robertcanvas

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love

you are wrong! 'love' is an invented product so people like you could break the hearts of people like me and people like me would write songs about people like you!

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Našim generacijama fali malo više ljubavi, originalnosti i dobre muzike.

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o anonim mesajı atan zavallı, nasıl hastalıklı bir amacın var bilmiyorum ama onların hepsini ona ben aldım(sen bunu zaten biliyor olmalısın). kendini böyle acınası ��abaların içerisine düşürmek zorunda kalmayabilirdi. oradan belki kazanacağı üç beş kuruşla da sana kına alır artık ;)

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(Beatful Lizards)

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osam

we are all on lsd and shota is driving his car. there is shota, tornike, lika and me in the car. shota is rich, careless adn devilishly handsome. lika is young, pretty and much less innocent than she looks. tornike is a self taught artist. that’s how he calls himself and he talks way too much. he keeps describing what he finds sexy and apparently he thinks whatever he finds sexy is less useful than similar products. he even gave examples such as, boots, leather jackets and lingerie. i tend to keep my silence at times like these and the lights we are passing by look mind glowingly ecstatic. but tornike needs confirmation about every stupid thing he said, right after he laughed briefly. lika puts her earphone on when he starts talking and shota literally doesn’t give a shit about anything. so it’s my job to pay attention. beside all that he is a nice guy. and yes, he also is a coward. he kept complaining about the way shota is driving and when i said “come on man! we are listening the stone roses, we are on lsd and we are on the road, doesn’t matter how terrible he drives at the moment. just enjoy it! and i promise, you won’t die tonight!” he was shocked and he didn’t even question why i didn’t say “we” instead of “you”. he got all high pitch and said “how could you possible know that?” i kept staring out the window and answered “because… you love this fucking life way too much to die” 

 so, it’s been six months and pretty much similar things happened. except a few amazing nights. to put you up to speed, i can sum up. i really can’t go in detail right now. the owner of the bar, maya, she introduced me to many people. some of them were really cool. i’ve got my connection to sex, drugs, rock’n’roll, thanks to her. so far, i killed a dealer, robbed an art gallery, fucked lots of girls and made enough reputation for my carelessness therefore i started traveling with this theatre group. they play this idiotic but sexy play in almost every town and i am recording and editing videos for them. they don’t pay me much but it helps me to get bored less. -and yeah, i didn’t kill the dealer on purpose, it was an accident but who cares, nobody found out but the robbery was planned and totally justified-

***

in the next town, i’ll stay with a girl from my old town. it will be my first connection with my past since i came to georgia. she is rich and surprisingly cool. she is a lawyer or something like that. for some reason i don’t recall, we never hooked up. she was more like an older sister to me and i enjoyed it. maybe i mentioned her before. can’t really say. i am higher than my dreams right now. so… she said she has a surprise for me. i hope its the book i ordered long time ago, or a t-shirt that she thought i would love. can’t really allow myself to emotional surprises at the moment. haven’t told anyone out loud yet but i am still aching and missing suzanna. i cannot even rationalise why i didn’t go with her. seemed like the right thing to do at that time. what is right anyway. 

***

shota pulled over and said he needs some sleep. lika asked if i’d like to take a walk. i accepted. tornike shouted “you dog” once we left. lika made a pitiful face. then she wanted to talk about leaving the play and moving to russia. she was young and tired of going nowhere. she foolishly needed my advice. i made it clear that i am not the one for advice but she insisted. so i said “i don’t believe you one bit when you say you are tired but you should go. because you think you deserve more and you are right. just don’t be shy to say so. you are talented but not so much. so don’t ever think that you can make it with your talent. it takes much more than that. you are pretty so you are luckier but again it will take lots of effort and lots of terrible people to go where you want to be and when you reach there, it won’t give you the satisfaction you think it would. only upside is it will keep you busy till you reach there and you won’t feel like you are going nowhere, except it will pop out in your head all the time. and these guys… they are real. its so rare. you can’t even begin to imagine. believe me. enjoy your time with them and leave as you wish. they will always take you back, if you ever want to come back. they have that stupid innocence in them.” she smiled. i could see the hope in her eyes. wondered if i ever look like that anymore. i told her that i’ll go in the coffeehouse and find an old guy to listen some falsely heroic war stories…

�

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sedam

“Hi! İ am Robert! You can call me Rob, Bob or whatever you like. Except Bobby! I was raised by my mom and by my mom only. She says my dad overdosed in an illegal underground bar in Brussels. I used to buy it. I never met him. He was a poet, guitarist and farmer. Again, mom’s words. She is a chronic liar, so… but she has great taste in music and great collection of vinyl. She rejected Kurt Cobain in high school. Only thing makes that story possible is; she is from Seattle. Anyway, I’d like to be a dj at your bar or a bartender. Or both if you need me to. I need money and this seems like a cool place. And don’t worry, I don’t drink much.”

He kept smiling. Oh yeah, I’m in Georgia. She, Suzanna, went to Argentina and I came to Batumi. I entered this bar to see if I can find some drugs and decided to apply for a job. The guy, owner, seems high. I think this could be great place for me to work. I can make a little money, to gamble later to try to make big money and I can meet lots of people. By people, I mean girls. I need them.

“I know I talk much and mostly about unnecessary details but that can be a good thing for a bartender, no? and I can prove that I am a good dj tonight. I can play for free and you’ll see how good I am. Would that work?”

He is still smiling and it’s becoming annoying. He probably is a very cagey guy.

“or would you prefer me to make you a drink first? I’ve travelled a lot and I’ve learnt a lot of different drinks. Would you like something bitter or sweet? Strong or light? Ok, I’ll make you my special and you’ll love it!”

I went behind the bar and started checking what they have and what can I do to impress this non-speaking, smiling owner of this place. I bended over to see what’s underneath and I felt and heard a spank on my ass. When I turned back, I’ve seen a gorgeous redhead with a  questioning look.

“I’m sorry but what are you doing?”

She replied with the same question and I was happy to find someone who talks. That guy could make me talk about everything with his silence.

“I’m gonna make a great drink for the owner and prove how great I would be as a bartender, here”

And she started smiling “I am the owner of this place. The one you pointed is my husband and he doesn’t speak any English. Make two drinks since you are already messing up my bar. But you won’t be a bartender here.” She walked away a bit while I was watching her behind. That was as mesmerizing as her face. She turned and said “stop staring at me and clean up once you are done. You can have one for yourself”

I made the drinks and served to the owner and her non-speaking husband. She invited me to table and told what happened to her husband in Georgian. They were both laughing and I wasn’t embarrassed at all. I asked if the drinks were good and she insisted on not hiring me. She also said that I am welcome there whenever I want but she can’t hire a foreigner to work for her. Legally, she would be in trouble. Then I asked a legally more troubling question “where can I find drugs?”

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"you'll be a bitch, because you can"

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I’ll die if I lose you, but I’ll die if I wait. — Jean Racine, French dramatist (1639-1699)

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it's never enough!

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Interviewer: “How would you describe Dave Grohl?” Kurt Cobain: “Dave is in really good shape although he smokes two packs of cigarettes a day.” Interviewer: “Krist Novoselic?” Kurt Cobain: “Krist is the horror of the stars. He has no shame whatsoever in carousing with the likes of Winona Ryder and Johnny Depp.” Interviewer: “And Kurt Cobain?” Kurt Cobain: “Fuck him, he complains too much.”

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