moonfalls-system

[moonfalls-system]

hot take.

many "source calls" just induce and promote further dissociation and derealization.

we used to participate in them. we didn't realize just how dissociative we were because of it. because of just treating ourselves as fictional characters, with being people on the side. Seeing ourselves as people FIRST and introjects SECOND has been game changing.

[moonfalls-system]

We've been talking more about one of our Ocs lately. Specifically an AU version of them.

We have an alter who is around that Ocs age.

He is now trying to advocate on why he should be allowed to use that Oc as his sona, as he relates a lot to it.

[moonfalls-system]

having (partial) introjects of real people is always so awkward lol

hey, just thought you should know that there is a version of you that exists only in my head and you cannot save her from any of it. anyways sorry for interrupting, what were you talking about again?

[moonfalls-system]

We unironically call each other "chat"

[moonfalls-system]

listening to a podcast we used to listen to like 4-5 years ago but forgot about bc we lost time (both literally being busy + amnesia) and it's so good to re listen to some stuff now that we're older and learned things on our own.

It makes me try to figure out how to safely be more open, without making a big deal out of the DID.

We likely won't be open to family, because that requires admitting to the amount of damage the trauma caused. Which could cause way more issues.

Maybe we will tell one of our middle sisters. but nobody else, at least not until after the youngest is out of the family home.

But it makes me want to try and be more open to our partner, friends and caretakers who already know anyways. maybe try opening up fo our therapist.

[moonfalls-system]

they're busyyyyyyy and my personality disorders NO LIKEYYYYYY

[moonfalls-system]

💙: "You're an Internal Self Helper; INTERNAL SELF HELP!!??"

🍰: "Nah they got this." (keeping an eye on Littles who are in main front doing something I already forgot)

These people are driving me crazy.

[moonfalls-system]

DID realization of the day; "wait. are the 'phases' where we don't get jumpy and anxious and paranoid when playing, watch or listening to more spooky things and/or we get temporarily really interested in listening to people talk about murder cases actually a different alter? Do we just have a part who isn't as jumpy as us and really is into that kind of stuff???"

[moonfalls-system]

Realizing we actually were so much more dissociated & less functional when we kept track of it everywhere constantly.

We may be less aware of who is front when now, but we are more in touch with life. So. Not like it matters too much.

Been debating on no longer logging switches on pluralkit too, only using simply plural for it. but I'm very unsure about doing that

system protip: if trying to keep track of your switches and fragments feels impossible and is driving you crazy, stop doing it. or at the very least dont put as much weight into making it perfect. you dont need to track every switch, you dont need every fragment logged. sometimes its easier to just exist as a system than drive yourself up the wall trying to micromanage everything about your complex disorder

[moonfalls-system]

HPD & BPD brain flip-flopping back and forth between "Hey, I want to be worshipped and get the attention and admiration of people I consider important." and "Hey, so let's not do that. Instead, I should completely devote myself to worshipping them instead." sure is an experience.

It gets even funnier when both of them seek affection from the same person / group of people. Like damn brain, MAKE A CHOICE.

Meanwhile, I just sit here telling both sides of that mindset off. I would rather avoid a spiral into either mindset.

No HPD, I'll be fine. Someone being busy and not paying 24/7 attention to my existence is normal and healthy.

No BPD, I don't need to erase any sense of self to prove my care for someone.

Hoping that therapy and medication will keep making this easier...

[moonfalls-system]

This is actually really helpful.

The way many uneducated people tried to advocate with "Don't feed into it but don't reality check either!!!" a few years ago, without giving proper explanations or examples, was really confusing.

Whilst both statements hold truth, there was a lack of explanation on how you'd do one without doing the other; which resulted in many people feeding into things or reality checking in unsafe ways [I know some people may need that, but generally unless you are very persons medical specialist or you are a trusted person who knows what they're doing I definitely don't think you should try anything. You can cause more harm than good.].

i have never met an unpsychotic person who knows what it actually means to “not encourage the delusion” …not a single one

[moonfalls-system]

Going through YouTube comments where people are like "ough, no way your girl would do that without a ring on her finger 🙄🙄", where someone said they'd cry about how loved they feel by their gf in a certain situation is so??? Weird to me???

Like. Acts of service are a love language & MANY people like to show their love through actions. Married or not.

This specific context was I being under a video of someone making lunch for their boyfriend, and a Sapphic woman saying the thing about how loved she'd feel if her GF did that.

The replies jumped her, calling her a man even after she replied & edited the comment to clarify, and were just overall so negative about the idea of someone doing things for their partners??

Like??? Are people really THAT unhappy in their relationships that they don't want to show affection and love unless married??

If I didn't live across the planet from my partner, I absolutely would make food for them sometimes; it's a way of expressing love and care for them.

With my ex, I would just get them things they wanted but couldn't afford (they lived WAY closer to me) because I, at the time, did care about them. I even started drawing things for them (still lived too far to like get together and make them food) because gift giving & acts of service for me go hand in hand. I like to do both for my loved ones.

I can't imagine being so unhappy that I'd yell at someone for crying of joy at the thought of their SO showing them love, because they're so in love with them.

[moonfalls-system]

Using Bluetooth headphones for the first time AND THE FACT THERE IS NO CABLE IS TRIPPING ME UP SO BAD????

By God somehow this is more stressful than having untangle suff 10 times a day 💀

[moonfalls-system]

can ppl stop bringing hpd and munchausen up just when it comes to faking disabilities. like can we stop being the scapegoats for Every diasbility faker ever.

bitches when im actually severely disabled and im not faking it and even the sickness i do fake is via hurting myself. girl its a disorder for a reason ill drink straight poison for a little love and affection

[moonfalls-system]

DID moment of a younger alter, who is an ADHD symptom holder, getting into a new media and now sitting me down to play it myself.

12yos voice in my head yelling at me send help.

In his defense, one of his main purposes in the system is to keep us stable and functioning. He's probably the most stable put of us 💔 so i guess I owe it to him.

[moonfalls-system]

So glad our system tends to share FPs 😭 just each feeling different about them (for example very small littles tend to see them as parental/guardian figures whilst older alters see them as siblings, partners or whatever else our dynamic with the person is!!)

We havent had to deal with that long term in person yet. If we like. Ever move in with a partner and/or get married this may be an obstacle to deal with (because we do tend to have feelings for our FPs hint hint nudge nudge) BUT that's a future me problem

bpd +system culture is each alter having their own fp and some of them are really BAD CHOICES so everyone hates this one alters fp but cant say or do anything about it cuz they dont want to make the alter mad

and then it happens again and again

like yall why cant we pick better fps lol

.

[moonfalls-system]

‘letting my intrusive thoughts win’

shut the fuck up.

you’re referring to impulsive thoughts, intrusive thoughts are undesirable and often horrific for the person experiencing them. you dyeing your hair randomly is not an intrusive thought.

if i let my intrusive thoughts dictate my actions, id be in jail for a long fucking time.