mariisauruslove

[mariisauruslove]

Revival & Reunion

I had a dream that death kissed me

But love had known to let me go

Came back from drowning in the sea

Never knew love to sing in my soul

I think I��m healing maybe

Progression overwhelming me

Tasting sweeter than honey

They cant seem to stand the heat

Baby, my body was born ready

Death speaks to me lately

Whispers in the dark breeze

Sending shivers down my spine

“Think of me until the end of time

But dont you dare end your life

You’re precious to me”

Thats what death said to me

Reminding me to breathe

Kissing sweeter each time

Scars that cut deeper in my soul and mind

Knowing I’m an all time favorite crime

Being touched in red when I’m colorblind

I fell in love with him

The glory of his power and sin

Death kissed me and let me go

Knowing happiness, barely so

Sacrificing time for my soul

I took a walk by the ocean

This love was forbidden poison

Id love to sink in it all the time

Swimming deeper in the light

Knowing id fall in the dark at the end of it

I had a dream that death kissed me

But love had known to let me go

Came back from drowning in the sea

Never knew love to sing in my soul

But I came back to you

Orchestras singing right on cue

This is what lovers do

Death, my love, I came back to you.

[mariisauruslove]

Reasons why I feel the way i feel for you:

Reason 1: You are there for me even when I push you away.

Reason 2: You never have left me

Reason 3: You always know what to say and reply to every part of my messages.

Reason 4: You never belittle me or make me feel small or ugly

Reason 5: Youre a goofball and you always manage to make me smile and laugh so much.

Reason 6: You are ambitious and successful in your careerpath

Reason 7: You are so positive, you are the sun in my sky. You make my life brighter

Reason 8: You reassure me when im feeling insecure

Reason 9: You dont have a favorite shape but have a favorite number lol

Reason 10: You are always the highlight of my day

Reason 11: I’ve given you the worst parts of me and you treated them all with the utmost respect and love. You truly put me together and held me.

Reason 12: You love the moon as a form of weather lol and disagree that I don’t think its actually a type of weather.

Reason 13: Youre so smart, you dont rely on the words of people but you see who they are now

Reason 14: The way you maneuver your life is amazing considering everything you’ve been through

Reason 15: You motivate me to reach my goals

Reason 16: You push me to be the better person i want to be

Reason 17: You love the moonlight as much as i do

Reason 18: You dont get weirded out easily by me lmao

Reason 19: You always cheer me up when I’m in a bad mood, ex. with a joke or a video.

Reason 20: You have this spunk to you that always makes me smile

Reason 21: You will always keep me on my toes

Reason 22: You make little voices when you’re talking as someone else in your stories

Reason 23: You believe in me

Reason 24: You are so wise and have the most beautiful heart of gold

Reason 25: Your voice is the perfect pitch

Reason 26: You’ve caught me off guard, i never expected this love to grow as it had.

Reason 27: You mostly always beat me at games lol (it’s definitely rigged tho and I want a refund 😂)

Reason 28: You water me daily and make me feel so alive.

Reason 29: You cherish your friends and family

Reason 30: You have this glow of love to you that radiates for miles

Reason 31: You write down your dreams

Reason 32: You’ve trained yourself to control your dreams (also this is your favorite number)

Reason 33: You are one of the kindest souls I know

Reason 34: The hours you don’t message me feel like lifetimes of boredom.

Reason 35: I want to constantly be around you because you make me so happy

Reason 36: I absolutely love your brain, the way it thinks and strategizes. There’s so much to explore about you.

Reason 37: I love how you love green like my best friend.

Reason 38: You don’t seem to complain about your problems to anyone, you just fix them

Reason 39: You have the same music taste I do and tbh I fuck with that 😂

Reason 40: You bring music to my attention that I forgot I listened to.

Reason 41: Being around you / talking to you is like reliving my favorite childhood memories

Reason 42: You’re so familiar to me yet so not

Reason 43: At first I struggled to make conversation with you but then it became really easy to talk to you

Reason 44: You are warmth and life in my universe

Reason 45: You have impacted my life more than you can imagine

Reason 46: Every little silly thing you do makes me say “I love this man” under my breath and makes my heart feel warm 💛

Reason 47: You always post “decisions were made” when you see a misplaced item and it makes me giggle every time

Reason 48: You LOVE pineapple on pizza and i def fuck with that 😂 (hawaiian is your favorite)

Reason 49: You apparently think supreme tastes terrible, which offends me, but the fact you hate it means more for me 😂 so if we ever order pizza, I’ll probably order us hawaiian and supreme 😂

Reason 50: You support me and are there for me in ways i didnt know i needed

Reason 51: I love the way you tell stories. You dont suck at telling them like me 😂

Reason 52: I absolutely adore your sarcasm. It matches mine and the way they interact is gr8 :’)

Reason 53: I love your sense of humor.

