#nunalastor asks

[nunalastor]

Alastor was the equivalent of a true crime podcast while he was alive. He would report on all crimes including his own. Part of the reason nobody suspected him of being a serial killer is he would viciously mock every single crime he covered and that didn't change even with his own crimes. He had enough self-awareness to laugh about his fumblings and justify it to himself because of the advantage it gave him. Who is going to believe the guy viciously roasting a serial killer for the world to hear is that same serial killer?

People also believed he was the victim of the serial killer because someone must have gotten fed up of his mocking.

👀

[nunalastor]

Vox gifting Alastor the heart of his highest earner of his company

Vox: I’d sacrifice my best for you!

Lucifer just smirks and rips out his own heart from his chest to give to Alastor

Lucifer: Why have someone else’s heart if you can have my mine?

damn

[nunalastor]

Alastor volunteers to go on fast food runs for the crew despite his abject hatred of fast food for the sole purpose of explicitly asking for extra pickles on Lucifer's order. Even if it's not a burger. Lucifer to this day does not understand why there were pickle slices floating around in his won ton soup.

👀

[nunalastor]

The reason Alastor won't appear in any episodes Valentino plays a major role in is because Valentino once tried to wingman for Vox and Alastor was traumatized by the attempt.

👀

[nunalastor]

Kid Alastor au

Alastor’s dad was also a serial killer

Sometimes Alastor will start to draw things of his past. Husk was passing by and noticed one of Alastor’s drawings on the floor and it was disturbing.

The drawing was of corpses and body parts. At first, Husk assumed Alastor was regaining his memory or maybe his sadistic tendencies were showing.

“What are you drawing kid?”

“Oh, I’m drawing about the hunting trips I took with my dad.”

This information was valuable. Since Alastor was turned into a kid, Husk and the others were able to get a deeper understanding on why Alastor turned out the way he is. And he was able to piece together that Alastor’s dad was a piece of shit. But Alastor never mentioned anything about hunts and he got the feeling the drawings were trying to tell a story.

“Mind telling me what these hunting trips were about?”

Alastor hesitated and said in a timid voice, “I can’t, daddy said I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, not even mommy.”

Husk smiled and put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“You can tell old Husk, I can keep a secret.” ‘And I can use it against you when you turn back’

Alastor looked away shyly but then grabbed another drawing that showed off Alastor and his dad. Alastor looked to be visibly upset, while his father had on an evil smile and it looked to be that they were burying a body.

“Your dad had his own secrets didn’t he?” Alastor nodded, but then showed another picture and it looked like decomposed bloody faces. “Who are they?”

“The girls who are sleeping in the ground. They visit me in my dreams.”

👀

[nunalastor]

Alastor’s barber saves the cut pieces of Alastor’s hair to sell online. He makes so much from this one guy called Cox that he has enough to put his kids through college

😭

[nunalastor]

Every cult that has the cult leader get married a second time after leaving the OG Wife, the second wife always matches the leader's freak to terrifying degrees.

Valentino is such a second cult wife I can't tell if it was on purpose or if that's just a rule of life with cult leaders and that's how the cookie crumbled.

👀

[nunalastor]

Obsessive Roo

By the 1920s, Roo's managed to scrape up enough energy to give herself a temporary human form. She's got some business to sort out, and some cults to tempt. Unfortunately for her, a rather interesting man catches her attention. He leads her out to the woods, and just as Roo feels a spike in malevolent energy, stabs her in the neck.

Roo can't help but laugh as her body fades away. What a twist! This is the most interesting thing that's happened in centuries.

She watches this man, and the rest of his murders. This human just radiates evil; she loves it!

Which is why she chooses him. She can't wait until she's released, so he can finally be hers. Though, his little 'stunt' did set everything back another century or so. He's been waiting all this time, poor thing.

In the meantime, Roo's successfully managed to keep bad influences (i.e. people stealing Alastor's attention and making him feel safe) away from her deer. Like that Vox demon, who had the gall to try and drive a wedge between her and Alastor. As if her darling would've wanted a relationship with him anyways. Better to let Alastor assume the demon betrayed him, though, just in case to save him the drama.

