 2ds xl (hallelujah for never having thrown away this device) and am going to play Soulsilver soon) but I want to hear your opinions on the games (spoiler-free for ones I haven’t played)! Pokémon fans are welcomed!!

[jolimoone]

AOT *spoilers ahead

My opinions on the ending…

Long time no see! I finally watched the last two episodes of AOT and let me purge the unshakable “whyyy!” I feel about AOT’s ending.

So, the credits begin to roll and I think, it’s not so bad. It makes sense. It’s simple. I strangely understood it all. Then, I think, the dialogue sucked. Especially eren and armin’s conversation, reiner’s last remark, and mikasa’s last quote. Then, I’m in a crisis, was all of this just for that? For eren to die to make his friends heroes (which is totally out of character by then), for armin to say he’ll go to hell with him and thank eren for genocide but then surviving just fine and suddenly doing peace talks, and mikasa still hung up on eren ‘til the end? There was no development in armin nor mikasa’s character as foils and eren’s character (even other characters, like reiner) was straight up butchered in the last few chapters/minutes of the manga/anime.

Couldn’t the characters have been more complex? Have more development? It would’ve been nice to see that they were struggling with ptsd, finishing up their ties with the whole ordeal, or possessing some conflicting feelings about how the situation panned out and is currently after three years. This story was realistic in the way the situations were, but the execution and the characters were highly unrealistic and half-assed. I don’t really see anyone talking about levi and zeke’s ending, but in comparison to their prominent narratives and contributions their ending was so dull (like many others). My additional problem with zeke was that armin motivated him to help their friends win this fight and he did so easily… then just died. It’s like isayama knew the only way to end this was to nerf some of eren’s power, but he sacrificed zeke’s character in the process. Also… eren pretty much died for nothing by the end. There is still war.

I’m also very surprised that the war plans in this story were more complex than the actual ending. And let me get this out of the way, “only Ymir knows” is turning into a meme and I believe it isn’t one of the main problems of this story. It makes sense because everything was up to mikasa in whether or not she was going to kill eren. Ymir saw that she did, breaking the chain of obedience, but also saw the kiss, and learned that there is love even in that choice.

I get isayama added so much to this story that every little thing was hard to keep track of by the end, but plot holes— or rather, things that just need more explanation— are so immense (like that worm thing).

I even argue that some aspects of this story were unnecessary (or could’ve been less complicated) if he was planning on ending the series like this all along (maybe gabi and falco’s whole dealio?).

But, my biggest problem is this. What in the world was isayama trying to convey with this whole story?

Love…war…hate…no, nope, there is nothing. He’s conveying nothing, at least nothing compelling and not confusing.

It’s hard to make out the overarching theme because there is no major force of evil or good that prevailed or lost, or no sense of logical closure from any character, and everything just seems like a stale portrayal of a “meh” reality (kinda? the “reality” isn’t so consistent throughout). If that was the goal from the beginning, discussing the complexity of human morality in reality, then I’d take it. But nothing was solved in that way, things were brushed over, and there wasn’t a huge (sensible) shift in the perspectives of the audience (and I don’t think eren’s sudden turn to friendship was a sensible shift). Isayama randomly made eren the mastermind, a “savior” for his friends after killing 80% of humanity, but really… friendship? After all that characterization from good to evil to then he was good all along and prioritized his friends the most? We know that’s not true. I see it’s hard to make out a different outcome without reconstructing a bulk of the story but it’s such a cop out.

The ending is what makes a story. There is no story if there is no ending. I think AOT will be remembered for having a controversial ending rather than it’s eminent qualities, which is both sad but also just on isayama. This isn’t any hate towards him, but he can’t just produce a story that readers raised him into fame and return the favor with a dry ending that divides the people—the fandom.

*these are only my opinions and if there is any misinformation feel free to educate me on ur perspective :)

[jolimoone]

Humanity has finally found a way to communicate with crabs, we realize they're smarter than us. Now that they know we know, what are they going to do?

It is Day 27 of surviving the crab-apocalypse.

