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You are the cold mist that envelopes me when I stop to breathe

the soft warmth of the sun when the chill cuts deep

the rustle of leaves when I'm too exhausted to look around me

the steady hand that catches me (not really) and leads me on

the gentle view from the summit of the mountain

the reason the climb was worth it all

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The few bucks I save I can use to buy their simply joys

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A Write Up About Music and The Beatles

One lifetime is never enough for all the beautiful music in the world.

But hear me out: make room for The Beatles. Trust me when I say they’ll open your world to emotions that only Beatles songs can paint.

To be able to take your experience--one that you alone have lived--and turn it into a set of words arranged in a specific order and tune that makes others feel what you felt... is a gift. In the same way, when a combination of words and sounds connects us through a collective experience we all understand, it's sort of a miracle. It's like we’re bound by an invisible rope that is a song, and it makes us feel less alone. Other people understand. Other people share in “Carrying That Weight,” if you will. A collective soul.

The Beatles peaked in the 1960s and were active for only about a decade. Here I am, born in 1993, yet still moved by their songs in 2025. I mean, we’ve all had a hard day’s night, "but when I get home to you, I find the things that you do will make me feel alright." We all get it, but we have our own interpretations. We’re different people, which makes it even better. A song like “Till There Was You” becomes a hundred different songs for a hundred different people, each about the love of their life. “Penny Lane,” a street in Liverpool, becomes a different kind of place--one closer to home.

The music of The Beatles is transcendental--across time, space, emotion, basically Across the Universe. Their music makes me think, and it opens my eyes, my mind, and my heart. It’s something I share with my parents, aunts, uncles, and my friends. I will share it with my nieces, nephews, and future children. I’m in awe that music can be just this:

The way Ringo bursts into “Ticket to Ride” with a punchy drum roll over George’s sweet plucking riff... Then John’s beautiful melody comes in.

The way “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” paints not just a picture (of yourself in a boat...), but a feeling so trippy it makes you see the tangerine trees, marmalade skies, and the girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

And who can even think of saying: "Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither wildly as they slip away across the universe," in a tune so hypnotizing, mesmerizing, it feels like floating?

And don’t even get me started on the way Paul sings: "Here... Making each day of the year, changing my life with the wave of her hand." It hits with a pang of longing if you’ve ever loved before.

So yeah, if anyone finds this write-up, if you’re already a fan, a virtual nod of mutual understanding to you. If you casually listen to The Beatles, good for you. Listen more. The experience evolves as you go through life. And if you don’t know a single song... well, you’ve read up to here--you know what to do.

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Rest in Peace and in Greatness, Ozzy.

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Bagyo sa Maynila

Disclaimer: Let's do some writing-as-thinking.

Una yata sa taon na 'to yung ganito kalakas at non-stop na ulan, that sent people to evacuation centers and drove the more privileged ones to initiate soup kitchens and relief operations. It feels so detached to watch the rest of Metro Manila drown, as you quietly fall asleep in your bedroom. Clean, comfortable, busog, walang pasok kinabukasan.

Wala sa listahan ng experiences at mga pinagdaanan mo yung paglusong sa baha, yung muntikan nang maanod, ma-stranded at ma-gutom. At most, nag brown out at nawalan ng signal, o binaha yung kotse.

Syempre ayoko mangyare yun, ang hirap kaya 'nun. Pero gusto ko mag-share sa pinagdadaanan ng community ko. Gusto ko maging part nung struggle, gusto ko makita first-hand, ano ba sitwasyon nila? Tama ba huminto sa pag GCash? Of course malaking tulong itong financial aid sa mga kapatid na'ting nagchacharity sa mga ganitong panahon (let's face it, we need charity in the face of corrupt and useless "governance").

It feels embarrassing to be comfortable and away from the chaos in the face of calamity.

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My Top Love-Themed Movies Thus Far

(500) days of summer

La la land

My best friend's wedding

Meet joe black

Stardust

Memoirs of a geisha

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Honorable Mentions:

Little women (both the Saorsie x Timothee and Winona x Christian version)

Flipped

The amazing spider-man 2 (I'm a sucker for love vs. time themes)

Almost famous

About time

Celeste and jesse forever

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

The half of it

One day

Spirited away

Hercules

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Naiiyak ako sa Pilipinas..