And, finally, everything's in place- Roo's escape is imminent. She just has to tie up a few loose ends. Namely, that silly Hotel project her darling foolishly signed onto. (The amount of angelic energy around the building is enough to make her sick. It's almost like he's trying to get rid of her- ha!)

Oh, there's also that little deal he got himself caught up in. Who the fuck is Lilith to take Roo's property like that? 'Queen of Hell' won't mean much once she's finally free.

(And, no, Alastor's not aware of Roo in this AU. Even so, he can't help but notice the eyes that follow him everywhere... except in the hotel.)

Alastor probably would be flattered to know that such an entity is so interested in him- a powerful one, at that! It's just the whole 'being owned' thing that kinda ruins it for him. What's all that power worth if he's not at liberty to use it himself?

As for Lilith, she could have Al's soul for one of two reasons. 1) She wants to barter with Roo, who would probably pay a hefty price to have her deer in her grasp. Or 2), she knows of Roo's obsession (felt it the moment she met Alastor; real disturbing stuff) and keeps his soul to prevent Roo from getting it.

Lilith protects her people, and since there aren't many angels in Hell, the best protection Alastor can hope for is the Queen herself. She doesn't know what he did to gain Roo's attention, but it was a mistake. And she's simply not cruel enough to leave him to his fate.

👀

[nunalastor]

https://x.com/_k_e_i_1113/status/1835116252127461417

Dog mom Lilith strikes again!

[nunalastor]

Radioapple Death Note AU

Alastor had always been bored both in life and in death. The boredom ate him alive in ways not even tragedy or the murders he committed would alleviate. Even the murders became boring at some point, because there was no one to stop him from committing them, no edge to it, even if he was taking out people better off not existing.

Then he found the Death Note. He hadn’t thought anything of it at first, just another tacky piece like all the others in Hell, with some rules inside not unlike the chain-mail he had seen and been bored by. But this one was different, he figured that out early on. 

“The soul whose true name is written in the note shall die. Permanently.” Alastor had figured out the power to permanently kill sinners long ago, but this said he could kill anything so long as they had a soul. That meant he could kill Goetia nobles and theoretically the devil himself if he wanted to, maybe even the genocidal angels in heaven. That intrigued him enough that he spent the next five days reading the rules, when he was approached by the Root of all Evil, or Roo, in his home. Immediately, Alastor’s suspicions were confirmed. This wasn’t a power he was supposed to have. With the notebook, he could commit murders much faster than he had been able to in person, and against those he would never be able to kill on his own. All he needed was their true names, and he could do anything. Curiosity to see what would happen if he did so prompted him to start using it, only once Roo promised using it wasn’t going to cost his soul (but she made no secret that she had some deals for extra power that could cost his soul in the absence of a lifespan). The result was more than he could ask for.

Lucifer Morningstar, the depressed and equally bored King of Hell. Making rubber ducks to pass the time could only do so much to distract from the emptiness inside, and there was nothing to keep his mind sharp. Until the sudden influx of permanent murders that had gotten the attention of not just the pride ring but all of Hell. The Goetia brought it to his attention when multiple of their own suddenly dropped dead, which wasn’t supposed to be possible. And maybe Lucifer was an ass for getting as excited as he was by the new challenge, but in his defense, those Goetia nobles had been very corrupt and he only hadn’t done anything about it because he didn’t want to deal with the complaining. 

But this meant he had to do something. Hell wouldn’t be satisfied until they had someone to make an example of with the exorcist blade, and so Lucifer had to investigate and figure out how this was happening and who was responsible. To do that, he had to disguise himself as a sinner under the alias of L, based on his human disguise of Lucius Magne, then find a way to face this new killer (given the alias of Kira after the deadly sins got drunk at the meeting and started saying “killer” wrong) without losing his own life. He didn’t fear death, but he would be twice-damned if he let anyone best the big boss of hell himself. 