It was merely an accident. A literal “slip of the tongue”. And now the crabs, who didn’t care much for us before (they say we were just stupid Neanderthals), are now eradicating us. And by eradicating us, we’ve come to the conjecture that the crabs are ultimately planning to feast on us--as they do their own babies. Optimistically, it is a rather heartfelt ordeal, for they do not see us as enemies but as their own babies. But that is only because we, humans, have an incomparable emotional criterion with them, crabs. If crabs are smarter than humans, surely they hold an otherworldly “logical” (as they claim) philosophy of morality. Crabs eating their own babies is part of their natural cycle--it is unfortunate; I do not know how much longer we can hold out, for that is what we have now become, second in the pyramid of life. We should’ve never communicated with them; I knew crabs were a bad idea; at least dogs were already obedient to the human race. Laughable we are. It is, as the oracle predicted, an embarrassing downfall that is only inevitable for us.

Unless I'm dead, I'll update you in a pinch. Get it?

[jolimoone]

*Warning~SPOILER ALERT!! 🍌BANANA FISH: The Bitter Reality 🐟

Yes. I finally watched Banana Fish. (Read the manga about halfway)

If I’m being honest, I avoided this anime for quite a while because I stereotyped it and already knew how it was going to vaguely end (to which I reacted with a “duh” because gang stories never end up well if you can’t escape it). Still, the story was nothing but phenomenal when I finally experienced the whole thing. It made me realize that this was storytelling and people should be paying attention to these stories rather than dumb isekai series with long ass titles. 

The ending for Banana Fish left me curled up in a ball in the depression pit (yes, some tears were spilled) for about a week, which I slowly crawled out of because I came to terms with how this anime portrayed reality. The bitterness of it, the sorrow of it--for reality is what we all try to escape from and yet no man has been able to, even people as great as Eiji. I indulge myself in many stories to escape from reality myself, but ultimately it's a cage no one can truly break out of.

Ash Lynx is too deep into the world of gangsters, so far from the innocent world that Eiji, his Japanese friend, lives in. There is no way they can peacefully be together, which explains why Eiji was sent back to Japan against his will. Ash loves Eiji, so his first priority is to always get him back to safety- to get him out of his dangerous world- which he’s successfully accomplished. But, of course, neither parties were happy with the split. As the story progressed from start to finish, Ash’s breaking point was well to be predicted although he’s never explicitly shown his distress, and that was partially because of Eiji. Ash could get through everything he had on his demanding agenda because Eiji relieved the excruciating side effects of Ash's sacrificing, dehumanizing, and stripping off of his own self-worth. Eiji gave worth to Ash without wanting anything back when he needed it the most. It was the greatest gift Ash could’ve ever asked of God, a friend who authentically loved him.

The ending could’ve been perfect if I stopped watching the last episode at the halfway mark (obviously, I can't do that hehe), but as Eiji goes back to Japan thinking that Ash is still alive, Ash actually gets stabbed by Sing’s half-brother. I initially thought that this was unnecessary, and I raged. I flipped tables, chairs, and cars. How can such a fantastic character— a celebrity of the hood, respected and charismatic-- have such a pathetic death? He got a ticket to Japan and was ready to run to the airport, but he suddenly got stabbed by a side character that I had literally forgotten about.

Ash crawled himself back to the New York Public Library and died with Eiji’s letter in his hands, strangely as if he wasn’t dying but simply resting. He seemed as if he wasn’t in any agony or pain, nor in a sense of remorse. But seriously... Why didn’t he go to the hospital instead? He had a chance to survive if he had told a person to call an ambulance, to get on a taxi to the hospital quickly, to even prevent on his own from bleeding out to death because he had survived far worse than a stabbing before... but enough of the ‘what ifs.’ With Eiji going to Japan, he didn’t have anything to help him hang onto his grueling life on a more extensive picture of his reality anymore. Tragedy will follow Ash forever. This is the world he chose to live in.

It did break my heart, but the last panel of Ash smiling while dying was the most peaceful smile we've ever seen him express. He died knowing that he was in the memories of a friend who truly loved him for who he was. That he had gotten to meet such a person, to have someone who would always think of him brightly even though they may never meet again. Perhaps that was all he was asking of his world when he first set foot in it… and now that he had obtained this very small blessing in his hellish world, he could rest with peace of mind for once.

