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After going through the list and checking them against patient reviews and whether or not they ACTUALLY take my insurance, I am down to 19 names.

Still better than 0.

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I cross-referenced the psychologists and psychiatrists that were on my plan against a list that says they are gender therapists.  From 0 and looking at out-of-state Skype doctors (which were NOT my preferred method for several reasons) I now have a list of 35 doctors in my city.

What I like is that they aren’t specifically gender therapists.  Maybe it’s weird, but I didn’t want to have one therapist for my general issues and another focusing on my dysphoria and other things.  Between my weird work schedule, being the family driver (the only driver in many cases), and other obligations, I don’t get a lot of free time to devote to things that are for me.  I wouldn’t have had the time to devote to TWO doctors, as I barely have the time to devote to just one doctor.

Well, let’s face it, I barely have time to devote to myself and my hobbies.

I’m one step closer to finding a doctor to help me.  Not just with my whole gender thing, but actually help me with my other issues.  I’m coming to realize that I actually need help with my depression and self-loathing.  I realized that last year, when I got way to close to suicide for my own comfort.  And when my issues cost me a friendship that continues to plague me to this day.

So I’m closer to my goal than I was earlier this year.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll go through the list and check to see which doctors would be best for me.  Maybe this time next month I’ll have my first appointment lined up.

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Things are not always as clear as we want them to be.

Hi there. I’m Vera, and I’m a straight crossdresser (“Hi, Vera”). I’m married to a woman, I have a kid, I love Doctor Who, and occasionally wearing dresses is an important part of my life. This seems to raise a huge number of questions in people’s minds, so let’s get right into it.

7 Things You Learn As A Straight Guy Who’s A Crossdresser

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Depressive spell is mostly over.  I’ve learned that I have to wait these things out and try not to make any life-changing decisions until I’m more or less okay. 

What triggered this one was essentially me “giving up” finding a therapist to help with my problems - depression, dysphoria, and if I REALLY want to do HRT.  I did find one, eventually, who will work on Skype and might fit in my health insurance plan.  I still have to contact them.

That’s going to be the difficult part.  I’ve never had to do something like this before, and I don’t know what the script is.  I reblogged a post on my main blog yesterday about finding a therapist, so I’ll have to give that a more thorough look.

I started working out again.  Ironic, as the first point of this blog was to be inspiration for me to work out.  This time, however, my boyfriend is my work-out partner, and he won’t let me skip because I’m tired or sore.  He won’t bully me, but he’ll remind me and do it with me.  Which is awesome.  After three and a half years of being largely inactive, he’s about at my level, so we wimp along with each other on our work outs.  He can’t job with me, and he needs heavier weights than me (we only have a ten pounder), but we can do the crunch exercises together, which are a bitch, let me tell you.

No results yet, but I’ve only started last week (week and a half, but really?).  I started with 2 sets of 10 pushups and situps each, and then found the weight to help with building arm muscle a bit later.  I missed three days, due to being sick, but afterwords, C started working out with me.  C actually got me on the crunch exercises, which work a lot better and work out more of my abdominal muscle group than the regular situps.

So far, I haven’t gone jogging yet.  Both days were a bust.  Last Sat. I overslept by a lot, and today I just flat out didn’t sleep.  C will probably encourage me to go out this afternoon, even though it will be hot and muggy.  He’ll have to walk while I jog, but we have VERY different limitations and needs.  Also, he’s a foot taller than me, so even then, we wouldn’t actually be jogging together.

In more fun news - I passed a few times while presenting male.  A man at a grocery store thought I was a guy (until I spoke, then he asked), which did wonders for my self-esteem.  And the last time I presented male while out, none of my coworkers recognized me at first.  Some I greeted and then they recognized me.

I’m saving up for a better binder - one that doesn’t roll up around my hip-dip uncomfortably.  This go around, I will probably do one full and one half, so I can start wearing one at work again.  I’m also in the market for a good packer and packing underwear.  I’m mostly sure on what to get, it’s simply a matter of having funds for it.  The packer is inexpensive, really, it’s the underwear that will be harder.

I’m doing okay now.  I’m slowly getting over the depressive spell, and I’m taking the initiative on getting in shape.  Things are getting better, and I just need to remind myself that things WILL keep getting better.

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Some days, I feel like drowning myself because nothing ever works right.

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I got a little drunk last night, and was able to bring up hormone therapy to my boyfriend.  He has ALWAYS been supportive (as has my girlfriend).  Were I given to tears, it would sometimes make me cry with how supportive they both are.

But he’s a straight man, and it’s hard for him to get use to the idea that his girlfriend isn’t always a girl.  He gets that it’s hard for me, too, and that he doesn’t understand what I’m going through.  But it is sometimes a hurdle for him, and I understand there may be things he might not be able to do. 

I’m getting off topic.

