stendhalian1

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I never even had it 😔

You don’t realize how good you have it til you lose institutional JSTOR access

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i just want my books to consume me devour me unstring my bones and spit me out reborn.

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i think waiting together is a love language. wait for the train with me, so we can talk a little longer. wait for dinner with me, we can slow dance in the kitchen. wait for me until i can talk after crying my eyes out, hold me, we will figure it out. wait for me when it gets rough, i know i can get through this (with you). wait for me in the car, this song is too good to not finish listening to it. wait for the first snow with me, cold red noses and bright eyes. lets wait for each other, i love you.

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I find the concept of growing in love so much prettier than love at first sight?? like one day you look at someone and you suddenly realize you see them in a different light than you did the night before. that’s falling.

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when hands touch

[stendhalian1]

the complete poems of Emily Dickinson

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I know he doesn’t love me. How could he love me? And yet something deep inside me can’t help trembling with fear to think that maybe, in spite of everything, he loves me.

Simone Weil, “Prologue” from La connaissance surnaturelle (my own translation)

[stendhalian1]

Ahhh so relatable, even worse when your parents are awful

not to feel sorry for myself but it's just so permanently devastating to be completely deprived of thought, feelings and experiences outside of the immediate family throughout your entire emotional development 🥲

I often rationalize my own fascination with claustrophobic familial relationships as a result of recognition thru art (eg authoritarian parents are relatable, codependency is relatable, etc), but it's also about the total lack of other relationships growing up. it's an attraction to what you know, yes, but also a rejection of what you don't. you never developed a concrete concept of non-familial bonds, so even as an adult the idea feels feeble and hollow and unconvincing. and that's just so sad idk!!

[stendhalian1]

I think now that being free is not being powerful or rich or well regarded or without obligations but being able to love. To love someone else enough to forget about yourself even for one moment is to be free. The mystics and the churchmen talk about throwing off this body and its desires, being no longer a slave to the flesh. They don’t say that through the flesh we are set free. That our desire for another will lift us out of ourselves more cleanly than anything divine.

- The Passion by Jeanette Winterson

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“Weimar did not collapse like a house of cards. It was systematically and relentlessly attacked by the Right, both old-style conservatives and the dynamic Nazi Party, which represented something entirely new on the political scene. Ultimately, the Nazis proved capable of gathering in all those people and forces that despised democracy and socialism, blamed Jews for Germany’s defeat in World War I and everything else that had gone wrong in their lives, and thought that Germany needed to be, once again, a great power on the European stage. The attacks sapped the republic of energy; even its own supporters, by the end, were weary, beaten down by the intense, unstoppable hostility of Weimar’s enemies and their own inability to master yet another set of economic and political crises. Weimar is ever-present, but its meaning is not to be found in the crazy ideas one easily encounters on various websites. Weimar, instead, is the prime example of the fragility of democracy. It is a warning sign for today, one hundred years after the revolution and the founding of the republic, of what can happen when the institutions and personnel of a democracy are subject to unrelenting and often vicious attack; when politics becomes a war for total domination by one side; when certain groups are vociferously condemned and marginalized; when traditional conservatives traffic with the radical and racist Right, granting it a legitimacy it would never be able to achieve on its own. The grand achievements of Weimar, its democracy, cultural creativity, openness to a variety of sexualities, and social reforms, were precisely the elements hated by the Right. Those accomplishments need to be recognized and celebrated one hundred years later. Otherwise, we let the enemies of democracy and progress define the past, and we accord them a posthumous victory.”

— The conclusion to the preface of the Weimar Centennial Edition of Eric D. Weitz’s Weimar Germany: Promise and Tragedy (via mariacallous)

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The Old Town Bookshop, Edinburgh

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You’re sitting there unkissed and I’m sitting here also unkissed maybe….there’s a solution to our problems…..no……surely it can’t be that simple…..

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“And yet to wine, to opium even, I prefer the elixir of your lips on which love flaunts itself; and in the wasteland of desire your eyes afford the wells to slake my thirst.”

— Charles Baudelaire, Les Fleurs du Mal

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“Your love taught me / How to love you in all things / in a bare winter tree / in dry yellow leaves / in the rain / in a tempest / in the smallest cafe / where in evenings we drank our black coffee”

— Nizar Qabbani, The Epic of Sadness

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[stendhalian1]

how i want to dress: