onaspirituallevel-blog

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She stood alone In her home Feeling abandoned, broken, undone Looking at the face tears left a trace Uncertain, bruised Awaken to the ruse Things are not alright Kept awake in the night Ripped at the seams Internal screams Stretched thin Can't win No answer is right future not bright Step out of the fray Find a new way Hope can be found Feet on the ground Take the next step Do not fret Make the call Do not let them make you fall....

G McCown

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Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. (1 Pet 4:12-13)

Why is it that the hardest trials I face, often involve other Christians?  It seems the thing that makes it hard to be a Christian in today's world is NOT those who believe in other religions or atheists, but my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Now, I realize that the immediate response is "well not everyone who says they are a Christian IS a Christian".  Which is not only true, but words that have fallen from my own mouth.  Usually in the wake of seeing something truly upsetting like sex abuse in the church, or the crazy family that makes up Westboro Baptist Church (yes, family... if you didn't know, they are all related via blood or marriage).  

But that is not what I am talking about here.  I am talking about real, honest to God, Christians.  I believe that entirely.  I believe they are saved. I believe they are good intentioned people.  I understand they are human and are apt to find themselves giving into their flesh.

But when they hurt me.... it stings more than when the injury comes from the unsaved. 

--- the word of the day is:  betrayed.

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“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm; but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.”

-TS Eliot

When dealing with insecure people, you really have two types.  The first type, I call "Corner Sitters".  The second, I call "Spotlighters".

Corner Sitters are the insecure people who fly under the radar.  They don't want to draw attention to themselves. They would rather go unnoticed.  While they really do need someone in their life that will validate and encourage them, they don't seek it.  They are quiet, they don't ruffle feathers, or disturb the waters. They accept the life they have, attempting to make the best of it, and on occasion they give into their insecurities.  They don't generally seek out friendships, but when they do occur they will hold onto them for dear life.  They watch what happens around them, if they recognize toxic people in the area... they will avoid them.  They don't want to engage in drama & have learned to head it off at the pass. 

Spotlighters are the exact opposite.  Their past of condemnation, correction, lack of support, etc. has brought them to a place where they seek validation everywhere they can.  They push themselves out in the spotlight.   Their unspoken mantra is "Look at how good I am at _____".  They will generally offer to help people in order to get that person's approval.  They need the pat on the back.  They want to be seen as important and valuable.  They give unsolicited advice.  They step up to teach or lead groups.  They appear to be caring and have a servants heart... but beware!  Spotlighters are not doing this to serve you, they are doing it to elevate themselves.  Because they are so focused on themselves and building up their status in life... they will do things that are hurtful & not even realize it.

They step on people on the way up.

They say things or behave in a way that is pushy and undesirable.

They will create divisions between those who agree with them & those who don't.

If you disagree with them, they drop you.

If you know more than them on a subject & display that knowledge, they drop you.

If you prove them wrong, they drop you.

In fact if you challenge them in anyway, they drop you.

What makes this even a sadder situation, is that they are totally unaware of what they are doing.  In fact, when they go to drop you... YOU will be blamed for it.  Their insecurities push them into believing that you are a toxic person to them.  That because you disagree with them, or challenge them... it comes from a harmful place.  Which makes them justify dropping you from their life.  They are so damaged that they are incapable of distinguishing the difference.  They see any opposition as an attack.

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When someone else says it better. :)

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It is ok to remove toxic people from your life, even if they are family. In fact, especially if they are.

L.Ray

I had a great lunch with a friend today.  She said this to me, as we were discussing advice to give newly weds.  I thought this was especially profound, well the latter half.  Sometimes we give family members a free pass when they are obnoxious, rude, or even toxic to us... because they are family.  As if that gives someone the right to treat us poorly, blood relation. 

Well, it doesn't.  If you are toxic to me, you shouldn't get a free pass.  Just because we are related doesn't mean you should be able to hurt me more or more often.  In fact, you should be more loving.

A toxic person, who is family.... is dangerous.

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His words never fail.  He has always known what is right, and His words do not fail us now. 

So.... I forgive.

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You can't live off of someone else's garden.

I'm sure I need to add that litte {sic} thing to indicate that the sentence is not gramatically correct, but it is presented exactly how it was in my notes.  But I have 2 problems with that.  First, I am not 100% certain on how that notation looks... parenthesis, brackets, ????   Second, I also can't remember who said it or where I heard it to give proper credit to the originator.  Which means I can't even verify if indeed that is how they said it, or simply how it ended up being written in my notes.

With that caveat out of the way... let's dig in.

