lostmorals

[lostmorals]

hiatus !!!

unfortunately i'm gonna have to take some time away; sorry to everyone im writing with!

[lostmorals]

"mhm on the bar." she points a finger across the room. there's a small display of expensive glasses in the corner. "but if you prefer drinking from the bottle, by all means. i'm not as prissy as i appear." she stifles a small laugh behind poised lips. katalina wasn't always well-off. she didn't grow up in beautiful dresses and have access to private limousines and jets. this world was relatively new to her. one action can change the course of someone's life forever. winnie will be able to understand that soon enough. "still don't trust me, is that it? you must've been misled a lot in life. i have no plans to mislead you. you will get paid in full." she leans forward, eyeing her carefully. "we can get to know each other before you disappear ten thousand dollars richer. what do you think you'll use the money for?"

winnie wasn't going to lie. she was only there for the money. otherwise, after ditching the body, she would have done whatever she could to never see the other woman again. though, she had a feeling that avoiding her might be impossible. she shifted toward the fridge at the other's suggestion. the red head could definitely use a drink after what she had just done. she grabbed the first thing she saw, a bottle of rum, and turned to look at katalina, "have any glasses? i don't think you want me drinking straight out of the bottle." pausing at what she said next, she lifted her shoulders up in a shrug. "i assumed you weren't just going to hand it over and let me go."

[lostmorals]

"i never said that. i never said you don't deserve happiness. that's what i want for you. that's why i'm so against you hanging out with harry and partying at nightclubs with felicia. i'm trying to help. i know it probably looks controlling? but i just don't want you to wake up one morning with a hangover from hell wondering who the person next to you is or why you're not happy. you were born with a spark and its hard watching it fade away. you've always dreamed big and you've always wanted more. i used to believe you could walk on clouds. i pulled away because i felt like i was dragging you down. now i look and i see that you're dragging yourself down." he could pretend everything could be fixed with them but it wasn't that easy. "i want to fix things. but you don't like how i want to go about it. let me help you and then we can help each other."

Gwen was exhausted, to say the least. The conversation felt like it was going around in CIRCLES... She'd already told him what he'd wanted but it felt like he wanted to be able to control what she did and take no responsibility over what he really felt. She breathed out softly. "Okay, Chase," she mumbled, DEFEATED, unable to really say anything else. "You're probably right," Because it didn't seem like he wanted to move forward with her about anything. It was always PUSH AND PULL, he'd push her away and pull her right back in-- right what he'd dome with this phone call. Why did she even wish that things were ever going to change with them? He was ALWAYS going to want to get his way and leave her with nothing. "I don't know what you want me to say-- I've laid out everything," she sighed. "It's like you don't think I DESERVE to be happy."

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rolling her eyes, she lays a hand against his cheek and sighs, "that's norman bates. patrick bateman is the one who hides in plain sight as a clean cut businessman but is actually a psychotic serial killer." as an inspiring journalist, she was obsessed with all things true crime and horror. it wasn't always this way, though. she didn't even like scary movies until recently. now they're her escape from a family scandal that won't be going away any time soon.

once inside her dorm, elsa opens her closet and displays the options with a show of her hands. "you seem to have a keen sense of fashion, mr. wolfe. i'm sure you owe that to gideon. so what do you think? what screams private club worthy?"

"Because everyone loves a serial killer reference, good thing I don't have a MUM to skin and dress up as," Max grinned, teasing in return, shaking his head a little. "Wouldn't want you HIGH and alone, I've got a few minutes to spare," he hummed. He could only hope she wouldn't need to take too long to get ready. Personally, Max didn't really care but he had a feeling he wouldn't get her in wearing sweats. "Ready, princess?"

[lostmorals]

"yeah, i think it would be beneficial to us both." she would be able to experience what it means to work for the daily charme and he would have an extra pair of eyes and ears. "do you know any other languages? my japanese is minimum but we will have a translator accompanying us as well." things with his translator were currently strained after having an illicit affair during their last trip. aimi's husband found out about the cheating but doesn't know it was with her boss. "i usually stay at the hoshino hotel so book three rooms there. the works of course. there will be plenty of time to explore and pamper in between. all work and no play doesn't just make jill and jack dull, it kills the potential of discovery."