So what I’m trying to say is that this was ultimately the best way Ash could’ve died. Not in the past by some gang enemy that’d haunt him every night, not in the future where he has every chance of being killed with torture, regret, and sorrow with every step he takes.

Perhaps in an alternate universe, Ash and Eiji would've led a normal and happy life with one another until they were old and wrinkly. It was a tragedy for this pair, who weren’t meant to be separated in any world.  Soulmates that reality had utterly torn apart.

[jolimoone]

🍀-All about Lily Chou-Chou-☘️

It is the Faceless Truth.

The reality of painful youth.

What you hold dear,

Hurt you the most.

The world, gray and choked.

And Nobody understands what I had coped.

Help me, I have said. I am sinking in the bottomless ocean,

When I want to be just like a melody in the breeze.

But I don’t know how to get rid of this disease.

Tell me Lily Chou-Chou,

Just how beautiful I can be,

Like your songs that bring me salvation from reality.

The ether flows within me,

And I want to become one with the ethereal ether.

(poem by pinkymoondal)

☆*:.｡. .｡.:*☆

[jolimoone]

~*Fullmetal Alchemist !_*⭐️

Ah. Fullmetal Alchemist. I really believe this series deserves the ‘overrated-ness’ that many people complain about. 

Reading Frankenstein by Mary Shelley for school, I’ve noticed a lot of similarities with this anime series and that old classic novel.

They both attempted to create ‘life’ which obviously leads to chaos as it breaks a boundary of where we humans shouldn’t cross. Humans must align with the greater universe and we mustn’t meddle with godly powers that just wasn’t naturally given to us since our existence. 

But both Frankenstein and the Elric brothers broke that taboo. And with breaking it--they both embark on a journey to fix their mistake, to simply find happiness in what they just have. Spoiler alert- one succeeds, other doesn’t.  

Victor Frankenstein was a fortunate child that was on the richer side, as well as a happy family, friend, and a ‘girlfriend’ (you could call it) that was just waiting to be married with him and live happily ever after. But his fatal flaw was his ambition and selfishness to finding an antidote to eternal life. The Elric brothers on the other hand, was slightly more unfortunate because their mother died--which triggered their selfish idea of bringing her back. They knew it was dangerous, but their selfishness got to the best of them, which caused great sacrifices to be made. 

Now the difference between the two was the fact that Victor Frankenstein was always running away from his problems and blaming others/using others just to avoid the ‘scary’ monster he created. But the Elric brother’s accepted the fact that they made a huge mistake--which makes such a great story because their journey in getting back their bodies was actually a life-changing experience in maturing with gradual wisdom.  

I believe that the Elric brother’s acceptance in their mistake made them deserve their happy ending because no matter how hard of an obstacle they were faced with, they powered through knowing that they chose this fate. 

Victor Frankenstein died at the end of the story--which is kind of pathetic in my opinion--but for an arrogant guy, that was the only ending for him, and truthfully, he lacked the humbleness to know better. The monster he created also killed himself because he had no motive in being alive. But this novel by Mary Shelley was amazing as it’s explanation of death and life was quite exquisite. It dwelt more on the great emotional toll that inflicts an individual from breaking the laws of nature rather than undoing mistakes. 

Watch Fullmetal Alchemist for those of you who haven’t--then you will earn the greatness to be my friend. 

[Note: Everything stated above is just my opinion] 

[jolimoone]

.~*🎂Bibi’s Birthday Cake*~.

First things first: I love everything about it. What really caught my attention is what Bibi is incredible at: creating an amazing composition that reveals greater meaning in what she is trying to convey to her audience.  

MV: The music video is simple, just her dressed as a homeless girl, eating cake with a smile in the beginning--but gradually drowning in it alongside her tears. It’s a very meaningful scene she is displaying, with numerous interpretations to it. In my opinion, I infer that the girl that Bibi is playing as once ate birthday cakes to celebrate a special joyful day, but now is a meaningless subsistence eaten as a means of survival because she is homeless. That realization would obviously make her cry.

