kitten-san

[kitten-san]

Hello everyone just shamelessly posting my face. Don't mind me.

[kitten-san]

Saw some of your poetry! Very impressed, love the emotion keep it up

Thank you so much!

[kitten-san]

So this blog has been dead for a little while now, I'm probably going to revive it soon

Sorry to anyone who actually paid any attention to my posts. I've been over at my personal blog sadistic-kitty.tumblr.com if anyone wants to follow that. Though I must warn you, it's incredibly NSFW and I don't recommend following if you don't like porn/anime/me whining.

[kitten-san]

Why do you say fail poet? Your words are like radiant ice... They slide into my heart and whisper. Darkly sweet, like velvet for the mind. I try to be poetic, but I'm afraid Ive had too much Led Zeppelin lol

Oh wow, really? Thank you so much for the compliment. That means a lot. I guess "Sloane the Fail Poet" just rolls off the tongue nicely to me hehehe

[kitten-san]

This song is pretty much my personality in a nutshell.

[kitten-san]

Yep

It seems I have a habit of posting for a few days then neglecting to post for weeks at a time. It's not that I don't feel like writing, but I just haven't had the inspiration to. Sure, I could write another dozen cheesy love poems, but that's what they are: cheesy. I don't want to write that way anymore. It's not that I don't feel it in my heart, because I do, but I also wanna hold off until I get that spark, until I feel my cheeks blushing red with happiness and embarrassment again, until I can feel my legs trembling beneath me whenever I receive a kiss. That also means holding off until i feel the "spark" of inspiration in general all over again. I don't know when that'll be. So to the... like maybe one or two of you that pay attention to me, I'm sorry. Yeah. There might be a few shorter poems up if my mind allows me the chance though; one can only hope~

[kitten-san]

Seeking Solace

There are times at night when my tears, normally acting as a gentle lullaby, aren’t enough to put me to sleep. And I’m left there in my bed, cold and alone. I find myself thinking of you these times during the night; it’s like your soul now resides in my mind as a constant reminder that you’ll always be there. Just like you promised, right?

It’s these lonely times where I close my eyes in an attempt to escape into the dream realms, but instead I feel you. Not just a figment of my overactive imagination or the sudden memory of your touch, either. I feel you. I feel your arm wrap around my chest and shift my body closer to you. I feel the warmth of your breath against the back of my neck, sending the unexplainable chills down my spine just as you always did. 

When I feel you, I feel whole again. It lets me know that you never truly left my side. Or that you at least care enough to send your spirit down to my bed to hold me until I can fall asleep peacefully. I don’t want to imagine the possibility that it’s all within my head. That my mind is playing tricks on me, seeking solace for all of this grief held inside of me. I’ve found it easier to push those thoughts aside and hold on to the illusion that it’s really you, and I take comfort in it. 

Usually, I’ll hear a whisper moments before I lose control of my consciousness, and fall asleep. A whisper just faint enough that I can hear it in the back of my head. Though no matter how hard I try, I cannot decipher what it’s trying to tell me, or if it’s even there at all. There’s a part of me that wants to be frightened of this whisper, but it calms me in the moments before I fall asleep; and that’s what keeps my body from trembling at the sound.

Tonight, it’s one of these nights; where my tears won’t suffice and the room feels too cold. Where my only sense of comfort is the phantom of you lying next to me and holding me close. Tonight, while I tried my hardest to concentrate on the sounds around me, trying to tune them all out so I can focus; I heard you. I heard your voice whisper to me, “I love you. Now go to sleep, darling. I’ll be back to hold you tomorrow night.”

As I turned around, my eyes wide and stinging with tears, you left. Your arm was no longer around my chest and I couldn’t feel your breath; but at the same time I felt comfort, knowing that you never truly left me.  