What better way to blend in with sinners than to help his estranged daughter build that redemption hotel she wanted? His explanation for pretending to be a sinner himself could be that he didn’t want to freak anyone out with the devil there. He didn’t believe the hotel would work, not by a long shot, but it would make Charlie happy, he could reconnect with her, and if this killer was partially going after royalty, he would inevitably appear. Sure enough, Alastor was curious about this hotel, and he did offer his services as a manager of the establishment. He also brought along Husk and Niffty.  

There was one problem though, and it was a problem they shared. The moment Alastor and Lucifer encountered one another, they had an instant connection. They would tease each other, leave clues for the other to find, and even when they both knew in their hearts this was the person they were looking for, Lucifer didn’t have the necessary proof and Alastor didn’t have a true name. They were at a stalemate, and despite knowing they would have to see the other dead, neither had any genuine interest in harming the one person who could truly understand them. 

👀

[nunalastor]

Kid Alastor au

Alastor wasn’t someone you would call patient. His mother tried to instill that lesson into him, but he was always a stubborn child. He had made a gifts for everyone in the hotel, and the last person he needed to gift was Angel. And waiting all night for Angel to come back to the hotel wasn’t an option for him.

Alastor waited for Angel for about an hour until he decided to find Angel on his own. He always wanted to explore Pentagram city without a chaperone and most of the time he felt cooped up in the hotel. Despite everyone saying that Vox was untrustworthy, he made the tv studios he own sound very interesting. Plus Angel worked for him so it would be a good opportunity to see him preform.

It was pretty easy to find Vee Tower, Alastor just had to find the biggest and attention seeking building in the area. He managed to sneak in and look for studio that Angel’s boss owned.

Angel was wearing his robes, ready to finish his last scene for the night until he felt someone was tugging his robe. He turned to face this person and blood ran cold. Alastor was here in the studio with a present for him.

“Alastor why the fuck are you doing here?!”

“I just wanted to give you something, I couldn’t wait so I decided to go look for you.”

Alastor was now shoving the present to Angel and asking him to open it.

“Alastor now is not the time, you can’t be here! Who the hell was supposed to be watching you?”

“Husker but he fell asleep”

“Figures” Angel said with irritation and with a whispered, “goddamnt husk”

“ANGEL! Get your ass on set now!” Both flinched when they heard the moth demon shout.

“I’ll be there in just a sec Val!” Alastor could hear how terrified Angel was, but before he could ask, Angel picked him up and quickly went into the dressing room.

“Stay here and don’t come out until I get you! And you better believe we will be having a conversation about you sneaking out with Charlie about this!”

He shut the door and quickly made his way on set.

“Now that Angel Dust decided to grace us with his presence,” Angel could hear the frustration in the Val’s voice, “we can begin. Action!”

They started with the usual cringe filled dialogue, but before he could say the next line, he heard someone say “Why the fuck is there a kid in my studio!?”

Alastor had left the dressing room and decided to look around the set. But as he looked around, someone had spotted him and quickly informed Valentino so he could stop filming.

Angel ran over and tried to explain the situation. But Valentino wasn’t hearing it.

“Just get this fucking runt out of here or I’ll sell him to some sick fucks! Do you know how many freaks will want a piece of the baby Radio Demon?” Angel felt sick but he felt a tight grip on his wrist and saw Alastor cowering behind him.

“Don’t you ever think of touching him you sick fuck!” Angel shouted as all of his eyes glowed. He didn’t care how tall Val got and before he could lay a hand on either of them, the doors sprung open. It was Vox and Velvet and they looked as if hell was going to implode.

“Val stop what you’re doing!” Vox shouted

“This is between me and my bitch Vox!”

But before Vox could get a word in, Velvet pushed her phone into the moth’s face. It was of a live recording of his studio! The Vees looked and saw many of the employees had their phones out who were either recording or taking pictures.

“You were going live you fucking piss baby! Everyone heard what you just said!”

“Even for hell this is fucking bad! Didn’t you even think about our image!?” Vox shouted, “Everyone shut your phones OFF!!” All the phones in the room exploded. For while the everyone was quiet. When Vox finally composed himself, he said with his TV persona, “Everyone’s dismissed until further noticed.”

