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Cunty Regirock With A Handbag To Make Appearance At Met Gala

METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART, MANHATTAN — Bringing with her one of the biggest outpours of excitement the Met Gala has seen since the guy from Invincible put on nails and lash extensions, it has been announced by her team that Cunty Regirock with a Handbag will be making her debut appearance at this year’s Met Gala.

Find out more through the linked article.

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Liberal Account Makes Trans People Butt Of Joke

When asked what the joke here was, the account replied, "It's funny because he's not a woman! He isn't a woman! That's the funny part!"

Find out more through the linked article.

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ICYMI: A Recap Of Zuckerberg & The Buc-ee Beaver's Tumultuous Relationship

"It's a sobering experience to family plan with your significant other," he said to our reporter. "The pregnancy almost ruined us."

Find out more through the linked article.

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A Case For "Ally" In LGBTQIA+

An exhaustive list of all of the reasons the A in LGBTQIA+ should stand for “ally.”

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Comedy Is Now Legal On Threads

"This election showed us a lot," Zuckerberg said while climbing into his Tesla, "but mostly that we make a lot less money from stupid people if we try to fact check things."

Find out more through the linked article.

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Queer Etsy Shop ‘Somehow’ Still Selling Harry Potter Crafts

“For me, it’s all about separating the art from the artist,” one creator, MooDeng54, said of her chibi pride flag silhouette stickers of the character, sold at $4.99 a piece. “Harry Potter is so much more than J.K. Rowling. It’s a lifestyle.”

Find out more through the linked article.

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Newly Transitioning Woman Must Choose Between Dog and Cat Collars

SEATTLE, WA -- As is the rite of passage, a trans woman arrived at her apartment this evening, only to find a group of people standing in her living room, a collar in each hand.

Delilah, 22, was heading home from her shift at Subway when she noticed the door was slightly ajar. She cautiously entered her house, fearing the worst, until she discovered the group patiently waiting for her.

"They all had collars and animal ears on," she told the Post-Gender Post on Friday. "Some even had paw gloves. I wasn't sure what to make of it at first."

Find out more through the article link.

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Main Takeaway From VP Debate: I'm Moving the Fuck to Minnesota

In between moments of thinking "Holy shit, is this an actual debate?" and "Holy shit, this is supposed to be a debate," there was a secret third thought in the minds of many Americans Tuesday night: I've gotta skip town and move to Minnesota.

Find out more through the linked article.

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Really? We All Know Why You're Buying A Goddamn Pumpkin

MUNCIE, IN -- You're not being slick. We see you in line at Walmart with your pumpkin and a carver. The shyness you carry on your face tells us you know the consequences of your actions, the taboo nature of it, and still want to follow through with it. You don't even have the gall to face an actual cashier. You're standing in the self-checkout line.

I don't consider myself that much of a purist, but this is sick. Disturbed. I see the posts about it, the inside jokes, the overall general acceptance--and even encouragement--of it, but I'm here to stand against it. I say no more.

Find out more through the linked article.

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Newly Trans Person Not Valid Because I Did It First (It’s Definitely Not A Race Thing)

Find out more through the linked article.

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Woke Watch: 'I Saw the TV Glow' Completely Woke-Free

Hey, Woke Watch Warriors, welcome back to another edition of everyone's favorite article series: Woke Watch. Last night, I watched I Saw the TV Glow, and I'll be honest team, I think Hollywoke finally got a horror movie right. The movie is certifiably Not Woke™.

Find out more through the linked article.

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Gender Euphoria: Snapchat Releases Another Trash Anime Girl Filter

Once again proving that they dominate the pre-medical transition world for many women, Snapchat has released another shitty "anime" filter that gets those happy little chemicals flowing.

"We churn these out once or twice a month with very little changes each time, and they eat it up," one of the board heads at Snapchat said Tuesday. "We have one guy dedicated to the filter on the floor. When he screams like his flesh is melting, we know he's about ready for quality assurance testing."

Find out more through the article link.

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Ally Does Everything Possible To Avoid Using Neopronouns

When replying to one of her mutuals’ posts this morning, Sally, a local ally intent on using the proper pronouns, was put in an awful position when she realized the person used xe/xir neopronouns.

“It was the most difficult sentence I’ve ever had to craft, and it sounded a little unnatural, but I made it work without needing to use her—sorry, not her… use the pronouns that the person had in her bio.”

Find out more through the linked article.

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Entwined Lesbians Can't Take the Hint

As two lesbians fervently replied to each others' posts, it became more and more obvious that neither of them could take the hint.

Onlookers watched in painful silence as the two of them danced around calling each other cute or longing for the other.

"It's very hard for people to like me," one of them said in a subtweet about forty messages long. "I'm not a very attractive person. But she... she is."

"Oh, no," I never make the first move," the other said, when asked about the person she was vagueposting about. "I'm not even sure if she likes me."

Find out more through the article link.

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Bi Person Glad To Get Eight Hours of Positive Discourse Before Assholes Ruin It

Bi people across the world woke up panicked today to waves of mentions about bisexuality on social media, before realizing that it was finally positive messaging. At least, for a moment.

Today is Bi Visibility Day, which, much like the purge, is the only period of time where bisexuals are allowed to do anything without being ripped to shreds by the larger queer community.

"I love Bi Visibility Day," Markus, 27, said to the Post-Gender Post. "I can make a post about the people I love and have a slightly smaller chance of being hate-crimed for it."

Find out more through the article link.

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Fact Check: Can Trans Women Get Pregnant?

Another day, another disappointment for the new modern couple, as millions of trans women across the world have tried--and failed--to get pregnant. Is it all for naught?

One scientist in the Department of Embryology at the University of Phoenix seems to offer some hope for trans women everywhere.

"Yes," Dr. Manovich, the lead researcher in the studies happening at the university, said, "we are seeing that more and more, trans women are [getting pregnant]. It's an exciting time for society."

Find out more through the link.

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Finally, Honesty: Nonbinary Person Reveals They Were Assigned Eldritch God at Birth

FIFTH CIRCLE OF HELL, MI — We got one, y’all. We finally fucking got one.

I knew there was something up about those gender non-conforming nerds. How can you simply reject the concept of a binary gender system, claiming to not associate with one side or the other? No, I knew something was up, as did many of you.

It’s why I’ve taken to commenting on every post made by a nonbinary person asking what their assigned gender at birth was. In order to contextualize who they truly are in my mind and make their claim of being nonbinary less confusing, I have to know all of their private life information–especially their original gender.

Find out more in the linked article.