krish-k3ii

[krish-k3ii]

sometimes, it takes a little courage to accept what is and what is not. It takes a little wisdom to learn to accept something that is hurting us. The world is unfair at its finest and we cannot do a shit about it. It's painful but there are some things more important than feelings, some things that last long than feelings. But I am not a robot. I have feelings. and even if it doesn't make sense to be disappointed about it, it hurts like hell. And the pain is as bright as the night sky on January first, when fireworks invade the sky and you're blinded by the lights and the booming sounds. You know at some point it will stop but for a moment, you're there standing thinking how long will you wait until it stop. It's quite funny isn't it, to compare something so tragic to something so wonderful, but I can't think of anything else that would describe the pain better than fireworks. When fireworks explode in the sky, it brightens up the night but dimming the stars, just like how pain though it makes us better, it also makes us tougher and somehow, dims our kindness. Pain makes us think negative things, anticipate evil and bad experiences, makes us cynical and introvert. The way the fireworks explode is like the way pain hits you in the gut. And though you know it will end, the time waiting for the pain to cease is excruciatingly long. Maybe I could wait.. but waiting for something with no guarantee or someone who won't show up is something else.

[krish-k3ii]

"You'll never know how it feels to be a second choice, a spare, a rebound because I've always put you first. Now I'm paying the price."

[krish-k3ii]

When you start to love too much, the feeling was overwhelming, like the tides are coming on to you but you can't swim away. You know deep inside you might drown but the beauty of the tidal wave and the crashing feeling makes you feel alive. You realize it hurts but the pain reminds you that you're really there at the moment and not just a fleeting dream. Maybe that's how it is when you start to love someone so much you drown in your own feelings. The rational part of you dictates that you should avoid it because love will only hurt you, but no matter where you go, how hard you try, you can't just walk away. It's like the ocean is beckoning you to swim deeper and deeper until you find your self unable to go back because well, there is no going back. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be when you start to really fall in love with someone for the first time in your life, someone you would be willing to risk your heart getting hurt. The pain makes you feel alive more than ever. The pain reminds you that for a moment, for a brief moment, you had everything you've ever wished for within your reach. But some things, no matter how beautiful they are, are not meant to be reached. Maybe that's how it is when you start to love someone you can never have. You chase after them wave by wave but chasing doesn't get you anywhere near. In the end, you're always washed ashore, gasping for air. The burning sensation in your lungs and the blood-shot puffy eyes warns you that enough is enough, but there you go again, chasing back the wave. Maybe that's how it feels when you start to love someone who is still in love with an ex. No matter how you try to make yourself be enough, no matter what you do so that he will choose you instead, there is something in you that is less, lesser than what he's used to. And you start to blame yourself for not being enough. But you can't make him choose you. The wave belongs to the ocean as you belong somewhere else. That's how it is, that's how it should be. Maybe that's how it really feels when you start to love someone so deep, so real, that it changes you. A love that can transform, a love that transpires all ages and places. Somewhere, sometime, along the way, you lose yourself, the way a ship gets lost in the sea until a beacon of light shines from afar, but when you start to love someone more than anything in this world, you start to love a bit more of yourself. You know you have a big heart that the love you have is overflowing. And maybe that's what loving someone for the first time really meant, to find yourself.

[krish-k3ii]

What it feels like when your one great love already had his one great love.

When I fell for him, it was a slow, excruciating kind of falling, torture even. I never saw it coming until I'm face to face with it, and there is no way I could go back. If I did, then, perhaps I would choose to walk away. Or so I thought. Ours was a typical story, boy meets girl, one is heartbroken, and the story goes on. But at that time, I promised myself I would never fall. His heart is a million leagues away, and a girl like me can never measure up. It was a tough act to follow considering their half a decade long relationship. It was not perfect, yes, but it was the kind of relationship that is envied. They earned it. But sometimes, life is a bitch. It has its own ways of making them star-crossed lovers. He loved her, she loved him. And until now, I can see, what that kind of love can do. I wish I could say I lived up to my own promise that I would never fall for someone whose heart is owned from the start. I don't want to be the girl crying in the end for loving someone who cannot love her in return. Obviously, I failed. I fell. And I fell deep and hard. I came to learn how much he loved her, how often he cried, how many times he pleaded and tried to win her back. I've heard many stories of his heartbreak, felt the pain like it was mine, and I saw with my own eyes how it made him and changed him for life. And through it all, I want to be there, but I never wished to love someone who gave so much of his love in the past But still I fell. I knew right from the moment I became his girl that I'm fighting an uncharted territory. I knew I would never win, but still, I fight. I wish I could say that I'm confident enough about us, but then, I wouldn't be writing this if I was. I learned a lot about his past, asking friends, and even him. I know he's just being a nice guy when he chose to be friends with his ex again. But you can never be just friends with an ex. It's always so much more for one or both. I wish I could say it didn't affect us, and that I feel safe with what we have, but love does that, you know, make you insecure. I stalked her trying to hate her but ended up liking her. If one would learn what they've been through, surely he would be a fan. The kind of love they had was not perfect, but it's something hard to find. And that moment I understood how she made a great impact on him. She's irreplaceable. He is hers and she is his. But still I fall. I fall for him every single day that I learn that they are still friends and communicating. I fall for him still when I heard they are having fun in a party that they are both invited. I fall for him with every photo I see that they are together, past and present, regardless if there are other people in the picture or just the two of them. I still fall for him when I see things that remind him of her, a food, a restaurant, a gift, or a particular date. I fall for him still even when he speaks fondly of her. I fall for him even when it hurts to see the way he looks at her and the way he looks at me are completely not the same. Many times have I been assured that he is choosing me. Many times have I heard that he has moved on. Many times have I been reprimanded for over-thinking things and to start believing in him. But they just don't get it. Maybe I am the one who can't move on, thinking about all the possibilities, of what could have been. Maybe I am secretly wishing to be her, to meet him unbroken, to experience how he love without hesitations, without fear of getting hurt. Because after a major hearbreak and being shattered to pieces, no one would come back the same. Maybe I envy her having him first and making the claim or maybe, it was the fact that she'll always be his great love, and I'll still be loved but a little bit less than what she earned anyway. And through it all, I'm still falling even when I know what it feels like when you're one great love already had his.