My neighbor's grow an amazing garden.  Full of fruit and veg, right in their backyard.  They had a truck bring in soil, good black, rich soil.  They planted, harvested & enjoyed the fruits of their labor.

I grow an herb garden.  One day, I was thinning out my rosemary & brought a bundle over to them.  I had more than I could ever possibly use at the time.  They took it happily.

I had hoped we might find ourselves starting up  great exchange of goods.  Maybe if they ever had extra they would consider sharing with us.  Mind you, this is NOT why I chose to share with them.  I shared with the whole neighborhood.  Seriously, it was a LOT of rosemary.  It was more of an after thought, as they were the only other edible gardeners that I was aware of in the neighborhood.

They never brought anything.  It didn't upset me, nor did I feel jaded.  I realized pretty quickly as I saw family members coming by and leaving with veggies and fruit, they were doing this to feed their family. They were planting enough to provide for themselves as well as their family members who could use the blessing.

They did all the work, they put the time and effort into it, they had the knowledge and the desire.  They deserved the fruits of their labor, they had none left to spare.  And I would never expect that they should give me anything, even if I offered of my own excess.

I recently decided that I was going to try growing my own garden.  Because, if I want to have some delicious home grown veg... I need to be wiling to put the work into it.  I can ask if they would be willing to share their knowledge and help me on my way.  I may even choose to thank them with some of my bounty.  Who knows?

Would my gift to them be enough to live off of?  Hardly. 

Spiritually, we can't expect for someone else to do all the work.  We can't just listen to a Pastor or televangelist and call it a day.  We have to crack open our own Bibles, do our own study and embrace a relationship with God directly.

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Pretending we have reached our ideals when we have not is hypocrisy.

Warren Wierbse

We all have a person like this in our life, whether we recognize it or not.  In time, I assure you, you will figure them out.

They pretend to have it all together.  They know all the right things to say.  They set standards of what greatness, holiness or righteousness looks like.  They may be legalistic, in regards to biblical law.  Or, they may follow a "leader" who sets a certain standard.

From the outside, they appear the be exactly what they preach.  Yet, when you are able to see the inside, you realize they are a fraud.

Yes, a fraud.

Being a hypocrite is NOT believing something & failing to reach that standard.

It is when you PRETEND that have reached that standard, and really haven't.

A woman I know claims to be a wife that adheres to biblical submission.  If you were to spend time with her at church, or amongst other women... it would appear to be true.  If you were to seek her advice, it will always be to submit to your husband's authority. 

Once I got really close to her, I was able to see her hypocrisy.  She wasn't biblically submissive to her husband, she was situationally submissive.  Only when it suited her.

There were rules her husband had put in place, which she only made the kids obey when he was home.

There were things she knew her husband would say no to, so she did it with the "easier to ask forgiveness than permission" mantra in mind. 

That is just 2 examples.  Now, I don't call her a fraud or hypocrite because because these things happened, I mean what wife hasn't been guilty of it at least once in the marriage.

I call her out on her PRETENSE.  That is what makes her a hypocrite.  Not her actions themselves, but the attitude, pretense and righteousness that she holds toward others and the false mask she wears in the public.

It's not just wives... but husbands, kids, bosses, parents, teachers, preachers, protestors, politicians, etc... where you can find this hypocrisy.

The "fake it until you make it" business mantra.

Fraud.

"Keeping up with the Joneses" financial mess.

Fraud.

Don't want to be known as a hypocrite?

Stop pretending.

And know a hypocrite when you see one.

It's not the person who has an idea who is struggling to achieve it.... it is the person pretending they won the battle & gloat in victory... when the truth is they are still in the trenches.

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Yesterday, it was Mother’s Day.  A day where mom gets the proverbial “day off” and is “pampered”. Mom doesn’t have to do anything.  But like any Sunday… it’s followed by Monday.  Where not only does that special treatment and recognition begin to fade, but it is compounded with life going back to normal.

Back to work for dad.

Back to school for the kids.

Back to work (either out or in the home) for mom.

Dishes.  Lunches. Dinner.  Errands.  Bills.  ….. so much to do.  If you find yourself getting overwhelmed, here are some great ideas to help reset yourself.

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Church attendance is not an authentic relationship with Christ

C Mularski - Treasure Coast Community Church

It is more than the motions of getting up, dressed in your Sunday best and showing up at the church doors.  It is more than finding your seat, listening to prayers, singing songs, giving money and taking sermon notes.  It is more than having lunch with your church buddies and then hitting the beach (I realize, this is probably a specific to where we live).

It is about seeing God all the time, not just touching base with him Sunday.  It is about ingesting His word daily.  It is about investing in prayer time with Him regularly.  It is calling on him in your time of need and in your moments of celebration. 

