mentally-spiraling

[mentally-spiraling]

suspected avpd culture is being genuinely brought to tears looking through this blog (and other avpd-related things, including the actual diagnostic criteria lol) because you just feel so Seen

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[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is avoiding taking proper care of yourself because you don't feel like you deserve it

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[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is knowing your friends are drifting away from you, knowing you're not there for them enough, knowing you're too distant and quiet and not a good friend at all, and understanding that this friendhsip will end soon. it will die, just like any other friendship you've ever had, just like any other friendship you've ever ruined. you understand it, and you accept the situation. because there's not really anything you can do to fix it, is there? there's nothing you can do to fix yourself

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[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is not killing yourself even though it's kinda all you want to do lately because you don't want to inconvenience or traumatize anyone. like seriously is there no way to just. stop existing without potentially hurting a real person in the process?

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[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is not being there for people no matter how much or little you care about them. you're not there when they're happy, sharing their thoughts and blabbering on in excitement, when you have to be a mirror of their enthusiasm but can't. you're not there when they need support, no reassuring words on your tongue. you're not there when they're surrounded by people, knowing that they don't really need you because hey, they've got all those other friends, don't they? you're not there when they're alone, too scared of the closeness that is between the two of you now. you're not there when they need to talk, all words or phrases completely forgotten. you're not there when they don't want words but rather something else, something that you can't understand or give because what if you misread the situation and offer something else instead, something they don't need? you're not there at all, just a mere observer watching quietly from afar. you're not there, and when you leave, memories of you aren't there, either

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[mentally-spiraling]

vulnerability is so important but I will not be partaking in it

[mentally-spiraling]

Avpd culture is making a weird mistake and trying to laugh with everyone but ultimately failing and needing to run again. I'll try to make it funny, but the second you look down on me for it: I already have a new name and face. BYE. I'm already out the door and down the block. BYE BYE.

-🌐🖱

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[mentally-spiraling]

Gay and (suspected) AvPD culture is going to pride events alone, seeing everyone happy with their friend groups and partners, and thinking to yourself "maybe I don't have as much in common with these people as much I thought I did." You'll never get a taste of that "queer joy," whatever it is. It is unknown to you.

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[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is reinventing yourself over and over and being like oh yeah THIS time it's gonna stick

[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is being convinced you're uniquely unlovable. it's miserable feeling lonely and believing that no matter how hard you try, it'll never end

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[mentally-spiraling]

AVPD is a personality disorder in cluster C. 34.91% suffer from alcohol dependence. 19.56% suffer from drug dependence. it is NOT the same as social anxiety disorder (SAD). it is NOT a lack of discipline.

thanks for reading y'all, this turned half informational post half vent, hope you can still appreciate what i'm trying to say.

[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is not being able to grasp the passage of time because you can't even begin to accept the fact you've thrown away so many years of your life just hiding.

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[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is not being able to grasp the passage of time because you can't even begin to accept the fact you've thrown away so many years of your life just hiding.

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[mentally-spiraling]

Do you fear being perceived or seen? Feel like you're being watched? Your fear of being seen could be holding you back. Let's talk about this fear and how we get past this so you can reach your full potential.

Other videos you may like: your fear of being seen is holding you back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIt0uKUs01s&t=12s how your fear of being perceived is holding you back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpesMGLJCF0

[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is i would talk to you, but there's something deeply wrong with me. i can hide it from you as best i can initially but eventually something will give and i'll ghost you and never think of you again so that i don't feel the shame of all that time I was visible to you

[mentally-spiraling]

avpd culture is fantasizing how you would disappear. you keep looking back, wondering if anyone you leave behind would miss you, but going forward, you think this is the better way. you keep looping how you'd leave or just straight up disappear to the point where it feels more justifiable than speaking out. it's a horrible cycle.

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[mentally-spiraling]

nothing makes me want to kill myself more than positive affirmation/compliments towards me