misoxmiireux

[misoxmiireux]

My love, my loss

You left me with his tiny hands in mine,

With his cries echoing in the silence you left behind.

I can hold him, love him, whisper you name in his ear—

but who will whisper yours in mine?

You promised to stay, to fight, to return.

But the war took you, and left me with the war inside.

I stand where you rest, our son in my arms,

telling him stories of a father he will never know.

I can give him your love,

but who will give your love to me?

Who will chase away my sorrow,

the way I chase away his nightmares?

I hold on, my love,

because I must.

But every night, the cold reminds me—

I was never meant to do this alone.

— Yours, even in grief

[misoxmiireux]

[misoxmiireux]

R… A… why? just why?…

[misoxmiireux]

[misoxmiireux]

Razor

A blade,

Maybe a razor,

Maybe a knife,

Maybe a pen,

With its ink running thick,

Poisoning with my blood,

O isn’t it god.

Wait,

What the hell,

Everyday the same,

I hate it,

I hate this,

Actually,

I hate me,

All reaching for a razor,

Is all that’s on my mind?

I say only one,

It end up at ten,

I don’t want to stop,

But I no I should,

I joy it gives me,

The problems leave when im done,

I love the feel as it pierces my flesh,

I am the one it tastes at night,

My tears it no longer sees,

As tears don’t help,

Either do the cut,

When I think about it,

But,

They leave a scar for another day,

To show them they way it hurts,

Show them what I can’t explain,

The darkness and the fears,

Sorrowed by peoples tears,

Some are mine but,

Others,

The ones that might care as yet again,

My promises I break.

Do you really care?

Mum of mine,

Do you care im hurting?

And hating myself,

Farther do you mind?

You’ve lost your little girl,

If you don’t what can I do,

I miss that little girl I was,

Never again,

Will she return?

My smiles and my laughter,

Have died,

Long ago.

[misoxmiireux]

Words unspoken

I walk in the halls, my legs slightly shaking

I laugh and I smile, but I’m just faking

My heart is breaking

I hide my pain behind a carefully crafted guise

It’s all a facade, made of lies

No one asks if I’m okay

No one asks, “How was your day?”

They don’t know what I did last night

They don’t know I just tried to take my own life

My life’s a living hell-

Oh shit, there’s the bell!

My mom only cares about my grades

As I begin to fade

Into the nothingness that leaves me numb

When I look at my homework, I just feel dumb

Lunchtime- time to sit down with my “friends”

Knowing they’d never lend

A hand when I was at my worst

I feel like my head’s going to burst

From these words unspoken

I don’t feel pretty, I just feel goddamn broken

I’m just a backup friend

No one helps at night when I fend

Off those thoughts that creep in when it gets dark

You look at my wrist, look at the marks

“Oh yeah, I was climbing a tree and it scratched me, like, jeez!”

But it wasn’t the trees.

It was me.

[misoxmiireux]

Our Scars

Today is our country's 78th year of freedom!" said they were proud,

But on the dark corner were us women, With a doubt

"Are we really free..?" This question echoed in our minds,

For we looked in between the scars on our body and the tricolour which just did not align...

78 years they say, but we still can't wear that favourite little dress of ours that's been hanging in the corner covered with dust which we have never again worn,

Just because of that one day we put it on

For the eyes that stared right into our soul were the ones you'll try to ignore,

But those eyes are the ones we come across every time we step out which leaves us ashamed to the core

78 years of freedom they say, but we still can't say such a simple word 'no'

This word is just not in our dictionary, this word is our foe

Why you ask? Because we are terrified that what happened to her will repeat with us

For, if a woman says no, how dare she say that. Thus, she's called worthless

78 years of freedom they say, and people still celebrate

You may think all of this is just foolishness, who even lives like this?

Try to live our lives and you'll experience such remorseful events you wouldn't have even thought of and that's when it hits

But why us always? Why is it always us to care about society, to care about what others like?

Why aren't the male species taught about how to respect other women? How to make a woman feel safe? All these questions push me to take the mic

They still celebrate the so called * 78th years of freedom*

But what kind of freedom is this? Where a doctor who saved millions of lives couldn't be saved by them? Where from a new born baby to an old woman, none are safe?

We look at the scars again, doubting again whether it's the people? Was it us? But how could It be us? When all we did was try to live? Can't we women too be ensafe?