Reason 54: You’re so selfless and kind

Reason 55: You say you have flaws, but I really don’t see them. You literally can do anything lol… well, i love your drawings but you dont but i still think you can do anything 😂

Reason 56:You’re a man of your word and don’t make promises or commitments unless you’re able to

Reason 57: You dont hate twilight 😂

Reason 58: You’re unapologetically you and stand so firm within yourself ❤️

Reason 59: You’re my rock and keep me together when im falling apart.

60: You dont judge anyone for being themselves and dont let your opinions be projected onto others

61: You are so understanding

62: You’re empathetic and compassionate towards others

63: I love how there were moments we shared where we were both having a hard time and we comforted each other, saying one day at a time, like a small hug that wrapped around us.

64: You calm me with your presence and i find comfort in your company.

65: I love how you hold yourself accountable when you know you make mistakes and try your best to make up for them.

66: I love that you dont let hard times stop you from shining. You’re my sunny leo ♌️. 🌞

67: i love how you are always so dedicated and motivated towards your goals, not just career but in your personal life too.

68: you have much in common with me. Ngl, ive questioned if it was just to agree with me but you’re more you.

69: I see my whole future with you and i cannot see it with anyone else. I know id constantly be happy because the way we interact is so loving.

70: You probably love food as much as i do lol even though i have a weird relationship with it

71: You are terrible at goodbyes just like me.

72: I love how you showed me the office, because it easily became my favorite show.

73: i love making you happy, because your laughter deserves to be heard everyday. i love your laugh.

74: you’re everything on my list of what i want in a man. Literally everything. Although, you definitely added traits to that list.

75: i love how you teach me things without degrading me.

76: I love how you’re honest with me even when it’s not something I want to hear.

77: I love how you enjoy traveling and find yourself enjoying the journey more than the destination.

78: i love how you’re independent.

79: I love how you taught me to love myself.

80: i love how you taught me to heal and set boundaries.

81: I love how you taught me to stop accepting the minimum and set standards for myself.

82: i love how although you broke my heart, you allowed me to see.

83: i love how Lovers in Japan by Coldplay is your favorite song.

84: Dude legit i found it so cool how you did math ezpz. You’re a wizard 🧙‍♂️ Dabes!

85: You’re not a perfect person but you were perfect to me.

86: i love how you love Christmas as much as i do.

87: I love how you love taylor swift. #Swiftie

88: I love how you’re outgoing and make friends wherever you go, because I be awkward at making friends lol but im working on it

89: I love how you’re always so excited to live life, every moment is yours to live.

90: I love how unselfish and caring you are.

91: I love how your brain works, the way it processes things.

92: I love how you’re overall a happy spirit and taught me to be the same way.

93: I love how there’s many depths to you, each one only revealed by you.

94: Although I wished youd open up more to me, you taught me the art of emotional independence. To stop relying so much on people when I should have the capacity to fix it.

95: I love how you enjoy running and how it connects you with your family.

96: I love that you’re a family man and will do anything for your family.

97: I love how twilight reminds you of me and it will be something that will always tie your thoughts to me.

98: I love how you inspire others to reach their goals.

99: I love that even in scary situations, such as your heart issues, you remain strong and uplifting. You stay positive and keep going.

100: I love you because you pulled me out of the darkest hole I’ve been in my whole life, where I knew I wouldn’t come back. And you did it without wanting anything in return. You declared that any human deserves this, but you poured love from your cup into mine and because of you, I’m alive. This ill never forget. You’re the bestest friend I could have ever acquired throughout my life.

[mariisauruslove]

The thing that no one ever tells you is that sometimes you need to face things alone and not everyone will always be there for you. No one tells you how hard it is to go through traumatic events and come out of them as a survivor but you’re the only one who can heal yourself.

[mariisauruslove]

Between the Lines

Time has passed us and I’m remembering everything we shared.

But you will never understand how much I loved you, how a small piece of me still holds on to you. You’ve proven it to me time and time again.

I loved you because you pulled me out of quick sand that wanted to swallow me whole.

And in that process, you stepped in it too.

My hands that were made of lava, burned yours too.

But you did it anyway. You loved and cared to do it for me. But I never understood why’d or how big of a love that had to be for you to do it.

