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finding out vapes have been lead poisoning people for the past 20 years almost suddenly made a lot of things make sense

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ohhh my god. Ok so i was explaining bottom surgery to my dad. And he wasnt weird about it thank god (i didnt expect him to be mind you but yknow cis people) but at the fucking end he was like. Well you know what the other term for a phalloplasty is right. and i was like. what is it. And he said. it's an addadicktomy. (Like. add a dick to me.) my dad out-joked me about something transgender. i cant believe this

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I'm going to the Hardware Store

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are you edging yourself from laughing ? holding back your gigglegasm ? is that why you arent engaging in even a chuckle ? i would imagine you are a humor gooner that gets their heh's & hah's all Pent Up, based on the way you didnt express any acknowledgement of my hilarious joke, thats okay of course, i understand, total respect for perverts. hope you get to let a tremendous guffaw rip through your body soon

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my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

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this is literally the best thing i've ever seen

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Dude you look like if your mom and your dad had a baby or something

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was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

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worms eating worms

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It’s interesting how diseases rip through schools at incredible speeds despite being in an arguably modern, clean(ish) environment. I wonder if it has something to do with the whole “you need a doctor’s note to excuse your absence of even one day” combined with the average price of going to a doctor, the lack of education on things like “you’re still contagious even after the fever goes away”, and the overwhelming message of “if you don’t struggle through it, you’re a failure!”

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I'm very awkward .do u find it endearing.