What I see alongside the song's lyrics is a story of how different circumstances can generate varying perspectives on what something (an object or an idea) may mean, like a cake.

“Nobody told me I can have the whole chocolate So I fed it to my buddy Nobody told me I get grands for hour and half So I sold it for one hunnit”

This lyric may explain the deception of common ideals and lack of knowledge that many people are unwillingly subjected to, ultimately leading them to their downfall, in this case, to be homeless. It wasn’t their fault, yet they are in this kind of worthless state.

“Yeah, I allow myself to lose it, to lose it Allow myself to lose it”

Saying "allowed myself to lose it’ further supports the idea that people in your vicinity often make you the criminal of your downfall when manipulation and deception of others could've been the driving force. Saying ‘allowed’ asserts the naivety that, if not protected, may lead to greater consequences.

‘Nobody told me I can taste my own birthday cake So I kept it in my closet Nobody told me I can throw myself to doomsday lake So I let myself go lose it‘

This lyric belongs to the second part of the song, and I think it has a different meaning than the whole ‘manipulation and naivety’ I discussed before. This part speaks to self-worth and how some people don’t get enough of it to even feel the right to eat their own birthday cake.

“No, I couldn't allow myself to lose it, to lose it Allow myself to lose it”

'Cause I kept it in my closet Kept it in my closet I left it in my closet’

This time, she sings, “no, I couldn’t allow myself to lose it,” so the cake symbolizes something like a dream. And hiding it in your ‘closet’ could only mean they don’t think they are worthy enough to have something so valuable, like a dream.

“Losing it” could mean many things in this song. In the case of being homeless, it can mean declining social position and privilege, while in the second part, it could mean falling mentally into depression and unhealthily fixating on self-worth.

[Note: this is all just my opinion. I’m not saying I am correct]

[jolimoone]

Flowers grow, Even in the dirtiest places.

—Flowers grow, Even in the dirtiest places— 

I hear guns,

They’re the symphonic orchestra.

My feet float, bend, and crumple, 

I am the ballerina of the dead garden. 

No mistakes, avoid the living last of the flora. 

Gratitude for the ones, yes, 

They’ve covered me up.

They’ve taken the bullets. And I made it,

But at what cost?

Where the flowers grow,

There is hope.

But why is it covered in my blood?

Oh, I’m sick of it all.

You were my flower.

And I’ve lost it all.

(poem by pinkymoondal)

[jolimoone]

-Perhaps I’ll become the Sun-

-Perhaps I’ll become the Sun- 

Oh, The beautiful chaos.

Oh, The chaos that we bring upon Earth.

The sight of war,

The implication of corruption,

The smell of blood,

I am the one drowning in it.

Only one in the audience clapping for me.

The one that acknowledges me every single day.

Why does this bring me joy?

To know that the sun will rise again and again and again

Never faltering at the sight of this sick.

Then there could be only one answer to save myself.

The Sun is entertained.

Perhaps.

I’ll become the Sun.

(poem by pinkymoondal)

[jolimoone]

🥀 Worthless 🥀

-Worthless- (Poem written by pinkymoondal)

Disgusting.

Disgusting.

You bear the world on your shoulders,

You never wanted to.

But still,

You don’t do anything right,

You don’t give anything your best fight.

But still,

It seems I was wrong.

Against vulnerability, you still want the taste of superiority.

Out of everything,

The power you possess could’ve felt.

Superiority against evil, despair, injustice.

But you’ve tasted it in the wrong way.

And I’ve only got one thing to say.

‘How disgusting’

[jolimoone]

Savage Garden 🌱 The Gradual Chaos 🌹LEE HYEON-SOOK

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD !!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION

If you’ve kept up with my past posts, I’m obsessed with this manhwa- author LEE Hyeon Sook :) Another excellent story about a bunch of pretty boys in rich-private school with a TON of drama (the way I like it) and that cliche “I’m a girl but I have to go to an all-boy’s school undercover” BUT (don’t click away lol) as the story rolls along there is a gradual state of disorder and chaos from all the drama that happens to violate moral law. LEE took a “shoujo” idea, and twisted it into something much darker. 