“Simply because I’m human,” you said. I didn’t believe it entirely, something always told me there’s more. But i let it go, secretly keeping notes.

Because how many people had you saved where you were here like this?

How many people did you burn for?

And you stayed through the worst of it all. Then left as soon as you saw staying hurt me than helped me.

I tried pulling you back because I couldn’t spare the thought of having a life without you.

I pulled,

Pulled,

And pulled.

It didn’t work, you still slipped through my fingers. You became the sand.

But the way you spoke to me in between the lines, where you wanted to be with me too. I just needed the time and space to grow. I noted it.

And i grew. I did the healing. I did all the things I was afraid of doing. I grew and I glowed. I was no longer in quicksand or touching the ground. I was floating on my own. Helping others too. And i thought at this point it would be where youd come back.

And i waited for you.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But you didn’t return.

That’s when I believed that this was just in my head. The in between so vague that I no longer knew what it was we shared. And I let go because I needed you to say it. I didn’t want to read in between lines, I wanted you to tell me what you wanted.

But in between messages you still sent. I noted them.

I made plans for myself and you claimed them as ours. It gave me butterflies but stung like a bee in my heart.

I needed to hear you say it.

I listened,

I waited,

I asked,

But you didn’t say it.

And i let go slowly.

I started seeing others and you saw it. In between messages of jealousy saying “me too, but look at her”.

Of course I was jealous. But I couldn’t wait anymore. We loved playing games together, but i couldn’t play this one.

Why waste our time when we could’ve been together instead?

Overthinking came.

It’s in my head, all these things are in my head. It’s just in between, an illusion I maybe wanted to see. Its not certain, although I read the words right. He doesn’t want me, he hasn’t said it.

This hurt me.

And it was a privilege to have my heart broken by you. But I wanted you to know that each shattered piece meant something. Each piece loved you so deeply and accepted you as a whole.

Each piece was a hundred reasons why,

Each piece was hand written notes,

Each piece was childhood songs.

As each piece shattered more, I was sand too.

Time passed, I was finally happy without you.

The red invisible string that tied us together, it became thinner,

And thinner,

And thinner.

But I can’t help think you’ll return one day, and it will be too late for us. Whether it was in my head or not, Ill never know. If I’m to be with someone else, you were the stepping stone i never thought I’d pass through but stay at. And if so, I hope God guides me.

But please note this: That small part of me will always remember this and love you for everything you did and who you were.

[mariisauruslove]

Pins

Imagine a loud death by a thousand pins

Every one creating a map where your kisses have been

Every single one pushing deep beneath my skin

Velvet red streaming from within

Innocence taken by a great sin

Deeper in they fall and I collapse.

How can I win? Or breath? I’m shaken.

Who am I without myself?

Perished and departed.

[mariisauruslove]

Hello stranger

Hello stranger do you remember me?

You used to think I was funny

We used to talk almost every day.

Now we have nothing left to say.

But i miss you.

I wish I could see you.

High tides, making memories.

You were a dream.

A miracle to see.

Oh woah oh oh

Take me to Japan and run

To where we can see the Osaka sun

Ill take you to France,

The city of romance.

Take me to Germany & Italy

Where we wished we would be

Take me to Turkey

On a hot air balloon to see

The High Tides,

The beautiful sights,

Making memories.

You were a dream,

You were my dream.

And i miss you,

I miss you.

[mariisauruslove]

I love her because of the way she sings, not caring what others think.

I love her because of how she speaks her mind so freely.

I love her because even in her darkest days, she never gives up. She always finds a way.

I love her because she’s so in love with the idea of true love, she won’t take or give anything less.

I love her because she revives people with her love.

I love her because she’s independent and always strives to be better.

I love her because of the way she gawks at the moon, wishing she could be part or all of it.

I love her because she always makes wishes at 11:11s

I love her because of the way she laughs, echoing the places we go.

I love her because she feels like a warm cup of coffee on a cold night.

I love her because she has a beautiful imagination, she could paint you a whole universe.

I love her because of the way she fights her sleep to try to have more time at night, but regretting it every morning.

I love her because she keeps her pinky promises.

I love her because of the way she gets so excited about the little things she absolutely adores.

I love her because she’s completely different from anyone you could ever meet. She’s a rare, beautifully immaculate diamond.

I love her for who she is, not just her looks.

To have the privilege to be loved in return by her is to be born again, like having rain in a drought. There’s nothing more extraordinary.

