maddisons-headspace

[maddisons-headspace]

Everything about my existence is so heavy.

My sadness, my joy, my pain, my regret…

I feel everything in the deepest parts of my soul and every bone in my body.

I’m exhausted.

[maddisons-headspace]

And as I sit on the floor on the verge of ending my life, I look at my phone screen desperately begging my brain to think of ANYONE I can call.

Then I stop crying.

I pick myself up off the fucking floor, wipe my eyes, and keep it pushing.

I will not die alone. I’ll leave this world with at least one person to call. I have to…

[maddisons-headspace]

Every single time I think I’ve hit rock bottom I somehow fall even further…

I’m so. tired.

[maddisons-headspace]

Okay I’m back from the dead to ask a serious question cause searching it up on safari isn’t giving me real answers.

I’ve recently started taking amitriptyline to help with pain management. It’s a 10mg dosage at the moment just to see how my body will respond. I looked up whether or not you can smoke weed while taking it and what the side effects are and all I’m seeing is an increased heart rate.

Soooo does anyone on here take that medication and smoke weed still?? If so can you share your experience with it? 

 

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I genuinely have absolutely no one…

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Got some dick yall my minds chillin for a while

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I’m gonna blow my brains out.

[maddisons-headspace]

Ik for a fact I’m splitting because my boyfriend is coming over and instead of being happy all I feel is hurt and dread.

Oh my god why can’t I be normal. He didn’t even do anything wrong (kinda) I can’t do this.

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I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything’s okay and he’s sorry…

But I want to hurt him. I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I want to make him cry. I want him to know how what he does to me feels. I need him to understand what this feels like. I don’t want his fucking apology I want him to hurt.

But I want to be his baby so bad and laugh and hug and cry as much as I want to in his arms.

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I really need to stay away from weed dude

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ANYWAYSSSSS LOL

dk what THAT was guys I’ve snapped out of it 🤣🤣🤣

Let’s all join hands and pray to whatever god there is that my boyfriend doesn’t leave me after he wakes up and reads those mortifying text messages I sent mhm hm hm ☺️☺️☺️☺️

Fucking end me.

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I can’t keep breathing

[maddisons-headspace]

I’m going to kill mysepf.

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I’m such a fuckup why can’t I be a normal person why’d I have to be such a dumb bitch with dumb emotions why do I have to hurt him so bad why can’t I just be normal why can’t I just be normal I just want to be normal please I can’t please

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I hate taking pills. Somehow they make me feel worse than when I’m not taking them… or is that the BPD trying to win…

Someone help me.

[maddisons-headspace]

Put my blood sweat and tears into gifts for people and haven’t slept from working so hard.

I’m proud tho, gave me a reason to keep going lol.

[maddisons-headspace]

I hate the way everyone tries to downplay ALL my illnesses.

And the way everyone talks to me like I’m fucking stupid or a failure because my body and brain are different from theirs

I deal with more shit then anyone could ever know yet IM the weak one, okay 😂

I pray god hits one of these mother fuckers with a chronic illness, let’s see how much they show up during flare ups.

Stop downplaying my shit because you’re uneducated as fuck and too ignorant to retain information.

Just because I have BPD doesn’t mean idk what emotions are, if anything I understand emotions more than anyone I just can’t regulate their intensity. Pls grow up and learn about these things before talking shit and save all of us the time of having to hear how ignorant you are.