[kitten-san]

Poetry Needs to Rhyme

It’s an unwritten rule

One that’s constantly shoved down your throat in school

That when you sit down to write poetry 

You only write to make it sound cool

Placing similar sounding words at the end of each line

So you know when to pause, stopping on a dime

Poetry is just one big cliché

No one wants to hear it anyway

It’s nothing but nonsensical words spoken to a rhythm 

That’s what I say

No one cares about your feelings

No one gives a shit about your hurt

It only matters if you have the scars to prove it

Hidden under your shirt

Anyone can be a poet 

It doesn’t take that much work

Just place some shit down on paper

And it’s bound to… work?

Who cares if it sounds forced?

Causing your voice to sound coarse

With every syllable spoken

Your poetry sounding broken

To the ears of those listening in agony

Wondering where the hell is all the creativity

Tell them it matters not,

To just take another shot

And watch as your poem rots

Decaying on your lips

Fragments falling past your hips

Then you can take a bow

To see that your once full crowd

Has up and left

Some of them claiming to have gone deaf

You can now stand there and wonder

Since you have the time

Stand there and wonder

On why poetry doesn’t have to rhyme

[kitten-san]

Light

    All my life I’ve walked alone; cold, distant, with a guise of sincerity. I would tread silently among the shadows, letting the quiet call of loneliness lead me. It has been the only path I have ever known. But as I walked, a light had shown, blinding me as I neared the end of my journey. It called to me, but I could not see. So, frightened, I  ran. It followed for a while, calling me but I refused to hear its words spoken so gently, so inviting and I believed it to be an omen. So I ran as swiftly as the night wind that guided me all those years, leading me into that light. And at that moment, I felt betrayed by the darkness that I had been raised by all of my life.     It followed me for what seemed like an eternity, closing in on me, so much more powerful than me. I could feel its warmth rising up my back, crawling into my body, hoping to reach my soul. But I continued to run until I could hardly breathe as it chased me with such integrity and determination. Until one day it stopped…     Just. Stopped.     I continued to run, nonetheless. Unable and unwilling to look back even as I felt its warmth grow farther and farther away from my own cold body. I only stopped when I felt as if my lungs were completely dried up, out of air and unable to take in any more. Gasping and desperate for breath, for a release of any kind, I collapsed and as I closed my eyes, preparing for eternal slumber I heard a sound. Quiet and close as if urging me to relax, yet there was no one who could’ve possibly been around to see me fall; no one ever saw me, never since I accepted the darkness as my mentor. Trembling, I rose, tears streaming down my face as I glanced in all directions, but it all showed me nothing. Hell, I only saw nothing. I could only hear. Soon whispers from all directions filled my ears, soothing my fragile and broken mind, reasoning with me, telling me to just close my eyes for I “must be tired from such a long journey.” I acquiesced, and allowed the whispers to lay me down. No longer shaking, no longer afraid of what might have happened to me, finally relaxed, I slept…     …The light had awoken me. Shining down on me, it once again began to call out my name. Shielding my eyes I began to inch away though my body wished to stay and wait for whatever it had in store for me. I managed to pull myself off of the ground, only to have my legs collapse under me, almost as if shouting at me remain in place.  I could feel my body temperature rise as it got closer. I winced, never having felt this kind of warmth before and frightened of what it might do to me.     My hands were shaking and it could clearly tell, for I felt its warmth once again, this time only on my trembling hands, as if trying to hold them in sympathy. I lowered my hand from my eyes to gaze up at the light that had been waiting for me. I opened my mouth, but found myself unable to vocalize the words that even I didn’t know how to say.     I sat, staring into the light and watched as it began to change. I finally began to see the light as it was meant to be.  A man. A man that looked upon me so gently with his eyes that caressed my soul and lifted it from my broken body. I was no longer afraid. He held my soul so lovingly in his hands, repairing it with a kiss and placing it back into my being.  I gasped as it re-entered my tattered body, finally breathing in warm air as opposed to the cold dry air that I had grown so accustomed to in my life of loneliness. My physical body felt renewed and my lips that had only known how to remain solemn began to twitch into a smile. Looking up at the man, he too, had a smile on his face. He remained silent, only extending his arm out to me, waiting patiently.     From that moment, I knew I was safe. Slightly apprehensive, I reached out and gasped in surprised as his hand clutched mine. And for once, I felt right. It was as if I finally found where I belonged. He pulled me up and at once I felt as if I was floating in mid-air. I could barely steady myself and he laughed as he watched me struggle; pulling me even closer to him he held me tightly, letting me know without any words that he wouldn’t let me fall. In his eyes I saw comfort. I saw home, a word that I never knew the true meaning of until now. I tried to speak, but  was interrupted by a hush sound and soothing laughter.     “Hush now,” he at last spoke, “you’re safe with me. And I won’t allow the darkness to pull you in any further.” He tousled my hair, gently pushed my chin upward, and gazed into my eyes. Closing his, he leaned in and our lips locked together in a kiss; our souls became intertwined and our minds became one. I could feel tears pressing on my cheeks that weren’t my own; and as he pulled away I could see the happiness in his face as he held me, as if he waited for this one moment for an eternity. In his eyes I saw the light that had followed me for all this time. I thought back to when I had ran in fear, and a sense of guilt washed over me. Though he was somehow able to forgive me, there was still that hint of doubt. My eyes watered as I held him tightly against me, intent on never letting go instead backing away. I couldn’t allow this moment to disappear into the distance like every other one in my life.     All my life I had walked alone. Cold, distant, with a guise of sincerity. Content in my loneliness I would tread among the shadows, keeping silent. Until toward the end of my journey I stumbled upon a light. At first, I was frightened and I ran. But now… Now I realize the pureness of that light, and it has shown me what it’s like, to know true happiness.

