jullobee

[jullobee]

I've spent so much of myself trying to fit into roles I was never really invited to play, desperately trying to be a friend to those who never saw me as one, forcing myself to be a lover where I was never truly embraced. I would bend, twist, and mold myself into shapes I thought would make me visible, doing things I knew didn’t come naturally to me, just to feel like I mattered to them. But no matter how hard I pushed, no matter how much I gave, I was always on the outside, a shadow lingering at the edges of their lives. I’ve never felt like I belonged. Instead, I’ve felt guilty-guilty for wanting to be known, guilty for trying to carve out a space for myself in their world, knowing deep down that I was never meant to have one. Maybe that’s my curse to always be the secret, the afterthought, someone who exists but never truly fits, always wanting to be seen but never truly allowed to be. And it’s lonely, suffocating, this constant feeling of being too much yet never enough. I wish I could just be myself no masks, no pretenses and still be wanted, still be needed. To be enough just as I am, without having to shrink or stretch into someone else's version of who I should be. I crave that feeling of being truly seen, where I don’t have to fight for a place in someone's heart, where just being me is all it takes to be loved. But it feels like such a distant dream, a hope that fades every time I try and fail to find that kind of acceptance.

[jullobee]

Tears have no weight, but it carry heavy feelings.

[jullobee]

"The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. It's not the shattering itself that breaks you—it’s the silence that follows, the quiet space where you realize there’s nothing left to salvage. And in that moment, you know that you’ll never be the same again. You’ll build something new, perhaps, but it will never be what you lost."

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, Of Love and Loneliness

[jullobee]

"Life has made me so quite, i just want to listen, no more talking,no more arguing, no more explaining just silence."

[jullobee]

"On my silent days, I miss being someone's favorite."

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[jullobee]

[jullobee]

Maybe I'm meant to be alone?

Can't even make a simple friend

[jullobee]

I want to elope and erase myself from everyone's minds. I feel this is the only way I'm going to be happy. But it's not possible, so I guess I'll always be a little sad and someday, I won't mind ending my sadness.

[jullobee]

I told sunset about you.

I told sunset about you.

The way those deep dark eyes saw me;

or a reflection of your kindness through that smile;

about your sun-kissed skin that I fell in love too;

and my addiction when you said my name.

I told sunset about you;

about those scars that you have to hide;

about those people that you have to cheer;

about those feelings… that you cannot endure.

But sunset will keep it a secret.

as they were here for a glimpse of the moment;

as a sign of beauty,

between you and the eventide;

that made me fall in love with both of you once again.

–written by Z.

[P.S. This write was inspired by this photo of Lee Dokyeom of Seventeen hahaha]

[jullobee]

I always wonder how beautiful mornings are. New day ,new motivation, new everything.

[jullobee]

50 likes!

Wow , okay 👍

[jullobee]

Dont sometimes you wish you could escape from reality? Like, im somewhat happy being me, just everything gets a little too much at times an you need a break.

Is this just a me thing?