ramblings-and-notions

[ramblings-and-notions]

Why I Can't Brush My Teeth

They say people with ADHD are always so forgetful.

And I can forget something more times in a single morning than you can in a day.

So it’s not the initial forgetting, but the remembering and then getting distracted and completely losing my train of thought. Not being able to focus on what I’m currently doing while also thinking about what I need to be doing in the future, even in a few moments’ time.

For instance, this morning, like every morning, I needed to brush my teeth.

But I didn’t wake up, get out of bed, and then go brush them. Because I forgot.

I woke up, and watched videos for an indistinct amount of time. Maybe an hour or two.

Then I got up to go to the bathroom. And I saw my toothbrush sitting there, and I thought about brushing my teeth.

But I was eating a chocolate bar for breakfast, so I thought I should finish that first, and then brush out the leftover, acidic sugary taste of it.

So I finished the chocolate bar. And then forgot to brush my teeth.

Later, I got a reminder on my phone. “Remember: Brush my teeth in the AM.”

I thought, “oh, right, I was going to do that.” And I got up to do it. But my hands were sticky from the chocolate, and it was leaving smudges on my phone screen.

So I went into the bathroom, gave my hands a thorough wash. And then I left. Forgetting to brush my teeth. Again.

At around 10:30 am, I wanted to make sure I had time left in the morning to brush my teeth. I have an app that rewards me for not forgetting, the same app that reminded me once already to brush my teeth in the AM.

Luckily, it was still the AM. Unluckily, I was invested in the video I was watching and didn’t want to pause it.

No problem. I take my computer in the bathroom with the intention of putting it down somewhere so I can watch while I brush my teeth.

New problem. As soon as I step into the bathroom I realize I need to go again. 

(I’d forgotten to pay attention to my body’s cues for the last hour. How does that happen? Reread this document when you’re finished with the first pass.)

So I did. And I forgot. And I left.

I wanted to share the video with my friends. We ended up getting in a tangential debate about a subject of morality until it was nearly noon.

I was no longer interested in the video, my mood spoiled.

So I figured it was time to get to work (which means my medication finally kicked in.)

And I opened up my gradebook. And I checked my grades. And I checked my email.

And I wondered where the summer homework was. And I wondered if I should start the summer homework now, or tomorrow.

And I wondered if I should prioritize my project award over the summer homework today. Which one is more time sensitive?

And I wondered if I should more thoroughly read the emails from my boss that I’d been neglecting. Would that be more arduous than figuring out the next steps in my project planning? Then finding the link to the summer homework? 

(I know as soon as I look at the summer homework, I will be bogged down by the weight of it and it will be that much harder to do anything until I can break it down into smaller pieces. Into manageable chunks that can be focused on individually.)

And then I realized I was too hot. I was sweaty. Even with the air conditioning blasting overhead. I was overheating, and I had been for a while.

(I’d forgotten to listen to my body’s signals. Again.)

So I stood up and took off my jumper. I stretched. I looked around my messy room.

Too many things were out of order. Which one takes priority?

Which one was the most important? Which one will cost less points?

I only have a certain budget per day, afterall, before a breakdown.

But everything is twice as expensive for me. It always has been.

And in the back of my mind there was something I was forgetting.

Something I had been meaning to do all morning. A morning goal. My one and only goal for that morning.

Was it even morning by now? Had I wasted the whole first half of the day yet again?

I check my watch. 11:26 AM.

Brush my teeth in the AM.

I remembered what I was supposed to be doing. What I was supposed to be doing hours ago.

I went to the bathroom, intent on brushing my teeth so I can be rewarded.

Maybe then I’ll have a good, productive day. Get off on the right foot.

Except my toothbrush was missing from the cup. 

It was still in my travel bag. I had yet to unpack.

I retrieved it. Brushed my teeth. Put the deodorant away. Wondered how much better my morning would have been if I could be one of those people.

One of those people who get out of bed, brush their teeth, and go about their day.

So if I go to school with bad breath, then I’m sorry. I forgot.

And I couldn’t wait around at home all day to find the time to remember.