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watching steven universe is the polar opposite of eating pussy

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Are you an ABBA gay, The Smiths gay, a Backstreet Boys gay, or a Britney Spears gay?

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Listen just fucking listen to me, hearing Take on me by a-ha is such a fucking trip I swear to god I have an out of body experience every time that song comes on. When the beat kicks on and you hear that “tr-r-r-ring~!” you can see it in my eyes that I know I am fucked for the next 3 minutes and 47 seconds. My limbs start grooving one by one under a control that is not mine. The synth starts playing and I’m done, I’m gone, I am the whitest person on the dancefloor, I am Regan from the exorcist, I am squidward from those gifsets, I am every person in a harlem shake video. My body moves on it’s own accord producing a disgusting and liminal performance that is an insult to God Himself. This is my fate and I embrace it. Finally, the beat dissolves and I am free. I collapse to the floor and revel in an afterglow that transcends anything I can comprehend while the synth slowly fades out.

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what does it mean.

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hey!! hey!! hey!! 

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fml fml fml fml i am sooooooo apathetic like literally what is the point of being alive at this point looooolllll?

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BLINCOW IS SAD AND HE STILL CHECKS IN ON YOU BECAUSE HES THE GENUINE LIGHT OF MY LIFE 

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Kinda wanna be dead kinda want to be dead

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wingull becomes exponentially better when you remove the wings

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Can the art hoe side of tumblr please stop romanticising Vincent Van Gogh’s suicide attempt? Gogh ate paint because he knew it was toxic. He didn’t do it because yellow was a pretty, happy colour and he didn’t think eating it would make him ‘happy inside’. He did it because he wanted to die. The medical notes of Dr Peyron, Vincent’s physician, reveal that Vincent wanted to poison himself by eating paint, which is why he wasn’t allowed into his studio while suffering from an attack. Can we stop with the ‘find your yellow paint!!!!!!’. Suicide isn’t pretty. Mental illnesses aren’t beautiful. Depression isn’t to be sought after. Stop romanticising.

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7/4/2017

Last night was really fun? You went to the rep show with the class and it was kinda amazing So there was Ellie, Sheriden, Abby, carolyn, Kate, gabbie, Jacob, Ambrose and Matt. Jacob gave us a lift to and back in his tiny little baby car and bless his soul he's actually a genuine sweetheart. But you laughed so hard you actually hurt yourself last night bc Gertie (mr class) was actually hilarious. Blincow was there. So was Adams and boyes. It was really good :) you were happy

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I'm literally so suicidal kids

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I’m honestly getting tired of the “posting” culture that I see on this site

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why i stopped identifying as ace

i know, I just recreated my blog and now I’m talking about Things. 

look, no one is arguing that asexuality is a real thing.  in fact, I used to call myself ace too.  I had an ace flag background, I had an ace ring – all of it. 

and you know what? nothing about my attraction has changed since then. even though I dropped the asexual label, I’d still be a firm member of the community if I decided to call myself ace. 

but I don’t. and i never will again. and here’s why: 

y’all are homophobes.

yes, you’ve heard it before! but now it’s coming from an asexual who felt so alienated and embarrassed by your actions that she will never come near your community anymore. 

you take tragedies, murders, and violent acts against sga people and turn them into some kind of oppression contest against you. you make everything about yourself, constantly.  you talk about sex more than any quote-unquote “allosexual” I’ve ever met.

you make posts about how an std-plague would be so cool because only aces would survive.  you take valid criticisms of your garbage behavior and cry “aphobes!” and put your fingers in your ears.

newsflash: you’re not oppressed because you don’t want sex.  yes, sexual situations may make you more uncomfortable than others, and finding a compatible partner might be rough, but those aren’t systematic.  

when I told my mom I was ace, she said “you haven’t met the right person.” rude, yes, but pretty normal for a mom response.

when I told my mom I liked girls, she sent me to conversion therapy and told me if it didn’t stop, I had to leave.

you see the difference? let’s be real: probably not.  you’ll probably tell me I’m either lying or generalizing.  but I want you to know this: you are the reason I don’t feel safe in the “ace community,” and you are the reason no one wants you in our safe spaces.  leave us alone.

