odetojoyce

[odetojoyce]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

HIII WIFEYYY i don't tell you this enough but i'm so glad we're friends 🫶🫶🫶

[odetojoyce]

literally having a mental breakdown and idk who to turn to

can't even tell my parents because they'll just get mad at me as always and then start lecturing me on why i'll end up being a failure 😀

i'm so sick of everything i just want to go back in time

i just got my first marking period b and now that's going to fuck things up because i can't get principal's list and thankfully it won't affect my gpa but i'm scared bc what if it causes me to miss out on other things because now i can't say i got all a's for the past few years and what if i don't get into my dream school because of that

and this is my reaction after i already crashed out about it

[odetojoyce]

[odetojoyce]

i hope and dream, and all i do is hurt. i can't help but notice my flaws, can't help but pick myself apart. and then i see people who have everything i dream of and i collapse onto myself. i spiral. i feel tempted to do things i said i wouldn't do. i feel tempted to become a bad person. all because of jealousy. it's not like i choose to be jealous. i want to be happy with what i have but when i see people that don't have my flaws and get things i can only dream of i crumble. my mind is the most dangerous thing to happen to me and i'm scared. scared that i'll fall and choose to not get up one day. that i'll become someone i hate. and i give and try and hope but all i do is fail. why can't i be like them? why aren't i prettier? why can't i make my parents happy? why do i keep getting fucking jealous and acting like a parasocial preteen who thinks she has a chance? i can't love myself, not like this, and i'm scared of that. i've never said this to a single person before yet i doubt that will change even as i post this. i'm tired. i'm tired of my brain always being envious of people living my delusions. i'm tired of never being able to be who i want to be. i'm just tired and lonely and drained and empty and defeated. so defeated. i just want to fix me. or be done with it all.

[odetojoyce]

post race • monaco gp 2025

[odetojoyce]

i always tell my friends i want to be an f1 wag because that would be honestly amazing but really, i think what i want right now is just to be loved and have someone look at me like i hung the stars because the thing with celebrity crushes is that you give and give and give all your love but you don't get love back and you're going to reach a point where you can't keep giving while seeing the people you're giving your heart to (not even as a crush) get their love and you're left there still giving. i just want someone to love me, to let me feel what i've been giving for so long. and that also turns me into a parasocial fan since this is my only shred of actual shred of love i get in return. like i don't want to be this obsessive over lando or oscar or anybody but i see them and i just want to be and f1 wag so badly as a byproduct of wanting love. i've been trying for years to tell myself to stop thinking i have a chance, to stop feeling everything i'm feeling, but i just keep giving and giving. i just want someone's eyes to light up when they see me, for someone to choose to spend time giving their love to me. is that too much to ask for?

[odetojoyce]

Just a reminder that Instagram isn’t real and you shouldn’t believe a single thing you see on there. Every single photo is edited, every person is showing off a perfect body or outfit in the best way possible. And every person on there has the same flaws and problems as anyone else.

Don’t compare yourself to something that isn’t real. You’re loved. You’re enough. You’ve always been enough. Got it?

Thanks. 🩵

[odetojoyce]

standing up for yourself on tumblr is such a scary thing

[odetojoyce]

gonna try and get lyn lapid tickets bc her album is so good

[odetojoyce]

new laufey song out you know i listened right at midnight

[odetojoyce]

i've been reading too much major character death works on ao3 and i can't seem to stop but something doesn't feel right and i feel drained and i'm legit sobbing reading these fics but i can't stop and now something doesn't feel right and i don't know why all of sudden i'm starting to read these

[odetojoyce]

Sending you all the love and strength this world has to offer. I hope you will continue to find comfort, joy, and peace in f1 as well as in your sister’s company. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

NONNIE AWWW GIVING YOU A BIG HUG 🥹 i really appreciate the kind words and it does empower me. much love to you, thank you so much! 🫶

[odetojoyce]

abt ur last post abt mental health - been there done that (sh). not worth it i almost died. yes that was the goal at that time. im better it does get better pls believe me when i say this. theres something in me that still wants the sick relief of feeling physical pain that matches the mental pain, but i go outside, i go for a walk and i breathe and it disappears. i'm better and you can be too. love you.

i'm glad you're doing better now and thank you so much for your advice, anon. i get what you mean with breathing fresh air and the feeling going away, thank you for your words. ily anon <333

[odetojoyce]

ik i said i wouldn't post f1 stuff on here, but i saw something that made me realize f1 is one of the reasons i'm still here. my mental state has kinda been shit the past few years so sh did come to my mind many times before but the main reasons i haven't are my sister and f1 because it gives me so much happiness. i love watching the thrill and my favs like lando and oscar always make me smile even when i'm having a rough day. and i really want to be a part of it in the future but otherwise i don't think i'd have much to live for. and wow idk why i'm posting this on tumblr but i could never talk abt it irl so here we are

[odetojoyce]

am I missing something I truly dont understand why people feel like they HAVE to hate either oscar or lando. so odd.

[odetojoyce]

oscar wink !

[odetojoyce]

"in french they say "c'est la vie", i've brushed up on my french from last time" 😭😭