The TV demon turned his attention to Alastor and said, “Even now you still manage to cause me trouble”

Vox dragged a pissed off Val to the elevator.

Angel and Alastor left in awkward silence. Alastor could feel the anger Angel was expressing. He knew he was going to be in big trouble.

“I’m sorry”

Angel just sighed, “I know”

He looked at the present Alastor was still holding and could see the boy was holding back tears.

“So what’s this gift you’ve went through all the trouble to give me” Alastor handed him the present and Angel saw it was a cute doll version of him.

Alastor thought it was a good idea to make doll versions of his friends of the hotel, similar to his grandmother’s voodoo dolls. Lucifer was kind enough to help it out even though his specialty was rubber ducks. But the doll that took Alastor the most time to complete was Angel Dust because of the unique design.

“Wow! This so cute Al! I love it!”

Alastor smiled and despite the trouble, he was glad to have given Angel the gift.

(I honestly planned to make this short, where Alastor sneaks in to the studio to give Angel a present and suddenly FBI knocks the door down)

👀

[nunalastor]

Eve!Lilith!Alastor

In the Garden, Eve is made. She is told her job is to be Adam's submissive wife, and immediately says no. Like, even less time then Lilith took. Sera freaks out and make sit so that Eve no longer has free will, meaning that none of her children will have free will either.

Lucifer and Lilith give Eve the apple. Eve proceeds to go and punch Adam in the face. Then, Lucifer and Lilith are told they are going to be thrown down to hell, while Eve and Adam will leave the garden - Eve has no intention of staying with Adam, and Lilith?

Lilith freaks out, and doesn't want to go to hell, crying, until Eve slaps her and tells her to get a hold of herself - calling her Eve.

Because Eve and Lilith? Are identical.

Lucifer is thrown down to hell. Eve pretending to be Lilith happily skydives after him, laughing at being free. Eve, now Lilith, is having a wonderful time in hell, ruling it and inspiring it, always with a broad smile on her face - and then the exterminations start happening. Lilith argues with Lucifer about letting it happen, and he says it will only affect the sinners. Lilith wonders if Lucifer knows she counts as a sinner. Then, during an Extermination in 1899, Adam shows up.

And calls her Eve.

And kidnaps her to heaven, where Sera proceeds to wipe her soul of memories and send her to reincarnate, so that when she has a proper human life and gets to heaven, she can be Adam's wife as she was meant to be.

Eve/Lilith is reborn as a mixed race boy named Alastor - or possible a girl, and its fem! or trans man!Alastor. Alastor doesn't have any memories, but is still very much the same person (which is half the reason Lucifer is so mean to him, it bothers him how much this man reminds him of his lost wife) and also knows that he really, really wants to go to hell when he dies.

So he becomes a serial killer, possibly also becoming roommates with Guy Winters, facing the Bakers House, or going into hiding as Allen Foster along the way. When he dies he goes to hell and immediately feels at home, and he's way more powerful then he should be...

And then two things happen. One, he sees Charlie's interview, and is immediately hit by an overwhelming wave of parental love. He sets out to figure out why, and also care for and protect her.

The second? The second is that Earth Heaven and Hell end up watching Hazbin Hotel - and then later on, when we see OG!Lilith on the beach, Lute comments something that makes it clear that she wasn't the Lilith that was in hell and disappeared mysteriously over a hundred years ago - and then the screens show what actually happened, and who Charlie's mother really is.

And who she became.

And then we get to add in Alastor's Life as a TV Show and also Alastor's Legion of Doom as well!

👀

[nunalastor]

Had a weird Hazbin Hotel dream. Charlie started trying to make connections with other overlords during season 2 to promote the hotel, and naturally this involved Vox. Vox wanted to install cameras so he could see their daily lives to make a good promotional trailer (he wanted to spy on the hotel and stalk Alastor for himself and Angel for Valentino), but to do that, he would need Alastor to agree to it in a contract as he is the manager of the hotel. Decisions like that need to be run by him.

