nunalastor - Tumblr blog

[nunalastor]

I wanted vox to do al’s hair too : D

[nunalastor]

Where are all of these incest posts coming from? This isn't because of me, right?

-incest anon

Nah we have a spotty history of incest on this blog including TM dna testing me to make sure we were cousins before dating and then dumping me when she found out we weren't related at all

[nunalastor]

Accidental Cannibalism au

While working on set, Angel was tasked with starting off with the ole fellatio but as he started, new cannibal instincts took over.

Let’s just say there was a lot of blood everywhere, screaming and fire. Valentino didn’t even consider hurting Angel once he saw him eat a whole cock (literally).

Yeah so the porn was turned into a snuff film

👀

[nunalastor]

Buckshot Anon more than once bringing up that Alastor shouldn’t be eating people for various health reasons related to the situations he gets into gives the same energy as someone trying to get their pet not to eat something.

Buckshot Anon: What do you have?

Alastor, eating an entire person: *chews faster*

Buckshot Anon: WHAT DO YOU HAVE?! SPIT IT OUT! 

👀

[nunalastor]

Accidental Cannibalism au

I remember that Husk found out by the smell of the meat being cooked. He’s been around Alastor so long that he can tell the difference between what is regular meat and cannibal meat. Nifty probably knew too but ate it anyway. She probably might be the one to potentially spill the beans or someone biting a chunk of flesh from someone.

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[nunalastor]

Alastor's barber has a 7-mile long rope of Alastor's hair he collected over the years and braided because he couldn't bear to throw it away after cutting it. It is the best-kept secret in Hell.

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[nunalastor]

The other angels didn’t kick Lucifer out of heaven because of the whole Eve and the apple situation. It was because he was total bitch.

Lucifer was and still is a mean girl, like Regina George levels of mean. He was the type to be all sweet but then talk shit about you behind your back. Manipulate your friends and get them to gang up on you or spread rumors about you being a slut. Things escalated when Lucifer’s infamous Burn Book was discovered and it detailed the most awful and vile things about everyone.

Sera was described as a brown-nose uptight bitch who everyone secretly hates

Michael was called a lame-ass dollar store version of Lucifer and a control freak

Adam a bitchless loser who you could only find on a clearance sale at a rundown store because nobody wanted him

The list went on and Eden was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Lucifer kind of toned it down when he had Charlie, but that mean girl in him still comes out time to time

Angel Dust is just passing through when suddenly Lucifer acknowledges him

Lucifer: Oh my father, I love your boots, where did you get them?

Angel: Oh uh, I got them custom made

Lucifer: Ooh~ customized ! So adorable!

Angel: Thanks your majesty! (Walks away happily)

Lucifer: Those were the ugliest pair of boots I’ve ever f’ing seen

👀

[nunalastor]

Serial Roommates

Guy's fighting to stay in Hell, Heaven's trying to get their 'kidnapped' angel back, and Lucifer's trying to find out how to legally stop guy from gaining citizenship.

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[nunalastor]

Lucifer got kicked out of heaven because of his dump truck booty!

[nunalastor]

Fever Dream AU

Hazbin Hotel is actually a fever dream Alastor is having after refusing to sleep. I imagine it to be like that one episode of Community, (Curriculum Unavailable), where the characters in his dream/delusion are actually the doctors studying and looking after him.

Vaggie's the security that ensures he doesn't mistakenly hurt someone.

Husk is literally just the hospital cat that they dressed up as a bird once.

Angel is the spiders that run along the walls at night.

Vox is that stupidly annoying TV they always leave on in an attempt to keep him grounded. His lackeys (Val and Vel) are just the fashion/sexual ads that make it into his awareness.

Charlie's the main doctor.

Nifty's a janitor that comes through every once in a while.

Lucifer is that one doctor who attempted some... less than enjoyable treatments. Alastor doesn't like Lucifer very much.

👀

[nunalastor]

Omg that one Zelda AU ask. Fucking hilarious to imagine Charlie being jealous of seeing Al act parental towards Niffty. She thinks it's cute, and wholesome, but why couldn't she have that?

She looks over to her dad, who's staring off listlessly and probably trying not to dissociate. And she looks over to her mom, who- oh yeah, she's not THERE.

And think of the guilt she would feel for being jealous in the first place.

👀

[nunalastor]

In contrast to Al only needing a bit of sleep due to his deer traits, apparently (according to Google), ducks sleep a LOT. Like, around 10 hours. No wonder Lucifer is so dysfunctional, he's sleeping away 40% of his day.

he's just like me tf

[nunalastor]

(Based on Buckshot's sleep deprived Alastor ask.)

Alastor has this creepy habit of standing in a corner for 10-30 minutes and blanketly staring ahead. They're pretty sure he's just doing it to creep them out. Really, those are just Alastor's power naps.

Which means, yes, Alastor is sleeping in front of the Hazbins. And that either means that, 1) he trusts and feels safer around them than alone (awww). Or, 2) this is some kind of fucked up exposure therapy for him. He's sleeping in front of all these liabilities, and they don't even realize it! They aren't taking their chance to stab him in the back while he's unconscious. He's not scared!

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[nunalastor]

Heaven: Give us back our angel! We know you took him, you heathen.

Lucifer: I don't even want him!

While Angel!Alastor's debating whether to run from Heaven's clutches to stick around and watch this exchange.

👀

[nunalastor]

Angel Traits

I imagine that angels would probably be unsettled/disturbed at prolonged exposure to demons. They're not meant to be, and their soul is probably screaming at them to avoid the danger, avoid being tainted.

Imagine the effect this would have on Vaggie- and Lucifer! It's no wonder Charlie's her girlfriend; she's half-angel, and that's pretty much as good as it gets in Hell.

With all the AUs of Guy and/or Alastor being angels, that's probably the most relaxed she's been since her Fall. And, if we're taking an Angel!Alastor approach, then imagine how unbelievably pissed Vaggie when her instincts decide to calm around that creepy red fuck of all people. He's suspicious, a dangerous liability, and she can't help but be relived when he returns to the hotel unscathed every day.

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[nunalastor]

First Man!Alastor

In the scenario where Al reincarnates until he's born to his mother again, she will have named him after the Alastor from the Bible. So he's being named after himself- weird ass name origin.

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[nunalastor]

First Man!Alastor

Interesting choice on Vaggie and Charlie's part to bring Adam (the first sinner) along with them. Wonder how he even became familiar with them in the first place.

Either way, they walk through the door (to the grand hall or something), nervous and ready to present their case. And Alastor turns around to face the newcomers, only to be greeted by the idiotic face of a man that has now killed him twice.

He's in Heaven. He's a seraphim. He's definitely learned how to control his temper at this point. But seeing that stupid, mouth-breathing imbecile walk in triggers that blood lust he's kept repressed for oh so long.

For the first time in a long, long time, (or ever), Heaven's angels watch Alastor snap. His form can't keep itself together, devolving into sharp wings and blue holy fire, and he just has to know what the FUCK Adam thinks he's doing here. His usually friendly smile twists into something terrifying. It takes Charlie literally body blocking him, standing in Alastor's path and trying to deescalate, for him to gather his bearings.

How uncouth of him.

Afterwards, he gives them a proper greeting, takes them to present their case, and prays that all his glaring will somehow manage to burn Adam's soul to ash.

Adam's terrified. He's also kind of turned on-

👀