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4/4/17

This week has been so wild tho??? This is now my personal diary bc fucj you idk Okay so going back. Thursday the 23rd of march you started your period and you were in a bad mood and blincow was like 'what's wrong' but nothing really was wrong but you're a whore for attention so you just kept shrugging it off and he sat across from you and he said to go see Lockwood but what can you say? What can you say? Fucking nothing babe. Nothing at all So you write him a note and it said 'you can't talk about things if you don't know what's wrong' bc you're both depressed but also ridiculously edgy. Bless your soul. Anyway so we talk to blinks and he's kinda still the best thing in your life honestly? He drew frowns faces but he also has a fundamental misunderstanding of mental illness WE'LL COME BACK TO THAT anyway he tore off the sheet and fucking held onto it which was the worst So we leave and then we get to mums work and she's like 'oh the school called. Something happened in science?' And you completely lie about it bc you're a whore but Lockwood wants to see you in the morning. Great. Amazing So you stress the fuck out and like actually probably get the closest to suicide you've ever gotten (I mean, at least in a while. ) and you sleep a total of three hours and just lie there thinking about how easy it would probably be but it's also the night before your ball so Anyway so you try to avoid seeing Lockwood and you try your best but blincow goes 'I think mrs Lockwood was looking for yoh for some reason?' And you're like bitch fuck you you know why she's looking for me like honestly man. What the fuck' so she tells you how scared she was for you. How she thinks you were going to kill yourself and you know she isn't wrong and you can't fucking stop shaking? So she hugs you really tight and then gives you the schools number and says if anything happens while you're setting up for the ball to call her. She'll come pick you up Nothing happens bc you soldier on like a legend and you get back and blincow comes over and he's talking to you and you wuss out and don't tell him to thank Lockwood or even really thank him so that was fucjing rude Anyway the ball sucks. It's just fucking bad. Afterball also sucks. What's the point You go home and then you go to pack up and then the weekend just fucking goes who knows Oh yeah so Lockwood called Mum again on Friday and said that she wanted to see you again on Monday so you see her in the morning and blincow is there and it nearly makes you die and she takes off the whole second period and it's terrifying. So you go with her and she sits with you and it's actually terrifying. There is nothing like telling someone that you want to die. There is not a word to describe that fucjing feeling and it still really fucjing hurts to think about oh my god. It's so scary admitting it. So anyway she says that we have to talk to burville so you do and she says that she can see that you're on the verge of giving up and it's so true. So fucjing true. Anyway so Mum gets called in for Tuesday and it's literally so scary and idk. I don't want to feel like that ever again fucking hell. Lockwood steals me from hbio and she sits me down and says 'letting you know that Mum is very upset ect' and I'm like. Fuck. I want to die like literally I would have rather died than have walked into that room for fucks sake. So anyway we're walking away and mr blincow intercepts us and he's like 'did I miss something' and I say no but Lockwood says yes and as I'm walking away blincow says 'keep being amazing' which is honestly. Idk. He's sweet and I just. Whatever. Bless him So anyway Mum and I sit there and cry and it's still a very hard feeling to look back on and it makes me feel unbelievably sick and ill and bleh. Anyways whatever that happened and it feels awful still and very raw and I don't want to remember it but anyway So anyway yeah. Cool. Amazing. Life's weird and strange and i just want to sit here and cry again but I won't. So anyway that's great I didn't kill myself So anyway life goes pretty weirdly after this it's all very quick and strange and I still don't know idk it's fine whatever OH YEAH so I emailed blincow bc I'm fucjing stupid and I waited for a reply but he doesn't so I'm like okay. Shame. Anyway he fucking called me and was chatting to me and honestly bless his soul like I literally. Bless him it was kinda awkward but it was cute. On Monday he asked me if I got it and I said yes and I just wanted to talk to him for forever bc I love him Soooo anyway yesterday (third of April maybe) I'm talking to holdsworth and I said that the assignment I was going to hand in was awful and he said that if it was an 80 I'd probably cut myself and like. Idk. It was funny bc it was holdsworth but it's pretty raw I guess? So I laughed but it sorta hurt. Anyway I'm walking through the corridor and he said 'are you going anywhere' and I'm like yeah and I try to avoid him bc I didn't understand and he was like 'I want to talk to you' and I was like? Okay sure. And he was like 'I've been told by someone that you've been struggling lately' which is true and he was like 'and I made a joke this morning that probably upset you' and I was like honestly it's fine I'm not offended and he told me that it made him feel bad which I mean. Is sweet like honestly he's absolute dad goals. So anyway he's like saying how sorry he is and I was like it's fine you didn't mean it. And then he was like 'you know if you need someone you have me to talk to. Bc it's very isolating bc you don't want to talk to your parents' which is so true and he's like 'I went through this bc I was 21 and made the call and had to tell my parents I was going to kill myself' and it makes me so sad. He was like 'I was getting good grades, I was making people laugh, and I was literally trying to take my own life' and I told him that it was very similar to how I'm feeling atm and honestly. Like he's just the best and he was like 'I see a lot of myself in you. You're amazing' and it made me wanna cry he's just the best So anyway yeah here we are and the sport carnival is tomorrow which means I'll hopefully get some sweet validation and I won't kill myself god bless Goodnight my love