smolaltgurl

[smolaltgurl]

i'm trying so hard to live a life worth living. but i can't feel it. i don't belong. i won't ever belong. i feel suicidal again, only this time it's worse. because i've created a surrounding where such feelings shouldn't come up. yet they still do. i don't have any energy left. i just want to fade away slowly with no one noticing.

[smolaltgurl]

feeling bad 'cause of my binge attacks but at least i'm not eating animals

[smolaltgurl]

my life couldn't be more perfect, yet i still feel like ending it

[smolaltgurl]

i'm dating the love of my life and suddenly life is worth living

[smolaltgurl]

it's the first time I genuinely feel love and not obsession or yearning disguised as deep affection

[smolaltgurl]

falling in love again but i'm so frightened

[smolaltgurl]

Always helping others but if i need help, everyone gets distant.

[smolaltgurl]

why does my bpd have to come with a fucking ed? as if being constantly overwhelmed by your feelings isn‘t enough!

[smolaltgurl]

BPD culture is not knowing how to cut off toxic people from your life because you'd rather be constantly hurt and upset than lose anyone else, even if they're not the best people.

— 🍓

.

[smolaltgurl]

it‘s a cycle i don‘t want to repeat

i don't wanna be alone anymore, but i don't wanna interact with people and be hurt again. i don't wanna hurt anyone either, and i don't want more people to hate me. what the fuck am i supposed to do? i really wanna kms rn

[smolaltgurl]

repeat after me you guys, BPD culture is working to understand your emotions and handle them in a healthy way instead of trying to hide them or push them down. BPD culture is using communication to have healthy relationships and flourishing friendships. BPD culture is taking accountability for your mistakes and learning how to fix them. BPD culture is working to feel more comfortable with asking for help/using support systems. BPD culture is recognizing that you are not a bad person because of your disorder and that you deserve to be happy and live a happy and fulfilling life. BPD culture is knowing that we are not alone, and that we do not have to suffer forever. BPD culture is never giving up hope. We can do it you guys, I promise you we can.

<3!!! /p

[smolaltgurl]

bpd with a drifting fp culture is knowing you've always been too much to handle and simultaneously not enough to love, but still clinging on to every little sliver of hope that maybe this one won't leave if you do something right for once maybe they won't push you away and drop you like all the others you got deathly attached to before, if only you can stop being so intense, if only you could be Normal

.

[smolaltgurl]

i had a dream of him being with someone else and woke up wanting to sh

bpd culture is thinking you're finally okay with your fp being with someone else, you're happy for them, you're probably not even in love with them anymore.

and then you *see* them being with someone else.

.

[smolaltgurl]

Bpd culture is absolutely losing your mind after going no contact with your fp. You become even more obsessed, to the point where all of your thoughts 24/7 are somehow related to that person. And bpd culture is also knowing how wrong and unhelathy this is, but not being able to change the course of your own thoughts, so you just silently sit and watch yourself fall apart.

.

[smolaltgurl]

"Wow, you're so self-aware! It takes most people years of therapy and dedication to get to that point." Thanks, I constantly feel completely disconnected from my physical being and the material sensation of my body, brain, and spirit/soul is so overwhelming that I often have to see myself as an objective third-party instead of an integrated entity. Father son holy spirit and all that.

[smolaltgurl]

girlhood is lying about being in a relationship to a guy way older than you

[smolaltgurl]

when he doesn’t have social media so you have to look at pictures on his linkedIn