[kitten-san]

Home

The moment my head hits your chest, I feel like drifting off into sleep It doesn’t matter where we are Or what position our bodies are in The feeling of your chest Of your heartbeat beating faintly against my ear Causes me to drift away Into my own zone Where there is nothing on this Earth that can harm me There’s only you And there’s only me. I can’t count the amount of times that I placed my head on your chest And felt like I wanted to cry There were never any tears of sadness Nor regret Nor pain But tears of actual happiness Of comfort Of the joy of finally finding somewhere, Someone , That makes me feel like I’m at home In any place I never want to leave When I’m there, I don’t want to let go and drift away from that zone So I clench my fists around your shirt Hoping you it would keep you from pulling away But you pull my chin up gently Pressing your lips to mine My hands slowly begin to unclench As I realize I’m never truly leaving That I’ll always be at home Safe, Assured, And most importantly loved. And I pull away from your chest Smiling With the strength to carry on

[kitten-san]

The Final Battle

She fell back, her legs finally giving in to the nagging desire to rest. She wiped the blood off  her mouth and , with much delay, looked up to see her opponent. He truly is a formidable foe,  she thought as she looked up at him. His face was... solemn to say the least; he didn't move,  he just stood there with the blade raised slightly above his head, ready to deliver the final strike. She smiled at his hesitance. "Well? What are you waiting for?" she jeered, "Isn't this what you've always wanted? To defeat me? This is your one chance, Cody, and I've already come to terms with my inevitable loss." Blood trickled down the corner of her mouth as she spoke; and though she was weak, she still managed to let out a small chuckle in hopes of provoking him.  He only smirked in return, clearly amused at her feeble attempts to anger him. He slowly lowered the blade and, with his voice more relaxed than she had ever heard, simply said, "no," as he threw the blade down next to her, landing perfectly where she could just grasp it.  No. That one word was all it took to completely send her over the edge. He was already walking away by the time she had found the strength in her arms to pick herself up back to her feet.  "No?" she questioned; her expression a mixture of utmost confusion and fury. "How could you just walk away at the perfect opportunity to slay me right there?! I demand an answer!" She could barely stand let alone yell, her voice cracked and strained itself to vocalize her anger.  He wasn't all that far from Sloane, for he was just as, maybe even weaker than she was, and didn't make it too far. He stopped and turned to her, first looking at the ground, then to the blade that rested securely in her firm grip, then at last his eyes met hers; sighing as he noticed her confusion.  "Maybe one day you'll understand..." His sentence trailed off; only infuriating her more.  "But for now," he gestured toward the blade that she  gripped tightly in anger, "I'm giving you a choice." He smiled devilishly, knowing well of her intentions since day one; he knew she wouldn't be able to resist killing him.  He staggered forward, arms spread out in a fashion that only tempted her to strike more. By now she was shaking with fury, and almost unable to maintain a firm grip on the blade. "You do realize what you're doing?" She questioned as he continued forward.  "Of course, I do." He stopped in front of her, just close enough for her to deliver the final strike and thus, ending his life along with the battle.  "Now," he began weakly, "make your choice."  During the entire battle, she never thought it would lead to this. He's just going to give up? She questioned to herself. She looked away from his gaze and glanced at the blade; her mouth twitching into a smile as she moved toward him. She kept the blade at her side as she got closer and closer; only stopping when their faces were just inches apart. "I must admit, Sir," she spoke, her eyes keeping to the ground, "You were most certainly a formidable opponent." She looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the final time. "I'll make sure that your forfeit wasn't in vain."  