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“The linguistic equivalent of a masculine slap on the shoulder.”

Source: here

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“You sucked my dick within the first five minutes of seeing me. If that’s you taking it easy…”

“That was just a greeting. Like a secret handshake.”

Source: here

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“Do you like saying my name?”

“I love it. It’s short. A little suckerpunch of a name.”

Source: here

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"Assault is also illegal. And rude. And a little bit tacky."

Spurce: here

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Toshinori, I mean this with all the love in my heart, but you could give that boy some of your old socks or one of your high school jackets and he would frame it as a family heirloom.

Source: here

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How did that villain catch you off guard?

They asked me to close my eyes and I thought that seemed legit

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Don’t trust the bees

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His father was dead and he hadn’t had anything to do with it. He felt robbed.

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hello, mister alchemist, a massive pair of underwear says in a thousand voices

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[...] he’s 100% fucking resigned to murdering this kid just because he’s maybe a little bit possessed sometimes.

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“Oh my god, we do have telepathy,” Ed whispers, lifting out a voltmeter. “It just only activates for science."

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Man, if the guy is a mind reader Ed really hopes Mustang’s thinking about nothing but porn.

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"He’s making murder eyes at you,”

“Murder eyes?”

“Oh you know,” Draco said with an air of false authority, “like bedroom eyes- but instead of fucking you, he wants to fuck you up,”

Source: here

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The end?

This post marks the end of my collection, 250 quotes in total.

All posts will now happen as I find them, which means that the activity will go down significantly. On the other hand, everything will be properly sourced!

Please submit funny quotes if you have any!

I accept all fandoms and fics as long as the quote is not outright NSFW.

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I bet it's cool underground. Say hello to the worms. Start a club about dirt. And decomposition.

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It honestly said something about All Might’s life that he didn’t wonder why the school had a long-range human cannon on hand until he was passing Mount Fuji.

Source: here

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murder is not a good thing to see on a hero's resume

Source: here