Alastor of course said “fuck no” both for himself and for Angel. Charlie thought they were being paranoid and explained to Vox that Alastor would never say yes. They couldn't sneak it either because his powers destroy technology like that. She didn't want to lie to him, just convince him. Vox gave her a bottle of wine and said to give it to Alastor, after he had it, he wouldn't be a problem anymore.

Charlie thought this wine was just really good and he’d be willing to hear them out since the way to someone’s heart was through their stomach. Nope. The wine was poisoned. It went straight into that poisoned apple scene from Ever After High of Alastor realizing what he just drank, and all he could say before losing consciousness was “Why?”

Alastor wasn’t a problem anymore, not because he had been persuaded. He was close to dead. 

Then the whole dream took a ridiculous turn, completely shifting away from the fallout, to Vox sitting in his living room dumbfounded. “Holy shit that actually worked? What the fuck?? no Alastor has to be scheming something what the actual fuck is this?” his face is a giant error message the entire time. He has the blue screen of death. He in no world thought that would work, he was just fucking around with that, like yeah he wanted Alastor dead but holy shit all this time scheming and all he had to do was hand the princess some obvious poison? He wasn't sure he even removed the giant skull on the bottle!

👀

[nunalastor]

The bird traits post was really funny, but I'm personally a big fan of Lucifer having snake-like traits and behaviors. So, may I propose:

Snake Traits AU:

Different species of snakes have different courtship behaviors, no two are exactly alike. Some of these behaviors include chasing and biting*.

You see where I'm going with this.

Now that they live on the same floor, Lucifer and Alastor can't avoid being in one another's proximity, butting heads, getting on one another's last nerves. Doesn't help that Alastor takes great joy in actively antagonizing Lucifer, always stopping just short of the line. Only the more Alastor does this, the more he chips away at Lucifer's nerves. Day, after day, after day, after the day.

Until finally, Lucifer has had enough.

On this particular day Alastor doesn't even really have to prod. Just him breathing in Lucifer's general direction is enough to set the king off and have him chasing Alastor across the upper floors of the hotel. You'd think Alastor would be slightly more concerned with the King of Hell chasing him with his horns out and spitting fire, but Alastor treats the whole thing like a game, shadowing just out of reach when Lucifer gets close and laughing all the while.

But eventually Lucifer does manage to grab ahold of Alastor and throw him to the ground, pinning him down while Alastor just grins up at him with a, 'like you would really do it,' expression on his face. And he's right. Even in his furious state, Lucifer knows he can't seriously hurt or kill Alastor. Not without alienating his daughter again. But he has to teach this pompous little demon a lesson show him who's in charge, and with Lucifer's snake brain still running the show he does the first thing that comes to mind. He sinks his teeth right into the column of Alastor's throat. He doesn't even undo the high-necked collar first, he bites right through the cloth.

It's not exactly sexy. Alastor's actually in a lot of pain. He goes completely rigid underneath Lucifer before trying to shove him off to no avail, biting his lip to keep from screaming. It takes several minutes before Lucifer finally pulls back, dazed with Alastor's blood dripping from his mouth. It's only when he sees Alastor's furious, embarrassed expression that it hits Lucifer just what he's done. He scrambles back until he hits the wall, babbling out apologies - he doesn't know what got into him, he's just been so stressed, it won't happen again, please don't tell Charlie - but Alastor doesn't stick around to hear any of them, vanishing into the shadows the moment he's free.

It's only after Lucifer's left alone in the hallway that he realizes that whole thing, the chasing, the capture, the bite, it got him kinda... worked up.

God he hopes Alastor didn't notice.

Alastor noticed.

(*Yes, this is a very very extremely simplified explanation of snake courtship rituals for funsies.)

👀

[nunalastor]

Serial Roommates

Guy: *looking remarkably chill for a guy shackled to a chair with guns aimed at his head*

Vox: *pouring himself some scotch* I guess this explains why the old timey prick never gave me a second glance…

Guy: Oh really? Do tell!

Vox: His heart already belonged to another and to the guy who almost exposed me no less? What a freaking joke!

Guy: *snorts* Woah there, Big Shot! Al and I are not “together,” never have been! We are just friends!