Rather than romance (although there is undoubtedly a romance between two brothers (Raymond/Euan Kensington) and the main girl, that goes undercover as a guy (Gabriel aka Jeremy) it leans more towards psychology. 

Let’s talk about the Chain of Being (most present in Shakespeare). “The Great Chain of Being is a hierarchical structure of all matter and life, thought by medieval Christianity to have been decreed by God. The chain begins with God and descends through angels, humans, animals, and plants, to minerals” (as defined by our trusty Wiki). Now from the beginning of this story, the Chain of Being is already broken. Our protagonist is a poor, orphaned girl who was to be sent to become a maid for the rest of her life. However, her friend Jeremy, who was to have the same fate (but as a laborer) actually turned out to be related to a nobleman. Things were looking up for him, while Gabriel was falling more and more into a pit of hopelessness because of her fate. Yet God seemed to have noticed her behavior, as her life took a turn when Jeremy ate a berry that was actually poisonous.

Which brings us to Gabriel enrolling in a super rich-boy school as Jeremy in a deal with his “mother” (whose not really Jeremy’s mother) to trick her husband into thinking that Jeremy was still alive until she tells Gabriel to stop. So it was a pretty “one-minute of glory” kind of opportunity, but Gabriel can now finally escape her fate in becoming a poor maid. She cheated the whole system of the Chain of Being. Yet cheating such a system leads to serious consequences for the future (You’ll see). 

With that, the juicy events of misunderstandings and relationships begin. Gabriel wasn’t actually involved in any until she became involved with Raymond and Euan. Although this story delved more into Raymond and Euan’s backstory, it just ultimately sums up to how Euan (older brother) wasn’t living the life he wanted, making Raymond carry all the burden of dealing with marriage and the troubles his older brother gets in to until he can’t run away from it no more. Raymond had his own share of problems that Euan was trying to keep as a secret and it turns out that Raymond killed his own mother. Their mother was broken from their father that ignored her and hung out with other girls, so Raymond being stressed with his mother’s behavior just saved her from the suffering after a gunshot. They’ve been through a lot... but Gabriel comes back with the several consequences of keeping up her facade.

A rich-boy friend of Gabriel, Arron, was actually dating a maid that turned out to be Gabriel’s friend back at the orphanage. With her friend that knew the true identity of Gabriel, she had to come clean. But it seemed her friend had bigger plans, blackmailing the ‘mother’ of Jeremy for money to escape with her true lover. But that plan didn’t succeed as the couple both committed suicide by eating those darn berries once again, breaking Gabriel’s heart and being in a state of danger now that the “mother” got the impression that Gabriel has revealed her real identity to everyone. Arron was absolutely in disarray, almost trying to kill Gabriel because he thought she was the reason his maid-girlfriend died, and she just seems to accept at this point. Why was she even living as Jeremy? It did very much seem that she was going to die at any point being someone that she wasn’t... however her friend, in shock at this acceptance, didn’t kill her. 

But. A hit-man is now after Gabriel, so not very much came out of that mercy. On top of that, she seems to be gathering all the rich boys and making them fall in love with her but the time has come to run away. These empty love triangles, in my opinion were left in that state on purpose to show that some things just over power love- like survival?! Come on she’s about to be assassinated! This theme can also be seen by Will, a side-character that had a whole deal going on as well, but he was born sick. Knowing when he would die, he carelessly threw himself on a maid, showing that love is just pointless at times.The danger of being in love in Gabriel’s situation also just seems to block that route as well. Jeremy’s “father” gave Gabriel a ticket to study abroad, and using that, she takes the opportunity to escape after almost getting shot down by the hit-man of the “mother”. Raymond saved her, found out that she was a girl, and was going to accompany her to the train so that she may escape death. But, guess what? Jeremy’s “father” found out that his son was actually Gabriel, and sent a hit-man to kill her as well. Euan couldn’t accept the fact that Raymond was going to be near death by accompanying Gabriel, so he tricked him and went to accompany her instead. Euan also had feelings for her since the beginning of the series... but he also knew Raymond liked her as well. 

Sigh...After all that. After Gabriel successfully escaped, Euan died. In fact, Jeremy’s “father” was responsible for his death that was so sudden. Then the author just ends with Raymond and Gabriel reuniting in the far future. 