We finally stopped. We finally forgot. But we still glance back at our scars..

For all we wanted was justice. Was that to give too hard? Was the fault only ours?

[misoxmiireux]

Many times I felt like dying

Felt like I can't go on

Like being in a loop of go to work, go home, sleep and worry about if you can afford next months bills

Can't afford to be on vacation

Can't afford life of normality

Just feel life dying, leaving it all behind

But in the back of my mind

I remember watching Berserk

"Keep struggling, struggle until the end of ends, then struggle some more"

Suddenly I felt like living on

Just to struggle

To be resilient, to endure, to torment, to anguish

I deserve to die in a life of anguish, I will suffer and struggle until mind and body disintegrates

Live with a life full of regrets and discomfort

Keep struggling, and struggle, and keep struggling...

For I bare the brand of sacrifice

[misoxmiireux]

“Have you ever hurt yourself?” She asks. The truth was no, but there was the attempt and no desire to turn back. Truth as it is my brain did not prevent me. The voices of my family did not stop me. Not even my conscious mind that begged me to think what I was doing was would leave scars that would always remind. What stopped me that day was the physical blade. I planned it all out and left my thoughts behind. Everyone asleep, I desiring pain and punishment alike, but when it came time what stopped me was the knife. Too dull and ill made the knife made no change. No matter the pressure it remained unmoved, untouched the blade unable to cut. You ask me why? What held me back? I was fully planned, the family knife fought back.

[misoxmiireux]

It lurks,

all around us.

In its black coat,

it wraps around you

and takes away your time.

Time, measured differently for each,

and then it lays,

graveyard flowers

at your feet.

It lurks again,

back and forth.

It waits,

for the time to take you back.

Death, beautiful, sad,

and mysterious too.

Beauty and mystery,

calling us to it.

[misoxmiireux]

still how I feel… he still pops in my head from time to time.. I still love him like no one else does. i wish we could be together and have future together…

[misoxmiireux]

I'm more afraid than I've ever been

Your eyes make me feel lost

You leave me asking what is the cost

I'm a slave to your smile you make the best of me want to stay a while

Your laugh is such a haunting melody

It makes me weak in the knees

You'll never understand what you truly mean to me

Your laugh is my haunting melody

I hear it in my dreams

You're my affliction and I cant help but fall victim to the addiction

It's such a haunting melody

The way you seem to bring this out of me

My fear screams to back away my bravery screams louder to stay

Your eyes staring into mine there aren't enough minutes in the day that pass us by

To tell you all this would be the death of me

But yes that is the beauty of this haunting melody

You are my strength you are my madness

Without you my life is lifeless

Critics will say "dont talk like that"

But they dont know all of the facts

My heart pounds harder my breath grows shallow

To see you smile makes me feel high even when I'm feeling so damn low

And the best part is it all started with a simple hello

I've said it before there's a part of me scratching at the surface trying to find its purpose

A part of me that was long since dead and gone

But each day you prove how dead wrong I am

It's all a sham

Yes a Haunting Melody is what I call it

For when you laugh she is awakened

And when you laugh it leaves all the negative emotions shaken

I'll throw caution to the wind

Cause when I'm with you

I'll always feel like I can win

The battle inside my head rages on

And the only way I'll ever lose it

Is when you're truly gone

[misoxmiireux]

I did it… I finally did it….

[misoxmiireux]

what i want to hear from R if it’s true…

[misoxmiireux]

how I felt with R…. and I still do even with everything that happened.. he just won’t go away from my head and soul…

[misoxmiireux]

𝙸’𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚎

My fingers trace the crimson cuts, red ruby trickles from my arm,

I've found such sweet serenity, from committing cruel bodily harm.

It itches my soul to dig so deep in the outer layers of me,

It cleanses my insides and makes me feel so nice, the pain sets me free.

I cover it up with long sleeves and a sweater, although it's high in degrees,

Because while I beam down at them myself, the public won't deem it so proudly.

Nothing soothes me like scabs and bumpy scarred skin after hours of self-mutilation,

It's a shameful example of a masochistic sin, that shields me from mental contemplation.

I won't give up these highs for a few bad lows, I can live with the consequences,

Or die with the signs that I would soon go, isn't far from my true intentions.

[misoxmiireux]

that’s when R came along… they made me feel like I was home.. when they would hold me I felt comfortable, safe, warm, and happy like I was finally home…