possumunderpants

[possumunderpants]

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

[possumunderpants]

When I was a kid, I never would’ve imagined that as an adult I would regularly eat ice cream for dinner and go to bed at 7:30 but here we are

[possumunderpants]

it's not natural for candy to be $3.49. candy is supposed to be one dollar

[possumunderpants]

Husband called me into the bedroom to show me the tag on our mattress cover, he was very proud.

“This seems like something tumblr will like! It’ll get you all the notes…ReTumbls? It’ll get you all the ReTumbls.”

[possumunderpants]

I had five slices of cheese for dinner

[possumunderpants]

Doctors are like: ughhhhh. You're confusing. Come back if you die

[possumunderpants]

People who honk when traffic is stopped during rush hour are going to hell. People who honk when traffic is stopped during rush hour in a tunnel deserve to be strangled and then sent to hell.

[possumunderpants]

[possumunderpants]

She drinks red bull I drink monster she's cheer captain and i am a lobster

[possumunderpants]

My pharmacy won’t will fill my SSRI prescription and I’ve got half a pill left. This is the end for me kids. No more serotonin for me. I stg if this makes me lose my job

[possumunderpants]

I spent the last 20 years believing arrivederci was simlish and people were just saying it because it was a funny word.

[possumunderpants]

There are people who can talk and walk that weren’t alive in 2020

[possumunderpants]

I meow too much to be neurotypical

[possumunderpants]

The worst thing about being sick besides actually being sick is not being able to eat all the things I want. Like what do you mean I can’t have a steak because I have the flu

[possumunderpants]

Shopped at Fred Meyer for the first time today. Also got food poisoning. After eating my food from Fred Meyer.

[possumunderpants]

I hate this ad bc every time I think it says citrussy as in citrus p-

[possumunderpants]