notabipolarbear

[notabipolarbear]

Uh i sure hope there's not

[notabipolarbear]

I have another pet. A bearded dragon that I have called Brock after the rock Pokémon gym leader brock lol he’s a cool dude. Things have been ok, fairly uneventful. Just been doing this and that nothing massive or major really. I’m still rather tired and my sleep is a bit up and down. I did request to see my psychiatrist sooner as I think I need to sort a few things out. I’m a bit more irritable and grumpy but that might be due to the sleep issues. I can’t handle being around people for too long and much prefer to be at home. It just feels less stressful to be at home.

[notabipolarbear]

2am. Cant sleep. In the spare bedroom. I’m warm, I get night sweats and day sweats to be honest lol my fatigue and pain isn’t great at the moment. I’m tired no matter how much rest I get. I’m waiting to see another specialist. It’s a bit annoying now. I want my body to chillax now lol. I’m tired. 😴 I still love life even though I have a lot of struggles. Life is always beautiful in some shape or form

[notabipolarbear]

So I got my endoscopy done. The results are good. I was dramatic as F getting it done lol. I only used the gas and air. It’s not painful at all it’s just a strange feeling and your body really tries to fight against it. I looked like I was turning into a zombie, I was jiggling and grumbling in fear haha the nurses were massaging me and making me focus on my breathing lol I had an ultrasound of all of my insides the next day. That was fun seeing all of my giblets on screen lol Everything looked good and healthy there too so I’m still a medical mystery!

[notabipolarbear]

It’s been certainly some week. Finished house/pet sitting then that weekend granny had a heart attack. She was in bed and couldn’t get downstairs. We ended up getting help from the fire service. They were so helpful. They even followed us to the hospital with their paramedic in case granny collapsed on the way. Granny ended up getting surgery and is doing well now. Im getting an endoscopy tomorrow, pretty nervous but I’ll get it done. Im tired lol 😂

[notabipolarbear]

I’ve been house and pet sitting for my cousin and auntie. I don’t know the snakes name so I’ve named it udon lol considering I’ve not been getting good sleep I feel not too bad. I am looking forward to a good rest though! I’ve been walking my aunties dogs, one is an Irish wolfhound mix and the other is a golden retriever. Very strong dogs! It’s been interesting. I’ve also been feeding the cats. Oh and looking after granny who is here for help/company. Tomorrow night is the last night thankfully. It’s been ok like. I’m back in a town that I despise. I went to school in this town and was physically and emotionally bullied at that school for years. Being in the town makes me feel uncomfortable but I fight that feeling and get on with it.

[notabipolarbear]

Saw what I think was a rotating psychiatrist? It was such a weird appointment. I was thrown off and didn’t really say a lot as I wanted to leave when he specifically asked me about my sex drive and sexual activity levels with my partner. I felt awkward and wanted to go home. I have other physical issues I wanted to discuss such as fatigue and memory loss but nah I just wanted to leave after that question. Im currently house/pet sitting for my cousin and auntie while they’re on holiday. Not sure I’m going to get great sleep in this house. I’m actually using a little lamp as a night light lol I’m 33 and using a night light. I’ve not been bad mentally but physically I’ve been horrible. I’ve to get blood taken, an ecg and blood pressure check soon so will talk to them about the problems I’m having physically. Hopefully I won’t feel creeped out this time lol

[notabipolarbear]

I lost one of my best friends recently. My little hedgehog Finn. He had an inoperable tumour in his abdomen. Took him to the beach and the forest on his final day. Got him an ice cream and a cheeseburger. I’ll truly miss my spiky little guy. He’ll always be loved. There’s such beauty in animals that humans will never have.

[notabipolarbear]

Rescued a baby robin from the road. Cute little dude. Not a lot happening really, dog walking, the usual. Just working and saving for Japan lol I’ve been a little frustrated lately when it comes to owning a dog. I don’t feed him human food like junk food. My grandparents asked me if the dog could have some bun (cupcake) I said no he’s ok. They gave him half of it anyway. Why even ask me if you’re going to do it if I say no. He’s got the poops and has been eating grass now. Next door continue to be loud and annoying, can’t be arsed with them lol

[notabipolarbear]

Beautiful

2025-04-05

[notabipolarbear]

I think our new neighbours are going to be problem neighbours. Not in the sense that they’ll be nasty and argumentative. They’ve only moved in and they are LOUD. We have a whole hallway between their apartment and we can hear their kids screaming and yelling and banging about AND their dog barks sooooo much. We can hear them loudly even when we have 3 closed doors between them. I feel incredibly sorry for their neighbours below them. It must be absolute hell for them as the noise starts at like 7am and is on off until well after 10pm….. bad times

Oh their dog pees in the stairway and they don’t clean it up either ffs

[notabipolarbear]

I’m genuinely enjoying life a lot more lately. You know, in my lane doing my thing. Generally just me, my pets and my partner. Looks like it’s not sitting well with a few people I know. It’s almost like they’re offended. What they don’t realise is that this can literally end for me like the flip of a switch. I could be at rock bottom with my health in a split second. So yes I’m going to show it when I’m having a genuine non manic and non depressive happy moment. Get over it lol

[notabipolarbear]

Had a depression blip last night but it’s okay. I went to bed and just relaxed and had the dogs company. I’m still always tired and sore but it’s okay. I just get on with it. The weather has been really nice here, quite relaxing. I’ve just been trying to enjoy every moment in life and it’s been nice. I’d like to slow things down a bit more but I’m still enjoying the things that are happening. I’ve lost a stone in weight which is great in many ways. It happened fast though. Today I hope to plant some plants on the balcony 😊

[notabipolarbear]

Look at my gecko son 🥰 Things have been going ok. I have blips of mood swings but they aren’t extreme. Manageable. My scan was good thankfully so that’s great news. No cancer. We will find out what is wrong eventually! Thank god I’m not a pet they’d have put me to sleep by now lol 😂 I’m always tired but that’s okay. I’m here to battle hard!

[notabipolarbear]

I’ve ended up with a new best friend lol Meet Mulder. He’s 5 years old and a rescue dog. He spent his life in a concrete yard tied up. How shit. Well now he’s completely spoiled and goes on the best walks ever. This lad gives the best hugs and cuddles. We like a good beach and general walk. He is so loving considering the start he had in life. Things have been okay in general. Just been tired. My bloods are all okay. Had my scan and waiting to hear back about that. It can take 2 weeks for results to be shared. I feel alright like minus the obvious health issues.

[notabipolarbear]

Back from Manchester. It was really good but really tiring. I had bloods taken on Tuesday and I spent most of today sleeping. My body is very tired. The football match was really good. We won in the end lol Went to the aquarium the next day which was awesome ☺️ I love making beautiful memories 🥰 I do feel like my body is dying but strangely I’m at ease and calm. Only my parents and partner know I’m getting cancer screening done on the 24th of this month. Again I’m oddly at ease about it. I can’t change the outcome and if it’s cancer I CAN and WILL fight it. It’s likely not that and it’ll be fine like but the scans need done to be extra sure. Just gotta keep going 😊

[notabipolarbear]

Things have been ok. Nothing hugely major has happened really health wise. Had the odd low moment here and there but nothing extreme really. I head away to Manchester next week with family to watch the Manchester United match. That’ll be good I’m sure. Overall I’ve just felt really tired. Doesn’t matter what I do I’m always tired. Bit crap but not the end of the world. Also looking at booking a trip to Japan with parents and partner. Possibly be booking that tomorrow. Now that would be good. I made a YouTube video for the first time in 8 months. Seems to have turned out ok. I’m happy enough with it.