"I can handle anything." She was ambitious, determined. Olivia strived to do a good job, to impress her superiors with her work ethic. She was more than just some pretty blonde girl, and worked hard to prove that every day. Olivia was happy he agreed to let her sit in on meetings. She had always been curious what gets said in those and what she could learn. "Japan? You want me to go to Japan with you?" She had never traveled out of the states before, but she did get her passport when she got the job like he instructed. "Okay. I'll book the trip right away."

[lostmorals]

max wasn't usually nervous about dates. he'd been on too many to count and although they weren't all winners, he never let pressure in. but as he stares into the mirror above his dresser, he wonders why tonight feels different. his heart is fast and his palms are sweaty. he talks himself out of going and even removes the suffocating tie from his neck. he was psyching himself up to cancel the date when he received zoe's text letting him know she was outside the hotel and waiting. fuck. after taking deep breaths to steady himself, he applies a few finishing touches to his appearance before briskly walking to her location. when he gets there, he stops in his tracks to look around, expecting a different car than the one she was in. surely that wasn't her? he looks around a few more times before leaning forward to steal a glance at the driver.

"sorry." he laughs, reaching out to open the door before ducking in. that's when he was hit with another surprise. leather jacket, hoop earrings, boots. in comparison, he was overdressed and looked like an idiot. "i can feel the word sorry coming out of my mouth again... you look bad ass. sexy. i look like your fucking waiter." he laughs a second time. "i have a cool leather jacket and boots. yet here i am, the alfred to your batman."

zoe was full of surprises and she lived off of adrenaline. she hoped that this would ultimately be something that wouldn't turn max away because she knew she could be a bit much and she wasn't for everyone. "good. i'm glad you do." though, she wasn't sure if he would end up changing his mind later. of course, she hoped that he wouldn't but there was no way to know until he welcomed him into her world. "i'll see you soon." she spoke in response and tucked her phone into her pocket.

before the two of them managed to meet up, she headed back to her house and changed her outfit. she wore black pants, a leather jacket, and a white tank top. she paired it with silver hoop earrings and black boots, wanting to do her best to look good for him and for her race that night. she pulled up outside of the hotel in her car and texted him to let him know she was waiting for him.

[lostmorals]

how was she supposed to stand idly by and not say anything while there's a creep staring them down at the end of the block? he didn't seem to be moving at least. "you're done? thank god!" she pulls the driver's door open and looks over her shoulder to see if the hooded figure is still there. her heart jumps into her throat when she notices he's not only still there, but now he's speed-walking towards them with something in his hand, something make-shift and sharp. "hurry, get in!" amber nearly jumps behind the steering wheel and drops the keys. "i'm sorry! i'm sorry!" she's panicking as she searches the floor. their stalker's much closer now—his hand reaches for the passenger door when suddenly the engine comes to life and amber runs over his foot. she keeps weight on the gas even after he's disappeared from sight, afraid that if she slows down he'll somehow reappear like that fugly fuck from jeepers creepers. "that was the same guy from earlier, wasn't it? that creepy hobo with one eye."

"Of course! That's an essential life skill." Miray responded. She didn't see how anyone wouldn't. Car services weren't always easily obtainable. Having a fully equipped first aid kit was also essential. "Please don't rush me!" She took a few slow breaths as she knelt on the ground, tiny pieces of asphalt digging into her knees even through her jeans. "You have a manual jack, they take time!" Spinning the metal as fast as she could, Miray risked a glance up and say the figure. Her heart began hammering again in her chest, much faster now that the therapeutic action of changing a tire couldn't drive the fear aside. "Hold on, these need to be tightened." Her hands were starting to shake as she looked up again to see the figure closer than before. "Okay, okay we're done! Let's go, quick." She dumped the tools and the slashed tire back in the trunk then dove into the passenger seat. She wanted to go home. She wanted to be safe at home and all of the other horribleness be a thing of the past. A funny story she could bring out at parties.