Ka-kwentuhan ko ung janitress samin sa opisina. Una, tungkol lang sa agency at ang pangaabuso nito--laging kulang ang sweldo o late ibinibigay. Naaawa ako kasi imbis na happy happy kami rito kapag sweldo, nagiging stressful para sa kanila. Ika nga niya, kung sino pa yung nasa laylayan, sila pa yung ginigipit. Tapos napunta yung usapan sa gobyerno na walang malasakit, kaya ang hirap sa bansa. Tapos sabi niya na, si Risa Hontiveros daw kasi kinukubra yung funds ng Philhealth (ganitong fake news ang nasa algorithm niya); Meanwhile, ang mga Duterte = kamay na bakal, terror sa mga adik. Tapos, si Marcos ang binoto nila (pero nagsisisi na raw sila ngayon, kasi bakit ganito pa rin sa Pilipinas).

Medyo naiiyak ako sa frustration. Sabi ko na hindi totoo yung mga nasa news, at pinapa-paniwala lang tayo ng mga nakaupo sa gobyerno ngayon (i.e., Marcos at Duterte) na sila ang mabuti at ang kalaban ang masama. May pera kako sila para magbayad ng trolls at magpakalat ng propaganda na walang katotohanan. Parang nagulat siya, dahil ang pagkakaalam nga raw nila eh okay ang mga Duterte. Kako, hindi rin naman kasalanan ng mga tao na maniwala doon at iboto sila, pero ayun nga, kung totoong mabuti ang intensyon nila, bakit kahit higit isang dekada na silang nakaupo, panay kahirapan pa rin ang Pilipinas. Sana kako, maniwala siya sa akin...

Napakabait ng taong 'to, by the way. Magaling din siya--naitaguyod niya ang pamilya niya, napagtapos ang mga anak niya, tapos pati mga apo binubuhay pa niya. Wala talaga akong masasabi sa sipag at malasakit. Hands down. Nakakalungkot kasi biktima siya ng fake news. Yung tipong at a disadvantaged ka na nga, ikaw pa maghuhukay ng libingan mo by voting for people who will drive you further into poverty.

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How do you forgive your younger self for being a spoiled, insensitive, entitled, hurtful, dumb brat, now that you see the effects of your behavior on someone you know?

Is there forgiveness?

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I wonder what I'm missing out on by being part of the middle class. I'm sure there's a whole world of rich, colorful, joyful—and sometimes bittersweet—culture in the mundane, beneath the savage, hostile, painful things we imagine about the everyday lives of the Filipino poor.

Okay magta-Tagalog na ako.

'Yung mga sumasabit sa jeep tuwing rush hour—ang hassle ng ginagawa nila, pero minsan nagkwekwentuhan pa sila ro’n. (Hmm... ano kaya ang topic nila? Yung katabi niyang nakasabit, may kwento kaya?) Hawak ang malaking backpack pang-trabaho, tagaktak ang pawis, pero nakangiti pa rin, nagpapasuyo ng bayad sa driver.

Speaking of the backpack—ano kaya laman nun? Bukod sa cellphone at wallet na may litrato ng pamilya at ni Mama Mary, siguro may bimpo, brown envelope na may A4 documents (ewan ko rin bakit naisip ko ’yon), ballpen, metro (grabe naman, construction agad?), extra T-shirt, Nescafé o Kopiko, tinapay na binili kaninang umaga, at rosaryo (feel ko lang). Hindi ko na sinama ’yung Marlboro—benefit of the doubt lang na healthy living na siya. Actually, wala talaga akong ka-ide-idea kaya kalokohan at baseless ’tong mga hula ko. Pero ’yun ang gusto kong makita—ang “what’s in my bag” ng ordinaryong tao. Hindi ’yung paulit-ulit na laman ng influencer's luxury bag—skin care, AirPods Pro, kung ano mang gamit para sa health/fitness... di ko rin alam sa totoo lang, hahahaha.

On a more serious note, ano ba talaga ang mensahe ng mga lifestyle vloggers at influencers? Disclaimer lang—nothing against their lifestyle. Guilty pleasure ko rin naman ang sosyal na kape at alak, hahaha. Pero gusto ko lang ma-enlighten: 'Yung created reality ba sa social media, para lang ba ’yon sa income, sponsorships, and the like? Or is there something more to it? At ang impact ba nito ay nai-influence lang tayo bumili ng mga produktong ine-endorse nila, or may mas malalim pang epekto ang superficial lifestyle and philosophy (?) na gino-glorify, ini-internalize, at ine-encourage ng society natin? Malamang sa malamang, meron, syempre.

Ayun, 8:30 AM na. Gotta work. Bye!