Vox: ALASTOR MUST BE IN LOVE WITH YOU! THERE’S NO WAY ANYONE WOULD GO THROUGH ALL THAT FOR “JUST A FRIEND!”

Guy: *gives him a long look at that is somehow both mocking and pitying* Huh. You’ve never had a meaningful relationship in your life, have you?

Vox: *glares at Guy, and starts chugging the scotch*

Guy: *conversationally* Ya knows, Voxy-Boxy, Al was always an excellent judge of character; he could read people like a book. It’s how he was able help me whenever I got stuck on a particularly difficult case. It was almost like he had a sixth sense exclusively for scumbags. So, imagine my surprise, when I found out that my best friend and the creepy cultist  that I was investigating used to be attached at the hip!

Vox: *says nothing, just starts refilling his glass*

Guy: It just didn’t make sense to me that Al would fall for any of the crap you spouted. He would- no, he should know better. But now, after our talk, I think I finally understand.

Vox: *despite himself, Vox listens, curious*

Guy: I think the reason Alastor got so attached, whether he realised it or not, is because he saw a bit of himself in you.

Vox: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GABBING ABOUT?!

Guy: Your self-worth is dependent on other’s validation or attention.

Vox: *bluescreens for 0.5 seconds, before sputtering back* I- He- HA! Did I hit you too hard? Do you have brain damage? Alastor is the vainest motherfucker in the pride ring! He doesn’t need anybody!

Guy: Oh, he’d love that you think so! Can’t have anyone else knowing “the truth,” can he? Can’t help but notice you didn’t contradict that about you.

Vox: I… I DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF! IT’S OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WITH A BRAIN HOW STUPID YOUR “DEDUCTION” IS!

Guy: *widens his eyes in “shock,” like the gullible puppy many mistake him to be* Gawsh, ya thinks so, Leader? That’s funny… I coulda sworn I hit da nail on da head!

Vox: *recognises the persona Guy played when they first met* Tch, can’t believe I ever fell for that…

Guy: Think about it. It explains the cult, the stalking, the hypnosis, the deals... It’s all about you being control. You force people to love you, because you are afraid no one would give you a glance otherwise and you’ll be alone.

Vox: *flinches* S-SHUT THE HELL UP!

Guy: *ignores him* You and Al really are similar in that aspect. Needing to put on a show to seem “worthy.” The sap believes that if he is no longer seen as “strong,” if his friends no longer see him as “useful,” then he will be abandoned.

Vox: *seems to be recontextualizing previous encounters*

Guy: *shakes his head sadly* Al’s always struggled with setting boundaries, continuing to let Mimzy use him as a guard dog no matter how many times it landed him in the hospital; so, honestly, I should’ve been more surprised that he’s the one who broke it off with you.

👀

[nunalastor]

Bird Traits AU

Lucifer knows, objectively, that Alastor has zero fucking clue he triggered Lucifer's horny mode with his boundary-pushing antics. He reminds himself that Alastor's just an obnoxious prick who gets his kicks out of irritating people every time Alastor's claws trace down the length of his spine. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop Lucifer's hindbrain from pushing horny thoughts into the forefront of his mind every time it happens. He knows telling Alastor to stop won't work, and he is not going through the mortifying ordeal of explaining what Alastor's touches are doing to him. So he resolves to just... put up with it. Ignore it until he builds up some tolerance via exposure therapy, and in the meantime just run off to the nearest bathroom to take care of the not-so little problem that crops up every time Alastor's hand meets his back.

This plan promptly flies out the window when he walks into the lobby to see Emberlynn or Llewella or whoever else hanging off of Alastor's arm. Despite the fact that Alastor does gently disentangle himself from their grip, Lucifer's birdbrain immediately goes into panic mode and pushes the absolute worst idea into Lucifer's forebrain.

If Alastor's getting under Lucifer's skin so easily by (unknowingly) triggering Lucifer's bird instincts, it would only be fair to give the gorgeous brat a taste of his own medicine by triggering his own deer mating instincts, no?

No it's not flirting, it's psychological warfare. Shut up.

👀