oneprettylittlething

[oneprettylittlething]

i’ve tried and i’ve been it all before. i’ve worn every mask. i’ve been the skater, the princess of the parking lot, the victim of your every desire, not your only women, the wet blanket, jealous, crazy, the forgiver, forever.

i’ve been the damsel, the executed, the “protected”, the deer under your tires, worthless in your sheets, reduced to just a body, your emotional crutch, a punching bag, therapist, 1-800-lifeline, the strong women who’ve wanted your whole life until your masculinity was threatened, your everything, royalty, then absolutely nothing at all.

i’ve been the wannabe rockstar’s girlfriend, just a pretty thing on your arm, one of the boys, a demon, housewife, a maid, a slut, whore, bitch, i’ve “asked for it”, a caretaker, disrespected, troubled, snake in the grass, patient, hypersexualized, inferior, too sensitive, ALWAYS too sensitive, the imposter no matter how much i accomplish and always underneath no matter how high i can climb.

but i am water. i’ve always been water. but i refuse to put out anymore fires. fluid and shapeless. i will wear no mask. you could never dilute me. i will be hung up by no strings. i will conform to no shape. i am ever changing and ever growing. i refuse to be taken for anything but what i am. i am water. i will flow.

[oneprettylittlething]

whatever helps you sleep at night, i hope it’s beside me. it feels like i’ve loved you for millennia, hell, maybe before we even existed. when you’re fast asleep dreaming of the ocean and all the waterfalls, know i’m running my fingers through your hair. you’ve made me believe in magic tenfold. even when we’re just rolling around in your sheets speaking nonsense, i feel it. when your eyes are shut tightly and i’m clutching your arms, i feel it. when we’re smashing beers in your backyard while the full moon is high in the night sky, i feel it. there’s a field in my mind, sprinkled with foliage and lighting flies and it’s only yours, forever, it’s yours.

[oneprettylittlething]

your candy coated charisma will only last you so long until it rots the teeth of everyone it charms. i wonder if your bitterness has crumbled your empire, if you collect all the bloodshed and anguish you’ve caused in vials and keep them under your bed along with all of the truths you’ll never reveal. if your karma has finally caught up to you and burned you into the ground.

i could’ve stayed and tried to show you the right way, but i don’t think i’d have any breath left. you’ll always be crooked, there’s no cure for corruption that runs that deep. how long can you keep it up? the facade you wear so blatantly, you’re a vampire.

[oneprettylittlething]

i think the wind heard me when the whispers left my lips, your name, a certain fluency on my tongue, the perfect frequency. when i asked for a sign they sent me stars, and well they must've heard me too. i didn't expect for them to send me angel. a divine being i found in the heart of a man who i'd never imagine i'd ever get a hold of again much rather hold me in his gaze with such grace. sometimes i wonder if i deserve it, i wonder if you know i'd do anything for you.

your kiss, something heavenly. your body sculpted of ivory marble and jade. i've wondered if you've felt me in every lifetime. the red thread of fate tangled in my hair and tight around my heart, it's somehow binded me in this inescapable way. it's taught me patience and pain, don't run, don't hide, keep your ear to the earth and hear it breathe, everything you wish for is yours to keep. forever tethered to your beauty in a way i can't quite comprehend.

every tear i'd wish i'd brushed, every bruise i'd wished i'd kissed, every dream i hope to help construct it's bones, trust that i'd build the wings to help you get there. there's no use is shaky regrets, but i am present now. i could only wish to be your sweetest dream, a sigh of relief. every time i don't believe, i hope to see you in me. i believe in magic and it’s dancing all across your skin when we can’t get close enough. swirled up in an embrace comparable to enlightenment.

for we are only human but if for a moment you grant a kiss upon my sternum, the closest place to my heart you can get, i’d turn to gold. i’d sprout wings and take you with me.

[oneprettylittlething]

I've never known a pure love until our paths crossed. yes, maybe it took a couple years and some change but somehow every decision I've made has led me back into your arms so i must have done something right along the way. I've never wanted to write about someone with such prolificity gnawing at my tongue because being held by you is the closest thing to heaven I've ever known. to see your eyes overflown with honey while you look at me is sweeter than anything.

all of the kisses on my hands and every hair pushed out of my face by loving fingers makes all of the pain I've experienced up to this point worth it. tears push past my eyes knowing that you've granted me such grace. i've truly never met anybody like you. you exude love everywhere you go and your energy is infectious. never have i known such sweetness with intentions just as pure.

there’s a lingering soreness in my thighs from a night of laughter and soft glances. you were to me like a hummingbird is to a flower. that aching blush returned as i opened myself up to you. i can still feel the weight of your arms around my hips with eyes shut tightly. you became entranced in my symphony of skin.

you're lost in a way that doesn't need finding, you don't need to be saved or salvaged or fixed, you're so divine just as you are. you are a blessing, you are the sun. i hope that i can return all of the love you put out into the world in spades and i hope i can make you feel the way you deserve, I'd walk to the ends of the earth just to make your day. you are the loveliest being i have ever known and i hope you know how special you are.

you see me how i’ve always wanted to be seen. beyond all of my mistakes, beyond all my tattered edges, beyond every little critique i’ve ever had of myself. you were my first and i hope my last too.

