subatomicparticle11

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Weird and Wacky facts about tf2

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ok but what if we normalize having a party where you dress up & are the center of attention & all your friends congratulate you on your divorce. more unhappy couples would hurry up and pull the plug, i will bet you

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the helpful & informative nilered that concocts a night-time beverage VS the wretched & dastardly nileblue that brews the dark and secret KILLS YOU potion

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we all got that one homie with a job thats weirder than everyone else in the group and when you’re all complaining about customer service he’s like “yeah i hate when they bleed on the chain and it gets all stickyyy” and you’re like huh?? and he just keeps going like “and they always scream when you bring out the rack” and you’re like hey do you work in a medieval dungeon what do you do? “oh i just do maintenance” and dodges the question every time but one time you were driving near his apartment and you saw him getting out of his car and he still had the executioner hood on and he was dragging a morningstar behind him across the pavement and it was making this horrible grinding sound loud as fuckkkkkk

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“You never reply to messages” I am just one person okay I am understaffed

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tonight i swore a blood oath to the minimum wage workers at my local subway

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forget mammoths, bring back dire wolves! wolves but bigger, what could go wrong. while we’re on the subject why not make some other animals dire. i’d love to see a dire iguana or something

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confession i spent like a year accidentally lying to people about my age because i just genuinely fuckin. forgot my previous birthday. in my mind i was still 23 and continued to be 23 without realising it. it wasnt until i was approaching my NEXT birthday when i did the math and realised i'd been wrong the entire time. worlds silliest and least consequential age fraud.

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YOOO???

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Things that have verifiedly happened to people in a perfectly reasonable context, but which will never happen to you:

A man dressed in a wizard costume calmly and gently explaining to you what it sounds and looks like when somebody gets stabbed like that for real.

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"dont smoke around your pets" okay well i dont even smoke im asthmatic. my dog smokes bc she needs to fucking chill sometimes and Yeah i light them for her Obviously bc she cant use a lighter. i dont get anyrhing out of this arrangment and i resent the implication. in fact shes giving ME secondhand smoke. so my question is why are you so hateful and jugemental and acting like an asshole to me making presumptions and shit about my life.

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he died with his honor

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He drinks a whisky drink (action) he drinks a vodka drink (bonus action) he drinks a lager drink (hasted action) he drinks a cider drink (action surge)

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world_of_engineering_75 on Instagram

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good morning it’s a great day to be a bisexual freak