[lostmorals]

hangovers were bad but nothing beat the feeling of raw emotion. he'd rather wake up with a headache than heartache. "yeah," he begins to smirk with a shake of his head, "felicia is very much an extrovert and yet still a mystery. i'm glad you guys made fast friends. i think there's much to benefit from each other." harry lets his body sink into the lounge chair, his eyes growing distant until he feels her hand touch his. he appreciates the sentiment, but she was mistaken. there wasn't a lot of people who care. "gwen, i grew up with a father who didn't give a shit about me. i know what it looks like when there's someone who doesn't want to be around you. they're too busy, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week...oh, something came up. if someone really cared you would never have to question it. i know i'm alone. i feel it every day. and it's not like i can't go out and party and hook up with people because i can. it's easy. but it's not the same thing as having someone who gives a shit. you know, you're the only person i told about my illness. you're the only one who'll listen."

"The HANGOVER the next day," Gwen admitted with a small shake of her head. She wondered whether Harry thought she was a loser for that but drinking wasn't really for her... NEITHER was partying. Chase was right, after all, the club wasn't exactly her scene. "It was FUN, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't worth the headache the next day," she hummed. "Felicia looked like she was BORN for it though," she smiled, envying the other blonde with how carefree she was. She frowned a little in response, leaning in to reach her hand over his. "You're NOT alone, Harry," she managed a small smile. "And not just because you have all this. A lot of people care about you."

[lostmorals]

"yeah, yeah, don't worry, i'll log my points and if the opportunity presents itself then i'll get some video too." he takes a sip of beer, hiding the confident grin that appears behind the rim of his cup. when the lights flicker the music skips and all you hear is the disappointed gasps and hollers before everything resumes. shawn's house never had any electrical issues. his parents weren't loaded but they paid all their bills on time and never complained about money. "i mean, that's the first time that's ever happened." shawn continues to look around without moving. he then chalks it up to a onetime thing and downs the rest of his beer in one swig.

"okay, i'll give you an additional ten points right now if you let me choose your first conquest?" dark, heavy-lidded eyes cross the room, signaling out bethany turner — a stuck-up mathlete who hated parties but couldn't reject an invitation to the party from her longtime crush harry steward who she just watched go upstairs with another girl. "butterface bethany. i've known her for three years and never seen her at a party. it's a shame because she's stacked. but she's not into jocks so that's why i'm choosing her for you. ten points is ten points?" he shrugs, crushing the plastic cup in his fist before tossing it on the floor.

dakota laughs. he totally has a glasses kink. "shut the fuck up." his tone remains playful to ensure shawn knows there's no actual hard feelings by the comment. eyebrows raise. "my fucking man!" he's immediately impressed by his best friend's scoring system; it puts his to shame. "i like the way you think. we're absolutely going with that." homme takes a swig of his drink before his nose wrinkles. he was not expecting to drink straight vodka. "you are so on. we can count all of our points and shit tomorrow . . . just remember to keep track." though he wouldn't admit it, it's been a while since dakota has gotten laid. he's looking forward to getting some sweet release.

it's then that the lights start to flicker before going back to normal. he frowns. "uh, that was weird.. power outages are a total party pooper, you know."

[lostmorals]

"it hurts...but in a way that comes and goes." she might've fractured her knee or torn something. "i'll go in after you to be looked at." she leans back against the leather seat and turns her head to see svetlana's face. "the combat suits will help. it'll make it more difficult for someone to pierce through so easily. you'll have more time to stop the blade from cutting all the way." she places a hand on the other's leg and rubs her thigh.

when the limousine pulls up in front of the hotel, katalina can't stop herself from tossing a smile in her friend's direction. it was absolutely gorgeous and she was very proud of her position there. she doesn't agree with everything that goes on but that was the price to pay for being in business with gangsters. "welcome to your new home. it's yours for as long as you want." katalina takes her hand and gently squeezes excitedly. its been too long since she's had a real companion here. "there's a private beach, pool, nightclub, movie theater. so much! but you can stay in your room too if you're not into any of that." she laughs, holding her hand as she guides her out of the limousine and behind rodrick who was taking their bags to the lobby.

though   svetlana   didn't   show   half   of   the   emotion   that   katalina   was   showing.   she   felt   in   her   heart,   deep   down   and   past   the   cold   frosted   layer,   that   she   really   did   care   for   katalina,   and   always   would.   she   makes   the   slightest   of   moves   and   the   pain   in   her   lower   stomach   causes   a   hiss.   "how   is   your   wound?"   the   russian   woman   asked,   motioning   to   her   body   as   the   car   moved.   "do   you   need   to   be   seen   as   well?"