And with that she closed her eyes, and kissed him. Whether it was out of pity or spite, he didn't know, but quite frankly, he didn't care either. And it wasn't until she had broke away, with an evil grin plastered on her face, had he felt the blade sink deeply into chest. He fell, clutching the area in which she had penetrated. She watched as the blood flowed down his skin, laughing as he collapsed onto the ground. She sighed, knowing this was the end and walked away with triumph in her stride while he laid dying on the ground.

[kitten-san]

This Is a Rant On My Awkwardness

Holy shit dude. Just holy shit. This is why I can't make friends. People try to get closer to me and I'm just too awkward. I had to lie and say I was going to bed earlier to get out of having a conversation with a potential friend. I don't understand why social interaction makes me feel so uncomfortable. it's like some kind of curse where I can't get close to people. I'm surprised I even manage to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend with how awkward I am. I'm a writer, not a talker; a listener, not a social butterfly. I thought I was making progress to be less of a shy person but I guess I was wrong. Holy shit, man. Just holy shit.

[kitten-san]

Why Do I Even Try?

    I need to stop trying to write about you.     My words, though they flow gracefully, are never strong enough to convey all of these feelings that you make me feel. How can I tell you how much you mean to me when I can never find the proper words? When there aren’t any words to describe just how you make me feel?  How that I, as a poet, as a writer, am at a loss of words whenever the subject is you. And the subject is never anything else but you because of how strong these emotions are; because of how easy it is for you to sneak into the crevices of my mind and take with you everything else, and leaving behind only the memories I have of you. It confuses me how I can never take these memories and mold them into words , into poetry. It just seems that there isn’t anything to mold yet there is so much. This odd language of love cannot be translated into English no matter what dictionary I use. Such a thing doesn’t exist.     I want to be able to tell you that you are everything to me as much as I hate to admit it; but it can never be done without some overused cliché or hyperbole. Nothing is ever right. Not even the words “I love you” seem to suffice anymore! I don’t know how I can express my love with the only thing I’ve ever taken pride in, words, and I end up frustrated, banging my head against a metaphorical wall trying to get past these unexplainable barriers that I’ve managed to set up around myself. I want to hate you for making me feel this way: vulnerable, exposed, flustered as all hell; but instead I can only feel adoration taking over the anger I want to feel. Conquering it and later decimating it until my eyes are blindfolded by silly little hearts floating around my head, taking away from me my vision; making me only able to feel your ghost of your hands touching not only my body, but my heart, having it so I have to rely on the taste of your mouth on mine to be able to fully distinguish reality from fantasy. I don’t know how you managed to do this to me, and part of me doesn’t want to know. The other part wants to dissect your intentions one by one, pulling them apart and observing them until I can finally see the bigger picture.     I need to stop trying to write about you but I know it will never happen. For if I know anything about me I will continue to torture myself until I finally can. When I can finally write that perfect poem, that perfect story. The story of how my love became so strong and prevalent in my everyday life. The story of your love for me that keeps my soul from dissipating into nothing .     Until then I really, really, need to stop trying to write about you. Especially when I know you’re too perfect for simple words.    