And I absolutely love her entirely. 🥀

[mariisauruslove]

Dear Ahmad,

Its taken me a long time to decide whether I should respond to anything you’ve said. In truth, i know my silence was louder and that’s why I didnt say anything. At first, however, i thought that night that i should just give it time. Then literally the next morning, less than 12 hrs from when it happened, you decide to cut me off? Because what? You’re overstimulated? You’re stressed? I didn’t even get enough time to process what happened. You cant force anyone to work on your schedule. Then you message again asking if we’re ever going to talk about it like you didnt just end the friendship? Like i was nothing? Just completely hurt me again and again. And you’re right, there is some responsibility of my own to that, and that is to stop letting you treat me this way. It’s not okay. You constantly treat me so ugly when ive done nothing but love you authentically and purely. I’m not your scapegoat. You dont just lash out on me to feel better. Being your friend doesnt give you a pass to treat me like shit. And instead of apologizing, change your behavior because it’s happened multiple times. Oh and my apologies that apparently mean less because i do it so often? It’s because you’re unpredictable and you lash out at me. The apologies happen because I’m trying to not step on your toes and upset you. And it only happens with you. Because I don’t feel safe with you. Its why i couldn’t climax with you. My body doesn’t feel safe.

I loved you so fucking much for you to break me this way. I don’t understand why. Like honestly why. The first night i was next to you, you were upset I wasn’t kissing you with passion. And how tf are you going to tell me that you were feeling something with me and then youre over there in love with her? Make it make sense. You never felt anything. Just lust. You didn’t care about me or how i felt. All i did for you genuinely out of love, it was to your benefit and my expense.

I hope you hear the loudness of the void where my presence used to be. And i hope you consume yourself in it and reflect that you fucked up deeply because you lost the best damn thing that happened to you. A love that cuts deeper than a knife, it was too good to be true. I am disgusted that I let someone like you touch me this way. You’re narcissistic, manipulative and a liar. You said i wasnt in your cycle and its all bullshit, because i wasnt the only girl you reeled in, fucked and then tried to be friends with like nothing happened. You keep these women around for your convenience and congratulations, because it’s so fucking believable that you care. Looking at me, kissing me, touching me the way you did. I really believed you loved me in some way. But how fucking stupid do you think i am? You lost me. But its okay because you didnt truly care about me, you cared what I provided for you, which was a safe space for you. And you took advantage of that by thinking it was okay to lash out at me, even when it wasnt i who you were mad at. Oh and the fun part? When i actually had problems? Its was nice to hear you just throw it back in my face. I truly appreciate it.

I knew you deeper than you knew yourself and i knew you were afraid of me because youve never experienced someone like me. Your eyes cant lie. I see through you. And that’s what scares you. You didn’t know the impact i was making on you until it was taken right under you. You took me for granted, thought I was going to be there for you at your beck and call. No, sir. I’m much more clever than that. And im worth so much more than that.

Youve taken enough of me. Youve hurt me enough and because of it all, you lost me. And i will be the one that got away. And youll try to get over me, ask yourself who tf I am. And that’s when youll realize I am the woman who loved you more than anyone else. It must be really embarrassing to be you right now. I can only imagine how stupid you feel. But that sounds like a YOU problem. I hope you heal from your bullshit and not rationalize your actions. Bon journée, mon chéri.

[mariisauruslove]

I hope one day you forget what my singing sounds like and when you try to remember you cant, and it’ll make you sad because you will never hear me sing again since you lost me.

—The heart you broke once upon a time

[mariisauruslove]

