raypowellapologist

[raypowellapologist]

i have been slamming my head against my shoulder at mach 5 for the past two days. Both are super sore from shrugging every time i jerk. I find that if i replace the shoulder thing with shaking my head and making noise i avoid pain. My head is about to explode from constantly whipping it side to side

I prolly need some magnesium. Took some today and the jerks seemed to get a tiny bit better, but if i resist while im relaxed i get a full body jerk. Sometimes if my hands aren’t by my side or gripping something, they will absolutely get thrown

[raypowellapologist]

Was anyone else’s parents weirdly against them existing? I wasn’t allowed to decorate my room in any way, shape, or form until my dad died.

No painting it from the horrid whitey-yellow, because i would be “going to college soon” (i was 7).

Couldn’t have posters up, no reason besides he said so.

I only had one drawing on my wall for the entirety of my life and that’s because i taped it on the wall parallel to the door so nobody could see.

I never got furniture beyond dresser and bed. I had a chair my mom bought but my brothers broke it so obviously i never deserved another one. There was an exercise ball (that i bought) but it deflated and i never got another.

I also had to have specific hairstyles. No long hair, no straight hair, no added hair to braids, no hairdye, no haircuts, i had to either have it braided, twisted, or in a ponytail. I could not wear pigtails, he tolerated my box braids.

no makeup or nail polish (even the fake shit). Even as a teenager

No perfume or scented products beyond soap (certain lotions were pushing it).

Not allowed to go out with friends, even to public places unless my brothers went (they never did).

Anyways, i’m about to schedule a psychiatric evaluation, wish me luck!

[raypowellapologist]

i have to stop vaping because it’s impacting the quality of my goon sesh and i have absolutely no one i can talk to this about

[raypowellapologist]

okay hear me out, hatsune miku fans.

So you know how people call IBM 7094 her grandfather? Well IBM didn’t sing on his own, he had a little help.

The song “Bicycle for two” was programmed by physicist John Kelly Jr. and Carol Lockbaum in 1961. 7094 ran a program called ‘MUSIC’, which i declare is Hatsune miku’s grandma. Developed by Bell labs, they employed the help of Max Matthews who had created ‘MUSIC’.

Matthews hooked his violin up to his own IBM704 in 1951, and thus the pioneer of music was the first to transfer live music for computer synthesis, and to have it play back.

I say that MUSIC and IBM 7094 are happily in love, singing their 30 minute long duet until their grandbabies can stop by and chat

[raypowellapologist]

i think i’m at the age where i might enjoy the cowboy romances sold in Meijers right next to self published cooking books and minecraft guides

[raypowellapologist]

i want a friend i don’t have to hide around, it’s getting exhausting to mask

[raypowellapologist]

i can literally say anything ever. wow

[raypowellapologist]

i wish i wasn’t social media shy or id be in everyones notifications. i’m scared to be put on blast for tumblr etiquette i don’t know 😕

[raypowellapologist]

also i have a black cherry geek bar on 99% juice if anyone needs an extra incentive

[raypowellapologist]

forgot tumblr was a thing hihihi!

i’m not very mentally stable right now and would love some internet friends who also aren’t having that good of a time and would like company. You don’t have to talk, just one message is fine.

it doesn’t have to be every day either, as long as we can connect for a little bit but I need somebody and there’s someone for everyone.

[raypowellapologist]

. I want a hug so bad but don’t touch me, ion like that

[raypowellapologist]

i think i have brain damage. Now how can i seriously suggest that to a bunch of people who will probably think otherwise?

[raypowellapologist]

I don’t remember posting this

let’s see what’s in them drawls nigga‼️

[raypowellapologist]

Dandy: a subcategory of butch with a foppish presentation - the version of masculinity they embody is more ‘metrosexual’ or even like that of a gay man

[raypowellapologist]

i want to sit in the dark with her so she doesn’t have to see the shame of me begging her to touch me, explore my body and tell me if she likes what she feels. but it’s past my bed time soooo

[raypowellapologist]

what it’s like confessing something in your “just say it” group (i told them i saw a photo of an army man in a thong and i only knew it was a thong cause i had the same one, just in blue. ((MUCH more personal and egregious things have been said)), i will never live this down)

[raypowellapologist]

if i ever die, don’t talk about my personality or contributions to our community. Talk about how often i thought about this image