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God gets the credit, without getting the cash

Dr Michael Useph

Isn't this so true.  You receive a financial blessing, you thank God for it, you tell others how God blessed you, and yet you don't even consider returning a portion of it to Him (via tithes/offerings/donations).

You are healed of your illness, thanking God, giving him the credit for your miraculous healing.  Yet, you never use your new strength and gift of life to serve Him (via volunteering, missions, sharing your testimony).

I can be as guilty of this as anyone else, so please don't take this as me pointing fingers or wagging at you in disappointment.

I'm guilty of it.

We all are.

The question is what are we going to do about?

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She is just not a nice person.

- My husband.

We all have people in our lives that we have history with, but there always seems to be some sort of strife.

Maybe they are drama queens, who really can't exist with out some sort of drama feeding their emotions.  Good drama, sometimes.  Bad drama, most of the time.

Maybe they are the intellectual elitist, who has to be the smartest one in their social circle.  They can't handle it when anyone is intellectually equivalent, especially if that person challenges their intellect or opinions.

Maybe they suffer from depression, and despite your best attempts to love them and befriend them, they continually push you away.

Honestly the list of "why" can go on probably into infinity.  But what it comes down to, the root of it, I believe is exactly what my husband said to me about my ex-friend. 

They are just not a nice person.

There was an internet meme going around for a bit that was something along the lines of "you know a relationship is over when everything that person does annoys you.".

I read it.  I knew it was true.  I knew it applied to my friendship.  I knew it was time to walk away.  But, I thought a lot of the problem was me.  How could I fix it or make it better.  What was I doing wrong.

Well, I can assure you ... she let me know.  In no uncertain terms.  Accepting no culpability in the demise of our friendship, other than that she should have "spoken up sooner" or "stood up for herself".   So it was all me, all my fault, despite years of bending, compromising and fighting to fix our friendship.

This has been a topic of conversation in our home for a while, behind closed doors with my husband.  We discussed all the issues, all the drama, etc.  But it wasn't until recently he let that gem slip out of his mouth.

"She just isn't a nice person."

And he was right.  If I really stepped back and looked at not just her actions with me, but also with others who came in and out of her life, her kids, her husband, her church, etc.  She really wasn't a nice person.  For a lot of reasons, not just one.  In fact the type of behavior varied between the person(s) it related to.

So, I can accept this.  She isn't a nice person.

But why?  I do not believe ANYONE is born into that behavior.  I believe a series of events must take place in that person's life that move them in that direction.  It is either a series of unfortunate events, lack of positive influence in the persons life, or a combination of the two.

What does that mean?  She isn't a nice person.  My friendship with her can't continue like it was.  Do I just abandon her?

NO!   I can pray for her.  This is a woman who needs prayer.  She needs to find her confidence in God.  Not herself, not her accomplishments. She needs to understand God's total all encompassing love for her, so that she can extend that to others.  She needs to be focused on her relationship with God, to the point that she doesn't have time to comment on others and their short comings.  She needs to find peace and contentment in what God has given her, before He can give her more.  She needs to rest in victory, and not wage wars.

When someone in our life is in that much turmoil, we do not have to talk to them or engage in their drama.... but we can AND WE SHOULD.. PRAY.

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If there were still apostles writing churches today ... and your church were to receive one of these letters.... What would it say you are doing right? What would it say you are doing wrong?

My friend Linda.

Sometimes, I am so burdened by the state of the churches in America, it brings me to literal tears.  I almost can understand Moses and Aaron tearing at their clothes in dismay.

Sometimes, I wish there were still apostles writing to the churches.

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Remember, if a guy won’t honour God it will only be a matter of time till he won’t honour you.

(via proverbs31v25)

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God is more concerned with you being WITH Him than FOR him.

Those are some strong words people. 

God is greater than anything we can imagine.  He is stronger than us.  He created the world and man, in the beginning.  He wiped out nearly all of mankind, in the flood.  He blessed and repopulated his chosen people, right into the promised land.  He sent his only son, as atonement.  And through the book of Revelation, we understand that not only did God have "the beginning" under His control, but all "the end".

Yet, I have been noticing over the years more and more people leaning toward the idea that they play an important role in ensuring his victory.

A well know Pastor even commented that as parents we need to have at minimum 3 children.  Because if we only have 2 children, then we are merely replacing ourselves in God's army.  Implying that when we die and are no longer in the ranks, we have done nothing to increase His army.  So at minimum 3 children, but really we should have as many as possible.   This is his argument for large families via birth or adoption. 