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I dreamt I was in the beach with my cousins from Cebu and the waters were clear and they were all having fun and I seem to be the only one bothered by the swarms of jellyfish in the water? Clear, short-tentacled jellyfish of all sizes, some the size of a five-peso coin, some like large floating plastic bags. But no square foot was clear of a single cnidocyte. I panicked as soon as I realized this, but I was already at least ten meters into the sea from the shore. Even as I got out of the water, lots of jellyfish stuck to my skin so I had to rinse myself in the adjacent kids' pool (don't even ask why there's one in the beach haha), so that all the jellyfish are now in the crowded kids' pool, swimming with all the lil children. Sorry kids. Anyway, I think I woke up around this time because I stained my bed.

My next dream is Nicholas Hoult, I met him, and I had a picture with him and his blonde hair. He was definitely not in the mood to meet and greet random people in a room. I was the first to recognize him.

Anyway, l kinda want to talk about Black Sabbath and the whole Ozzy Osbourne goodbye concert. lt's a worthy, relevant, heartwarming, bittersweet thing in the midst of this worldly chaos. Music and art bring people together.

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This Morning

I rushed out of bed as soon as my alarm rang so that I could do a short home workout and be in the office by 7:30 AM. We are flexi-time, so it's really just a matter of preference. I was able to leave the house at 7:00 AM (only because I did not shampoo my hair, and I decided on having 3-in-1 coffee in the office instead of making an intricate cup of cappuccino).

So I was on my way, 30 minutes ETA (just in time). I was driving and it was raining, more than drizzling but less than heavy rains, when a loud sound of something hitting my windshield startled me. A sizable electric cable swung out of nowhere and hit the windshield hard, and THEN got caught by the wipers. Thankfully, it bounced away as the wipers moved, and I was able to drive forward. After that, though, my intention to arrive early to get things done was completely replaced by mostly relief and thoughts of what I wanted to do with another day of my life.

So I arrived safely, greeted our office cats and our guard with a huge smile (well, I always do...but I get to do it again today). And now here I am writing, sipping on my 3-in-1 coffee, and listening to Pink Floyd.

P.S., the car is a conductor so I would've been safe inside of it, but either way, I still had a Fight Club convenience store owner who wanted to become a veterinarian moment a while ago. Haha.

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I never had to buy make up for myself. Mom hoarded different kinds, colors, brands. I was free to use any of them without permission.

When we went out of the country, I never had to bring my own cash. I would borrow from her. She wouldn't bother to compute how much I owe her, so I end up paying her an arbitrary "approximate" amount that is significantly lower, and at least two months delayed.

Recently, Mom has been enjoying her morning exercise routine that her body practically seeks it (that's 9k steps, 5x per week). She still has high sugar, cholesterol, and blood pressure, though. I worry and I want her to live long, so long that I would not ever have to buy make up for myself or bring dollars and my own toiletries when travelling.

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I am filled with anger and disappointment and coffee

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Random Ideas

Note to self (on ideas I want to draw eventually aka in 5 years' time):

Meow Zedong

Proletariat vs Bourgeoisie

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This does not sound like an open chord, a broken chord, nor a jazz chord. It is not augmented nor diminished—that is giving it too much credit. It is not reharmonized. It is the most basic, disgustingly common, regular, boring chord that everyone knows but can’t remember for its lack of uniqueness and character.

The night is long. It’s only dinner time, and there’s a long queue for the food. Your shoes are also too tight. To top it off, you are seated with “good acquaintances” who like to talk about what they do and what bank they prefer.

I remember when I first got high—stoned, even—I saw how the small, warm white garden uplight lit up the trunk of the tree in that resto-bar. It was beautiful. I wish I saw ordinary things sometimes as I did when I was stoned. If I were always stoned, I probably wouldn’t be angry all the time, trying to hurt people all the time. I am honestly a good person. I have kind intentions. I try to love everyone. I don’t look down on people. I really, genuinely believe that love, compassion, and kindness (especially towards the needy) are the meaning of life.

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I don’t ever want my household to become one that doesn’t eat together, or when one of us comes home there’s no food and they have to forage for anything edible. I want a household with divided chores; clean floors that I can walk around barefoot; I want bright, airy spaces where we can all just sit and hang out comfortably; I want to be able to welcome guests and they’d be comfortable and they’d have a place to sit, and I would offer them food and not let them get hungry. I want my household to be a restful place.

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Sorry

If I had to leave

I’d send chocolate cookies

Each day I’m away.

If I had to leave

You would see my face often

I’ll call you first thing.

Every day shall be

Beautiful, easy, and quick

Until I return.

If I had to leave

I won’t choose to leave too long

I’ll make sure of it.