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Pages from Bruce’s Nightly Field Journal

• ENTRY 3912 – TIME: 03:48 A.M. “Saw Joker. Ignored him. Not worth it tonight. He yelled something about taxes. Will deal with it Monday.”

• “Jason intercepted a robbery with no coordination. Effective. Reckless. Shirtless, for some reason.” Note to self: Reinforce roof of East End pharmacy. And maybe his sense of restraint.

• “Tim passed out at the terminal. Again. I covered him with the emergency poncho. He mumbled something about Gotham’s municipal budget.” Note: Check his caffeine levels. Possibly an intervention.

• “Damian caught a pickpocket and gave them a ten-minute lecture on personal discipline. Suspect returned the wallet and cried.” Conclusion: Proud. Deeply concerned.

• “Alfred asked if I’m sleeping. I told him yes. I am not. I will continue not sleeping until I solve this.” Parenthetical note added later: “Unclear what ‘this’ is.”

• “Saw Catwoman. No words exchanged. She winked. I tripped over a railing. No one saw.” Note to self: Delete footage. Immediately.

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Things Bruce Has Banned in the Batcave

• BANNED: Glitter Reason: Stephanie weaponized it. The Batmobile still sparkles in certain lighting. Bruce’s Comment: “Stealth is not optional.”

• BANNED: Sword fights for “fun” Reason: Damian challenged Tim. Tim accepted. Jason filmed it. Alfred left the building. Incident Report Filed: Yes.

• BANNED: Saying “I bet you won’t” on patrol Reason: Jason. Rooftop backflip. Hospital visit. Note: He did land it. Broke a bench. Worth it? Unknown.

• BANNED: Ordering takeout to the Batcave Reason: One (1) delivery driver now believes the cave is a high-budget haunted house. Has a podcast about it. Lucius’s Note: “They tagged WayneTech on Instagram.”

• BANNED: Tim plugging anything into the Batcomputer without permission Reason: He tried to charge his phone. Accidentally shut down traffic lights across Gotham. Again.

• BANNED: Referring to Bruce as “Dadman” Reason: Dick said it once. Stephanie made a theme song. Jason printed it on a T-shirt. Ban Duration: Eternal.

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Anonymous Batfam Petty Grievance Box

• “Whoever keeps turning off my podcasts mid-workout is a coward. Let me suffer in peace.” — not jason (absolutely jason)

• “Why are there five grappling guns missing? WHY? I labeled mine. With stickers.” — tim. definitely tim. the stickers say “Property of Tech Goblin.”

• “If I find one more batarang in the toaster, I will scream. This is not enrichment. I am not a zoo exhibit.” — stephanie, unhinged and valid

• “Damian keeps feeding Titus steak while I get protein bars labeled ‘combat fuel.’ I am not a war machine.” — duke. powered by rage and mystery meat.

• “Dick is not allowed to do backflips during emotional conversations. It’s confusing.” — jason, who got distracted mid-trauma dump

• “This is not a grievance. Just letting you all know: I hid glitter in Bruce’s cape lining. Let the chaos unfold.” — unknown (it was cass.)

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Gotham Holiday Disasters (Batfam Edition)

• HOLIDAY: Halloween Disaster: Scarecrow hacked the city’s fog machines. Gotham turned into a fear toxin rave. Bruce’s Note: “Effective crowd control. Poor costume visibility.” Jason’s Quote: “I was dressed as a clown. I got arrested.”

• HOLIDAY: Thanksgiving Disaster: Damian challenged Bruce to a "gratitude duel." Tim set the table on fire trying to reheat stuffing with a taser. Stephanie’s Note: “This is why we can’t have normal thankfulness.” Alfred’s Response: “I’m cooking for criminals next year. At least they eat in silence.”

• HOLIDAY: Valentine’s Day Disaster: Joker released heart-shaped gas bombs across the city. Everyone caught feelings. Dick’s Note: “I fell in love with the skyline. For six hours.” Bruce’s Response: “No one talk about the rooftop flowers. That was unrelated.”

• HOLIDAY: Fourth of July Disaster: Jason confused the fireworks timer with an explosive charge. Also on purpose. Cass’s Quote: “Beautiful. Loud. Unclear legality.” Bruce’s Note: “We are not doing this again.”

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Times Bruce Wayne Broke Character in Public

• EVENT: Wayne Enterprises Charity Ball Incident: Waiter dropped a tray. Bruce caught a wine glass mid-air without flinching. Witness Quote: “He said ‘reflexes’ like we all have anti-gravity hands.”

• EVENT: Live GNN Interview Incident: Reporter asked about crime rates. Bruce answered with tactical percentages. Exact Quote: “The Narrows has a 62% chance of armed conflict after sundown.” PR Follow-Up: “Mr. Wayne is passionate about urban renewal. And statistics.”

• EVENT: Gotham Academy Career Day Incident: Student asked “Have you ever met Batman?” Bruce paused for 6 full seconds. Then: “We’ve… crossed paths.” Tim’s Note: “You could hear Alfred sigh from the back row.”

• EVENT: PTA Bake Sale Incident: Someone made clown-shaped cookies. Bruce stared at them for ten minutes. Bought them all. Witness Note: “He said ‘no one should consume evil on school grounds.’”

• EVENT: Elevator Ride with Lucius Incident: Lucius sneezed. Bruce said “Bless you. Now duck.” Elevator was empty. No one knows why.