joyrb

[joyrb]

it’s hard to forgive yourself when it feels like nobody else does

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“i think i only like people when im not with them”

- idk who

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i tried not being in love with you, it didn’t work

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why did you have to do that, i hate you

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everybody says

i was made for you,

but were you made for me?

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god, I miss you so much

[joyrb]

Yes you say you love me,

but did you know…

I have a freckle in the corner of my left eye,

my nostrils look like keyholes,

and my voice gets higher when I lie.

I have scars on my left arm

from when I used to hurt,

and I freeze when there’s alarm.

I bite my nails when i’m nervous,

I can’t sit still for long,

and I get speechless when i’m angry,

afraid that i’m not strong.

There’s so much more to say,

but this will have to do,

as i gain up the courage

to say I love you too

[joyrb]

A Checklist Of Possible Reasons I Am Upset, To Review When I Can't Seem To Figure It Out:

did not eat

new hyperfixation and no time for it

have not done a creative in 24 hrs

Bad Sounds

clothes are touching my body

cold

people

one (1) comment is stuck in my brain like a popcorn kernel

last time I drank water was ??????

nervous nervous nervous nervous

got a Slightly Worse grade than expected

last hug was ??????

slept a full 45 minutes

lonely ............

guts are shredding (again)

have not seen sunlight in 24 hrs

stuck inside

too much screen time

Yay Overwhelm

room is disaster area

have not talked to Person in a while

bored

imposter phenomenon (again)

no current routine

how long have I been working???

Too Much Socialization

and then. and THEN. I may consider:

something is actually wrong

[joyrb]

When is it not about a boy?

When i fail a few classes,

or skip some here and there?

When i’m missing assignments,

or when i don’t care?

When i stay in my room all day,

or make a mess of my life?

It’s never not about a boy,

I’ve been boy crazy since ‘05.

That’s the way my parents see it,

but I guess you can’t blame them.

Because it’s always about a boy.

And it will be, ‘til the last of my time.

[joyrb]

You know that feeling when you want to write something but you can’t because you don’t have any inspiration?

It used to happen to me all the time, but now ?

I think of you and I find that inspiration.

[joyrb]

I love you so

I love you so you know what love is

I love you so I can be your last kiss

I love you so I can show you things you’ve never seen

I love you so I can remind you of me

I love you so when you’re gone you think of us

I love you so I can hurt you just this once

I love you so you hate me when you don’t

[joyrb]

which is worse? a giver upper or a cheater?

[joyrb]

I know it’s for the best but I’m still lonely - losing friends

[joyrb]

I fell for you but I didn’t trip

I fell on purpose,

so I guess I jumped,

I jumped into love for you.

I leaped off the tallest building for you,

I danced off the highest mountain for you,

I committed suicide so I could love you.

[joyrb]

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend asked me what my greatest fear was, I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t know. But recently I realized that my greatest fear was hurting the people I love. I get anxiety about it all the time. And I believe I’m a horrible person when I accidentally do.

I’ve had this recurring dream about running from a figure in the distance. A bee is always hovering above its shoulder like a pet. At first I didn’t know why I was running,

“Is it trying to hurt me?”

No. “It forces you to hurt the people you love most”

[joyrb]

I’m sitting at the park with a boy.

And I’m looking at him,

I’m looking at him and thinking

“how is he so pretty?”

I’m looking at him and thinking

the three big words I can’t speak out loud.

I can’t do anything more than think it,

because if I say it,

I risk the chance of losing him.

Because if I say it,

I risk the chance of him loving me back.

So I choke it down and wait.

But then he looks at me and my head spins,

it spins like a ballerina doing a pirouette.

And the words “I love you” don’t seem all that big.

[joyrb]

I fell in love with you. I fell for you. But it wasn’t those falls where you hit your head or break a bone. It was one of those falls that seems to last forever, like you’re floating.