Many absolutely despised this ending. Was it too rushed? Seemed very thoughtless? But I argue that they just haven’t really thought about it. Being undercover as a poor girl that made her way to the top of an all-boy’s school that seems like an area only reserved for gods can only go so smoothly. Rich boys are still human, and rather wouldn’t they be more unhappy with their lives? Being controlled by their parents, they can’t marry freely, escape from work that comes with money (like inheriting a business?), they can’t get involved with maids or “normal” people for reputation, and they have to be reserved to keep secret of all the scandals and crimes that goes behind the curtains of wealthiness. Getting involved with these rich people can get you into some spicy troubles because wealthy people have the power to control the Chain of Being in which they sit at the very top. Now... Why did Euan die such a pointless death? Well... he was already unhappy with his life from the start. He wasn’t a good brother, he wanted to escape from his parent’s control which could easily be seen by his careless involvement in gay affairs at such a prestigious school (he also had someone that he was to marry), and he fell in love with Gabriel even though Raymond liked her as well. The ending was all for his rest. He accompanied Gabriel instead of Raymond to finally be a big brother and protect his brother as well as Gabriel. Gabriel appeared in front of him as an actual girl before they went to go escape. Euan was just satisfied with that. Love with Gabriel was absolutely impossible with him, so all that he could do was to protect her ‘til the end right? Euan already derailed from the train of his life probably when he first met Gabriel on the ground as he was shot by his ex-lover (he survived due to Gabriel and most likely fell in love with her then because she was a being that was totally unrelated to everything he hated about his life and her innocent kindness showed). Raymond, who was protected from becoming like his older brother most likely because of being too occupied with his own problems (like his identity crisis of killing his own mother, that blinded him of everything that was going on in their rich society) So Euan’s death made sense, he was just a lonely failure that sat on the King’s throne, later to be killed for his actually normal behavior. Really goes to show how being rich, being in high society, doesn’t ensure eternal happiness. 

[jolimoone]

Puella Magi Madoka Magica~ The Cursed Hope 💫

Warning Major Spoilers Ahead! Read with Caution!

Kyubey, our favorite little creature represents hope. However, we all know this whole system is rigged. But is it really? Couldn’t it just be the reality of such wishes that seemed sensible? Think about it. After you’ve made one “wish” out of everything you could’ve possibly wanted in this sucky world (like picking the best thing out of a trash can) and throwing away your old life (that was possibly better), in return for killing witches to save other people (that don’t really deserve or return your forceful, kind deed) just how long can you hang onto being a robot basically? Hope is such a cursed thing rather than the wishes, it is like a facade that later stabs you in the back. But its necessary, if hope didn’t exist, the world would end. 

Mami Tomoe’s Wish- To survive a family car accident. Her death in the third episode of the anime series was shocking to all of us, but the more I thought about it, it made sense. She never thought to save her parent’s lives, only herself, and was the wish what she hoped it to be? It was a blunt one... so Mami did survive the car crash. However she is in forever solitude, no one is ever on her side anymore. Her only purpose was to live for herself, that’s it. So it only made sense that she’d also die alone. 

Kyoko Sakura- Her wish was for people to listen to her father's teachings. She got exactly what she wanted, but she didn’t think about the consequences of this wish before she made it. How was it going to work? Is my family going to be happy after people come to listen to my father preach? Are we going to prevail after all the suffering we’ve been through? Of course not. Mindless people came one by one to hear his teachings, which her father himself was obviously suspicious about. It didn’t bring him joy, but rather, fear. Did my daughter sell her soul to the devil? Sakura was seen as a monster, making her family commit suicide. Leaving herself in solitude. But Kyoko Sakura has such a strong mindset in experiencing all of this. Why? because she’s already seen how rotten humanity was when her family was still alive. In fact, having a purpose in killing witches rather than suffering from them was better.

