mimixngg

[mimixngg]

Your biggest mistake was thinking that I am replaceable. Having options doesn’t mean that everyone is disposable. You had someone who loved you softly, steadily and consistently. Yet that wasn’t enough. I could bring heaven down to your feet, but you’d still choose to walk away. And although I love you more than I love myself, I will never chase you or sell myself to you. Just know that no matter how far you go and wherever you may be, I am always here loving you quietly but ferociously.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

Fate. Conversations. Music. Intense eyes. Whispers in the dark. Silence. Dreams. Prayers. Come back. Hello again. 3am conversations. Secrets. Truths. Arguments. Walk away. Sujood. Tears. Missing you. Months pass by. One day. Hello once more. Goodbye again. Never ending cycles. Let go. Waiting. Confused. One more try. Hi. Honesty. Fight. Leave. Last time. Farewell, love.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

Time is never on our side. We come together and again, destiny separates us. Let eternity try to stop me. I’ll wait forever, I’ll wait every lifetime until the universe surrenders.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

I’ll forget my name before I forget you and I’ll forget how to breathe before I forget you.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

I create a safe space for you so you can tell me the things you don’t tell others, the dark thoughts in your head, the things you don’t get to say openly and maybe the secrets in your heart. Even though I already know what’s in your heart, I just want to hear it from you. Let your heart speak- I already know its language. You are safe with me for I will build 100 great walls of China around us, I will black out this whole world and we’ll sit in complete darkness until you feel safe to whisper a single word. Even if it’s just to say “Hi”, I’ll whisper back “Wanna play hide and seek?”. My heart already knows where you’re at, it’ll always guide me to you.

There is nothing you can hide from me even if it’s buried at the bottom of the ocean or even if it’s buried in your heart. I understand how scary it is to have someone truly see you, but isn’t it scarier when no one sees you at all? Would you rather feel like a ghost in this world or be seen by someone so completely that she knows your heart as if it was made for her?

M.xg

[mimixngg]

I love and hate with the same heart and I do both extremely well. Choose your poison.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

Allah,

Are you counting my tears? Compensate me and make a new ocean with these tears. I’ll name it after him and remind myself to never love this deep again.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

I’ve run out of words to say. Maybe when they invent more words or another language, maybe then, I’ll better explain how I killed my own heart from loving you.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

You won’t ever understand my heart, how much it feels for you and what it’s capable of. If all the hearts on this earth resembles all the stars in the sky, then for you my heart is the moon. The biggest, shiniest and only one of its kind.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

Do I scare you because I love you through all your bullshit? Because I don’t flinch at your darkness nor your demons? Because I truly see you? Because even though you broke my heart, I am still here? Why do you fear love so much? Because it’s the only thing that could save and destroy you right? And you’ve been destroyed by it too much? What if love could save you this time if you’re willing to let your guard down? If you’re willing to be vulnerable? If you’re willing to let the right woman in? What if you were brave in love? What if this was the greatest love you’ll ever know? Are you willing to find out or would you rather live your whole life not knowing? Is it better living in regret than not giving love a chance? Are sleepless nights worth more than having someone sleep beside you? Is it better giving someone a piece of you instead of your whole heart? Are you tired of running? Do you want to live like this your whole life? Why do you turn away from someone who chooses you every time? Are you happier without love? Do you feel anything for me at all? Am I the idiot? Would you rather I leave completely and maybe you’ll be satisfied? How do I say goodbye? Can you teach me to be cold like you? Can you teach me to not love anymore? Can you stab my heart so I won’t miss you anymore? And please don’t ever reach out to me anymore. Can you keep that promise? Because I’ll keep mine and I’ll leave completely.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

You vanished like the moon when the sun rises and although the night returns, you didn’t.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

I gazed at you like you’re the greatest masterpiece Allah ever crafted. I watched you with loving eyes. I know every tiny detail on your body from the smallest mole to the most hidden one. I recognize every curve on your body for I’ve traced it softly with my fingertips, even the curved line on your cheek when you smile.

But you cannot see the love in my eyes, that’s why you walked away. Even now, these eyes still love you because they cry for you.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

Just play along. Say that you love me too. Pull me closer to your heart even though I know it’s lying to me. I’ll smile in the arms that’s willing to let go and when you leave, let it be tender—like the quietest breath of wind, barely there, barely felt.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

Does my favorite song come on in your playlist when you’re with her? Does it remind you of that one time we listened to it in your car? I rested my head on your arm as you drove and you kissed my head.

Now when it comes on, it breaks my heart. I am reminded of you, so what’s the point of me when even a favorite song of mine becomes you?

M.xg

[mimixngg]

You used to write my name on random scraps of paper, but I wrote your name in an entire notebook. Line after line, every page, front and back filled with your name. The one I’ll never be able to call mine.

A book brimming with emptiness. Just your name, repeated endlessly. You might think I’m crazy, but I wrote it nearly 20,000 times, trying to carve you out of my heart.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

Your birthday falls on the 28th— my favorite number. I told you this, laughing, calling it useless information.

You said, “No it’s not. I’ll put 28 candles on your cake even if you’re 90 and I’ll give you 28 roses.

But my birthday is coming, and you left before you could light the candles, before you could hand me the roses.

So I’ll make a wish instead— 28 times,

one for each candle, one for each rose, one for each piece of my heart that still hopes you’ll come back.

M.xg

[mimixngg]

We collided with more force than a meteor hitting the earth and it’s with the same force that shattered my heart when you left.

M.xg