[kitten-san]

Ignore me, I'm stupid.

I don't understand. Normally, I enjoy being alone, I revel in it. But your absence hurts me both emotionally and physically. I've never been this attached to anyone before, but you just had to come around, didn't you? Giving me these sappy love poems filled to the brim with several cliches to write and actually making me crave your presence. I thought I was done with this pain now that we've been together for a while but it keeps coming back whenever you're gone. I'll never understand this... This effect you have on me. what have you done to me that makes me so vulnerable when it comes to you? I'm such a little girl when it comes to you and part of me hates it. Why does it hurt when you're away? Fuck.

[kitten-san]

So I haven't posted anything in a while, have I?

Time to remedy that!

[kitten-san]

I Remember

    I remember it like it was yesterday. The feeling of your lips brushing against mine. The simple smiles exchanged and the glances that told me that you wanted to stay.     I remember it like it was yesterday. The feeling of my fingers gently squeezing your throat. Each gasp of breath and strained whisper ringing through my ears like the most beautiful of music. I remember the blood on my dress and how lovely it looked; I remember thinking how special it was because it was your blood. Your lovely, delicious blood dripping over me and exploring each crevice of my body. You couldn’t take your eyes off of me. Did your blood really look that good on me? Did you regret asking her out on a date when I was clearly available?     You told me you’d be mine forever, and that I’d be yours. I’m sorry my love; I didn’t mean to hurt you. I hope this time you learned your lesson, and never betray me again. I hold your heart in my hands. And I’ll keep it safe in the music box you gave me for our 5th anniversary. Hidden, protected from anyone else’s tainted fingers.     I remember it like it was yesterday. The day you became my possession forever.     I love you, darling. I won’t let anyone take you away from me.

[kitten-san]

Woman at Midnight

She dances at midnight Her body moving with the stirring of the wind Illuminated by the moonlight Forming a mist around her curves As you watch from a distance Hoping she won’t see That you’re enticed by her beauty And you wonder: “How can this even be?” That a woman so pure in her form Yet entirely raw with her movements Is even in your view But somewhere deep inside You’re hoping she’ll take notice of you And stop suddenly in her dance The wind ceasing its stirring Her eyes locking you into a trance Captivating you with her unbreaking stare The glow of her smile Pulling you closer And closer in As she extends her hand And soften her grin You’re hesitant at first But then thinking “What’s the worst that happen Her relaxed muscles indicates that she means no harm” And you begin to feel safe Wanted, even As you begin to pace Synchronizing your steps to the beating of your hearts Beating ever faster with each glance And she twirls you in each direction Keeping pace with both the breeze and the feverish pounding of your chests And with the way her hips moves You wonder How she is so at ease In your arms For you’re nothing but a stranger Who just walked by at the right moment in time And you could never be anything more For she is a fierce tiger And you, simply her prey But she brings your lips closer to hers Asking you to remain at her side Without the words she speaks so clearly You understand her meaning perfectly As your breathing becomes shallow She becomes nothing more than a shadow Disappearing into the night And leaving without a single trace You open your eyes Moonlight shining through your bedroom window A glance at the clock A flickering of your light Rubbing your tired eyes Unable to fall back asleep Only able to concentrate on The woman who dances at midnight