   '   i   will   take   care   of   you.   '

   she   almost   spoke   out   loud,   leaning   her   head   back.   "the   only   thing   that   is   really   wrong   with   me   is   the   tenderness   of   my   side.   never   good   to   get   a   big   stab   wound   there."   svetlana   let   out   a   light   laugh.   she   didn't   want   to   laugh   too   hard,   it   was   more   pitiful   to   laugh   about   her   pain.   she   wanted   to   just   push   the   whole   feelings   away.   now   the   feeling   of   softness,   it   needed   to   be   pushed   away   as   well.

[lostmorals]

she was right. he was to blame for their friendship falling apart all those years ago. he didn't know how to maintain it at the time. he was a mess of spiraling inconsistency. a never-ending cycle of stress, anger, confusion, and depression. he was sick and tired of hurting her so he ended it. maybe it was selfish of him to want it back now. he should just let her move on and succeed in her goals. no matter if harry were attached to them or not. "i'm not sure..." he sighs into the phone, paying attention to his voice. "you get mad easily and defensive. there's times when i want to talk about things...hard things...and nothing changes. except for me bottling up and wondering if i'm the problem. things aren't easy...and maybe that's a sign that we're broken."

"Our FRIENDSHIP?" Gwen echoed, a small sigh leaving her then. Did he not remember ending the friendship when they were younger? She'd MOURNED him for years and while she was happy he was back in her life, it felt like it was at the expense of her career now. "Harry's just a friend, nothing more, I've TOLD you that--" and maybe Cate making her kiss Harry in front of him and admit that she loved him was something that was messing with them both. "Chase, I've never--" her voice broke as she breathed out a sigh, leaning against the door of her apartment then. "I've NEVER felt this way about anyone in my life. You must know that I do have feelings for you... don't you?"

[lostmorals]

AUSTIN BUTLER as BENNY

The Bikeriders (2024) dir. Jeff Nichols

[lostmorals]

" i know this is important to you but i'm not coming. not if he'll be there. " / @lipsofdeath

[lostmorals]

javier wasn't the kind of person to break character but he couldn't seem to hold back the smile that appears in response to her ridiculous enlightenment. "private investigators are a real thing, i can assure you." he drags his fingers through his thick curls, keeping a neat slick back. he could appreciate her honesty. it makes her look less suspicious hearing that she does in fact know the man in the picture. however, there were still things that weren't adding up for him. it was the way she was trying to make his frequent trips to the coffee shop seem insignificant while trying to rush him out at the same time. it was that eagerness to get away. she shouldn't be so nervous. "i believe you. so you probably wouldn't mind me taking a look around with your permission then? you know, just for peace of mind. i'd be happy to pay for a cup of coffee."

God, was she suddenly inside a noir film? By the way he spoke, it definitely made her feel like that. "I didn't even know private investigators were a thing that existed outside the T.V.." And even if she was being honest, she still looked at the picture. Well, Mariella did know them. Fuck. On the plus side, that meant that he probably wasn't there because of the other stuff she did. Her best shot was trying to seem cooperative. "I know him, yes. He was a costumer at the shop, came every now and then. It has been a while since I have last seen him, though." The woman crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows at him. "And if something happened, I can assure you it has nothing to do with a small coffee shop. He barely came, only once a week tops. So... Is that all, officer?"

[lostmorals]

a trustworthy guy? absolutely not. no one with that much confidence can be considered honorable. in life, it's the bloodthirsty wily wolves who go around flashing their sharp canines while the sheep take shelter. it was blatantly obvious by this man's laxed disposition and devil-may-care attitude that he was a wolf. now, benjamin doesn't consider himself a kindred spirit. no, he's no wolf. he's no sheep. he's no animal at all. benjamin caruso is the hunter. the man who kills the wolf.

"i was taught not to trust cowboys. they present themselves as noble, hard-working all-american men, but their gun is always hot, their smirk is always deceitful, and their dick is always wet. they take what they want and treat the rest of us like cattle. so, no, pretty boy, i don't trust you." the idea of them sharing anything at all in common was far-fetched. the only thing remotely similar was their apparent taste in women and alcohol.