Sayaka Miki- Her wish was to fix the hands of Kyosuke Kamijo, a violinist whose career ended when his hands were forever damaged. Sayaka’s wish and story was one of the most interesting out of the OG Five Magical girls. Her wish was very innocent, and it only came from her love for him. But wishing for someone else’s happiness, causes someone else to bear all the misery and despair in return. There is no such this as an unfair exchange in this world, and Sayaka Miki seemed to have realized such a trivial idea after she broke. Was she hoping that Kamijo would be happy that she fixed his hands? Did she think that he was going to fall in love with her and they were both going to continue living happily? No. She did not wish for any of those things and only hoped that that’d be the case. 

Homura Akemi- Her wish was to become a person who can protect Madoka, just as Madoka protected her. She was overcome by grief and uselessness after Madoka’s first death, so Homura decided to change into a stronger person. What she had hoped was that her and Madoka could live happily together after everything was over. But she didn’t wish for that. She wished to protect her, and if you think about it, the whole anime was Homura protecting Madoka so the wish did come true. She did not think about how long it would take until Madoka would actually be safe and happy, so how much longer would it take until she finally cheated the system? Homura lost all emotion, innocence, humanity, and forgot about her original motive in making Madoka happy in return for protecting her over and over again. But during that time when Homura would only save Madoka, was Madoka happy? She saw her friends die, her friends getting broken, and Madoka herself couldn’t do anything about it. So. She wasn’t happy. Which goes to show that Madoka making a wish was inevitable even though Homura tried so hard to prevent it. 

Madoka Kaname- Her wish was to prevent all magical girls from the past, present, future and all other timelines, from ever becoming witches. In other words, to become god. But really, this whole idea is controversial. A mortal becoming god? If anyone could do it it would’ve obviously been the being of purity, Madoka. But she was still human. Her wish was to basically lift all burdens of other girls, but like Sayaka’s story, where does all that misery go? It seems Homura might’ve known of such consequences in taking everyone’s despair and bearing it as a lonely god while living multiple timelines which could be the ultimate reason in why she didn’t want her to make a wish (rather than preventing Madoka from dying). To relieve Madoka of this huge stress, Homura turned into the devil itself but gladly welcomed this cheat cuz now, her beloved Madoka can be happy. 

If the wishes aren’t what you hoped to be, then that meant that you yourself was struggling from the very things that you were to fight after making that wish. How could you save and understand others when they are broken, or you yourself are broken? That’s why you’re making a wish right?

So you could ultimately say that these Magical Girls live to ultimately destroy. . .themselves. But did Kyubey tell them that? Of course not. He’s the evil “hope”

You also need to think very carefully about your wish. Analyze every single aspect of it... because sometimes, life would’ve been better if you hadn’t made any wish. 

[jolimoone]

🌙Goodnight 🌙 Punpun 💤 The Truth of Reality ❤️

Warning! Major Spoilers! Read with Caution!

“I always believed that everyone in this world was far nicer and smarter than me. That no matter how unlikeable they seemed to be, they still had a good conscience...that’s why I hated myself for being timid and depressed when I didn’t even have any good reason for doing so. But now I see that there actually are people who’re despicable in every way...Now that I think about it—-why don’t most people try to kill other people?.. Maybe my expectations were too high. I’m only disappointed because I expected something from them. But the answer was quite simple all along. There’s no such thing as a decent human being in this world. Not a single one”

Yes. We are going to talk about the big elephant of the manga room. Goodnight Punpun aka Oyasumi Punpun aka Hell-Manga. The gradual descent in indulging in humanity’s desires whether good or bad just ends up being a horrific result. Goodnight Punpun just puts all the sucky aspects of acquiring the said desires of perhaps love, riches, dreams, etc. into the life of our protagonist, Punpun.