Dear Ahmad,

Its taken me a long time to decide whether I should respond to anything you’ve said. In truth, i know my silence was louder and that’s why I didnt say anything. At first, however, i thought that night that i should just give it time. Then literally the next morning, less than 12 hrs from when it happened, you decide to cut me off? Because what? You’re overstimulated? You’re stressed? I didn’t even get enough time to process what happened. You cant force anyone to work on your schedule. Then you message again asking if we’re ever going to talk about it like you didnt just end the friendship? Like i was nothing? Just completely hurt me again and again. And you’re right, there is some responsibility of my own to that, and that is to stop letting you treat me this way. It’s not okay. You constantly treat me so ugly when ive done nothing but love you authentically and purely. I’m not your scapegoat. You dont just lash out on me to feel better. And instead of apologizing, change your behavior because it’s happened multiple times. Oh and my apologies that apparently mean less because i do it so often? It’s because you’re unpredictable and you lash out at me. The apologies happen because I’m trying to not step on your toes and upset you. And it only happens with you. Because I don’t feel safe with you. Its why i couldn’t climax with you. My body doesn’t feel safe. I loved you so fucking much for you to break me this way. I hope you hear the loudness of the void where my presence used to be. And i hope you consume yourself in it and reflect that you fucked up deeply because you lost the best damn thing that happened to you. A love that cuts deeper than a knife, it was too good to be true. I am disgusted that I let someone like you touch me this way. You’re narcissistic, manipulative and a liar. You said i wasnt in your cycle and its all bullshit, because i wasnt the only girl you reeled in, fucked and then tried to be friends with like nothing happened. You keep these women around for your convenience and congratulations, because it’s so fucking believable that you care. Looking at me, kissing me, touching me the way you did. I really believed you loved me in some way. But how fucking stupid do you think i am? You lost me. But its okay because you didnt truly care about me, you cared what I provided for you, which was a safe space for you. And you took advantage of that by thinking it was okay to lash out at me, even when it wasnt i who you were mad at. Oh and the fun part? When i actually had problems? Its was nice to hear you just throw it back in my face. I truly appreciate it. I knew you deeper than you knew yourself and i knew you were afraid of me because youve never experienced someone like me. Your eyes cant lie. I see through you. And that’s what scares you. You didn’t know the impact i was making on you until it was taken right under you. You took me for granted, thought I was going to be there for you at your beck and call. No, sir. I’m much more clever than that. And im worth so much more than that.You’ve taken enough of me. Youve hurt me enough and because of it all, you lost me. And i will be the one that got away. And youll try to get over me, ask yourself who tf I am. And that’s when youll realize I am the woman who loved you more than anyone else. It must be really embarrassing to be you right now. I can only imagine how stupid you feel. But that sounds like a YOU problem. I hope you heal from your bullshit and not rationalize your actions. Bon journée, mon chéri.

[mariisauruslove]

Being with someone who wants to learn about your past history, not to punish or hurt you, but to learn how you need to be loved

[mariisauruslove]

You cannot make everyone think and feel as deeply as you do. This is your tragedy … because you understand them, and they do not understand you.

Daniel Saint

[mariisauruslove]

“I chose you, but you didn’t choose me.”

—Thoughts

[mariisauruslove]

“Sometimes love can feel like shackles on your wrists, so straining.”

—M.S.R.

[mariisauruslove]

I just don’t understand… i don’t understand how your hands could touch me so passionately, how you could kiss me like youve never been kissed, how your eyes can look at me so full of love and yet you feel nothing? She’s everything you wanted. She’s who fills your mind and heart.. You’re in love with her. And yes, it hurts me everytime you bring up her name. It boils my blood and breaks me every time. Why dont you see me? Why dont you…see….me?

I literally would give you the world and you were so quick to turn me down, didnt even give it the chance. I’m so fucking tired. You push everyone that loves you away, making you so isolated because you absolutely hate yourself. And for what? These other girls you hurt? Who were they and why am i just in this fucking pile? Why allow it to continue when you had means to end it? I don’t deserve this.

I wish I didn’t crave your touch, your kisses, your presence. I wish you loved me too. I’m tired of dreaming about you being next to me, holding me, having this energy of fire. If you actually tried to get to know me. If you actually tried to see me. You’d see everything and know I’d never do anything to hurt you. But I’m not someone to literally beg. This does not align to my bad bitch vibes. And it’s why you’re going to have to work so hard to get me back. Because you’ve diminished in my eyes. I’ve lost quite alot of interest in you. I find you incredibly immature. It’s given me the ick. You’ll have to put in the work because I’m worth everything.✨

It’s a fair trade to risk everything to gain everything. Idk, you’re kinda dumb for letting me slip through your fingers, tbh. That’s all I gotta say.

[mariisauruslove]

Dear Yellow,

I miss you. I truly miss you. I miss playing iMessage games with you, having you beat me all the time, being literally your best friend. And i know i depended too much on your validation towards my feelings. You helped me through so much and I wish you could see my growth now. I’m really not the person I was, and i keep shedding the skins of my past, but the love for you that i have doesn’t change. Although you broke my heart, you allowed me to see. To really see what I deserve and everything I needed to heal from. I know its been nearly 4 years since we started talking. Nearly one that we stopped. I’ve accepted this is how it is but I still wish it wasn’t. I hope nothing but the best for you. I hope you find yourself to live an easy and happy life.

[mariisauruslove]

Come and kiss me and let’s forget.

F. Scott Fitzgerald / The Ice Palace (via bnmxfld)