[oneprettylittlething]

everytime we touch i wish id have held you longer. sunk in your skin deeper. let myself drown in your scent that sweeps me up and warns me like the sun unto the earth. how id listen to your heart beat against your chest and memorize the melody your body sings. i hear it’s tender ache loud and clear. let it belt, id never judge a note for being off key.

[oneprettylittlething]

i thought i've felt heaven, i know i've felt hell, energies collided as i flowed seamlessly into you. i felt the vibrations run up my spine as you ran your fingers down mine. i could melt because of the warmth in your eyes. it was almost surreal tasting your lips, how did i ever get so lucky. i wish i could pick out the color of the blush on your cheeks, i'd paint every sunset with the colors of you. i'd wear the scent of the nape of your neck so i can carry you with me always.

[oneprettylittlething]

untitled, 5/2/25

from my poem a day series

[oneprettylittlething]

i want to know what the weight of your arms around my shoulders feels like. i want to know how soft your clothing is and what your hair feels like between my fingers again. i want to know what your lips taste like under dim lighting in a bar when we've had a few too many. i want to see the warmth of a blush across your face when we're aching to have each other.

i wonder if you'll treat my heart like it's made of porcelain. if you'll tip toe around my corridors like you're in a china shop. will i see horror on your face when i tell you about how i've been force fed poison while you imagine yourself bathing me in the antidote. the way you look at me makes me want to cry. never has anyone looked at me so softly.

[oneprettylittlething]

there are some things i'll never know:

the fact is, never in this life will i know the weight of my own soul. who or what put me here and how long I've got left. why some people come with sledgehammers and why some come with keys. how could someone take up so much space in my subconscious and yet never have to step foot in front of my eyes?

until i finally knew why. you'd been lingering in a place i thought you'd forgotten.

i could spend a lifetime searching and still nothing would ever compare to someone like you. I'm trying to follow script but your eyes keep on following me and i might just fall in and never return again. so I'll try not to get lost in this maze of my mind while living with the thought that in just a matter of time ill finally know what its like to hold your hand again. this second chance crawls up inside my chest and warms every corner of this cavity. it's a feeling i am all too familiar with.

and i just can't believe after all of this time you still thought of me. I've been discarded so harshly it opened wounds in places i never knew existed. i want you to know i found that part of you that was stolen and i am determined to reunite it with you. if you just hold still I'll stain it new with the softest of colors and you'll forget that it was ever missing and how badly it hurt.

you deserve so much better. i'll never understand how someone could see how proudly you carry that huge heart of yours and how divinely light reflects off your face and still wield the weapons to hurt you. i want you to have everything that you desire out of life and in that same regard i want to be there helping you build the steps that will get you there.

i never thought you'd be in a position to love me again and revisit this place. i have my fears but the hope outweighs all of the bad. i'll always have a place for you here and ill be patiently waiting for you to come home to me. in this world that is ripe with hate and greed, anger and injustice, you love has been the sweetest, kindest and most gentle thing i've ever known.

[oneprettylittlething]

i've never known men to be very kind. mostly brackish and unpolished. unforgiving, loud, beings of brute. maybe it all ties back to my father. seeing how kind he could be to his little girl but how in one night a drunken fit of rage forever distilled fear into me. i was so young holding my mother as we cried. she was just trying to clean up his room. a truly terrifying duality.

i got my heart really shattered for the first time when i was 18. like magic it softened all my edges. i made my heart into a sanctuary and you brought a battering ram to my front door. a lot of my life I've felt like prey in this flesh and my body has kept score of it all. i thought i was your sacred deer but i was just game in the scope of your rifle.

first you employed your lies. you'd raise your voice and then your fist to the wall. i watched in horror imagining a reality in which that wall was me, and it probably would’ve have been if i hadn’t left when i did. you'd always boast, walking around with a puffed chest, you loved putting your strength on display. i now know it was all intimidation.

i'm grateful i escaped when i did but i cant help but wish i realized sooner why you made me feel filthy in a way i could not wash off. i wish that i left the the first time you were forceful, how you tossed me off of you effortlessly like i weighed nothing was terrifying. always asking for forgiveness, never permission. the safeness you created was just a shadow.

and so life went on again and i fall in love. needle between my teeth, sewing my heart back together. i again watched myself perfect the art of becoming the pin cushion. you'd make me feel so weak. i could've never fit into your mold of a perfect women. helpless, naive, housewife, and your oversexualized prize on a platter but i'd still break all of my fingers for you just so i could point them all at me.

i know there are men out there who know how to be nothing but kind. soft like gentle ocean waves but with hearts just as deep. those who receive love and return it in spades. i suppose it's just the luck of the draw, but i'm not much of a betting women anymore.