I brought it up to him, and he’s unsure.  I told him that it would definitely be low-dose, and any changes would happen very, very slowly, and that if I don’t like it, I can stop any time.  Granted, we are smashed for this conversation, and a lot of much more interesting things were happening at the time... so we’re going to revisit this sober, so we can actually talk about it like intelligent adults.

The point is, I was able to bring it up to him last night.  So the topic has been breached.  All that’s left is to actually discuss it.

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For more tips, tricks, and future products, go HERE

Doesn’t apply to you/can’t afford it? That’s okay! Reblog this and get the word out!

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We’ve previously talked to a trans woman — that is, a woman who was designated male at birth — about what it’s like to make that transition in a society that fights you every step of the way. But the other side of that equation is even less visible to society. While there are at least a few highly visible trans women in pop culture now, such as Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, trans men are even more of a mystery to the average person. So we talked to Roman Jones, a trans man and American expat living in the Czech Republic, who told us…

6 Awful Lessons I Learned Transitioning from Female to Male

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if u wear a binder and still have some boob

remember

chris evans still has more boob

no worries

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Note to men on their periods:

You are still a man. In fact, you are the manliest of men. Do you know how few dudes there are in the world who could even deal with all the shit involved in menstruation?? You are a studly, ass-kicking, chocolate-murdering motherfucking M A N because people with periods are fucking badass and don’t forget that shit!!!

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Dionysus is the patron god of trans/nb kids pass it on

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And while the tragic news spread, the trans community rallied together on Twitter, showing trans youth that they do indeed have sources of support and affirmation.

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Between increasingly common bouts of depression and dysphoria, I've decided to attempt to get on low-dose T.

I still need to talk to my (heterosexual) boyfriend about this.  He's been extremely supportive of me, and my identity.  He helps me with tips on how to pass, and helps me touch up my hair.  He has also taken the whole "technically, you're in a queer relationship" pretty well, going so far as to be amused that despite being straight, he and I don't necessarily have straight sex.  However, this is a big step.

Even though changes with low-dose T don't happen quickly.  They happen very, very, very slowly - which is the point.  It happens more slowly, and allows me a greater control over the changes that will be coming. 

I've been tossing the idea back and forth, back and forth, since realizing that low-dose HRT was a thing that could be done.  It's been months, and while I'm no closer to knowing if I really want this in and of itself or if I think it'll be a magic pill to solve all my problems, I'm done agonizing.

I'm not the kind of person who debates over thoughts and ideas for months on end.  I really am not.  This is not to say that I don't weigh the pros and cons of a decision the best I can, but I'm just not the kind of person to spend a long time on a decision.  I don't do "limbo" very well, and since hearing about low-dose HRT, I've been in limbo.

I make decisions, and then I follow through with them as best I can.  I have made the decision to get low-dose T (which is covered in my health insurance plan I've been looking at).  There are still steps I need to take, the first being getting the insurance plan to cover some of my expenses.  Then, finding a doctor in the area that can and will prescribe the low-dose T.  Neither of these things will happen overnight.  My most hopeful estimates put me at seeing someone in late summer.

But I have made my decision, and I have a plan to work with.  Even if the plan is half-assed and vague from lack of information.

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I ain't got no tits!

The binders came in!  I'm soo flat!

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Variations in Gender Dysphoria

Cassandra has made a useful infographic that can be used to understand the nuances of gender dysphoria. It helps gender variant people understand that there are several sides to dysphoria, and that each and every one of them may vary in strength.

The infographic was originally inspired by this article by Darah Hoofman-Fox.

In our recent study of gender variance, we found that 59% of the respondents reported some kind of dysphoria. This also applies to crossdressers and crossdreamers. 30% reported strong or severe dysphoria.

See also Crossdream Life discussion!

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For those of you who can't wrap your heads around non-binary identities:

If you believe that sex/gender is entirely biologically determined, you have to admit that non-binary people exist because chromosomal sex, developmental sex, primary sexual characteristics, secondary sexual characteristics, and hormonal sex all exist on undeniably non-binary scales. There’s no valid scientific argument that any of the above are strictly binary.

If you believe that sex/gender is entirely socially determined, you have to admit that non-binary people exist because of the undeniable historical and contemporary evidence of non-binary cultural identities, because there’s no logical reason to assume that a socially constructed identity category would have to exist on a binary scale, and most of all because there is a sizable and growing community of non-binary people that say they exist, and that’s how social constructs are formed.

If you believe in a combination of the two (like I do), there’s really no middle ground where you can pretend the facts above don’t apply unless you have some sort of religious reason, in which case I can’t help you.

Non-binary identities are real. Get over it.

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My tax return came in, so in addition to some necessities, I also ordered two Underworks binders.  These will be my first real binders.  The one I'm using now I got from e-bay last year for less than $5, and requires me to wear at least one sports bra with it (though I usually use two).

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that these will be better for me in the long run, more comfortable, and just... better.