[krish-k3ii]

love as i grow up

When I was a kid, I used to watch fairytale and wonder how they fall in love immediately, like how Prince Charming saw Snow White and fell in love with her immediately. Back then, love at first sight is a reality. Getting a tad bit older, I learned how my parents met and eventually ended up together. I can say it's also a love at first sight amidst the falling lahar ashes. But I also learned one thing. Love is a working progress. It doesn't happen accidentally. We choose to go on or end it all. They say that love is an accident. We don't choose when it will happen or who will it happen with. We don't get to choose who we fall in love with. However we get a say what we do about it. The first time we fall in love. It happens so fast. Like boy meets girl, then sparks flew everywhere, suddenly it's a live music video, and everything is simply perfect. It's love. But perfection snatch every realistic thing we know about relationships. We get caught up with the highs that we start to believe that once we cared too much or if we give all the love that we have, then no pain shall befall us. A big, big lie. We know by now that love, no matter how much we give, will never spare us from crying at night over a broken heart, or eating too many ice creams for one's sake because sweethearts grew apart. We know by now that love never owes us anything. In reality, love is actually a work. A work that should be given attention and full effort. Love is a responsibility but never an obligation. We choose to pursue things but we also choose until when. As much as we fall for a person by chance, everything else will be a matter of choice. Love isn't enough. We should choose our partners over and over again. More often than not, we forget to constantly choose them even if we love them. We forget doing the things we once used to do to make them fall in love with us because they already did fall in love. So much of long relationships end up wasted because we get so complacent about love. The inevitability of growing apart was nonexistent. Too late do they realize that "love, or people, can go away". Too many hearts were left broken not for what they did but what they've never done. Too many tears were shed for all the words left unspoken. Too many sleepless nights wondering of what could have been and chances missed. So much of love is not chance but a choice. A choice to be brave. A choice to love. A choice to take chances of being happy. A choice to believe that everything is worth it. A choice to make a choice.

[krish-k3ii]

friends who will stay through the darkest bitter days of your life.

[krish-k3ii]

friends who will stay through the darkest bitter days of your life.

[krish-k3ii]

forever is nowhere💔

I never thought I'd love you this much. I never thought I'd be this serious. My past relationships were like child's play compare to ours. We've done it too many times, and each time we become one, my feelings go deeper. I want you to be my last. I want to spend the rest of my lifetime with you. I want to be there by your side first thing in the morning and the last thing every night. I'm willing to spend forever with you. But maybe, you're realistic while I'm too idealistic. You live in the moment, while I plan for the future. All my life I've dreamed of and prayed for someone who would live in the moment with me but plan our future. I know you got history so maybe, that's why you stop expecting. I, on the other hand, felt this the first time, excited about this new feeling, eager to try more. Differences bother me, afraid that it might tear us apart. Last night, I texted you, told you I'm not going to ask God to grant me my wish of spending forever with you because I feel like you might get pressured. You told me to stop asking for forever because it will eventually come. I was actually taken aback because maybe, I'm quite expecting you to say that you feel the same way as I do, that you want to spend forever with me, that you treasure the way I do each holiday season like this because it marks the years and time we've been together. I don't want that just because we've been together for quite a while, occasions like these are no longer deemed special. I want every day to be as special as our first day. But I ended up disappointed. That's a big slap for I felt like I'm not special, that you're waiting for somebody else. Maybe that's the case. I allowed myself to be too close to you, too attached that I became too clingy. I forgot one thing, nothing is permanent. One day, you might just leave, like I could someday leave. So maybe this new year, I'll love myself more. I'll spend more time getting to know myself even more, spend more time doing other things than just loving you. I'll try to be better, try to fight my insecurities, and do better in my studies. I'll focus deeper, pray harder, study better, and be kinder. I'll be me. Because Love is there but you will never be mine, just mine. forever is real but it's not for everyone. Unfortunately, we'll never have our forever.

[krish-k3ii]

first new year selfie❤️❤️🎉🎇😊 happy birthday tita😊🎂 #2015 (at Cabangcalan Floridablanca Pampanga)

[krish-k3ii]

This actually sums up the 385 days of you and me,together. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[krish-k3ii]

Happy birthday to my handsome inaanak,aquinn😊😊

[krish-k3ii]

The best make-up a girl could wear is her smile😊😊❤️

[krish-k3ii]

no wonder where I got my looks from.😊😊😊😊#lastnight #dinner

[krish-k3ii]

post-test dinner.just because i deserve some reward ❤️🍴 #latepost

[krish-k3ii]

Another sleepless night with these awesome people.😊❤️ #coffeebreak ☕️ #editing💻🎥👭👭🚶 (at balcony)

[krish-k3ii]

Another sleepless night with these awesome people.😊❤️ #coffeebreak ☕️ #editing💻🎥👭👭🚶 (at balcony)