[oneprettylittlething]

it feels like every time we talk there’s always this invisible wall up. yes, we talk about the weather and school and our parents and all of these words come spilling out of our mouths but we also say nothing at all. nothing of substance. don’t get me wrong, i love hearing about your gym routine and your new car but i also want to know where in your body your sadness lives and how much you’ve cried this past year.

maybe we’re scared to get close to each other again. maybe you keep me at arms length because i frighten you somehow. i want to tell you so badly how i’ve really been these past few years. i want to know all about you again. i want to swim in the ocean that is you.

maybe we’re nothing alike anymore and maybe i’m clinging onto hope that is fleeting. did you really mean it when you said some day maybe we could try again? there’s an elephant in the room but maybe it’s only visible to me. i am afraid i’ll scare you off with the depth i have discovered.

my tongue is always caged by my teeth it seems and i still can never quite put my finger on why after all this time i still get butterflies around you. you’ll always be a part of me. the only one who’s ever known me at all. i’m tired of mimicking myself because of the heartache that may be at stake if i tell you how i really feel.

we’re supposed to see each other again soon and maybe this time i’ll muster the courage to finally free myself of uncertainty and second guessing. maybe we will finally feel what it’s like to hold each other again. or maybe we will just keep falling victim to this art of surface conversation. i’m ready to know now.

[oneprettylittlething]

i know it may sting when you think of me

how your face may flush when my name echoes in your mind

but i hope you’ve found your peace now

i’ve been sleeping quite peacefully in the bed i’ve made

feeling like i’ve almost perfected this balancing act

and i sometimes think of what things might’ve been like

if only i could extract all your negative qualities

if i could’ve wrang out all of the anger and disgust from you

and sent it all back to hell

but there’s no hope in wishing things were different

id only be running in circles

so instead i’ll just believe i’ve picked them up

even though it wasn’t meant to be

i hope when people look at me they see the good i know you had in you too.

[oneprettylittlething]

[oneprettylittlething]

1/26

i remember the night your dad drove us home. your brother was dropped off first from the front seat but you stayed in the back with me. id always be embarrassed when you tried to show me affection in front of your parents but this night was different. your head rested so heavily in my lap in the back seat. it was like i could feel the weight of your thoughts.

my fingers stayed intertwined in your hair for 2 and a half hours on the way back from new jersey. i stared down at you and watched the passing light shine down on you from the windows. my legs were starting to fall asleep but i paid it no mind. i twirled and caressed and undid your curls with my fingers. it was second nature to me.

the weight of your head seemed to get lighter with every motion of my hand. i watched your eyes trying to fight off sleep to no avail and you succumbed. your rest was interrupted when we pulled up to your apartment. you groaned out sigh and rubbed lassitude from your eyes. you hugged your father goodbye and i meekly thanked him for dinner.

it was a warm summer night and i felt the humidity embrace me as we got out of the car. the sky was the color of morning glories. you reached for my hand to hold as we approached your door. you exhaled as you said “the only reason i let you mess up my hair is because your scratches felt so good” i giggled and noticed lethargy still hung heavy on your eyes.

i thought that i knew but i so clearly didn’t and now your presence so vividly haunts me in my dreams. all of my grief and anger manifest so effortlessly there. i’d love to live in those sweet little moments because if i could adore the wrong person with such little effort i can only wonder how much easier it’ll become for me. i dreamt about you last night and awoke in a whirlwind of relief, my chest bearing the weight of a necessary evil.

you didn’t share many words but mine rang in my head as i made my bed this morning.

“you have no idea how much i’d be sacrificing if i held you again”.

[oneprettylittlething]

1/23

i will no longer stand aside watching as my body lifelessly sinks to the bottom

a shell with a scattered mind

one once with a plan and a straight path

physical exhaustion no longer means anything to me once i’ve felt the destitute of a gaping mental wound

but that is all in my past now

and i can walk away with the knowledge that i did everything in my power to make things right

and maybe in autumn after some long needed solitude

i’ll write about how i found a higher power in your eyes and between your teeth

how there is so much ugliness and hate and greed in the world but there is none of that in the room with us tonight with your head between my thighs

i’ll write about how i believe in love again when i watch all of my birds fly around and play together

maybe then i’ll believe i won’t ruin every heart i touch

and you’ll let me hold you so gently and show you the love that i know i am truly capable of

with just a glance i’ll become transparent

and i’ll finally feel it.

[oneprettylittlething]

would you believe i aim to be somewhere in between

hurting but hopeful

nervous but free

alone but contently

if i had just one more day with you to soak in the view

you couldn’t tear my gaze away

but there’s no hope in yesterday

so i’ll just reprieve myself of this grief

sing like i’m happy no minor keys

like the sorrow eludes me

if i had just one more day with you

aware of the clue that id never hold you quite the same

well i’d still let it end this way.