One of the biggest themes of this manga is the fact that nothing, absolutely nothing in humanity matters. His father’s letters that were pointlessly coming and saying the same thing over and over again after Punpun’s parents divorced was actually written every single day by his trash of a mother. When this fact was revealed to me TBH I was actually so sad and touched by how his mother actually loved him. Yet on Punpun’s side it was all bullcrap. He just couldn’t bring himself to love anyone after growing up in such a dysfunctional environment. Even his ‘love’ for Aiko that apparently began when he was an elementary student was just an illusion, as he kept this wild image of Aiko after his detrimental guilt in breaking their promise (promise was -> to runaway from everything... some pretty deep elementary kids) got the best of him. That promise he broke started his hell of a life, Punpun created a mental prison for himself that prevented him from loving and seeing the best of other people. He selfishly lived for himself only to “prevent other’s (like Aiko) from getting hurt” when it was actually the other way around. He was looking at others only from his perspective (which wasn’t good), effecting his mindset and the people surrounding him negatively. Punpun was very guilty of acting this way... but he wasn’t doing anything to change it. It also seemed like he was living to reach only Aiko, who in his mind symbolized his ‘dream’, which most likely rooted from his other promise that he shared (promise was: to find a new planet and colonize over there with her... such an innocent dream). In fact, Punpun’s young innocent mind tried to stop this pessimistic view on reality with that ‘Afro-God’, however we all know that he legit stabbed god by the end of this story also implying how religion and faith is all just dumb ideology that we sucky humans thought of to answer the question of ‘Why tough events occur in one’s life” (Note* everything I’m stating rn is based what I got from this fictional manga...)

Yet everything that Young Punpun saw sadly seemed to be revealed as the truth also adding on to his loss of innocence and the sudden realization that he wasn’t in the wrong for pointlessly being depressed, every aspect of this world truly sucked. His good-for-nothing uncle was actually a dirty scumbag, his father was/is still a poor ‘nothing’, he only sees girls as a tool to satisfy his sexual impulses and yet that seems to be true once again as Aiko, the girl he sought out so much, who he hated for trapping him in ‘hope’ yet held grand expectations for because of his attempt in escaping this reality just turned out to be a regular, broken, boring, abused-girl that also wanted to escape from everything. They were both broken, so how could they have stayed in a stable relationship? Both were lonely and sick of reality and only satisfied such stress by each other’s presence only in body. But that could only go for so long...If everything just amounts to this what is there to live for? Punpun tries to commit suicide near the last chapter, but he still couldn’t get want he wanted in the end as he was saved. Shows again, no matter what we do, we can’t truly get want we want in the end (Ex. like how an artist dreamed of becoming an animator, succeeded in such dream after painful obstacles, and now he/she lives in a dirty, cramped apartment living off of one meal a day just to draw something you don’t even want to over and over again). But, we live on...although it’s good to not have high expectations with many things because it would most likely not be as amazing as you’d thought it to be. Reality is just like that.

In a manga that just seems like it follows a single person’s journey in suffering the consequences of maturing, I love how Inio Asano also added incredibly side characters. Especially Punpun’s “childhood friend’s” that also go through many struggles, representing how different people are growing up in this rotten world like Punpun is. My most favorite character of this series happens to be the most unrelated, probably showed up for only 10 pages out of the whole series, the most insignificant character out everything in this story: Shintarou HARUMI!!! (Above) .

Isn’t it shocking? The most normal character in this story was my favorite because after all the suffering that Punpun went through, after my mind became sad from peeking into the true reality of our world, our Harumi showed up. It was like he symbolized that small hope we all never expected to see in this story. That hope that we all can live the exact opposite of Punpun, that even though we go through hardships and live alongside the many horrors of humanity, we can still live... normally. That fact must’ve also hit Punpun like a brick after conversing to Harumi about their innocent childhood journeys/dreams of the past because Punpun had absolutely forgot about the smallest, most useless joys he used to share with his friends. Punpun waved towards his now adult childhood friend that he doesn’t know a single thing about (hell, even Harumi didn’t remember what Punpun’s name was) in tears. So everyone, just try your best at everything, don’t give up or be all pessimistic. I know it’s cheesy, I sound like a typical annoying person, but it’s really necessary to keep a good mindset to live in this world. You can be depressed and sad... but don’t be like oh everyone else is like me, what’s the point in living I’m gonna murder <plz don’t do that> Be thankful that you got to live to see another day, appreciate the little things such as the blue sky, running squirrels... or else you’re going to turn into Punpun.

No one. No one wants to turn into Punpun (´⊙ω⊙`)

[jolimoone]

2021❤️ llustration by me 😊 Four-leafed clover, the color red, and good luck charms I added them all so I pray that we all have a better year 🎊🍀🧧