"—and what kind of job would that be?" benjamin reclines, hawkish eyes examining every gesture. he wonders if silas is thinking the same thing as him. if they really had anything at all in common they would both agree that the girl sitting with them punched her ticket. after tonight, she wouldn't be allowed to breathe. she knows too much. seen and heard too much.

well, the man certainly wasn’t backing down. silas could respect a man that didn’t cower—to a point. eventually, he would grow tired of someone not bending to his will, then he’d have to dispose of them in some way. until then, though, silas was willing to play as long as his opponent was. he smirked at the idea of watching him and their woman together, unrattled by the suggestion. “don’t propose somethin’ you don’t want to happen. i’m not shy.” his stolen date, for her part, seemed excited by the idea. he flashed her a wolfish grin before his attention returned to his new friend.

the man recognized the name, which silas expected. his family had a reputation as honorable ranchers to the general public, and ruthless businessmen to a certain crowd. to a select few, they were evil on earth. silas happened to be the worst of them all, by nature and by design. his father molded his oldest son to do the more nefarious tasks that came with owning a ranch; silas wasn’t sure if his father noticed a penchant for violence in him at a young age, or he was forced to develop one to help big don with the deeds the desjardins wanted to keep in the dark. he may have grown up a vaquero, but his father put silas’ talents to other uses and the ranching was left to his younger brothers, dally and hank.

“aw, why? i don’t seem like a trustworthy guy?” silas quipped, eyes following as his new friend reached over and took his glass off of the table. his head cocked, jaw jutting out slightly. so that’s how he wanted to play this. he supposed it was only fair as he had started the interaction by taking his date, so let him take his drink—let benjamin caruso take his drink. “i think you and i may have more in common than you think, caruso.” silas was sure it seemed like he had a charmed life due to his family name, but he had no real home. the ranch was always waiting for him, but he was only half-welcomed there; his father only wanted him back when he had a job for him, and his siblings either were cordial but wary, or had outright contempt for him. his mother johna was the only person in the world that had any sort of affection for him, but that mostly hinged on him being the firstborn and not a true fondness for him. silas’ gaze moved over benjamin, appraising him. “if you’re looking for work, i might have something for you.” 

[lostmorals]

"yeah, real work. if you think you can handle it." kaleb was all for opportunities. his father taught him that character was built through trial and error. olivia wasn't going to get anywhere sitting behind a monitor and running errands all day. he wanted to see what she was really made of. "that's a good place to start." he nods, impressed with her immediate response. it showed that she'd been visualizing something more. "consider it done. i also need you to book me a flight to japan. i have business there and i was thinking you could accompany me? we would be leaving next week for three days."

Olivia sighed, shrugging her shoulders. So far she had only introduced herself to a couple people. Being his assistant meant she was busy all day long, running to the copier, sending emails, making phone calls. So she hadn't had a lot of time to chit chat. But the couple people she had met they had been polite, didn't tell her to fuck off so there's that. "You mean like real work?" She sent the last email and logged out of her email, pushing his chair back so she could get up. But she stayed seated while she thought about it. "Can I sit in on meetings? I'd like to learn more about writing and reporting, maybe I could take notes if you get me a laptop. I'm fast at typing I can type while people talk."

[lostmorals]

"i'll admit, i don't like harry, that's no secret. but it's more than that. you don't think i miss our friendship? that i don't think about the way things used to be? i never replaced you. that spot has just been empty. seeing you with harry makes me feel like you replaced me. you seem so close with him now and every time i try to express my feelings, i feel villainized. you take it as me picking on you but really, its just things i'm struggling with. i don't know how to word things properly." guys are taught that expressing yourself makes you look weak. people see you differently once you open up and show them you're not as confident as they assumed. once that happens, your value goes down. you become less—less desirable, less attractive, less masculine. women will say that's not true and that they want guys to be open and honest with their feelings but the minute they do, they'll almost always be seen differently. "are you willing to give harry up?"

"I NEVER knew," Gwen admitted softly, sighing as she shook her head. Going out and partying like she didn't care about her safety was probably one of the many ways she'd acted out about how painful it was. She breathed out slowly, lips pursed together as she sighed. "I know I shouldn't have pushed you away like that," she continue with a low hum, biting on her lower lip. "I just, I thought you were only AROUND because you wanted to get back at Harry or something," she bit down on her lower lip. "Or take him down, not... not that you actually had feelings for me."