This also implies that God needs us to win. 

Which also implies that victory is uncertain.

Scripture clearly tells us that victory is guaranteed.  It isn't dependent upon the number of children I have or how many people I convert. 

We can put on our spiritual armor, we can have lots of kids to add to God's army, we can picket abortion clinics, we can stand down marriage equality attempts.  Standing up for God, His word, His plan. 

But we can get so caught up in standing up FOR God, that we are not spending any time WITH God. 

And that, my friends, is more important to God.  That we LOVE GOD.  We don't just love God by doing for him.  That is not His love language.  We know this from the story of Mary and Martha.  Mary was spending time with Jesus, while Martha was busying cleaning the house and preparing food for Jesus.  When she complained that Mary wasn't helping ... Jesus quickly clues her in that Mary was doing the right thing.

Jesus, God, has the Love Language of Quality Time. 

Your time spent with Jesus is more important that fighting for Him.  My God is big enough to win His own battles.  My God has told me that victory is already WON.

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Are we reading the Bible to CRITIQUE it or are we reading the Bible to LEARN from it?

A few months ago, a group of ladies from my church decided we wanted to do an intensive Bible study together.  As we getting read to formulate our plan, we invited a woman who was a bit more seasoned on the topic to our first meeting.  We were looking for directions.  But what was interesting to me was the very first question she asked of us...

"Why do you want to do this study?"

The question caught me off guard.   Why wouldn't we want to do a study together, it's a great group of women.  We are studying right from the word, so there is no outside opinion or influence.  It's an important topic, relevant topic.  We are told to study God's word.  I could list a lot of reasons.

I wasn't the only one caught off guard by the topic, I think.  We all answered basically the same way.   The general consensus was about just wanting to learn more and understand it better. 

But, this question gnawed at me for a bit. 

Why else would some one want to study any part of the bible?

And recently some answers have been pouring in.

To discount it.  Satan used his intimate knowledge of the scriptures to try and tempt Jesus.  We know that he can bend and twist the word.  There are people who read and study scripture with the sole purpose of discounting it.  They are looking for contradictions, mistakes and impossibilities.

To affirm their opinions.  Historically, during the time that the abolition of slavery was on the docket, people on both sides of the argument would quote scripture supporting their opinions on it.  There are people, even good solid Christians, who will search the scriptures to find what they need to support their argument.  If they believe you shouldn't dance, they'll find the scripture to prove it.  Most likely out of context, but they will hunt until they do.  They may end up even looking at different translations to find the exact wording that fits better with their point of view. 

To fake it.  You know that person, who knows JUST ENOUGH scripture references to be "credible". They can quote John 3:16 or Jeremiah 29:17, with almost pin point accuracy.  But spend a few minutes talking to them about the scripture in Micah, Leviticus, or Philemon & well.... they won't even realize you are quoting form the same book.  They want to appear Christian when they are either 1) not, but trying to relate ... 2)have accepted Christ, but have no fruit... 3)don't study, but they don't want anyone to know it.

I realized there are people in my life who do this.

And, the Bible even warns against it.

So, why are you currently reading your bible?  Are you trying to critique it?  Find scripture to support your opinion?  Or, are you really and sincerely looking to learn what God is trying to teach you?

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Is what you are doing today, getting your closer to where you want to be tomorrow?

Have you set a goal for yourself?

I want to pray more.

I want read more scripture.

I want to start a bible study.

I want to attend a prayer group.

I want to volunteer more.

These are just a few of the goals you may be considering, committed to or at the very least inspire you (if you want to have a goal, but not sure what the goal is).

Setting a goal is great, but we need to also create the action plan to get there.

1) What is the goal.

2) What steps or materials are needed to get started.

Sounds simple enough, yet we sometimes sit stalled out.

You know that person in your life who says on Wednesday she is going to start a diet.... on Monday.

Or on Feb 15th tells you she is going to start exercising in March.

Perhaps he tells in June that come Jan 1st he is going to start working on a budget.

Boy, our minds can surely get us convinced that our good idea has to wait.  What if, instead of waiting for the perfect moment... when "all the stars are aligned"... we asked "What can I do today?"

If you want to volunteer more, and your schedule doesn't clear up until next month, you can begin NOW by doing the research.

If you want to learn how to bake the perfect creme brulee, but you don't have a kitchen torch, you can still find the recipes, and set a goal to put a few dollars away each week until you have enough.

If you want to lead a bible study, but are not sure you are qualified, start by attending one.  Or stepping up to co-lead.

There are a lot of small steps we can take TODAY that will lead us toward TOMORROW.