lightofvenuss

[lightofvenuss]

Also reconnecting to my 14 year old self and been listening to so much one direction and harry styles

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Reconnecting to my 18 year old self who had hope that things would get better. When life felt light. When my mom was alive. When I wasn’t hit by a car and disabled by a brain malformation. The world seemed huge and I was so authentic. I miss her. I’ve been watching portlandia all day

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Drew a little friend ♡

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I wanted to appear as sharp as the knives that cut me

My softness sawed off

Exposing my bruised ego

You told me I was more digestible

I hope I cut you as you swallowed me

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keep me, collect me

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today's bug thing is this cicada sweater clip!

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Saturn Return

Four years locked outside of myself. The key was disposed of in the afterlife. I didn't realize I could never go back in at first. Enjoying the freedom of finally being outside, roaming, feeling every limb, blade of grass, the warmth of love. Until it got cold. It became freezing so fast. I wanted to go inside. I wanted to build a fire. It's been cold for four years. Spring finally came around and Saturn finally came home. I found a way in and I am dusting off the cobwebs and buying new sheets. I make myself a meal. I am home. I am me again.

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The body that gave me life now sits as decorative ash on my living room shelf. Every inch of my childhood tucked away in crates in buildings filling with mold. Every past version of myself exists in those two spaces alone. Every version of myself that I've abandoned to survive this grief