sammys-blinking-and-thinking

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

running

running is great for many things

endorphins, exercise, relaxation

getting away

going and going so nothing catches up with you

but eventually it will find you again

the warmth spreading through your body after the first sip

the feeling of accomplishment after skipping a meal

it all comes rushing back into your life like a flood after a hurricane

you can think you're out but really you just ran through the eye of the storm

running is great

but at some point you're bound to get tired

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

the dream you never had

Life is a funny thing as humans were forced to feel. love, sadness, happiness, pleasure, discomfort, pain, hate, selfishness, selflessness, and so much more we are accustomed to feeling what if one day it was ripped away from you what if one day you wake up you see yourself as normal only this time its not in a mirror this time you're floating above yourself watching your own life like its a fucking movie you have no control your thoughts aren't yours your actions aren't controllable and in your mind they have no consequences your stuck in a life that's not yours living some fucked up dream you never had

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

Fuck me for letting myself love you

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

Take the hands off your head

You’re drowning yourself

Thats what he told me

You’re own hand is holding your head under

Everyone else’s hands stacked on top

Take the hands off your head

But to do that seems to drown them instead

Like they were using me to keep afloat, without me there to stabilize them they’ll drown

Is it worth it?

Letting someone I love more than anything else in this word drown?

Maybe a little water in my lungs is worth it to save them

Or maybe I should stop letting myself down

Maybe I should let myself live

Because to love is to let go

I love them

Its time to let go.

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

you held me. I held you.

to write a poem, it takes one.

to let go, it takes two.

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

the vine

One single vine

That’s all it takes

One vine to tangle up

Removing your ability to speak

Wrapping around every part of you

Numbing you

Pinching, pulling

Your stuck and you can’t feel much

The one thing you can consistently feel is pain

The pain of the vine stretching itself out over your delicate skin

You can’t manage to escape

You pray someone will one day walk past with clippers

To free you 

To save you

but you know deep down the vine is too thick to be cut

and you can’t be saved

your stuck here

because of one single vine

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

“Love isn’t about grand gestures, or the moon and the stars. It’s just dumb luck” -Otis Milburn, Sex Education

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

heartbreak

People say your first heartbreak is always the hardest.

for me, they each get worse

a constant cycle of getting attached and being abandoned

over

and over

and over

when will i start being lovable again?

when will things go the way i need them to for once

when will someone come along and finally fix what they didn’t break

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

trust

I trusted you

wholeheartedly

I gave you my hand and you reached out and slowly broke each finger

i want things to go back to how they were

all pieces and parts still intact

but it can never be like that again

Because we waited too long

and our bones have been broken too many times

For them to ever heal back

You should never trust when the same person that broke you,

says they can heal you

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

drowning

You left me at my lowest

yet I pick you back up from yours

you always say we would drown together

but it feels as though I’m your chore

i gave you my my floaty and you took it with grace

but never offered to share 

when you saw the look on my face

i constantly try to fix it

but I know we can’t be saved

because deep down I know you don’t care for me

and I can no longer numb the pain

—

—

this is just experimental because I don’t normally write in this style. Idk if its good or not but yk

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

I only really exist in the perception of those who believe in my existence --

There is no, "think, therefore --"

I simply believe that I exist, and so I do.

So, when you all forget, and when I stop believing in my ability, in my right, to touch and think and feel --

when I'm so alone that I'm no longer sure, that anyone else can see me?

I will disappear, then, completely.

V. Rue, 2025.

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

"I wasn't an option but rather a friend. But I guess that's since changed...... fuck you. I love you" -myself

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

vent - 1/24/25

im going to try to make this as poetic as i can however its more of a vent because people drive me insane

-

You're going through things

So am I.

You feel like you don't have a purpose

Neither do I.

You're sick of doing the same things over and over again

So am I.

But you never want to hear what I have to say right?

Is it because I'm young?

Maybe more mature than you?

Because I think things through before I dive in head first?

In your presence I feel like I don't have a voice.

Air so thick it absorbs the sound before you feel like hearing it.

Being in a position of power over me makes you seem to think that you can control me and not take your own advice.

But I guess none of this is new

You're a man

And I'm a minority

So I guess this is simply how it will always feel

-

I'm gunna be more creative with my wording later and maybe rewrite this into actual poetry.

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

💙

Even though I fell in love with someone new, you still have a permanent home in my heart. I still haven't deleted the playlist of every song you showed me. I still wear your clothes to bring me comfort. You're still the first person I reach out to when I need help. You never loved me back but i loved you enough for the both of us and more. And I wish i could tell you all of this but you've moved on too. And I'm so proud of you for it. Thank you for being my best friend, my rock, and the boy i will never forget

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

i am this writers biggest fan tbh its heartbreakingly beautiful

unjustful love

we're all wrongful in our own ways

wether to ourselves or others

you say i was everything, then switch up

unjust.

you say i was the only women you ever wanted, then run and hide from me every passing second

unjust again.

you light a cig, to shelter yourself from the coldness of the rain

but we both know how much you love it

the sound of rain, the personal warmth and comfort the cold brings with it

so why alter yourself like that?

make something of yourself that you're not?

all for what?

you ruined yourself and ruined me with you

like a dominos trail

and i followed behind like an idiot

because to love is to change, right?

unjust once again.

[sammys-blinking-and-thinking]

the edge

living life on the edge is fun until you go too close

cant move anymore or youll fall

one wrong step and the ground will crumble underneath you

youll lose everything youve worked for

youre stuck.

you cant move

the fear of failure is too much.

ive fucked my life up a ton

ive dug a hole far too deep for me to climb out of

the only thing i can think of to do is keep digging.

act like i enjoy digging so deep

in reality the only thing i can think about is the burning in my arms every time i move the shovel

the weakness.. hunger

i do whatever i can to distract myself from it

i blast music until my ears bleed

i look for fossils in the dirt remains of the hole

but in the back of my mind i know what im doing is only making it worse.

but i keep going reguardless.

because i dont want to fall off of

the edge