meanslackofart

[meanslackofart]

i recently started working for this startup and 90% of the employees are from south of india. so now, on daily basis, i get to see a new version of my name. they say it right, no problem there, but they write/type it wrong. and i'm just pulling my hair, how can they write it wrong while typing in the same chat where my name is at top. like seriously, how, macha? but i dont say anything out of courtesy and just let it be, because at least they are saying it right

[meanslackofart]

how do I always fall into people's lies that they're going to be there for me?! 🤧

[meanslackofart]

my favourite conspiracy theory is that they regret what they did to me

[meanslackofart]

i feel really sad. and people don't seem to understand that. I've been like this since may end, the second last weekend to be exact. about 3-4 weeks now i guess. and i don't know how people are ignoring that, especially the ones who claim to know me well. although i agree it's not prominent as such but there's the underlined feeling of sadness which keeps surfacing little bit little. what makes me more sad is how this one person in particular seems to be not caring and have forgotten the promise they gave themselves and is reacting to my low mood just like others.

[meanslackofart]

always walled in eggshells scared I might accidentally step too hard, crack one, and set it all off. that one slip can turn a hush into a fire, a flame that eats the air, and everyone in it. some days, that’s all it takes— a flicker, a word, a glance, and the fire rises, pulls everyone in. others just watch in silence, let themselves burn quietly— because if they speak, they become the fuel. the blaze grows louder, hotter, until no one remembers where it began. I try to stay away, always— but somehow, I’m always caught in the middle. some days, all I imagine is how they'd react if it were my pyre. some nights, I wish for it so hard— thinking maybe then they’d finally see how deep the hurt really ran.

~sg

(15/06/25 || 2:15 pm)

[meanslackofart]

We are the children of broken households. We never had a childhood. So go ahead, romanticise our lives, colour them in poetries, paint them in shades of mystery.

But catastrophe is catastrophe even if it is coloured in the prettiest shades of pink, even if it's written with the most beautiful ink.

[meanslackofart]

just saw an edit of fleabag and hot priest with the audio of the song Shauq from Qala. edits that has either only reminds me of only one person. i don't have that person in my life anymore, no they aren't dead, just not connected with them. and yes i have my person now, with whom I'm happy, I'm loved and everything but they once used to be my person. that person taught me to be able to break infront of them without thinking over the months I got to know them but i knew this wasn't going to last long considering i knew what the problem could eventually arise forcing us to spilt out paths. that's exactly what happened.

so now every time I see an edit with either of those two, I am remembering that person i lost who helped me to become me and to be able to accept the help from others.

[meanslackofart]

ummmmm ok *disappears into my portal*

[meanslackofart]

sanz?

umm yes?

[meanslackofart]

don't invest in me, i don't give good return

[meanslackofart]

finally met my friend after ages a few days back and was telling her how I went from being a text person to staying on call for hours to sleeping on video call now. her only response was "tum toh gyi"

[meanslackofart]

24 me se 10 ghante i was on a call, that too also video call. crazy.

[meanslackofart]

wish there was a pill for mood swings

[meanslackofart]

weird things are happening... things that I used to find cringe have become cute.. wtf. what is this guy doing to me?

[meanslackofart]

grab her by the brain

[meanslackofart]

people shouldn't be scared of how I can harm or hurt them, people should be scared of how I can harm myself at times

[meanslackofart]

This year has taught me that anybody can change suddenly, doesn't matter how close the bond is.